Shirt Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Shirt jokes. There are some shirt blouse jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shirt tight shirt puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Hilarious Fun Shirt Jokes That Will Have You Rolling with Laughter

Cuban

I asked my grandmother for "something Cuban" for my birthday, and she had got me a Che Guevara shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

Young love... sort of...

Once when I was at kindergarten, there was this girl I really liked. When she came in the next day, I kissed her on the cheek.
The next day, I kissed her on the lips. The next day, I put my hand under her shirt. And the next day, I put both my hands up her shirt.
Eventually she told her parents.Needless to say, that was the end of my teaching career.

Grandpa's Rocking Chair

A man came to visit his grandparents, and he noticed his grandfather sitting on the porch in the rocking chair wearing only a shirt, with nothing on from the waist down.
'Grandpa, what are you doing? Your goober is out in the wind for everyone to see!' he exclaimed.
The old man slowly looked at him and said,
'Well....last week I sat out here with no shirt on and I got a stiff neck. This is your grandma's idea.'

jokes about shirt

Lucky Numbers

There was this man by the name of Mr Five.

His lucky number was, not surprisingly, 5.

He was 55 years old, ate 5 times a day, always brought with him $55 in his wallet and always wore a shirt with 5 pockets.

One day, he saw a horse by the name of Lucky Five was racing.

He bet $5555.55 on the horse.

After 5 hours the results are out.

Sure enough the horse comes in fifth.

My girlfriend came home from work last night and immediately said, "Claud, take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Now my hose, bra, and panties." I took them off. Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

As airplanes about to crash...

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

Shirt joke, As airplanes about to crash...

A Foot And A Half

Maria had just got married and being a traditional Italian, she was still a virgin. So, on her wedding night, staying at her mother's house, she was nervous. But her mother reassured her. Don't worry, Maria. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take care of you.

So up she went. When she got upstairs, Tony took off his shirt and exposed his hairy chest. Maria ran downstairs to her mother and says, Mama, Mama, Tony's got a big hairy chest.

Don't worry, Maria, says the mother, all good men have hairy chests. Go upstairs. He'll take good care of you.

So, up she went again. When she got up in the bedroom, Tony took off his pants exposing his hairy legs. Again, Maria ran downstairs to her mother. Mama, Mama, Tony took off his pants and he's got hairy legs!

Don't worry. All good men have hairy legs. Tony's a good man. Go upstairs and he'll take good care of you.

So up she went again. When she got up there, Tony took off his socks and on his left foot he was missing three toes. When Maria saw this, she ran downstairs. Mama, Mama, Tony's got a foot and a half!

Stay here and stir the pasta, says the mother.

This is a job for Mama.

A Sea Captain looks through his telescope

and sees ships approaching on the horizon. He says to his first mate "Arrrr Matey, fetch me me red shirt".

"But why, Captain?" the Mate says.

"If these be enemies and we must defend our ship I don't want me men to see me bleed".

The mate fetches the shirt as the Captain looks out again, this time seeing a fleet of Pirate Ships gaining on them. He turns to the first mate again:

"Arrr Matey, fetch me me brown pants".

Stiff....

A man was walking down the street when he noticed his grandpa sitting on the porch in a rocking chair, with nothing on from the waist down.
"Grandpa, what are you doing?" he exclaimed.
The old man looked off in the distance and did not answer him.
"Grandpa, what are you doing sitting out here with no pants on?" he asked again.
The old man slyly looked at him and said, "Well last week I sat out here with no shirt on, and I got a stiff neck. This was your Grandma`s idea!"

A guy walks into work...

And both ears are bandaged.
The boss says, "What happened to your ears?"
"Yesterday I was ironing a shirt when the phone rang and I accidentally answered the iron."
The boss responds "we'll that explains one ear, but what happened to the other?"
And the guy responds "Well, I had to call the doctor!"

You can explore shirt tracksuit reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shirt wifebeater dad jokes. There are also shirt puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Father, what causes arthritis?

A drunk that smelled like a brewery got on a bus one day. He sat down next to a priest. The drunk's shirt was stained, his face was full of bright red lipstick and he had a half-empty bottle of wine sticking out of his pocket. He opened his newspaper and started reading. A couple minutes later, he asked the priest, ''Father, what causes arthritis?''
''Mister, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, and contempt for your fellow man,'' the priest replied. ''Imagine that,'' the drunk muttered. He returned to reading his paper.

The priest, thinking about what he had said, turned to the man and apologized: ''I'm sorry, I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?'' ''I don't have arthritis, Father,'' the drunk said, ''but I just read in the paper that the Pope does.''

A C and a C++ walk into a bar...

The C spilled his beer all over the C++'s shirt. Outraged, C++ shouted, "Good god, man! Have you no class?"

Why did Waldo wear a striped shirt?

