Shoe Jokes

Following is our collection of shoemaker humor and sandal one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Shoe puns for adults, dirty shiny shoes jokes or clean the shoe gags for kids.

There is an abundance of sole jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 63 funniest jokes on shoe. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any alligator shoes witze you can hear about shoe.

The Best jokes about Shoe

I'm not having much luck with jobs lately.

I couldn't concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasn't suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldn't cut it as barber; didn't have the patience to be a doctor; didn't fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn't see any future as a historian.

Here, have a joke in spanish

sabe inglΓ©s?"

"si"

"como se dice 'un zapato' en inglΓ©s?"

"a shoe"

"salud"

"gracias

A man using Apple maps walks into a bar

Or a pharmacy, or maybe a shoe store.

The blacksmith hires an apprentice

He instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith

What's a pedophile's favorite type of shoe?

White vans.


If shoe size really is directly related to the size of a man's package...

Then clowns are way scarier than we all thought.

What shoes does a rapist wear?

White vans.

What's a foot long, made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe.

Your mommas so poor

I saw her walking down the street with one shoe. I said "hey you lost a shoe". She said "na I found one"

As I knelt down in the shoe shop with a pair of shoes in front of this sexy blonde, I couldn't resist a quick glance up her short skirt...

"Hey pervy!" she said. "I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls' skirts, isn't it?!"

"That's absolutely ridiculous!" I said. "I don't even work here!"

I just killed a huge spider crawling along the floor with my shoe...

I don't care how big a spider is, no-one steals my shoe...


Satan's first day on the job

Human: "So i get anything I want?"

Satan: "Absolutely."

Human: "You say all you want is my shoe?"

Satan: "Just the bottom part, but yes."

The village blacksmith hired an enthusiastic new apprentice

His new apprentice was willing to work long, hard hours.

One day he instructed the boy, When I take the shoe out of the fire, I'll lay it on the anvil. When I nod my head, you hit it with the hammer.

The apprentice did exactly as he was told, and now he's the new village blacksmith.

I had no shoes and i felt sorry for myself until i saw a man with no feet.

I took his shoes now i feel better.

How do you measure a Lego figure's shoe size?

In square feet.

So this redneck in New York is getting mugged...

and he fights like a wildcat, but eventually the three toughs overcome him. Two hold him down while the third grabs his wallet and opens it.
"Ten dollars??!!? You fought like a madman for *15 minutes* for a lousy ten bucks?"
"Oh no!" replied the redneck. "I thought you were going after the $500 in my shoe!"

What kind of shoes do they wear in Holland?

Wooden shoe like me to tell you.

[Props to my 8-year-old daughter for this one]

Blonde Walks Into A Shoe Store.

"How much for these shoes?" – she asked the store manager. "$200″ – he replied. "That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down?" – the blonde. The store manager said he couldn't, and got irritated when the blonde persisted. Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, "There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?!" – he yelled. "Fine. I will." – the blonde replied. After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her. When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones. Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed "Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!"

A blonde walked into a shoe shop and saw a pair of shoes made from alligator skin that she liked.

How much for these shoes? – she asked the store manager.

$200β€³ – he replied.

That's too expensive! Can't you bring the price down? – the blonde.

The store manager said he couldn't, and got irratated when the blonde persisted.

Finally after arguing with her for awhile he said, There's a pond with alligators behind the store! Why don't you kill an alligator and get your alligator shoes free?! – he yelled.

Fine. I will. – the blonde replied.

After an hour, the manager got a bit worried that the blonde might have come to harm with the alligators. He decided to go out and check on her.

When he arrived at the pond, he saw the blonde lugging a dead alligator and flinging it on the ground next to 6 other dead ones.

Before he could ask what she was doing, she wailed Oh my gosh! This one doesn't have any shoes either!


What's made of leather and sounds like a sneeze?

A shoe

What does the man with two left feet ask the shoe salesman?

"Do you sell flip-flips?"

Did you guys hear about the shoe store that got looted in Baltimore?

The only thing they left were the work boots.

Have you heard about the fire in the shoe factory?

Hundreds of soles were lost

What do you call a shoe with no grip?

A slipper.

(Made this up today, but almost definitely will have been made up before by someone else)

another bar joke

a duck walks into a bar wearing a shoe. the bartender says, "so you lost a shoe?" and the duck says, "no, i found one"

Yesterday, there was a fire in a shoe factory.

Hundreds of soles were lost.

