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Shooting Jokes

124 shooting jokes and hilarious shooting puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shooting that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh out loud with these hilarious shooting jokes! Whether you're interested in handguns, rifles or the NRA, you'll love reading through these rib-ticklers about gun violence. Get ready to trigger your funny bone!

Funniest Shooting Short Jokes

Short shooting jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shooting humour may include short shots fired jokes also.

  1. Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
    ^(i feel bad)
  2. What's the difference between a computer and an American? An American doesn't have trouble-shooting.
  3. White people don't shoot each other in the streets like black people do. We do it in schools, because we have class.
  4. I call my wife Bambi. She thinks it's because she's cute with big brown eyes... But in reality it's because I want someone to shoot her mother with a hunting rifle
  5. The Somalian Olympics team has just apologised The Somalian Olympics Team has just apologised to the Olympic Committee after realising that sailing and shooting were 2 separate events!!
  6. Photographers are so violent. They'll frame you, shoot you, blow you up and then hang you.
  7. Why aren't color blind people allowed to join the police force? They wouldn't know who to shoot
  8. A Muslim guy killed 50 people in a mass shooting… Who says they can't integrate into American culture?
  9. Why do Americans always win gold at the shooting Olympics? because they practice at the best schools
  10. I don't understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he's black and all, but I doubt he'll shoot anyone.

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Shooting One Liners

Which shooting one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shooting? I can suggest the ones about firing and shot put.

  1. I never understood school shooting jokes I guess they're aimed at a younger audience...
  2. Why are Americans so dumb? Because they shoot the ones that go to school
  3. Hey girl are you a school? Because I want to shoot kids inside you.
  4. What's the best part about summer in the U.S.? 3 months of no school shootings.
  5. What do you get when you shoot four bullets into a six pack? A Tupac...
  6. I never get school shooting jokes. Maybe they're aimed at a younger audience.
  7. A blind man had to shoot his dog... To this day, he still misses him
  8. How do you stop a Russian tank? Shoot the soldiers pushing it.
  9. Sadly, the marksman had to give up shooting. After that, his life was aimless.
  10. How do you stop a Russian tank? You shoot the two soldiers pushing it.
  11. Apparently there was a mass shooting at the Gap. There were a lot of casual tees.
  12. How do you stop a North Korean tank? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
  13. After 23 school shootings in 2018 We did it. We finally banned straws.
  14. How do you stop a russian tank from advancing? Shoot the soldier pushing it.
  15. I never get any of the school shooting jokes they must be aimed at a younger audience

School Shooting Jokes

Here is a list of funny school shooting jokes and even better school shooting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Why would Donald Trump run into an active school shooting, even if unarmed? Because he knows one of his supporters would never shoot him
  • Placing three armed veterans in each school will stop school shootings The shooter will see people with three arms and freak out.
  • Cheap oil, no immigration and no school shootings. Corona did what Trump promised
  • Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools for it.
  • I want to make a school shooting joke, but that might seem offensive. I think I should aim for a younger crowd.
  • Why did the American start shooting the river? He learned fish swim in schools
  • Are you a school? Cause I wanna shoot kids inside you
  • What's the best part about having Memorial Day off? 3 straight days without a school shooting.
  • Why are Americans so good at shooting? They have the best schools to practise
  • No wonder fortnite is so popular among school children Who doesn't love hopping off the bus and shooting everybody in sight?

Mass Shooting Jokes

Here is a list of funny mass shooting jokes and even better mass shooting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I think Americans are right to worry about immigrants Because they might commit a mass shooting just to fit in with the culture.
  • There was a mass shooting at the Gap store this afternoon. They're still counting the casual Tees.
  • What do you call a shooting in a Boston Catholic Church? A Mass mass mass shooting.
  • Did you hear about the gunfight in the Catholic church? Mass Shooting
  • Did you hear about the mass shooting at the thrift shop? The killer was said to be goodwill hunting.
  • What do you call shooting into a crowd of people at church in Massachusetts? A mass mass mass shooting
  • Why do Americans rarely tell jokes about mass shootings? Because it's always too soon.
  • If someone was shot in a chapel... ...would that count as a mass shooting?
  • Did you hear about the gunman who shot up a Catholic Church? Yeah, it was a Mass Shooting
  • Did you hear the tragedy of the cameraman in the church? It was a mass shooting.
Shooting joke, Did you hear the tragedy of the cameraman in the church?

Trap Shooting Jokes

Here is a list of funny trap shooting jokes and even better trap shooting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What's Mike Pence's favourite Olympic sport? Trap shooting.
  • Q: You're trapped in a room with a tiger, a rattlesnake and a lawyer. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
    A: Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
  • What's a Japanese persons least favorite sport? Trap shooting.

Skeet Shooting Jokes

Here is a list of funny skeet shooting jokes and even better skeet shooting puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Amazon just got approved for drone delivery We now have s**... shooting with prizes.
  • I was banned from the firing range after s**... shooting. Apparently it is frowned upon to catch the clay pigeons and dispatch them execution-style.
  • Why did the 17-year-old use clocks as s**...-shooting targets? He didn't like the way time flew.
Shooting joke, Why did the 17-year-old use clocks as s**...-shooting targets?

Gather Around for Heartwarming Shooting Jokes and Uplifting Humor

What funny jokes about shooting you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean gunshot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shooting pranks.

I called my wife at work and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" Sounding concerned, she said, "No."


I responded, "How about now?"

A shooting club was holding a competition. The winner was to get a somewhat ugly trophy, the second-placed shooter - a crate of champagne.

By the end of the final round, two shooters were tied for first place, so they were told to do a tiebreaker round - 5 shots at maximum distance. To keep things more dramatic, they had to shoot at the same time.
After both had stopped firing and were awaiting the results, one shooter turned to his rival and said with a little smile: "I'm sorry, pal. I put all five shots in the wall."
"I'm sorry, too," replied the other, "because I put all of mine into your target."

Two r**... are admiring their firearms.

One says, I keep these around for hunting, home protection, and to defend my 2nd amendment rights. The second says, I just like shooting cans.
That's a lot of firepower just for shooting cans.
Well, there's so many of them: Mexi-cans, Afri-cans, Puerto Ri-cans...

My wife yelled from the bedroom asking, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?" I replied, "No."

She yelled back, "How about now?"

Please don't post any more school shooting jokes, consider them rule 10 - overly offensive.

Let's give each other time to heal and get back to the reposts we all know and love (just kidding) - but enough is enough of these.

(A new addition) What's the difference between an American and a computer?

A computer has troubleshooting.

Also,
it can abort.

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked...

My wife yelled from upstairs and asked, "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sounding concerned I replied "No..."
She responded "How about now?"

What is the difference between Americans and IT support?

Americans don't have troubleshooting.

A black guy was pulled over in his Mercedes by the police. It was found that it was his, it was taxed and insured...

He had no drugs on him and no weapons were found in the car. The car was NOT linked to any drive by shootings or any drive off petrol thefts.
In the end they arrested him for "wasting police time".

Things have gotten so bad in The US that during the last parade they surrounded Donald Trump with bullet proof glass.

Just because he's a White guy with mental health issues doesn't mean he's gonna start shooting up the crowd

My friend got arrested for shooting an unarmed black teen

He was charged for impersonating a police officer.

What's worse than beating a dead horse?

Shooting a live gorilla

School dances this year are going to be like Fortnite lobbies...

Lots of s**... dance moves and unnecessary shooting

An old woman wants to commit s**......

...by shooting herself in the heart, but she doesn't really know where the heart is.
She goes to the local doctor and asks;
"Doctor, can you please tell me where the heart is?"
"Oh, it's just below your left breast."
So the old woman walked home and shot herself in the knee.

A telecoms engineer joins the army...

On the shooting range the Sergeant shows him the distant target and tells him to fire six rounds, which he does. The Sarge walks all the way to the target and shouts back "You haven't hit it at all!" The telecoms guy puts his finger over the end of the barrel, pulls the trigger and blows his finger clean off and shouts back:- "It's leaving here ok - the problem must be at your end!"

A white man was arrested after shooting a black man on the street.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

I'm making a documentary about the American education system.

Shooting starts soon.

I think I figured out the source of the beef between Kyle Rittenhouse and LeBron James.

Kyle has LeBron sorely outclassed in both shooting and defense.

A man walks into a gun shop.

He looks over the guns until the cashier asks what he wants. The man couldn't decide so the cashier asked, "what are you shooting?" The man said "cans". The cashier asked, "what kind of cans?" The man took a pause, than finally said "oh you know, Americans, Mexicans, Africans."

Obesity kills thousands of times more Americans than shooting does, which teaches us an important lesson:

Shooters do poorly given the size of their targets.

Two IT techs are at the local gun range.

After about 10 minutes of practice, one of the techs isn't able to hit the target. The other looks at him and says "What is your problem?"
The embarrassed IT tech puts his head down and says, "Troubleshooting."

My wife just yelled...

...from upstairs and asked "Do you ever get a shooting pain across your body, like someone's got a voodoo doll of you and they're stabbing it?"
Sound concerned, I replied, "No..."
She responded, "How about now?"

As a former high schooler I'm glad online classes are becoming the norm. I remember having to witness teachers having s**... with kids, m**... being done in the bathrooms, and living with the fear of school shootings.

Being home schooled in Mississippi was rough.

What did the man say when he couldn't get the gun to fire?

"Looks like I'm gonna have to read the trouble shooting section of the manual."

What's the difference between a computer and a cop?

One has troubleshooting

California Condor

A man was in court the other day accused of shooting and killing a California Condor. The judge asked the man, "Why on Earth would you kill one of the magnificent creatures?" The man replied, "Your honor, I have been out of work for quite a while and me and my family were hungry with nothing to eat and I looked up and saw this big bird over head so I shot it down and fed my family with it." The judge said, "That is a tough story. I am sorry for your situation and I will certainly take it into consideration when I sentence you, but by the way, I am a little curious as to what it tastes like." The man replied, "It's really not bad. Kind of a mix between a spotted owl and a baby seal."

So a guy walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of your most expensive Tequila!" The bartender pours the shots and lines them up. The guy starts shooting them back wicked fast, one right after another. The bartender says in shock "Why are you drinking those so fast?!" The guy stops long enough to get out a few words "you would drink these fast too, if you had what I have" Confused, the bartender asks "why? what do you have?"
The guy says "About four dollars"

A husband hires a hitman to kill his wife of 40 years

Hitman: I will shoot her just below her left breast.
Husband: How is shooting her in the knee going to kill her?

What does a church shooting sound like?

Pew! Pew!

I got told off for m**... at the gun range.

We had very different interpretations of shooting from the hip.

People are currently shooting fireworks off in my neighborhood. I'm usually all for shooting fireworks to celebrate the founding of the greatest nation on Earth, but come on...

Canada Day was yesterday!

My wife yelled to me from upstairs.

Wife: "Do yo ever get a shooting pain across your body,
like someones got a voodoo doll of you and the're stabbing it.?"
Me: "No.. why."
Wife:. "How about now.?"

I took my kids to the shooting range today.

But they said I had to use the paper targets.

I usually dont get school shooting jokes.

Typically they are aimed at a younger audience.

Britons vs. Americans

Americans:
It's Mom not Mum
It's Chips not Crisps
It's Fries not Chips
It's Color not Colour
It's Soccer not Football
It's Football not Rugby
Britons:
It's School not Shooting Range.

Why do so many kids die in school shootings?

They aren't allowed to run in the hallways.

What's the difference between an anorexic and a shooting star?

One's all skin and bones, and the other's a little meteor

What's the difference between a shooting range and an American college?

About thirty thousand dollars a year.

Arrows & Targets

A boy gets a bow & arrow for his 10th birthday. He walks outside and starts shooting his arrows. Later his father walks in on him and exclaims, "Wow each of these arrows landed in a target great job! Lets go out for ice cream!" So his father and he go out for the ice cream after it's finished his father asks, "how did you do it?" Then the son says, "It wasn't hard. I just shot arrows and drew circles around them."

SC shooting suspect Dylan Roof has been apprehended.

He was charged with impersonating a police officer.

Never been to the blindfold shooting range?

You don't know what you're missing.

Did you hear about the shooting at Helen Keller's house?

She didn't either.

It would s**... to be named Will at a shooting range.

"Fire at will"

Netflix's original content has some stiff competition.

I heard they're shooting something at YouTube HQ today.

Where's the safest place to hide after shooting someone?

Behind your badge.

Shooting guns is a s**... hobby.

Its much easier and more cost efficient to shoot targets!

Three statisticians go out hunting together...

After a while they spot a solitary rabbit. The first statistician takes aim and ends up shooting too far to the left of the rabbit. The second aims, misses, and shoots too far to the right. The third shouts out "We got him!"

My friend is making a lot of money by taking pictures of salmon dressed in human clothes.

It's like shooting fish in apparel.

What's the difference between a school shooting and a royal wedding?

A royal wedding doesn't happen every week.

I love watching kids running in the park...

They have no idea I'm shooting blanks

Somalis at the Olympics...

The Somalian Olympic Committee issued an official apology earlier in the week, after realising that sailing and shooting are separate events.

Why did the computer technician get kicked out of the army?

He had troubleshooting.

My brother didnt like the school shooting jokes I was making

I think I should aim for a younger audience.

I recently Learned that it's politically incorrect to talk about taking part in a school shooting.

Apparently the term 'School photos' is more acceptable.

An engineer, a physicist and a statiscian go hunting in the woods.

They spot a deer and take turns shooting at it. First goes the physicist. He look at the angle, calculates the speed of the bullet and shoots but his shot goes 50 meters to the right. The engineer says he didn't count for the wind and he also makes his measurement and shots but his shot goes 50 meters to the left. Then the statiscian yells hapilly: We did it!

We get it Mr. Trump, you have bulletproof shoes.

....That doesn't mean you should keep shooting yourself in the foot.

An Australian man living by the cliff has prevent over 150 suicides, during the 50 years he has lived there...

... by shooting them himself.

There was a shooting at the Apple store last night.

There were no iWitnesses.

Whenever anybody says they are trying to find a needle in a haystack, I cant help but wonder...

...who was shooting up in the barn?

Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

Because they're meteor

Shooting joke, Why do people prefer shooting stars to vegetables?

jokes about shooting