Shoe Jokes
147 shoe jokes and hilarious shoe puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shoe that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Dive into the top five funniest shoe jokes of all time! From Crocs to clogs, Armani to the shoemaker, these jokes are sure to leave you tickled. Laugh along with the best of them and explore why shoes are a go-to source of humor.
Quick Jump To
- Short Shoe Jokes
- Shoe One Liners
- Shoe Sole Jokes
- Shoe Tying Jokes
- Shoe Size Jokes
- Shoe Polish Jokes
- More Shoe Jokes
Funniest Shoe Short Jokes
Short shoe jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shoe humour may include short shoo jokes also.
- Here, have a joke in spanish sabe inglés?"
"si"
"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglés?"
"a shoe"
"salud"
"gracias - I bought a pair of shoes from a drug dealer I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day.
- My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing.
- Chuck Norris Chuck Norris doesn't wear shoes to protect his feet from the ground...
He wears them to protect the ground from his feet - So I bought a pair of shoes from a drug addict yesterday. .. ... And I dunno what he laced them with but I've been trippin ever since
- A drug dealer sold me his shoes today I don't know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day
- I'm not racist but I saw a black guy running down the street with a TV and I thought "that's mine".
But then I realized mine is home, polishing my shoes. - If you don't agree with someone, walk a mile in their shoes. Not only will you be a mile away from them, you'll also have their shoes.
- So my drug dealer got me these new shoes.. And I don't know what he laced them with.. But I've been tripping all day
- I just killed a huge spider running across the floor with my shoe I don't care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe
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Shoe One Liners
Which shoe one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shoe? I can suggest the ones about footwear and sneakers.
- my 12 year old just got me: what is a kidnappers favorite shoes? White vans.
- How do you know that an introvert likes you? He looks at your shoes instead of his.
- A man using Apple map walks into a bar Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.
- What are a kidnappers favorite type of shoes? White Vans.
- What is Goofy's favorite brand of shoes? Hyuck Taylors
- What kind of shoes do paedophiles wear? White vans
- I wear same shoe size as my girlfriend and people say we are not solemates
- What's worse than finding a hole in your shoe? Finding a shoe in your hole.
- What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze? A shoe.
- "I stand corrected" Says the man wearing orthopedic shoes
- What kind of shoes does Voldemort wear? Horcrocs
- What pair of shoes do kidnappers love the most? White Vans
- You can tell a lot about a woman from her shoes If they're behind her ears, she likes you
- How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size? In square feet.
- What kind of shoes do Frogs wear? Open toad sandals...
I'll show myself out - thank you
Shoe Sole Jokes
Here is a list of funny shoe sole jokes and even better shoe sole puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- The next time you make fun of a ginger, put yourself in their shoes. You'll know how bad it hurts to not have a sole.
- I used to feel guilty about getting rid of old shoes until I realised they were going to a better place. It turns out that shoes have soles.
- Why do they sell shoes in pairs? Because they're sole-mates.
(I made this joke up about a week ago and figured I'd tell it on non-peak hours so I don't get upvoted enough to quit my day job)... - Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory? Hundreds of soles were lost
- Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory. Hundreds of soles were lost.
- Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded? Many soles were lost...
- A man takes his shoe off in church... Man 1: *takes off shoe and starts peering inside of it*
Man 2: "What the problem?"
Man 1: *Sighs* " I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole " - What happened when the shoe factory burned down? 500 soles were lost.
- My cousin's shoe store burned down yesterday There were so many lost soles.
- There was a devastating fire in my shoe shop. So many lost Soles.
Shoe Tying Jokes
Here is a list of funny shoe tying jokes and even better shoe tying puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A lot of people are up in arms about the Olympians caught taking drugs to compete. Honestly I'm proud of them, and what they can do. Last time I did drugs I could barely tie my shoe.
- How do you always keep your shoes tied? Replace the laces with earphones.
- At first, I forgot how to tie my shoe Then I did knot.
- When we were kids, my brothers and I would race to put our shoes on every morning. It always ended in a tie.
- What's the difference between an Engineering student and an Arts student when tying their shoes? The arts student gets a mark for it.
- How do Germans tie their shoes... .... in little knotsies
- Did you hear about the new toll for tying shoes? It's knot fare
- Why can't Chinese people tie their shoes? I would love to tell you, but I am afraid the answer is a little bit lacist.