Why do you always put your left shoe on last?

Because when you put one shoe on, the other one is left.

A drunk homeless guy wanted to fight me yesterday

As soon as he kicked me and lost his shoe I could smell defeat.

Ferguson Protestors looted a Payless Shoe store last night...

Cleaned the place out, nothing left but work boots...

A man takes his shoe off in church...

Man 1: *takes off shoe and starts peering inside of it*

Man 2: "What the problem?"

Man 1: *Sighs* " I guess i'm just having some problems with my inner-sole "

Did you hear about the shoe factory that exploded?

Many soles were lost...ο»Ώ

How do you always keep your shoes tied?

Replace the laces with earphones.

Why did Achilles go shoe shopping?

Because heels are his only weakness

I bought some drugs from the old lady who lives in a shoe.

They turned out to be laced.

What happened when the shoe factory burned down?

500 soles were lost.

My cousin's shoe store burned down yesterday

There were so many lost soles.

What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast?

Loafers that rise and shine

There was a devastating fire in my shoe shop.

So many lost Soles.

Walking home from the bar, a man walked by me with only one shoe on...

I assumed he was wasted and hadn't yet realized, so I said to him "hey buddy, you lost a shoe!"

He said "no I didn't, I found one".

What Shoes do Spies Wear?

Sneakers.

I was watching the Super Bowl with some friends...

and my fiancee's friend, who isn't very keen on sports, is commenting on the shoe polish streaks under their eyes.

She says "I just don't get it, what do those black things even do?"

I reply, "Well, play football, mostly."

All Dolled Up

A husband and wife had been married for 60 years and had no 
secrets except for one: The woman kept in her closet a shoe box that 
she forbade her husband from ever opening. But when she was on her deathbedβ€”and with her blessingβ€”he opened the box and found a 
crocheted doll and $95,000 in cash.

My mother told me that the secret to a happy marriage was to never 
argue, she explained. Instead, I should keep quiet and crochet a doll.

Her husband was touched. Only one doll was in the boxβ€”that meant she'd been angry with him only once in 60 years. But what about all this money? he asked.

Oh, she said, that's the money 
I made from selling the dolls.

Yesterday, I went to a Louis Vuitton showroom with my wife

I was shocked to find that my salary was printed on a shoe

My grandfather's favorite

A homeless man was walking down the street, noticeable wearing only one shoe. A passing policeman saw and commented, "Morning, did you lose your shoe?" The homeless man replies, "I didn't lose a shoe, I found one!"

Favorite Dad Joke

My 4 year old cousin needs help putting her shoes on.

Cousin to my dad: "Can you put my shoes on?"

Dad: "Well I'll try but I don't think they're going to fit."

(As he tries to stuff his foot into a size 3 kids shoe)

Put on my shoe and thought there was a quarter in it which was weird.

Did you hear about the shoe factory that was destroyed?

They lost 500 souls!

I had to go to the hospital without insurance.

It wasn't so bad, though. They let me keep my watch and my shoe.

Here's one you might know...

There once was a man from Peru

who dreamed he was eating his shoe

he woke with a fright

in the middle of the night

to find that his dream had come true.

A Priest and a Rabbi are walking down the street together...

...when a young boy bends over to tie his shoe. The Priest leans over to the Rabbi and says, "Man, I'd sure like to screw him!" The Rabbi replies, "Out of what?"

What's a plumber's least favorite type of shoe?

Clogs.

Why did the Grim Reaper go to the shoe repair shop?

To get some soles!

The New Men's Birth Control Pill

It's about the size of a marble.

You put it into your shoe.

It makes you limp.

What's a pedo's favorite kind of shoe?

White vans

What kind of a shoe has a problem?

An issue.

My brother and I are partners in a shoe business but we decided to split the business

Now I am the sole proprietor.

One night a fellow drove his secretary home...

... after she had imbibed a little too much at an office reception. Although this was an innocent gesture, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily.

The next night the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly he looked down and spotted a high-heel shoe half hidden under the passenger seat. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the car.

With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?"

I once burnt down a shoe factory

I feel awful when I think of the soles lost

What do you call a shoe made out of banana?

A slipper.

What shoes does ninjas use?

Sneakers.

What did one foot say to the other?

I love shoe.

I got my shoes from the drug dealer recently...

I dont know what he laced them with but ive been tripping all day.

I have a date this weekend with a girl who has a shoe fetish...

But I'm a little worried about getting off on the wrong foot.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes