Ship Jokes
148 ship jokes and hilarious ship puns to laugh out loud. Read vehicle jokes about ship that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Ahoy, matey! Prepare to be entertained with a collection of the funniest ship jokes and puns. We have plenty of boat, cruise ship, pirate ship, and naval jokes for your amusement. Whether it's HMS or a ship sinking, get ready for a voyage of laughter.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Ship Short Jokes
Short ship jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The ship humour may include short boat jokes also.
- I bought a sail for my boat on amazon the other day. Today it dawned on me that it's not the right size so I called to cancel. They said it's too late. That sail has shipped.
- In the army, you have to pay $85 if you lose your rifle. That's why in the Navy, the captain goes down with the ship.
- Free shipping? I walked into an airport with two bags:
"I want this one to go to Chicago, and this one to go to Paris."
"Sir, you can't do that."
"Why not? It happened the last time." - Why are ships' portholes round? So that if they break, water doesn't hit you square in the face.
- How do viking ships communicate with each other? Norse code
I'm gonna keep making these jokes until one blows up - Why are so many Italian men named Tony? When they ship them over from the Old Country, they stamp "To N.Y." on them...
- TIL: The Norwegian Navy have started to put barcodes on their ships. So they can Scan da navy in
- Why do they actually prefer non-swimmers in the Navy? They defend their ship with a lot more enthusiasm.
- Effective immediately, the navy is only conscripting non-swimmers. They defend the ships much more eagerly.
- Yoda and Luke Skywalker are together in a ship when Luke asks... Luke: are we on track?
Yoda: off course, we are.
Share These Ship Jokes With Friends
Ship One Liners
Which ship one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with ship? I can suggest the ones about crew and fleet.
- Alright guys, the Suez Canal jokes are getting a bit old now. That ship has sailed.
- An LGBQT cruising ship sinks in the middle of the ocean. Who survives? The flambuoyants.
- What do you call a communist pirate ship? The USS-ARRR
- What did they find in the toilet in the star ship Enterprise? The captain's log.
- A vampires favorite ship Is a blood vessel.
- What do sea monster like to eat? Fish and ships
- Maybe the Titanic really was a ship of dreams... and its dream was to be a submarine.
- What is the strictest part of a ship? The stern
- What did the pirate say when he saw his kid lighting the ship on fire? Arrr son!
- How do ships flirt online? They send deck pics.
- What's a sea monster's favourite food? Fish and ships
- What do you call first aid on a pirate ship? Sea pee yarrrrrrrr!
- What does both a cannon and canon have in common? They can both kill ships.
- If James T. Kirk ran a drug business from his ship... Would it be a criminal Enterprise?
- You know what a krakens favorite meal is? Fish and ships
Pirate Ship Jokes
Here is a list of funny pirate ship jokes and even better pirate ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Pirate Ship Captain: Can someone tell me how to write the number 2 in Roman numerals? Crew: I I captain.
- What do you call a ship that drives itself? Auto-pirate.
- What happens when a red pirate ship and a brown pirate ship meet on a deserted island? They get marooned
- Why didn't The Black Pearl get cold and drafty on cold winter nights at sea? Because pirate ships have a very high Arrrrrr value.
- Did you hear about the cruise that was rated 3.14 out of 10? It was a pi-rate ship
- Who drives the ship while all the pirates are pillaging? No one, they just turn on auto-pirate
- Why do pirates only have one type of weapon attached to their ship? Because the other weapons are non-canon.
- What did the Pirate say to the plank as it was being installed on the ship? Welcome a Board!
(Inspired by a comment I left on another post, though I'm confident it's been posted many times before) - If you are on a pirate ship, what happens if you take a pee? The captain becomes irate.
- What is a Soviet pirate's favorite ship? The USS Arr.
Ship Crew Jokes
Here is a list of funny ship crew jokes and even better ship crew puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Breaking News: A ship carrying red paint just collided with a ship carrying purple paint, in the South China Sea. Authorities report that the crews of both ships are marooned
- In order for The Mandalorian's ship to take off he had to ensure his crew and cargo wasn't too heavy. This is the weigh.
- 23% of the crew aboard Christopher Columbus' ship Santa Maria were named Juan That's almost a three to Juan ratio.
- Why was the captain of a ghost ship beginning to get nervous? He was running the ship on a skeleton crew.
- What does the crew of the HMS Nando submarine use to spot incoming ships? The peri-periscope
- Crew Morale The captain of a ship noticed the crew seemed unhappy. So he asked the first mate, What is the status of the crew? The first mate yelled, ALL R-BORED!
- Why did the crew from the Hitchhiker's Guide have such a hard time getting around? Because there was a dent in the ship
- A sailor told his skeptical friend that he saw a ship that the crew were made up of ghosts and spirits. "Booship!" his friend said.
- What crew mans a haunted ship? A skeleton crew!
Friend Ship Jokes
Here is a list of funny friend ship jokes and even better friend ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What do you call a boat full of buddies? A friend-ship
- I used to have a beautiful house and a lovely car, until my friend introduced me to drugs.... Now, I have a Caribbean Island and a cruise ship.
- What is the favorite boat of a sailor who really values the people in his life? The friend ship
- TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub.
- My friend let's everyone use his Amazon account for free shipping We call him the Prime Minister
- My Friend Shipped Me To Egypt Overnight I can't believe it! Its been two days and I'm still in De-Nile.
- My friend has a thing for sinking ships They go down quicker.
- Friend: Did you hear? Two Norwegian ships had a mid sea collision Me: Norway!
- Let me introduce you my friends, right hook and left hook. Things on the pirate ship had become a little oversaturated.
- You are such a good friend that if we were on a sinking ship together and there was only one life jacket ... I'd miss you heaps and think of you often.
Ship Sank Jokes
Here is a list of funny ship sank jokes and even better ship sank puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- My mom told me that Jesus died when his royal Caribbean ship sank, but my priest said he actually died on the cross. So...was that cruise a fiction?
- As the Titanic sank, the musicians remained on deck and continued to play music as the ship went down. The captain had said "aBandOn Ship", so they really had no choice.
- Two wires at sea Two wires were on an ocean cruise when the ship sprung a leak and sank. The solid core wire managed to climb into a lifeboat and head to safety.
The other was stranded. - A man drowned at sea attempting to board a life raft after his cargo ship sank. He was only used to going through hardships.
Cruise Ship Jokes
Here is a list of funny cruise ship jokes and even better cruise ship puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- So a magician on a cruise night has a show every night... NOTSONINJA
- what do you call a cruise full of college graduates? a Scholar-ship !
- The woman that fell off the cruise ship has been named Eileen Dover
- Mr.Rogers once was on a cruise ship, and fell overboard into the ocean
He was then carried safely to shore by a family of sharks. - I got my wife tickets on a cruise ship. It's no Titanic, but I'm optimistic.
- Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship… The first one asks, Have you read Marx?
The other one replies, Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs. - Do you all have time for a the joke about the world's fastest cruise ship? Don't worry, it's a quick one liner.
- What is a zombie's favourite activity on a cruise ship? Shuffleboard!
- What do you call it when two transgender people go on a couples cruise around Hawaii? A trans pacific partner ship.
- What did the American mobile tower on the coast say about the foreign cruise liner? I will not sync with this ship.
Ship Jokes: Steering Through Laughter in the Great Ocean of Humor
What funny jokes about ship you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shore jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make ship pranks.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
As the storm raged,the captain realized his ship was sinking fast.
So he shouted out, "Anyone here know how to pray?"
Just o**... stepped forward and said, "Aye, captain,I know how to pray."
"Good,"said the captain, "You pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short."
The Secret of the Red Shirt
Once upon a time there was a pirate captain. He ran a very successful ship, and rarely lost any battles. He took a boy under him to teach him the trade.
One day, the lookout shouted, "Marine ship to the starboard, bearing down upon us!". The captain immediately shouted to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". The ship was boarded, but the captain rallied the pirates and defeated the marines.
Every time a marine ship attacked them, the captain would give the same order to the boy, "Boy, bring me my red shirt!". And they always won. So, one day the boy asked the captain, "What is the secret of the red shirt?". The captain replied, "The secret is that, if I'm injured in the battle, the crew won't see blood and will not falter." The boy was amazed and grew proud about his captain.
Then one day, the came upon an entire fleet of marine ships. Hundreds upon hundreds of marine ships bore down upon them. The boy came running to the captain with the red shirt. The captain shook his head and said, "Bring me my brown pants."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A whale tale
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore." At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look", she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...."
British ship
So a British boat is sunk by a U-boat during world war 2
the British in distress send out the message- Help! Help! we are sinking!
the German U-boat picks up the message and says- What are you sinking about?
So I just started my own indoor ship production company.
Production was great, until sales started going through the roof.
A ship is sinking in the middle of Atlantic...
A ship is going down in the middle of Atlantic. There's no hope, the captain is desperate, and suddenly someone tells him that among the passengers, there's a rabbi who can perform miracles.
The rabbi is immediately brought to the captain, and he implores him:
-- Rabbi, what can be done?!
-- Do you still have the internet connection?
-- Yes!
-- Sell the ship!
The greatest harbor on Earth can shelter not a single ship...
It is truly without pier.
Can't take that chance
A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker
told the husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man
thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and
you would spend only $150?"
The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just can't take
that chance."
Hard Times
A pirate was standing on the crow's nest and then he slipped and fell. He fell through the first floor, then he fell through the second floor, then he fell through the third floor and hit the bottom floor of the ship!
The first mate comes up to him and asks "Are ye all right matey?"
The pirate replies, "Arrr, yes... I've been through hardship before!"
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind....
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
WALKS INTO A BAR... MERMAID s**...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Clinton on the Titanic
Reagan, Nixon and Clinton are on the Titanic.
The ship hits the iceberg and sinks slowly.
Everybody starts screaming, panicking, etc.
Reagan shouts: "Women and children first."
Nixon goes: "Screw the women!"
Clinton replies: "Do you think we have time!?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship...
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like p**.... "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like p**.... I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A couple of whales.
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier.
He said to the female whale, "Lets both swim under the same side of the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink." They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank.
Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore.The male was enraged that they were going to get away and said to the female, "Lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore."
At this point, the male whale realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him."What's the matter, Darling?"
"Look, Love," she said, "I went along with the b**..., but I absolutely refuse to s**... the s**...".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man walks into a bar...
An old man walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender notices the guy's head is the size of a cue ball.
"I got to ask, sir," says the bartender. "What happened?"
The old guy sighs and tells him, "My ship was torpedoed by the Germans in WWII. A mermaid rescued me and promised to grant me three wishes. For my first wish, I asked to return to the States. My second wish was to have all the money I would ever need. Finally, my third wish was to have s**... with the mermaid."
"That doesn't sound too bad," says the bartender. "Then what happened?"
"Well," sighs the man, "mermaids can't have s**..., so I asked her if I could just have a little head... ."
So a navy man returns to his ship after a night in port. The next morning he's shocked to find everyone speaking Russian...
Whoops, wrong sub.
Why did the sea monster eat 5 ships that were carrying potatoes?
No one can eat just one potato ship.
A man and his ever-nagging wife are on vacation in Jerusalem
While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the husband, "you can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the holy land, for $150.
The man thought about it, and finally decided he would have her shipped home.
The undertaker asked, "why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife home when you can have her burried here for so much less?"
The man replied, "Long ago, a man died here, was burried here, and three days later, he rose from the dead. I just can't take that chance."
I'm great at signalling for help on a sinking ship..
Just got a flare for it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
You know why it's women and children first off of a sinking ship?
It's so that the men can have some peace and quiet to figure out a solution.
Why is it best to ship boxes using a UPS truck?
The DOWNS truck is a little slow.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Clinton, George W.Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
Bill Clinton, George W. Bush and George Washington are on a sinking ship.
As the boat sinks, George Washington shouts, "Save the women!"
George W. Bush hollers, "Screw the women!"
Bill Clinton asks excitedly, "Do we have time?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A catholic priest, Baptist minister, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship
When the ship begins to sink. They are making their way to the life boats when they notice that there are a bunch of un-escorted kids standing there. The Baptist minster says to the others, "what about the children?"
The rabbi says,"f**... the children."
The catholic priest asks, "do we have time for that?"
How can north korea tell if it made a ship or a submarine?
By how fast it sinks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the ship say to the s**... ice-berg?
I'd hit that.
It's hard to think about my wife, who passed away during delivery
Tip: Never, *EVER* go with a mail-order Russian bride who arrives by ship.
What kind of ship never sinks?
A dictatorship.
*sobs*
A captain and his crew...
A crew mate runs to his captain "Captain! Captain! There is an enemy ship on the horizon! What do we do?" The captain replies "Grab me my red shirt." "Why?" The crew mate asks. "So that my crew doesn't see me bleeding from the battle." The captain replies. Another guy runs up "Captain! Captain! I have an update there are 7 more ships what should I do?" "Go get me my brown pants."
A cruise ship sinks in the middle of the sea...
The people on the ship manage to escape on life boats. A woman comes to the captain and asks him: "How far is the closest land?"
The captain answers :"3 km."
The woman says after: "In which direction?", to which the captain replied :"Down"
When Microsoft and Apple ship faulty products
Microsoft: We will fix that faulty battery timer through a software update. *never fixes it though*
Apple: *quietly removes the battery timer*
A red ship crashed into a blue ship!
They were marooned
I was joking with my mailman, and said I had a package to ship to Spain.... to Parcelona...
He didn't laugh though. The key to a joke like that is the delivery.
My girlfriend said she'd be with me forever if I got a job on a ship.
I'm thinking of mariner.
Right before colliding with an iceberg...
The captain of the Titanic got ready to make an announcement:
"Good evening ladies and gentlemen. Fun fact, this ship weighs about 52 thousand kilograms. I'm gonna let that sink in..."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Navy ship hailed a civilian at sea...
**Navy**: We ask that you divert your course 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Civilian**: Negative. Recommend that *you* divert 15 degrees north, to avoid collision.
**Navy**: This is the Captain of a U.S. Navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
**Civilian**: Negative. I say again, recommend you change course.
**Navy**: This is the aircraft carrier *Enterprise*! We are a large warship of the U.S. Navy! Divert your course *immediately*!
**Civilian**: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
It's not the size of the ship, nor the motion of the ocean...
It's whether or not the captain stays in port long enough for all the passengers to get off.
An American man visits the Holy Land...
An American man visits the Holy Land with his wife and mother-in-law. Sadly the mother-in-law died. When seeing the local Israeli undertaker, it was explained that they could ship the body home for $5,000. But if they buried her locally it would cost only $150. The man said to the undertaker "We'll ship her home." The undertaker asked "Are you sure? It's an awfully big expense and we can do a very nice burial here." The man replied "look, 2000 years ago they buried a guy here and three days later he rose from the dead. I can't take that chance."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cargo ship sank in the ocean. The cargo, Idaho potatoes and rubber p**..., floated in the vicinity.
The Coast Guard had received a distress call, but a chopper arrived to find no ship in the water. Seeing the cargo strewn about on the water, they decided to send a diver down to look for the ship.
"I already know what kind of ship to look for," the diver told the chopper pilot.
"How could you possibly know what kind of ship it was?" replied the pilot.
"It was a dictatorship."
Two new recruits were on the deck of a ship.
One turns to other and says, "Its awfully quiet on deck tonight. Isn't it?"
Other recruit replies, "Everyone must be watching the band."
"There is no band on this ship."
"No, I definitely heard the captain say, a band on ship."
These days you can't even say "blackboard" anymore.
The politically correct term is: "Jamal, get on my ship."
A lawyer, a priest and a doctor are all on a ship filled with children and it begins to sink.
They all jump into the life boats, but due to the weight, the life boats start sinking as well.
The doctor exclaims Save the children! And begins to jump out of the lifeboat.
The lawyer grabs the doctor and pulls him back stating Screw the children!
The priest says Do we have time?
A magician gets himself a parrot for his act
After a couple weeks of performing with the magician the parrot begins to heckle the magician during his shows. "it's under his hat, it's up his sleeve, his assistant has it."
The magician is performing on a cruise ship when the ship sinks. The magician wakes up on a piece of driftwood with the parrot standing on the opposite end. The parrot and the magician spend 2 days floating at sea without saying a word.
Finally the parrot says, "Alright, I give up. Where's the boat?"
American presidents are on a sinking ship!
Ford says: What do we do?
Bush says: Man the lifeboats!
Reagan says: What lifeboats?
Carter says: Women and children first!
Nixon says: Screw the women!
Clinton says: You think we have time?
The first time Chewbacca tried to fly a ship, he pulled gear lever instead of break lever.
A Wookie mistake.
Several aristocrats are having a party on a cruise ship, when the captain comes down and interrupts.
"I have some good news and some bad news," he says. "Which do you want to hear first?"
"Good!" everyone says in unison.
The captain says, "We won eleven Oscars!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A captain notices a light in the distance, on a collision course with his ship.
He turns on his signal lamp and sends, Change your course, 10 degrees west.
The light signals back, Change yours, 10 degrees east.
The captain gets a little annoyed. He signals, I'm a US Navy captain. You must change your course, sir.
The light signals back, I'm a s**... First Class. You must change your course, sir.
Now the captain is mad. He signals, I'm an aircraft carrier. I'm not changing my course.
The light signals back a final message: I'm a lighthouse. Your call.
I love my wife so much...
I love my wife so much, that if we were on a sinking ship with only one life vest, I would miss her very much and think of her a lot.
Yoda would be a terrible navigation officer
If you were piloting a ship with him and asked him Are we going the right way to Alderaan?
He'd reply saying Off course, we are .
A lady with a morbid fear of drowning is on a ship in the middle of an ocean. Nervously , she asks a crew member 'just how far away from land are we?' Calmly, he reassures her ' you have nothing to worry about ,we're only 5 kilometers from land.' Relieved, she inquires 'oh, in which direction?'
That would be straight down, Miss........
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
"Un, deux, t**..., quatre", radioed the French ship...
...before it cinq.
"Eins, zwei, drei", radioed the German ship vierlessly, but then silence.
"Uno, dos", radioed the Spanish ship, and then disappeared without a tres.
"One," radioed the British ship before it went two.
"Oh," radioed the American sub. "I guess we won"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call 2 pirates that like each other?
a pirate ship
i know it s**... but i literally made this on the spot like a couple mins ago and thought to share it
2 men go fishing, One has a stutter
The man with a stutter says shh ssshhh sshh . The other man says what is it, did you catch a fish ? The stuttering man continues to make ssshhh noises, the other man says spit it out . The stuttering man says ssshhh ship!! Before the 2nd man can react a ship crashes into their boat.
Months later they both have recovered and go on another fishing trip. The stuttering man again starts saying ssshhh . The 2nd man starts panicking thinking he's going to get hurt again. The 2nd man jumps out of the boat as fast as he can, the stuttering man says sshhh sshhh Shark!!
If Germans are so efficient and productive, why hasn't Germany built an unsinkable ship yet?
Because why would we waste our time building a ship if nobody has ever sought of it yet?
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks
The first mate on a ship rarely drinks, but the crew threw him a party on his birthday and went out of their way to get him drunk. The next morning he woke up with a hangover, and went to the bridge. He opened the ship's log and found that the captain had written, "The first mate got drunk last night". He complained to the captain saying that it was very rare. The captain defended his entry saying that it was the truth, wasn't it? The next day the captain opened the ship's log, and the first mate had written, "The captain was able to stay sober last night."
A joke I heard while working in China a few years ago
A Chinese state-owned container ship is highjacked by pirates. A Chinese Communist Party official is sent to negotiate.
The pirates' leader, waving his gun, shouted: the ransom is TEN MILLION dollars! Or everyone on the ship will die!
The official responded, calmly: I will give you twenty million, but you'll write me a receipt of forty million.
I wanted to tell my children a story about a ship that brings cars from one side of the river to the other
But then I noticed that they're too old for ferry tales.
What's the difference between a 19th Century shipwright and a 21st Century fan fic writer?
One tries to fit as many cannons as they can onto a ship. The other tries to fit as many ships as they can into canon.
Old lady on a cruise...
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.
A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?
Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat. But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.
The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!
A ship was sinking...
The captain of the ship gathers all passengers on deck and asks the crowd: "Does anyone here know how to say prayers".
A priest steps forward: "I can" he says with some pride in his voice. "Actually, I used to say the best prayers in the monastery, and they would be answered by God too" he continues boastfully.
"Great" answers the captain, "We're one life jacket short, so you say prayers, me and the crew are gonna rescue the rest of passengers by the life jackets".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man joins a ship's crew as a cook
A man finds himself as the cook on a ship that has just set off on a voyage. He does a quick survey of the kitchen. Everything seems good except in the pantry he finds several bags of potatoes that are all shaped like p**.... "That's weird," he thinks as he goes and finds the captain.
"Hey, captain, what's with all the potatoes looking like p**.... I don't like it," he says.
The captain replies, "Well you can't change it. This is a dictatorship."
