Shoe Polish Jokes
35 shoe polish jokes and hilarious shoe polish puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shoe polish that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Shoe Polish Short Jokes
Short shoe polish jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shoe polish humour may include short shoe shine jokes also.
- I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoe. - So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.
- Polishing my shoes I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.
- As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
- The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books. But he's always loved The Shining
- I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes.
- Why did the girl eat yeast and shoe polish before bed? She wanted to rise and shine in the morning!
- I was out when I saw a bIack man running with a TV. "That looks like mine" I thought, so I went home and checked but no, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
- I'm thinking of running as the Prime Minister of Canada Does anyone have any shoe polish I can borrow for Halloween?
- Meanwhile in Glasgie People are panic buying nail polish, shoe polish, and even furniture polish.
There seems to have been a wee misunderstanding about which polish won't be in the UK soon.
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Shoe Polish One Liners
Which shoe polish one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shoe polish? I can suggest the ones about nail polish and polish.
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces.
- What did the cobbler say to get the slavs off his lawn? Shoe polish
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine.
- Shoe language Q) What language do shoes converse in?
A) Polish - What's a shoes favorite food? Polish
- What do Germans use to clean their shoes? Polish.
The Funniest Shoe Polish Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about shoe polish you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoe jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shoe polish pranks.
As I was approaching my driveway, I saw a b**... man running away with a TV in his hands and I wondered if it was mine.
Upon entering my house, I was relieved to see that mine was at home polishing my shoes.
Was walking home the other night and noticed a black guy carrying a TV. Looked just like mine...
So, in fear it had been stolen, I ran home to check. To my relief, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
A close call.
Yesterday I was walking on the streets in my hometown Rotterdam, in the Netherlands. I was about to go to the grocery store when I saw a black man running with a TV. I was afraid of it being mine, so I ran home as quick as possible, but luckily mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
Probably offensive
My friend and I were walking down the street the other day when we saw a young black man running past with a TV. "That looked just like mine!" I exclaimed. We immediately rushed home to check but everything was fine, mine was still polishing my shoes.
A man walks into a bar...
Shadily dressed in a trench coat with the collar pulled up and a fedora pulled down over his face. A livid scar runs down his cheek, and his two tone shoes are dangerously polished. In his hands he's carrying an accordion case. The bar falls completely silent. All of the patrons turn pale and freeze as the man strolls up to the bar and sets the case down on the counter. Everyone holds their breath. Suddenly, the man flips open the case and pulls out a machine gun! And everyone in the bar breathes a sigh of relief.
I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...
and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.
She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"
I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."
Bad taste
"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.
Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?
Favourite of all time
I saw a b**... guy running down the street carrying a TV the other day and I thought to myself, "That looks a lot like mine..."
But then I remembered mine was at home, polishing my shoes.
One day David Duke was walking home from the supermarket...
He saw a black man running down the street with a TV and immediately became nervous.
"Wait, is that mine? I can never tell the difference between those d**... things", he said to himself.
He quickly rushed home,
and breathed a sigh of relief.
His was still there; polishing his shoes.
Bloke walks into a pub....
Bloke walks into a pub and orders a drink. While he's taking the first sip, he hears a voice go: "Psst! Nice coat."
He turns around to thank this kind soul for the nice comment, but there isn't a soul in sight apart from himself and the man behind the counter; So, the man turns back to his drink and continues to sip.
A little further in.... there's the voice again! This time, it goes: "Nice shoes, friend." The man's sure he's heard it right, so he turns to the bartender and asks him: "Did you say something?"
The bartender shrugs, and the man (more than a bit suspicious) turns back to his drink. And yet again: "That's a really nice wristwatch!" the voice says. Now, the man's had it. He sets his drink down on the counter and turns to the bartender. "Is it that I'm hearing voices, or are you playing tricks on me? --You can say nice things about me without having to be so secretive about it, you know?"
The bartender, looking at him in between polishing glasses, off-handedly says: "The peanuts."
"What?" asks the man. "The peanuts what?"
And the bartender points down to the dish of peanuts sat by the man and explains: "They're complimentary."
A plane crashes in a city, and a crowd gathers to identify the dead
There is a man facing the crowd, holding up body parts for identification. He raises an arm, and a woman in the crowd starts sobbing. She calls out that this was her husbands arm, she recognized the watch she bought for their anniversary. The man at the front holds up a leg, and a man cries out that this was his wife's leg, he recognizes the shoe. The man holds up a head, and a polish woman calls out, "he looks like my husband, but he wasn't that tall"