He didn't want to be spotted.

The Paper Cowboy

A cowboy walked into a bar and ordered a whisky. When the bartender delivered the drink, the cowboy asked, "Where is everybody?"

The bartender replied, "They've gone to the hanging."

"Hanging? Who are they hanging?"

"Brown Paper Pete," the bartender replied.

"What kind of a name is that?" the cowboy asked.

"Well," said the bartender, "he always wore a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper trousers and brown paper shoes."

"How bizarre," said the cowboy. "What are they hanging him for?"

"Rustling," answered the bartender.

My friend went on holiday to Havana...

...and asked me what gift I would like him to get for me. I said get me "something Cuban", but he got me a Che Guevara t shirt.

Clothes, but no cigar.

Shirt joke, My friend went on holiday to Havana...

As I was walking home I passed a woman with one breast hanging out of her shirt..

So as to spare her any further embarrassment, I quietly pointed out her chestal indiscretion as I passed.

She looks down and screams "OH MY GOD!! I left the baby on the bus!!!"

A plane was going down....

A plane was going down and the captain said to the passengers "I'm sorry everyone we are going to crash in a few minutes" The passengers looked at each other in fear. One woman got out of her seat and yelled "Before I die I want a man to make me feel like a real woman!" a man a few rows back got out of his seat and said "I will!" she smiled and ran up to him. He then took his shirt off and said "Here, iron this"

The wife

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing only The 'T' shirt that she normally slept in.Ā 

As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly, "You've got to make love to me this very moment! Ā 

My eyes lit up and I thought, "I am either still dreaming or this is going to be my lucky day! Ā 

Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and then gave it my all; right there on the kitchen table.Ā 

Afterwards she said, "Thanks," and returned to the stove, her T-shirt still around her neck.Ā 

Happy, but a little puzzled, I asked, "What was that all about?"Ā 

She explained, "The egg timer's broken."

Pavlov's birds

An MIT student spent an entire summer going to the Harvard football field every day wearing a black and white striped shirt, walking up and down the field for ten or fifteen minutes throwing birdseed all over the field, blowing a whistle and then walking off the field. At the end of the summer, it came time for the first Harvard home football team, the referee walked onto the field and blew the whistle, and the game had to be delayed for a half hour to wait for the birds to get off of the field. The guy wrote his thesis on this, and graduated.

So my wife said "take off my shirt".

So I did as she said and took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I continued and took off her skirt.

"Take off my shoes." Once again, I did as she said and I took off her shoes.

"Now my hose, bra, and panties." And lastly, I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

A psychic goes into a clothing store

A psychic walks into a clothing store looking for a new shirt.

Employee: "How about this shirt?"

Psychic: "That shirt is too small."

Employee: "You didn't even try it on"

Psychic: "Because I am a medium"

My mom dropped this one on me

Mom and I, her 27-year-old son, had had an argument about my clothes. She pointed to a hole in my shirt and said, "There's a big hole in your shirt!"

I responded, "Yeah? Well there's a big hole in your face and dumb things keep coming out of it," pointing to her mouth.

Without a pause, she snaps back, "Not nearly as dumb as the thing that fell out of my other hole 27 years ago."

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it

Suddenly he heard a voice...

"Nice tie." *Nobody was there except him and the bartender.*

"Really cool shirt, too." *He thought he must be losing his mind.*

"I like your hair that way."

He said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."

"Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary."

My girlfriend asked me to take off her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

And so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

A blonde walks into a laundromat...

And says to a worker, "can you wash this shirt?"

The worker did not hear her and said "come again?"

The blonde than replies "no it is mustard this time"

Shirt joke, A blonde walks into a laundromat...

Psychic buys clothing

Employee: How about this one?

Psychic: That shirt is too small

Employee: You didn't even try it on

Psychic: I'm a medium

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners...

A blonde drops off a shirt at the cleaners. On the way out of the door the lady at the counter says come again. The blonde says no, its toothpaste this time.

Guy wakes up to breakfast in bed...

his lunch is made, and he notices he's late for work. Frantically, he calls work, and they let him know that his wife already called to let them know he would be late.

He asks his son what happened that his mom was so happy. The son says "Dad, you came home drunk last night, and mom brought you to bed, and when she tried to take your shirt off, you said 'Get off me lady, I'm married!"

A captain and his crew...

A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."

Why couldn't the psychic fit in the small shirt?

Because he was a medium

Queen Elizabeth and Dolly Parton die on the same day, but are told only one can get into the pearly gates.

St. Peter asks Queen Elizabeth what makes her special enough to enter Heaven. Elizabeth takes out a douche bottle and douches herself.

St. Peter asks Dolly what makes her special enough to get into Heaven. Dolly opens up her shirt and flashes her chest.

St. Peter lets Queen Elizabeth in instead of Dolly, because a royal flush always beats a good pair.

Sexy time with my girlfriend

So, me and my girlfriend are making out.
She says, "take off my shirt!"
I took off her shirt.
She then says, "take off my skirt."
I took off her skirt.
She also says "take off my shoes!"
I took off her shoes.
Finally, she says "take off my bra and panties!"
I took off her bra and panties.
She then looks at me and says "I don't wanna catch you wearing my things ever again!"

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink, when suddenly he hears someone say, "Hey, nice tie!"

The man looks up to try to find out who said it, but no one was around.

"Hey! Nice shirt!" The man looks up again, but there's nobody there.

"Hey! Nice suit!" The man then calls the bartender over and asks him if he keeps talking to him.

The bartender replies, "It's not me; it's the complimentary peanuts."

*BOOM*

Mom: what was that

Me: my shirt fell

Mom: it sounded a lot heavier than that

Me: I was in it

A plane is about to crash

A female passenger gets up and frantically announces, "if I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "here iron this."

My sister asked me to remove her clothes.

So I took off her shirt.

Then she said, "Take off my skirt."

I took off her skirt."Take off my shoes."

I took off her shoes.

"Now take off my bra and panties."

and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

A man walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar, sits down and hears a small voice say, "You look nice today." A few minutes later he again hears a small voice, "That's a nice shirt." The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?" The bartender says, "Those are the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

I saw this really fit girl in the nightclub last night and she was wearing a chessboard patterned shirt...

So, I made a move on her.

My girlfriend came home and told me to take off her shirt so I did

Then she told me to take off her skirt so I did. Then she told me to take off her bra and panties so I did. Then she told me to never wear her things again

Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman." She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?" A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

What My Girlfriend Thought on the First Four Dates

1) Good shirt.
2) Nice. A second good shirt.
3) OK, the first shirt again.
4) He has two shirts.

Wife told her husband

A man's wife comes up to him and tells him, Take off my shirt. So he does.

She then tells him, Take off my skirt and high heels. So he does.

Then she tells him, Take off my bra and underwear. So he does.

Finally she tells him, I better never find you wearing my clothes again.

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket

A guy takes a shot at a bar and looks in his shirt pocket. He calls the bartender over and asks for another shot. Again, he downs the shot and looks back in his pocket.

He continues to do this and the bartender finally says, Every time Iļø pour you a shot, you down it, look in your pocket and order another. What's in your pocket?

The guy responds, A picture of my wife. When she starts to look good I'll head home.

A nurse pulls a rectal thermometer out of her shirt pocket and says ...

"Dammit, some asshole's got my pen."

A dad is sitting on the couch in his living room

He hears his son start walking down the stairs and then loud banging and rumbling

Dad: Son what happened?

Son: it's nothing i just dropped my shirt down the stairs

Dad: it sounded a lot heavier than a shirt

Son: yeah it's because i was wearing it

Proctologist walks into a bank

A proctologist walked into a bank. Preparing to sign a deposit slip, he pulled a rectal thermometer out of his shirt pocket and tried to write with it. Realizing his mistake, he looked at the thermometer with annoyance and said, "Well that's great, just great! Some asshole's got my pen!"

A man comes home drunk...

As he stumbles in trying to be quiet as possible not to wake up the wife...he's too drunk and knocks over a stool startling wife from sleep...

Wife, from bedroom: Bob, is that you? what was that ?

Bob: Oh nothing honey, just a stool. Be right there...

As he stumbles into the bedroom he falls over creating a loud CRASHHH

Wife: Bob? Are you OK? What was that sound???

Bob: Oh its nothing honey, i was just hanging my shirt and it fell.

Wife: How did your shirt make such a loud sound?

Bob: I was still wearing it

So I took off her shirt. Then she said, "Take off my skirt." I took off her skirt. "Take off my shoes." I took off her shoes. "Now take off my bra and panties." and so I took them off.

Then she looked at me and said, "I don't want to catch you wearing my things ever again."

My friend said, That's a nice-ass shirt you're wearing.

I said, Thanks. They are called pants, not an ass shirt.

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."

So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

My step-sister walked into my room one day and

My step-sister walked into my room one day and she says, "Hey, big brother... take off my shirt."
So I took off her shirt.

Then she says, "Take off my skirt..."

So I took off her skirt.

Then she says, "Take off my bra and panties..."

So I took off her bra and panties.

Then she says, "If I ever catch you wearing my clothes again, I'm telling mom and dad!"

Give a man a shirt, and he'll wear it once

Tell a man he looks good in it, and he'll wear it for a lifetime

My daughter woke me around 11:50 last night.

"Daddy," she whispered, tugging my shirt sleeve.

"Guess how old I'm going to be next month."

"I don't know, beauty," I said as I slipped on my glasses.
"How old?"

She smiled and held up four fingers.

It is 7:30 now. My wife and I have been up with her for almost 8 hours.
She still refuses to tell us where she got them.

On the first day of my flying lessons, I looked down nervously and asked my instructor, What are all these buttons for?

He said, Those are to keep your shirt closed.

A man takes off his shirt in the gym.

A blonde comes up to him and says, wow what a great chest you have! The man replies, Thats one hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes off his pants. The blonde says, Wow! What great calf's you have! The man then replies, that's two hundred pounds of dynamite babe. The man then takes of his underwear. The blonde runs off screaming in fear. When the man catches up to her he asks, Why did you run away? The blonde replies, I didn't wanna be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was!

A man walked into a bar and sat down, ordered a beer and drank it until suddenly he heard a voice.

Voice: *Nice tie.*

The man looked around. Nobody was there except him and the bartender.

Voice: *Really cool shirt, too.*

The man was concerned. He thought he must be losing his mind.

Voice: *I like your hair like that!*

Finally concerned, the man said to the bartender, "I keep hearing this voice."

The bartender replied, Those are the peanuts, sir. They're complimentary.

Did you know "T-shirt" is short for "tyrannosaurus shirt".....

because they have short arms?

I have a shirt with 120 tiny pockets that fit exactly one mint each....

It's my Tic Tactical vest.

Did you hear about the magician that had chocolate in his shirt?

He had some Twix up his sleeve

T-Shirt is actually short for Tyrannosaurus Shirt...

Because of the short arms

A body builder takes off his shirt.

A blonde says, "Wow, what a great chest you have!" He says, "100lbs of dynamite, babe!" He takes off his pants and the blonde says "What massive calves you have!" He replies, "That's 100lbs of dynamite, babe!" He then removes his underwear and the blonde runs off screaming in fear. He puts his clothes back on and chases behind her. He finally catches up with her and asks why she ran like that. She says, "I was afraid to be around all that dynamite after I saw how short the fuse was!"

I finally disabled autocorrect on my phone

I was getting really tired of its shirt.

A guy walks into a bar, and orders a round. He hears a small voice say..

"You look nice today."

A few minutes later, it's that voice again, "That's a nice shirt."

The guy asks the bartender, "Who is that?"

Says the bartender, "It's the peanuts. They're complimentary!"

Chuck Norris walked into a feminist convention

Walked out with a sandwich and his shirt ironed.

The kidnap

A blonde is running a little short of cash, so she goes to the playground and kidnaps Johnny.

She takes him to her home and writes a note:

\- If you want to see Johnny again, leave $10,000 in unmarked bills in a plain paper bag by the merry-go-round at the playground by 8 AM tomorrow. Signed, A Blonde.

She pins the note to Johnny's shirt and sends him home.

In the morning she goes to the playground, and sure enough, there is the plain brown bag containing a large stack of bills, along with a note that reads,

\- How could you do this to a fellow blonde?

Found a shirt that says, I see dead people

But I can't wear it because it only fits mediums

My son made me a shirt which spelled "Wrld's best dad!" which is a pretty cute mistake.

But he needs to get his shit together and understand that I have a sweatshop to run.

My son joined an experiment at school, where they would see what the reaction was on wearing a go vegan shirt for 2 weeks. So far he has been beaten, spitted on and yelled at.

I wonder what will happen if he goes outside of our house.

A blonde girl walks into a gym and sees a guy.

The guy takes off his shirt she says, "Oh what chest!"

"That's 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."

Then he takes off his pants she says, "Oh what legs!''

He says, "That 100 lbs of dynamite, baby."

After that, he took off his underwear. The blonde girl starts running he catches her and says, "Why were you running?"

She said I didn't wanna be in there once I've seen how small the fuse was."

A woman walks into a tattoo shop...

After her session, she lifts her shirt.

Woman: "I trust these will cover it?"

Artist: "Wh-what are you doing?"

Woman: "I'm paying you."

Artist: "I'm confused."

Woman: "You know? Tit for tat."

A woman sat next to a man at a bar

She leaned over and whispered into his ear "I want you to make me feel like a real woman."

The man finished his beer, stood up, took off his shirt & said "I need this ironed."

Jesus's favorite gun

My uncle is a member of the NRA. He came over for the Christmas dinner wearing a shirt with Jesus on it. I noticed his shirt and complimented it.

He then took his jacket off and showed me the back. On it, Jesus was holding a PK in one hand and an AK-47 on the other. Above it was text that reads "What would Jesus shoot?" That question was a no brainer. I answered "a nail gun."

I don't know why he got mad. Jesus was a carpenter.

When my grandfather first came to this country, he had nothing but a shirt on his back.

When the immigration people finally caught up to him, they made him put on pants too.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shirt pants puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shirt flannel shirt piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes