The Best 77 Shock Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Shock jokes. There are some shock suprise jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shock aghast puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Shock Jokes and Puns

How many BuzzFeed workers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Thirteen. But number nine will shock you.

A man comes home early from work.....

A man comes home early from work and when he walks into his bedroom and finds his wife in bed with one of his best friends, he gets a gun and shoots him. His wife looks at her husband in shock and says if you continue to do this you won't have any friends.

A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

...but the foreman refused to take him because he was too small. "I may look puny," protested the man, "but I'm not. Just give me a chance to show you my strength."

The foreman consented and told the man to go chop down a giant redwood that stood nearby. Half an hour later, to the foreman's shock, the redwood was lying on the ground.

"Where'd you learn to cut down trees like that?" the foreman asked.

"The Sahara Forest," the man answered.

"You mean the Sahara Desert?" the foreman ventured.

"Sure," said that man, "if that's what they call it now."

Shock joke, A weak little man applied for a job as a lumberjack...

I am quite old, so I wasn't shocked today during a
thorough inspection to find that I had a gray pubic
hair.

The other people on the elevator seemed pretty surprised, though.

I'm shocked...

Turns out toasters aren't waterproof.


Did you hear about the suspect who was released from jail after he touched grounded metal and received a static shock?

He was cleared of all charges.

Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert

There once was a man named Barack
Whose re-election came as a shock
He raised taxes I pay
And turned marriage gay
And now he's coming after your Glock

Shock joke, Inauguration Limerick by Stephen Colbert

It's a fricken elephant!

A little boy, just about the age of 3, was playing with his toy elephant and his dad comes up to him and says "What do you have there son?"

The boy responds with, "It's a fricken elephant!"

The dad in shock asks him, "What was that?"

"Dad, it's a fricken elephant!!"

Then the mother comes over and asks the little boy what he said and he responds with the same answer, "It's a fricken elephant!!"

Then the grandfather comes over to the parents and says, "Well he sure does like that AFRICan Elephant I got him."

So a guy walks into a bar...

and says to the bartender "Give me 12 shots of your most expensive Tequila!" The bartender pours the shots and lines them up. The guy starts shooting them back wicked fast, one right after another. The bartender says in shock "Why are you drinking those so fast?!" The guy stops long enough to get out a few words "you would drink these fast too, if you had what I have" Confused, the bartender asks "why? what do you have?"
The guy says "About four dollars"

George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...

and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane crash early this morning.

Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.

Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"

A lawyer was in his BMW...

...when he opened the door to get out, an oncoming truck hit the door, ripping it off, and went on. The lawyer calls the cops.

Lawyer (Whining) : Officer, look what happened to my beamer.

Officer : You lawyers are so materialistic it makes me sick. You are so worried about your car that you did not notice that your arm is missing as well.

Lawyer (in shock) : Oh my God! Where's my Rolex?

You can explore shock awe reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shock mom shocked dad jokes. There are also shock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I got an electric shock yesterday.

I couldn't resist it

A man walks into the doctors office....(NSFW)

...and tells the doctor he would like to put his daughter on birth control. The doctor of course asks how old the daughter is.
The father responds "She's 13".
With a sense of shock, the doctor replies "Is she sexually active?!?!?!"
Without batting an eye the man replies "No.....she just lays there like her mother!"

[NSFW] A mother and father are snooping around in their son's bedroom.

Being a bit nosy, they search around the room to see if their son is hiding anything "naughty." The father checks under the bed and, in shock, sees *tons* of BDSM and bondage tapes, DVDs, and magazines.

The mother couldn't breathe. It took her a while to say "*Oh my god!* What should we do about this?!

The father replied "We shouldn't spank him, that's for sure."

At the 3rd grade violin rehearsal ...

... Donnie Corleone Jr. walks in, opens his violin case and unveils, to the shock of all, a tommy gun. The teachers are livid, panic nearly ensues, but Donnie just starts laughing uncontrollably.

"What's wrong with you? This is serious! Why are you laughing?"

"Because I just imagined dad holding up the bank with my violin."

I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white.

Surely we don't need that many guards.

Shock joke, I was shocked to find out that 35% of America's prison population is white.

A Dying husband asks his wife....

A Dying husband asks his wife: Our 7th son always looked different from the other 6, on my death bed, tell me the truth...did he have a different father?

Wife (crying): Yes!

Husband (in shock): Who?

Wife: You!

Shock me once, shame on you.

Shock me twice, that's just revolting.

What do we want? CLICKBAIT!

When do we want it? The answer will shock you...

*****


Can you be electrocuted by a news story?

The answer may shock you.

A man walks into a bar ...

And proceeds to order a beer. The bartender says, "Sure, that'll be 25 cents please". The man almost spits out his beer in shock.

"Wow, 25 cents! I'll get some chicken wings too!"

The bartender replies, "That'll be 30 cents!"

"Where is the owner", asks the man, "I want to shake his hand!"

"Upstairs with my sister", replies the barkeep.

"Huh, why?", asks the confused costumer.

"He's doing to her, what I'm doing to his bar."

A farmer saw a plane full of politicians crash near his farm.

When the police arrived, they asked the farmer what happened.

Farmer: They crashed near my farm and I buried all of them.

One of the police men asked with shock; "are you sure they were all dead"?

Farmer: Some of them were screaming, "we are still alive".
But I couldn't believe them.
You know, these politicians. They can lie.

Top 13 facts you NEVER knew about non-conductors.

#7 won't shock you.

A French Girl gets her Period

My friend's family is French.

His sister had this huge French flag for a bed sheet.

Then one night she got her period.

Imagine her shock when she woke up on the Japanese Flag.

Court decision: "I hereby find you guilty of clickbait, and sentence you to death by electric chair......

....what happens next will shock you."

My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing appliances.

Well she's in for a shock.

I have electrified a clickbait journalist's toilet.

Number 2 will shock them.

A court ruled that sharing click-baits is punishable by death.

What happens next will shock you.

My local barber was busted today for dealing drugs.

I'm in shock. I've been a loyal customer for years and I had no idea he was a barber.

A father and son go fishing...

Son: Dad, what do we do first?

Father: We get this clickbait here and we throw it into the ocean.

Son: Then what happens?

Father: What happens next will shock you.

My daughter walked into our bedroom to catch us having sex.

"What are you doing?" she asked in shock.
"Making you someone to play with," I said.
"A brother?" she asked excitingly.
"No, a cousin," I replied. "Now go and watch out for your mother coming home."

Man sticks finger into electrical socket...

What happens next will shock you.

I felt a rush of culture shock wash over me as I walked through a middle eastern market

It was bazaar

A father takes his son fishing

Son: Dad, can you teach me how to catch fish?

Dad: Sure, son! first you throw the clickbait into the water

Son: What next?

Dad: What happens next will shock you!

I have some good news....

Doctor: I have some good news and bad news.

Patient: Give me the bad.

Dr: We have to amputate both of your legs.

Patient: shock! The good?

Dr: The man in the other room wants to buy your shoes!

I saw a Buzzfeed article about the top 10 ways to execute someone.

Number 3 will shock you.

Buzzfeeds top 10 list of torture methods

Number 7 will shock you

I was shocked to find my son having sex with our dog in the garden.

I had no idea our dog was gay.

My kids say I'm hopeless at fixing appliances...

Well, they're in for a shock...

My girlfriend doesn't think I can think fix the electric shower.

Well, she's in for a shock.

A guy walks into the bar and looks the bartender in the eye and says "I need 10 shots"

The bartender lays them out and the man takes all 10 shots back to back.

In shock the bartender says, "I've never seen anyone drink like that before."

The man replies, "You'd drink like that too if you had what I had."

Sounding concerned, the bartender asks "Oh I'm sorry to hear that, what do you have?"

Man quickly says "2 bucks" and ran out of the bar.

You have been charged guilty for clickbait, and will now have to use the electric chair

What happens next will shock you

Mike Pence is at the dinner table with his family...

His son, who has been very quiet, tells him "Dad, this might come as a shock, but I think I'm gay."

Pence laughs and says "Son, you're getting it all mixed up! I'm not the one getting shocked!"

Judge: "You have been found unanimously guilty of using clickbait, and I sentence you to death by electric chair."

What happens next will shock you.

It always shocks me when people say republicans are anti-communists

With trying to make abortions illegal, get rid of birth control, defund planned parenthood, those all are textbook examples of seizing the means of reproduction.

A woman gets on a bus with her baby in Glasgow.

The bus driver turns to her and says Oi! That there's the ugliest baby I've ever seen, you should be ashamed of yourself, bringing a baby like that out in public. It's disgusting! She rushes to the back of the bus in tears, and a gentleman leans over to her and asks Lassie, why're you crying?
She says Well that bus driver up there just said the most horrible thing to me that anyone's ever said before.
In shock the gentleman exclaims Well you can't just let him get away with that! You've got to get up there and give him a piece of your mind! Here, I'll hold your monkey.

A woman is stung by a bee on a golf course

She goes into anaphylactic shock due to an allergy and they take her to a doctor.

"Where was she stung?", asked the doctor.

"Between the first and second hole.",

"Well she may need to work on her stance."

An old man goes to the doctor to complain about his problem gas.

"It's non-stop," the man tells his doctor. "I just have this *constant* stream of silent gas pouring out of me. It might shock you to know that it's even been happening since I came into your office."

"OK," replies the doctor. "The first thing I'm going to recommend is a hearing test."

Santa comes to the White House....

Santa arrives at the White House and hands Donald Trump his Christmas present. Trump excitedly tears open his gift then looks up at Santa in shock. "What?", Santa exclaims. "I thought you LOVED coal.

A girl walks up to her mom

Mom, I'm in love with our neighbor
Her mom looked back at her in shock But he could be your father!
Age doesn't matter, love is love
I don't think you understand

Put a fork into an outlet.

What happens next will shock you.

My friend was a violent serial killer...

Ended up getting caught some time back and sentenced to death by electric chair.
Fast-forward to day of execution.
Guard straps him in.

Guard: "Any last requests?"
Friend: "Remind me of buzzfeed clickbait articles 1 last time"
Guard: "The electric current is going to be started now, what happens next will shock you"

Why was Buzzfeed's chief editor found dead in the bathroom?

He couldn't believe number two would shock him.

Shocking results came in after Keith Richards went to the hospital.

They found blood in his drugstream.

Two friends are talking to each other, and one says to the other,

"I've been kinda worried about you man, you're kinda in a slump right now, you seem kinda depressed."

The other looked at him in a state of shock, and said,

"You're a great friend, but you don't have to worry about me, suicide'll be the last thing I do."

The executioner asked, "Any last words?"

The criminal replied, "I just want one more clickbait article".
Executioner: "What happens next will shock you"

I freaked out the electrician by opening the door naked.

I couldn't tell what gave him a bigger shock – whether the fact that I was naked, or that I got into his house.

My girlfriend says I'm hopeless at fixing electrical appliances.

Welp she's in for a shock.

How many clickbait articles does it take to change a light bulb?

The answer will shock you

A blonde is watching the news on an airplane...

The news reporter says, "Three Brazilian children have been presumed dead after their home caught fire in the middle of the night."

The blonde jolts up in her seat in utter shock. She taps the shoulder of the passenger next to her, and exclaims, "Oh my god! How many children is a Bra-zillion!?"

Trump was rushed to the hospital after learning that 3 Brazilians died from the Coronavirus

Lying in the hospital bed his face still white with shock, he finally got the courage to ask shakily and in a quiet voice, How many people is a brazillion?"

Son : Dad, how do I catch fish?

Dad : Just throw this clickbait into the water

Son : And then what?

Dad : What happens next will shock you

A guy comes home with two black eyes.

A guy comes home with two black eyes and his wife looks at him in shock and asks how that happened. He replies: while I was in line at the supermarket I saw this woman with her dress wedged into her butt crack, so I reached down and pulled it out for her, and that's when she turned around and punched me in the face.

He wife then looks at him confused and says: that explains one black eye, but not the other.

He then says: well, based on her reaction I assumed she wanted it that way, so I put it back.

The police arrive to find two Irishmen with a dead Pakistani.

The Police ask, Do you know how this man died?
The Irishmen reply, No we don't know anything about the man!
The police then ask, Do you know what his name was?
The Irishmen reply again, and they say I told you I don't know anything about the man! We just went drinking with him a lot but never knew anything about him. All I know is that he has two arseholes.
The police asked in shock, Are you sure he had two arseholes?
The Irishmen replied, We're absolutely certain. Every time we went to a bar with him, the barman would always say, 'Look! There's the Pakistani with those two arseholes!'

Wow glad you guys liked this one

Monster under the bed

Jim hears his son call his name, so he walks in his sons room. Jim's son, Howard says with a tremble in his voice, "Dad, there's a monster under my bed." Jim unconvinced walks to his son's bed and looks underneath. There he sees his son crying and startled as he whispers, "Dad, there's a monster sleeping in my bed." Jim falls backwards from the shock and comes to a sence of relief when he realised that he had forgotten that he had twins.

I was shocked when the Republicans wouldn't vote to convict Trump on his second impeachment.

The first time sure, they always insist a baby is carried to full term.

The second one however, shocking as they actually took care of the baby afterwards.

How many Buzzfeed writers does it take to turn on an electric chair?

Ten. But number four will shock you.

How many Buzzfeed employees does it take to operate an electric chair?

10, but 4 will shock you.

Gary and Pete, 2 alcoholics, were lost at sea.

While floating in their small boat, they spotted a bottle on the water.
Gary quickly grabbed the bottle and took out the cork.
To his shock, a genie flew out.
"You have freed me. You may have a wish."
Gary thought hard and pointed at the sea.
"Turn all this water into Guiness."

There was a flash and the genie was gone, leaving a frothy sea of Guinness.
"why would you do that?!" complained Pete.
"What, you don't want beer?" asked Gary.

Pete shook his head and sighed.
"Now we'll have to piss in the boat."

My doppelganger has just walked in, and sat on the other end of the couch

I'm beside myself with shock

[Ad] We asked 100 people what it's like getting the chair..

The results will shock you…

A shocking revelation…

Most people are shocked when they realize theyre not an electrician.

Ten Surprising facts doctors don't want you to know about subway tracks!

the 3rd one will shock you!

When I woke in the hospital, I was told they'd had to use a defibrillator on me.

It was quite a shock to the system.

Car crash

Today I came upon a car crash. The female driver was hysterical. She kept screaming I'm blind, I'm blind I tried to calm her down and reassure her she was just in shock. I asked her How many fingers do I have up? She screamed even louder Oh my God, I'm paralyzed from the waist down too

5 Execution Methods Still Used In The Modern World

Number 1 will shock you

I was shocked to read this. Statistically 6 out of 7 dwarves

aren't Happy

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shock shocker jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shock disbelief piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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