- If you want a good vacation, don't tie your shoes You'll have a nice trip
- My Chinese friend really hates shoes that have to be tied He's such a lacist
Shoe Size Jokes
Here is a list of funny shoe size jokes and even better shoe size puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package... Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.
- Paul's height is six feet, he is an assistant at a butcher shop and wears size 9 shoes. What does he weigh? Meat.
- The New Men's Birth Control Pill It's about the size of a marble.
You put it into your shoe.
It makes you limp. - Guys, I'm not saying that Flat Earthers, Anti-Vaxxers, and Creationists are unintelligent people but... there is a reason why shoes with Velcro straps come in adult size.
- Almost all of my family has shoe sizes under 9.5" So me being size 12" is no small feet
- For sale: baby shoes, never worn wrong size
- I FINALLY opened my shoe store that only sells large sizes. Let me tell you, that was no small feet.
- A man asks a shoe store employee for the size of a shoe The employee replies that it's a size 9, US.
The man asks what the Australian size is.
"Size 6," the employee says. - A guy is with his girlfriend Him: is it in yet?
Her: yeah..
Him: does it hurt?
Her: mhm
Him: okay, let's find you a different shoe size - What did the husband say to his wife when he tried pushing it in as much as he could, but it still wouldn't fit? He said "I'm going to try on a different shoe size."
Shoe Polish Jokes
Here is a list of funny shoe polish jokes and even better shoe polish puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So I saw a black man running with a TV. Horrified I thought it was mine. But upon arrival home I saw mine was in its right place. Polishing my shoes.
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- Polishing my shoes I was walking downtown when I saw a black man carrying a tv set, and it looked just like mine. So I ran back home and to my relief mine was still there polishing my shoes.
- Why did the introvert polish his shoes regularly? So he could look at others' faces.
- As I was driving I saw a black man running with a TV I thought to myself ," that's mine." Then I remembered mine is at my house polishing my shoes.
- The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books. But he's always loved The Shining
- What did the cobbler say to get the slavs off his lawn? Shoe polish
- I was walking down the street when I saw a black man carrying a tv... I could've swore it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at the house polishing my shoes.
- Why did the girl eat yeast and shoe polish before bed? She wanted to rise and shine in the morning!
- I was out when I saw a bIack man running with a TV. "That looks like mine" I thought, so I went home and checked but no, mine was still there, polishing my shoes.
Loads of Fun with Charming Humor Shoe Jokes
What funny jokes about shoe you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sandals jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shoe pranks.
I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.
I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.
Lost in africa
Two friends became lost during a safari in Africa. Whilst discussing how to find their way out, they heard a viscous snarl to their left. Upon looking they saw what appeared to be a very hungry leopard. At that sight, one of them bent down and started tightening his shoe laces.
His friend said ''Hey are you crazy!!!! You can't outrun a leopard.''
His friend replied, '' Mate, i don't have to,I just have to outrun you!!!!''
What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?
Wooden shoe like me to tell you.
[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]
Did you hear about the shoe factory that was destroyed?
They lost 500 souls!
My grandfather's favorite
A homeless man was walking down the street, noticeable wearing only one shoe. A passing policeman saw and commented, "Morning, did you lose your shoe?" The homeless man replies, "I didn't lose a shoe, I found one!"
Here's one you might know...
There once was a man from Peru
who dreamed he was eating his shoe
he woke with a fright
in the middle of the night
to find that his dream had come true.
What kind of a shoe has a problem?
An issue.
What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman?
"Do you sell flip-flips?"
I had to go to the hospital without insurance.
It wasn't so bad, though. They let me keep my watch and my shoe.
Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe repair shop?
To get some soles!
another bar joke
a duck walks into a bar wearing a shoe. the bartender says, "so you lost a shoe?" and the duck says, "no, i found one"
Have you heard about the new male contraceptive pill?
You put it in your shoe, and it makes you limp.
I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...
and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.
She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"
I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."
Little Johnny and the Salesman
A salesman knocks on a door. A few seconds later the door opens. Little Johnny is standing there with a bourbon and Coke in one hand and lit cigar in the other hand.
The salesman looks at him for a second and then asks "Little boy, is your mommy here?"
Johnny flicks some cigar ash on the carpet, rubs it into the carpet with his shoe. Then he looks at the salesman and asks "What do you think?"
So this r**... in New York is getting mugged...
and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
"Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?"
"Oh no!" replied the r**.... "I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!"
Bad taste
"If you'd had a tin of shoe polish, you could have blackened her up and got away with it," I said to Oscar Pistorius, laughing.
Then I realised that was in bad taste. Why would he have a tin of shoe polish?
Put on my shoe and thought there was a quarter in it which was weird.
Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night...
Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...
What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe?
Clogs.
A beloved nursery rhyme from my childhood!
There was an old woman who lived in a shoe,
Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.
So she cut 'em up, put 'em into pies,
Took 'em to the fair and won first prize!
Favorite Dad Joke
My 4 year old cousin needs help putting her shoes on.
Cousin to my dad: "Can you put my shoes on?"
Dad: "Well I'll try but I don't think they're going to fit."
(As he tries to stuff his foot into a size 3 kids shoe)
I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe f**......
But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.
Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore?
The only thing they left were the work boots.
What shoes does ninjas use?
Sneakers.
A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.
How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.
$200″ – he replied.
That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.
The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.
Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.
Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.
After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.
When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.
Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!
Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.
"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"
Walking home from the bar, a man walked by me with only one shoe on...
I assumed he was wasted and hadn't yet realized, so I said to him "hey buddy, you lost a shoe!"
He said "no I didn't, I found one".
A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...
...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"
What do you call a shoe with no grip?
A slipper.
(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)
What's a p**...'s favorite kind of shoe?
White vans
A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday
As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.
Why do you always put your left shoe on last?
Because when you put one shoe on, the other one is left.
I bought some drugs from the old lady who lives in a shoe.
They turned out to be laced.
What Shoes do Spies Wear?
Sneakers.
What did one foot say to the other?
I love shoe.
I had no shoes and i felt sorry for myself until i saw a man with no feet.
I took his shoes now i feel better.
The blacksmith hires an apprentice
He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith
What shoes does a r**... wear?
White vans.
Why did Achilles go shoe shopping?
Because heels are his only weakness
Your mommas so poor
I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"
I once burnt down a shoe factory
I feel awful when I think of the soles lost
As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this s**... blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...
"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"
"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"
Satan's first day on the job
Human: "So i get anything I want?"
Satan: "Absolutely."
Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"
Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."
The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice
His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.
One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.
The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.
I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...
I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...
What do you call a shoe made out of banana?
A slipper.
Yesterday, I went to a Louis Vuitton showroom with my wife
I was shocked to find that my salary was printed on a shoe
My brother and I are partners in a shoe business but we decided to split the business
Now I am the sole proprietor.
What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?
A shoe
I got my shoes from the drug dealer recently...
I dont know what he laced them with but ive been tripping all day.
What shoes have the least friction?
Slippers
Waiter! Why does my dessert have a shoe print in it?
Sir, you did say "Apple pie and step on it!"
Guy walks into a bar completely n**......
except for a beat up old sneaker on one foot. He sits down at the bar and says to the bartender Hey man, can I get a beer?
The bartender shakes his head in disbelief, pours him a beer, and hands it to him. The bartender says Sir uh... I can't help but notice... you seem to have lost a shoe.
The man replies Nah dude I found one!
What is a kidnapper's favorite type of shoe?
White Vans
(courtesy of my dark-humored step-kiddo)
Have you guys heard about this new birth control method?
It's a rock. You put it in your shoe, it makes you limp.
I just killed a massive spider crawling across the floor with my shoe.
I don't really care how big the spider is, no one steals my shoe.
You know the scene, balding dude in a convertible with a h**....
She peels off her top and says "Faster you go, the more i take off!"
She's down to her socks and he's doing 120 mph when they c**.... Dazed and confused she finds the driver pinned in the car and goes for help, but all she can find to cover her bits is his shoe.
Stumbling out into the highway she manages to pull someone over "Help, my friend is stuck!" She screams. The guy looks down at the shoe and says "Ma'am, he's too far in for me to help"
What did the Grim Reaper say when he walked into a shoe shop?
I've come for your soles!
Why did the tennis shoe walk away quietly?
It was a sneaker. :)
I suggested to my wife that maybe it's time we asked our roommates to move out, seeing as they are obnoxiously loud and leave their s**... everywhere.
After throwing her shoe at me, she told me that it's apparently i**... to kick your kids out before they are 18.
Me: You're shoes are on the wrong feet.
4yo:
Me:
4yo:
Me:
4yo: I don't have any other feet.
Me: Fair enough.
Please drop your best one-liner dad jokes below, I need new ones.
By one-liner I mean something along the lines of let's make like an Autobot and roll out or put an egg in your shoe and beat it
Here's one I made up when in 1967 when I was 7 yo.
What did Ed Sullivan say to Cinderella? The shoe must go on.
