Shoes Jokes
189 shoes jokes and hilarious shoes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shoes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
If you're looking for a laugh, check out these hilarious jokes about shoes! From crocs to new balance, bowling to barefoot, and everything in between, these jokes about shoes will have both introverts and extroverts in stitches! So get your lacist on and enjoy a few laughs about the shoes we all know and love!
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Funniest Shoes Short Jokes
Short shoes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shoes humour may include short sneakers jokes also.
- Here, have a joke in spanish sabe inglés?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias - I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
- Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground...
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet - So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
- A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
- I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes. - If you don't agree with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.
- So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
- I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
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Shoes One Liners
Which shoes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shoes? I can suggest the ones about footwear and sandals.
- my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoes? White vans.
- How do you know that an introvert likes you? He looks at your shoes instead of his.
- A man using Apple map walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
- What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes? White Vans.
- What is Goofy's favorite brand of shoes? Hyuck Taylors
- What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear? White vans
- I wear same shoe size as my girlfriend and people say we are not solemates
- What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
- What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
- "I stand corrected" Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
- What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear? Horcrocs
- What pair of shoes do kidnappers love the most? White Vans
- You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes If they're behind her ears, she likes you
- How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size? In square feet.
- What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open toad sandals...
I'll show myself out - thank you
Pair Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny pair shoes jokes and even better pair shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I never though that orthopedic shoes would be good for me..... but, after trying a pair, I stand corrected.
- I just got my new pair of orthopenic shoes. "Actually, it's *orthopedic*", my doctor said.
"I stand corrected", I replied. - Why do they sell shoes in pairs? Because they're sole-mates.
(I made this joke up about a week ago and figured I'd tell it on non-peak hours so I don't get upvoted enough to quit my day job)... - I collect coins and old paper money. For our anniversary, my wife surprised me with a $1,000 bill! Unfortunately, it was from Fendi, for a pair of shoes.
- How many magazines do you need to buy to get a pair of tennis shoes? Ten issues.
- Guy goes to his shrink and says, "I think I'm a French pair of shoes!" The shrink replies, "What makes you chaussures?"
- I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I gotta tell you, I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin all day!
- Franks wife was going away... She told him to put on a clean pair of socks everyday,
After 7 days he couldn't fit his shoes on. - My wife just came home with 12 new dresses. "What could anyone want with 12 new dresses?!?" I asked her.
She replied
"12 new pairs of shoes, of course." - I just bought a new pair of shoes. I don't know what they're laced with, but I've been tripping all day!
New Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny new shoes jokes and even better new shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A blonde went to buy new shoes The shopkeeper told her the new shoes may feel a bit uncomfortable in the first couple of days.
She said : Alright I'll start wearing them on the third day. - Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years? In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.
- I really hope the new 'It' movie is as good as the original.. Because those are some big shoes to fill.
- Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
- The New Men's Birth Control Pill It's about the size of a marble.
You put it into your shoe.
It makes you limp. - Have you guys heard about this new birth control method? It's a rock. You put it in your shoe, it makes you limp.
- Please drop your best one-liner dad jokes below, I need new ones. By one-liner I mean something along the lines of let's make like an Autobot and roll out or put an egg in your shoe and beat it
- Have you heard about the new male contraceptive pill? You put it in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
- It's allergy season. If my nose keeps running, I'm going to have to buy it new shoes.
- Ruined a brand new pair of shoes. It's raining cats and dogs out and I stepped in a poodle.

Running Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny running shoes jokes and even better running shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.
- So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.
- I saw a black man running down the street with a TV I was concerned that it was mine so I quickly drove home, as I got home I was relieved to see that mine was cleaning my shoes on the front porch
- Buy the best running shoes you can afford. You'll thank yourself in the long run.
- I beat a Prius today... Thank goodness I had on my running shoes.
- I see a black guy running down the street with a TV and thought it looked like mine, but it wasn't... .. mine was at home shining my shoes.
- As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
- What do French soldiers wear instead of boots? Running shoes.
- Flip-flops are okay But shoes help out in the long run
- I saw a black man...... I saw a black man running down the street with a tv an thought to myself is that mine...
then realised mine was cleaning my shoes!!!
Tying Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny tying shoes jokes and even better tying shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
- How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones.
- At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
- When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning. It always ended in a tie.
- What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it.
- How do Germans tie their shoes... .... in little knotsies
- Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
- If you want a good vacation, don't tie your shoes You'll have a nice trip
- My Chinese friend really hates shoes that have to be tied He's such a lacist
- What did the flower say when asked why he was having trouble tying his shoes? Sometimes I forget me nots.
Croc Shoes Jokes
Here is a list of funny croc shoes jokes and even better croc shoes puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What does Elvis wear on his feet when he can't find his Blue Suede Shoes? His Jailhouse Crocs
- I said to the shoe salesman - I'd like to return these shoes... They've got holes in them!
Shoe Salesman - Hmmmm yes, that certainly seems to be the Crocs of the matter. - What's a crocodile's favorite shoe? A Crocs.
- Crocs aren't something you want on your feet. The shoes s**... too.

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Shoes Jokes with Friends.
What funny jokes about shoes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean clothes jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shoes pranks.
I was on vacation in Tahiti and decide to go for a one day boat trip
The skipper was sailing along islands when I saw on a really tiny one a man with a long beard, torn-down clothes and no shoes waving at us, screaming. He was very, very far and I didn't understand a word he was saying. I asked the skipper:
- Who is this guy?
- Dunno, he have been there for six months, waves at me every day.
What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?
Wooden shoe like me to tell you.
[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]
Let's change things up a bit.
I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.
How do you know an engineer is an extrovert?
He stares at *your* shoes while he talks to you.
What did the watch say when the necklace, earrings, purse and ring killed the shoes?
I won't be an accessory to this.
Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny
No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.
As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street...
Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes
My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and p**...." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Math Joke
How can you tell an extrovert mathematician from an introvert mathematician?
An extrovert mathematician will be looking at the other guy's shoes.
Before you insult a man, walk a mile in his shoes...
That way, when you insult him, you'll be a mile away and you'll have his shoes.
I dislike Nike because they use Indonesian children to make their shoes
I hate Indonesian children.
I think i am allergic to leather.
Every time i wake up with my shoes on, i have a huge headache.
Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...
So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?
He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.
Whats the difference between an Introverted Engineer and an Extroverted Engineer?
Introverted Engineer looks at His shoes when he's talking to you.
Extroverted Engineer looks at Your shoes when he's talking to you.
The Paper Cowboy
A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"
The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."
"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"
"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.
"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.
"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."
"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"
"Rustling," answered the bartender.
A man walks into a bar...
and sits down.
There is nobody else in the place except him and the bartender. He orders a drink and the bartender goes off to make it.
While he is sitting there he hears a voice say " Nice shoes". The man looks around and finds nobody around. He shakes his head and continues to wait for his drink.
Right away another voice says " Great shirt". Now the man gets up and gives a quick look around the bar. Still nobody around.
As soon as he sits back down he hears another voice say "Love your hair"
Now the guy is freaked out. The bartender comes back and places his drink down. The guy says " I have been hearing these voices. They were saying things like " Nice shoes, Great shirt and love your hair". I think I am losing my mind!
The bartender gives a quick chuckle as he points to a full pale on the bar. He says " Its the peanuts! They are complimentary"
So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...
when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.
How can you tell when a Software Developer is an extrovert ?
He looks at *your* shoes when he's talking to you.
A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.
He yells "This is a f**...-up!"
Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"
The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.
I saw a black man walking down the street with a TV. "That looks a lot like mine..." I thought...
Then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes.
Nike just announced it will now be using robots instead of children to make shoes
Unfortunately, the robots will be made by children.
Always helpful...
Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.
Probably offensive
My friend and I were walking down the street the other day when we saw a young black man running past with a TV. "That looked just like mine!" I exclaimed. We immediately rushed home to check but everything was fine, mine was still polishing my shoes.
So my wife said "take off my shirt".
So I did as she said and took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.
"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.
"Now my hose, bra, and p**...." And lastly, I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
It's hard following a clown act
My girlfriend dated a clown before we started going together.
I've got some pretty big shoes to fill.
So i was in the bar the other day.....
When i started hearing voices saying "nice shoes" and "lovely smile", I started wondering who was saying it so i went to the bartender and said "Mate, do you know who keeps saying nice things to me" He replied "Its the peanuts mate" I replied "Peanuts, What do you mean" The bartender replied "Yea they're complementary"
Mahatma Ghandi never wore shoes...
Gandhi never wore shoes, and so his feet were always covered in loads of callouses and blisters. And because he never ate food, he was always very frail. Furthermore his fasting caused him to have horrible breath. So...
I guess you could say he was a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis
A close call.
Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
So there was a monk...
This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer recently.
I don't know what he laced them with, but I'm still tripping.
Why do elephants wear green shoes?
So they can sneak across pool tables.
Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?
Works, doesn't it?
The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes.
You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.
Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?
You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline.
It must be tough having the world's best clown as your dad.
You would have such big shoes to fill
As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.
After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.
My drug dealer got me shoes for Christmas
I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since
s**... time with my girlfriend
So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and p**...!"
I took off her bra and p**....
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a b**... man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
I came up with a science joke...
Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?
They have a big carbon footprint...
Before you criticise a person try walking a mile in their shoes.
Then, when you criticise that person again, you'll be a mile away AND have their shoes.
I had no shoes and i felt sorry for myself until i saw a man with no feet.
I took his shoes now i feel better.
I saw a black man running..
I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.
My sister asked me to remove her clothes.
So I took off her shirt.
Then she said, "Take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."
I took off her shoes.
"Now take off my bra and p**...."
and so I took them off.
Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."
Dad how are babies made?
Dad: Daddy plants a seed in mums tummy.
Daughter: Does mummy s**... the seed?
Dad: Only if she wants new shoes
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.
That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.
"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."
After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!
My kid grew a foot in the last month.
Anyone know where I can buy shoes in sets of three?
What kind of shoes do kidnappers wear?
White Vans
What shoes does a r**... wear?
White vans.
LPT: When you're about to judge someone or say something bad about someone, consider walking a mile in their shoes first
That way, when you do judge them or say something bad about them, you're already a mile ahead of them... And you have their shoes.
I can usually tell if I'm going to have s**... with someone by what shoes they are wearing.
Pumps and high heels yes, running shoes no- she will probably get away.
How does h**... tie his shoes?
With little knotsies.
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
The teacher announces the total for an exam.
Teacher: Okay class, only John got 99/100
John:(to his classmates) Ha! See that?! You people are oozing with stupidity. You people should've followed my example. You guys should just shine shoes for a living or just live the rest of your lives as a mountain hermit. You can all drool at my excellence and you-
Teacher: The rest got 100.
I think my doctor really likes my choice of sensible footwear…
I overheard him telling his colleague that I had, "Serious healthy shoes."
If you hate someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes
Then you will be a mile away!
And you will have their shoes.
I was on a date and my girl asked me to tell her something sweet.
I said "Candy."
She said "No, I mean, something I'd like."
"Shoes."
"Noooo, something s**...."
"Your sister."
My drug dealer sold me some shoes last night.
I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

