Shopping List Jokes
40 shopping list jokes and hilarious shopping list puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shopping list that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Shopping List Short Jokes
Short shopping list jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shopping list humour may include short grocery list jokes also.
- A wife says to her husband put ketchup on the shopping list . He reluctantly agrees. I can't read it anymore he replies
- My girlfriend told me to put tomato sauce on the shopping list, so I did. Now I can't read it..
- I was writing the shopping list and my wife told me to tomato ketchup on it. What a silly suggestion.. Can't read any of it now.
- What did Melania Trump have on her Black Friday shopping list? A copy of everything Michelle Obama had on her list
- Shopping for Melons My wife sent me to the supermarket with a grocery list, but when I unfolded and read it, all it said was "melons".
I guess it was the honey dew list. - My favorite part of grocery shopping is rushing home to look at the shopping list on my counter to see what I forgot to buy.
- What's worse than finding Astroglide on your Mom's shopping list? Finding an empty bottle in the trash.
- What is both a short shopping list, and a potential Chinese luxury automobile? * Rolls
* Rice
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Shopping List One Liners
Which shopping list one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shopping list? I can suggest the ones about christmas list and shopping cart.
- My wife asked me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read any of it.
- Wait, Cyber Monday is about shopping? Apologies to my friends on my chat list...
- My wife told me to put ketchup on the shopping list. Now I can't read anything.
- I put maple syrup on shopping list Now it's all sticky!
- "I can't find the shopping list." He said listlessly.
- What do classical musicians write before going shopping? A Chopin Lizst
(shopping list) - You are so poor when you saw the garbage truck pass you took a shopping list with.
- Yo mamma so poor, she ran after the garbage truck with a shopping list
- What has one egg, a lettuce leaf and an apple? A supermodel's monthly shopping list.
- I wanted to ask my girlfriend to buy a shopping list... But I had nowhere to write.
- I got my bucket list mixed up with my shopping list Swam with dolphin-safe tuna.
Shopping List Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about shopping list you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shopping bag jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shopping list pranks.
My wife thought it would be fun if we each have a list of 3 people that would be OK to sleep with if given the chance.
**Her list:** Paul Rudd, Adam Levine, and Channing Tatum
**My list:** Her best friend Stephanie, that barista at our coffee shop, and my ex girlfriend
An alien walks into a human brain shop
Vendor: Welcome, unfortunately we are very limited on brains right now and there are only 2 available.
Alien: I'll take a look.
Vendor: Well, here's the brain of Albert Einstein. He was very intelligent and was the reason behind much of human science. This is priced at $2. Here is the brain of someone who has watched every single "Keeping up with the Kardashians" episodes ever. It's listed at $200.
Alien: Woah, you're trying to rip me off. Why is the brain of someone that dumb worth so much?
Vendor: Simple, because this brain hasn't been used before.
The snow in the UK is pretty bad right now
So I thought I'd check on my elderly 85 year old neighbour Valerie to see if she needed anything from the shops.
She said she did so I gave her my list too, no point us both going out in this weather.
I needed to do the laundry, but then I realized I was out of detergent,
so I went to write a shopping list and realized how unorganized the junk drawer was, and started checking pens for ink. When I went to toss all the junk, I saw that the trash was full but before I took it out I wanted to get rid of old food in the fridge. That's when I realized a juice jug had leaked so I needed to clean it up but when I went to grab a rag, I saw that the pantry closet was a nightmare so I started organizing it.
And that's how I ended up on the floor looking at my old photo albums from 1990s and not doing laundry.
With the weather conditions being as awful as they are, I thought I´d visit my 90 year old neighbour and ask if she needed anything from the shops.
Turns out she did, so I gave her my list too, no point in both of us going out in this weather!!
The programmers shopping list
The programmer's wife sent him to the grocery store.
"Hun, I need you to buy a loaf of bread, if they have eggs, buy a dozen.." she says.
Programmer comes home with 12 loafs of bread.
Managed to drop one of the classics today.
Wife and Daughter are sat watching something while I'm doing the Tesco shop on my phone. - Strawberry jam is on the list, I seize my moment
Y'know what i say
- now I think about it…. I like strawberry jam… and I like blackberry jam … but I don't like lemon preserve
That just a curd to me
Priceless!!!
In spite of the recent weather in the UK recently.
And also because the nearest shop was a mile away, I went to 84 year old Margaret's house next door to see if she needed anything from the shop.
She said she needed a few things so I gave her my list of things that I needed.
I mean there's no point in both of us going out in that n**... weather!
Alexa Toilet paper roll joke
Q: Alexa put a toilet roll on my shopping list !
Alexa: You're kidding me right ? You're going to wipe your a**... with hands due to stock piling 2000 toilet rolls for some 2 weeks of isolation.
The Marine Corp and the radio
One month into Marine Corps training in San Diego, California, we were preparing for a ten-mile march in 100-degree weather when a jeep drove up with a large radio in the back.
"Who knows anything about radios?" our drill instructor asked.
Several hands went up, and anticipating a ride in the jeep, recruits began listing their credentials. Everything from a degree in communications to a part-time job in a repair shop was declared.
The DI listened to all the contenders, then pointed to the most qualified. "You!" he barked. "Carry the radio."
Going to the prom
A boy asks the crush of his dreams out to prom, and she said yes! So he plans out a list of to-do before the big dance.
First he goes to rent a tux, but there is a long tux line at the shop, he waits for 20 minutes.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there's a huge flower line there. He waits even longer but eventually gets the flowers. Next he heads out to rent a limo.
Unfortunately, there's a large limo line at the rental office, but he's patient and gets a very nice limo.
Lastly he goes to the barber and once again there is a long line but as he sits and waits he is just dreaming how his date will look, and within no time he gets his hair cut.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there's no punchline.