Shoes Jokes

If you're looking for a laugh, check out these hilarious jokes about shoes! From crocs to new balance, bowling to barefoot, and everything in between, these jokes about shoes will have both introverts and extroverts in stitches! So get your lacist on and enjoy a few laughs about the shoes we all know and love!

Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Shoes Jokes with Friends.

What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

Wooden shoe like me to tell you.

[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]

Let's change things up a bit.

I thought I found a quarter inside one of my shoes. That would have been strange enough on its own, but it turned out to be a nickel, which made even less cents.

Jokes about the handicapped aren't funny

No one knows what it's like to not walk a mile in their shoes.

As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street...

Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes

jokes about shoes

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

I dislike Nike because they use Indonesian children to make their shoes

I hate Indonesian children.

Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

Shoes joke, Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...

How can you tell if a Finnish guy likes you?

He's staring at your shoes instead of his own.

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes

If they're behind her ears, she likes you

So I was walking outside yesterday(potentially offensive)...

when I saw a black guy with a TV. I was shocked, and I rushed back home, thinking it was mine. But luckily, it was still there, shining my shoes.

You can explore shoes lacist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shoes slipper dad jokes. There are also shoes puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. ..

... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since

A man walks into a bank and approaches the counter.

He yells "This is a fuck-up!"

Confused the bank teller asks "Don't you mean stick-up?"

The man scuffs his shoes on the carpet and says "No, I've left my gun at home.

I saw a black man walking down the street with a TV. "That looks a lot like mine..." I thought...

Then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes.

Always helpful...

Before I criticize a man, I walk a mile in his shoes. That way, if he gets angry, he's a mile away and barefoot.

Probably offensive

My friend and I were walking down the street the other day when we saw a young black man running past with a TV. "That looked just like mine!" I exclaimed. We immediately rushed home to check but everything was fine, mine was still polishing my shoes.

Shoes joke, Probably offensive

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes...

Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.

$200β€³ – he replied.

That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.

The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.

Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.

Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.

After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.

When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.

Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!

What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear?

Horcrocs

What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear?

White vans

Why do they sell shoes in pairs?

Because they're sole-mates.
(I made this joke up about a week ago and figured I'd tell it on non-peak hours so I don't get upvoted enough to quit my day job)...

Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.

"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200β€³ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"

I'm not racist but

I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".

But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes.

So my drug dealer got me these new shoes..

And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day

A close call.

Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.

Shoes joke, A close call.

So there was a monk...

This particular monk could only eat garlic for his religious diet, which made him EXTREMELY weak, and also gave him bad breath. Also, like most other monks he wore no shoes, which gave him many callouses.
This made him a "super calloused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis."

A drug dealer sold me his shoes today

I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day

What kind of shoes do Frogs wear?

Open Toad sandals...

I'll show myself out - thank you

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer recently.

I don't know what he laced them with, but I'm still tripping.ο»Ώ

Why do elephants wear green shoes?

So they can sneak across pool tables.

Have you ever seen an elephant sneaking across a pool table?

Works, doesn't it?

The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes.

You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.

Whats the difference between a baby and a trampoline?

You take your shoes off before you step on a trampoline.

How do you know that an introvert likes you?

He looks at your shoes instead of his.

I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer

I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.

It must be tough having the world's best clown as your dad.

You would have such big shoes to fill

As a middle class first world citizen, I still feel I know just as much about working in a sweatshop in China as the children themselves.

After all, I've walked a mile in their shoes.

My drug dealer got me shoes for Christmas

I dont know what they were laced with, but I've been tripping ever since

Sexy time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and panties!"
I took off her bra and panties.
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv

I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.

As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a big black man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.

Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.

I came up with a science joke...

Why are people with diamond shoes so bad for the environment?

They have a big carbon footprint...

I had no shoes and i felt sorry for myself until i saw a man with no feet.

I took his shoes now i feel better.

I saw a black man running..

I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

That way when you do criticize them, you're a mile away and also have their shoes.

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes."

After that who cares? He's a mile away and you've got his shoes!

Would you rather feel the pain of your toes bring crushed in an instant, or spread out over a few years?

In other words, here are your brand new safety shoes.

I just got my new pair of orthopenic shoes.

"Actually, it's *orthopedic*", my doctor said.

"I stand corrected", I replied.

What shoes does a rapist wear?

White vans.

I can usually tell if I'm going to have sex with someone by what shoes they are wearing.

Pumps and high heels yes, running shoes no- she will probably get away.

How does Hitler tie his shoes?

With little knotsies.

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

The teacher announces the total for an exam.

Teacher: Okay class, only John got 99/100

John:(to his classmates) Ha! See that?! You people are oozing with stupidity. You people should've followed my example. You guys should just shine shoes for a living or just live the rest of your lives as a mountain hermit. You can all drool at my excellence and you-

Teacher: The rest got 100.

My drug dealer sold me some shoes last night.

I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping all day.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer today...

I dont know what he laced them with but i have been tripping like crazy

If you don't agree with someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.

What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes?

White Vans.

A paralyzed man says to his friend, Go upstairs and get my shoes. My feet are cold

The friend goes upstairs and sees the paralyzed man's two sexy 17 year old daughters.

He says, Your father sent me up here to have sex with you.

One of the girls replies, That couldn't possibly be true!

The man says I'll prove it and then yells towards the stairs, Both of them?

The paralyzed man yells back Of course both of them!

I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place.

It turns out that shoes have soles.

Here is a joke from the Soviet Union (also popular in other communist countries before 1989)

A CIA agent is sent on a spy mission to Moscow, Soviet Union. He goes to a grocery store and writes down in his diary "There is no food".

He then goes to a clothes shop and puts down in the diary "there are no shoes".

He goes out of the shop and a KGB agent waits for him outside. "You know, 10 years ago we would have shot you for that."

The CIA agent writes in his diary "There are no bullets".

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

An aide slides up to Trump and whispers in his ear discreetly

"Mr.President, one of your shoes is black, and the other is brown!"

Trump said

, "Yes, I noticed it myself. I went to change but when I looked in the closet, the only other pair I had was also one black and one brown"

PSA: Don't buy shoes from your drug dealer.

Trust me. I did. I don't know what they were laced with but I was tripping all day.

I saw a 5 legged woman crying and I asked her why

She said she could never get shoes to match. I tried to console her so I said at least your knickers fit like a glove

A nun is walking to church.

As she passes her local store, the shopkeeper says, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

She finds it odd, but keeps walking. On her walk, three more people pass her and say, "Wake up on the wrong side of the bed today, Sister?"

Still baffled as she gets to the church, she walks to another nun at the pulpit and asks, "Why does everyone keep asking me if I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today?!"

The other nun looks down and says, "You're wearing the priest's shoes"

I've been taking care of my elderly grandfather and he asked me to come tie his shoes while he was on the toilet

I said, "you can't be serious"

He said, "I shit, you knot"

Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious.

Now, we all know that Mahatma Gandhi didn't wear shoes when he walked, so he had rather large calluses on his feet. He also did not eat much, making him rather frail, and due to his diet, his breath was unpleasant, to say the least.

He was a super-callused fragile mystic hexed with halitosis.

What pair of shoes do kidnappers love the most?

White Vans

My wife dated a clown before she started going out with me.

I had some pretty big shoes to fill.

Wife asks her husband will he remarry if she dies.

Husband: No how can I think of remarrying.

Wife: Why not? You would need a partner for your bad times. Please remarry if I die.

Husband: You are so sweet... Even after death, you are worried about me.

Wife: Will you let her use my car?

Husband: Of course not

Wife: Will you give my jewellery to her

Husband: Not at all, I have some of my memories attached to it. I will keep it as your memory.

Wife: Will you give my shoes to her

Husband: No way... Her size is '5' and yours is '7'.

I bought shoes from a drug dealer once…

I'm not sure what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day.

"I stand corrected"

Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes

my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoes?

White vans.

As I knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, I couldn't resist a quick glance at her knickers:

"Hey cheeky!" She said as she gave me a playful kick. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts isn't it?"

"That's an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam." I said sternly. "I don't even work here."

A blonde went to buy new shoes

The shopkeeper told her the new shoes may feel a bit uncomfortable in the first couple of days.

She said : Alright I'll start wearing them on the third day.

do you know what are the most chatty shoes?

The converse.

My mate Dave's got a bad history with cobbler's and he refuses to replace his favourite shoes, despite having lots of holes in them.

He said he's got *trusty-shoes...*

A guy is in an accident and wakes up in hospital after being operated on

The doctor says "well sir, I have some bad news and some good news.
The bad news is that we had to amputate both of your legs.

But the good news is that the guy in the next bed wants to buy your shoes"

How can you tell an engineer is extroverted?

When speaking to them they look at your shoes.

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror

I looked out of my living room window yesterday in horror to see a crowd gathered round a crashed motorcyclist.
So I quickly put on my coat and shoes and rushed outside.
Pushed through the crowds shouting let me through, let me through! .
I finally managed to get to the front of the crowd.
A woman turned to me and said oh thank goodness, are you a doctor? .
I replied no but that's my pizza!

What shoes do you wear on ice?

Slippers.

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I can't stop tripping.

Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes.

Then you're already a mile away and you have their shoes.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shoes big shoes puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shoes croc shoes piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes