shivering Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious shivering puns

A couple finds a wounded skunk on the road. 'Where do I put it?' the lady asks...

A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car.

She says, Look, it's shivering … it must be cold. What should I do?

He says, Put it between your legs.

She says, What about the smell?

He says, Hold its nose.


So a man dies and goes to hell...

... And while he's sitting there, shaking and crying, the devil walks up to him and says "you there, why are you being such a baby?!"

The man responds, "I'm in hell, Satan! I'm in the worst place imaginable, the home of my deepest and darkest fears!"

The devil puts a scaly arm around him and says to the still shivering man. "Aww, Hell ain't so bad! Here, let me give you the weekly schedule. Do you like poker?"

The man wipes his nose and nods. "yeah, I had a bit of a gambling addiction when I was living."

Satan grins. "well on Mondays, we play poker. Any type, all day. And the deals on chips are absolutely fantastic! I personally guarantee that you won't run out of money."

The man stops shaking. "Well, that's not so bad, what do you do on Tuesdays?"

"Well on Tuesdays, we have all sorts of prostitutes come in. Blondes, redheads, thick, petite, you name it! I swear to you that on Tuesdays, you will be drowned in sex."

The man smiles. "That's excellent! Hell sounds like a great place to be!"

The devil leans in close. "Are you a little gay?" The man shakes his head no.

"Oh god, you're gonna hate Wednesdays."


Two Flies in a bar

One fly is sitting at the bar and his friend walks in shivering, covered in frost.

"What's happened to you?" he asks.

"I rode down in here in a big guy's mustache. He got on his motorcycle and just muscled through the storm." The second fly responded.

"Oh, well next time, what you should do is find a beautiful woman with a big bush, snuggle in there and you'll be fine the whole trip."

The next day the first fly is waiting at the bar and the second fly comes in shivering and covered in frost again.

"What happened, didn't you take my advice?" he asks.

"I did, I did," the second fly responds. "I went to sleep nestled down in the bush, and when I woke up I was back in the Biker's Mustache again"


The cold son stunner.

A young boy wakes up in the middle of the night shivering from the cold and decides to walk down the hall to his parent's bedroom to sleep with them.

On his way down the hall he begins to hear moaning from his parent's room. Frightened, he opens to the door to witness his parents having sex. The young boy runs back down the hall, into his room, and under the covers.

The father quickly jumps up, gets dressed and goes to have a talk with his son. He explains, "It's okay son, me and mommy were just wrestling. Ya know, like the they do on TV."

The next night, the mother is worried about the son sleeping and tells the father to go check on him. The father walks down the hall and begins to hear moaning coming from his son's room. He runs down the hall, kicks open the door, and sees his son having sex with his grandmother.

The father says, "SON WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING!?!?".

The son replies, "It's not so funny when it's your mother is it".


Why was the pepper shivering?

Because it was chilli.


Why was everyone shivering at the inauguration?

Because it's a cold day in hell....


Olie & Lena are driving down the road in their Model T...

Suddenly, a mother skunk enters the roadway with her two young babies. Olie can't stop in time and runs the mother over.

It winter time and Lena jumps out of the car to rescue the two orphans. She gets them back in and they're shivering:

Oh, Olie! They're so cold! What should I do to warm them up?

Why don't you put them between your legs?

Oh, but Olie- what about the terrible smell?

They're skunks, Lena. I don't think they'll mind.


Crab lice on holidays

Two crab lice agree to meet on the beach in Florida for Summer holidays. One already being there, the other arrives all shivering.

"Why are you shivering?" asks the first.

The second answers: "I arrived in a motorcyclist moustache... I alsmost froze to death..."

" That's stupid," says the first, "do like I do. Climb up a stewardesses leg, stay in here croch and you'll be here in no time, nice an cosy."

Next year, they meet again. The second one is shivering again, saying :

" I did what you said... I climbed up a stewardesses leg and lay down at her croch. It was so warm and cosy, I fell asleep. Once I woke up, I was in a motorcyclists moustache again..."


A married couple are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road...

They stop, the wife gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, it's shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" Her husband replies, "Put it between your legs to keep it warm." She asks, "What about the smell?" He says, "Hold its nose."


So an Amish couple are in their horse and buggy going down the road during a blizzard...

The woman spots a skunk lying in the road. She turns to her husband and says, "Honey, pull over, he must be freezing!"

So the husband pulls over and the wife gets out and gets the skunk and get on their way again.

After about 5 minutes, she says to her husband, "Oh honey, he is still shivering! What should i do?"

The husband replied "Oh put him up your dress, he'll be warm then!"

The wife complains " Oh honey, what about the smell!"

The husband responds, " Pinch his little nose, he'll be okay!"


What should you do when you meet a beautiful woman with sparkling eyes, wet lips, pink cheeks, shivering body....

Keep going! She has flu symptoms!


On a cold night I walked into a bar in the Caribbean...

..I saw that the bar was filled with gloomy shivering sailors and one happy pirate. I went to order a jug or rum and told the pirate that I could make him lose his smile and make all the others happy.
He replied that it's never going to happen.
So I took his wooden leg and threw it to the fireplace.
All the sailors were delighted and the pirate was hopping mad.


What do you call Harrison Ford shivering in the corner of the Temple of Doom?

Indiana Jonesing


Two ants meet in the south for the winter to keep warm...

...and one is cold and shivering on when he arrives. "that will be the last time I ride to Florida in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle, I'm freezing!"

The other ant says "Just do what I do, hitch a ride between the legs of a beautiful woman. It's the warmest way to travel."

The shivering ant says "That's what I did, but I dozed off, and woke up in the moustache of a man on a motorcycle."


After using up all the hot water for the shower my girlfriend asked "Are you shivering or trying to hump me?"

"A little from collumn A, a little from collumn D."


Black Panther Was Shivering

*Somewhere in the Antarctic*

Captain America: "You look really cold T'Challa, do you need a jacket?"

Black Panther: "I never Fleece"


What are the most funny Shivering jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Shivering? Well, here are the best Shivering dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Shivering pick up lines to share with friends.


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