The Best 45 Shiny Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Shiny jokes. There are some shiny bright jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shiny peloton puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Shiny Jokes and Puns
Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888
So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
The difference
What is the difference between a portuguese woman and a sea lion ?
One of them has shiny bodyhair and smells like cod, the other one is a mammal that lives in the sea.
What's red and shiny with seven dents in it but still good as new?
Snow-white's hymen
How many reindeers does Santa Claus have?
Santa Claus has 10 reindeers according to the song.
>You know **Dasher** and **Dancer** and **Prancer** and **Vixen**,
**Comet** and **Cupid** and **Donner** and **Blitzen**,
but do you recall the most famous reindeer of all?
**Rudolph** the Red-Nosed Reindeer, had a very shiny nose.
And if you ever saw it, you would even say it glows.
**Olof** the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names
A redneck family was visiting the city...
...and they were in a mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again.
The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?"
The father (never having seen an elevator) responded, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen nuthin'like that in my entire life, I ain't got no idea'r what it is."
While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. Then the walls opened up again and a gorgeous, voluptuous 24-year-old blonde woman stepped out.
The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go git yo Momma."
Just in time for the holidays
A guy goes back to his home town for Christmas, and he stops by the local diner to get his favorite breakfast, eggs Benedict. But he has a special request, he wants it served on a big shiny metal plate. The waiter doesn't understand why, so he asks him "Sir, why do you want eggs Benedict on a shiny metal plate?" And the man says "Because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise."
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in 3 seconds."
I bought her a bathroom scale.
A new spin on an old cliché
I was sitting on a team call for work. We were discussing team restructuring. The question was asked about team leaders.
My boss said, "The cream will rise to the surface."
I replied, "So will the foam. The insubstantial, shiny bits that disappear completely when placed under any load."
...I need to mute the phone more often.
Johnny's wife Suzy is upset...
...Johnny has forgot their anniversary.
Suzy says, "If tomorrow I don't see a shiny, metal object that can go from 0 to 300 in a few seconds by tomorrow, I'm leaving you!"
The next day, Johnny wakes up early and goes to work. Suzy wakes up, looks into the driveway and sees a big box sitting there. Suzy runs down and opens it.
Inside she finds bathroom scales.
Why should you serve Eggs Benedict on shiny metal dishes?
Because there's no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise.
My shiny watch has had a peaceful life...
...it's always had the time to reflect upon itself.
You can explore shiny compact reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shiny shiny shoes dad jokes. There are also shiny puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
My wife said "If we ever win the lottery, I want you to buy me something compact, shiny, and can go from 0 to 200 in three seconds. I figured why wait, so surprised her that night.....
... with a shiny new bathroom scale.
God and the Devil are walking on the beach....
God sees something shiny in the sand. He picks it up an declares "look its religion". The Devil says "give it to me, I'll organize it".
I asked my wife what she wanted for our anniversary.
She smiled and said "Honey, I just want something shiny, that goes from 0 to 200 in a second".
So I bought her a brand new, shiny scale.
And that's when the fight started.
Two Engineers Run into Each Other
One of them is riding a shiny new bike.
Engineer 1: "Where'd you get that bike?"
Engineer 2: "Well, yesterday a beautiful woman rode up to me on this bike, took off all her clothes, and said I could have anything I wanted.
So, I took the bike."
Engineer 1: "That was smart... the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
WHY DO YOUTUBERS USE CLICKBAIT IN THEIR TITLES?!?!
I don't know, but if you upvote and comment down below you will be entered to win a level 40 Pokémon Go account with shiny Pokémon and all types of Pokémon!!
This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays
After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."
For Christmas this year, I decided to go all out and ask Santa for something black and shiny and will go 0 to 300 in 2 seconds.
I got a scale.
My wife said she wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to a 100 in 3 seconds.
So I got her a weighing scale.
A guy goes into a restaurant for breakfast at Christmas time.
After looking over the menu he orders eggs Benedict. When his breakfast arrives, it's served on a big shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter,"Whats with the hubcap?" The waiter sings, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
A miner said he could make anyone laugh
He showed me something
And I immediately burst out laughing
What was it?
A shiny yellow stone
It was comedy gold
My wife said wanted something shiny that went from 0-150 in under 2 seconds
I gave her a scale.
My wife asked for something shiny that goes from 0 - 200 in five seconds or less for our anniversary...
I bought her a scale. We're still not speaking.
Wow! Your teeth look just like stars!
Really shiny, yellow and far apart.
Shortly after release, one sperm said to another...
"Wow! I didn't expect the uterus to be this white and shiny!"
"...no you idiot, this is the toilet"
Why do couples fight?
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 100 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a weighing scale.
And then the fight started....
You want to get rich? It's easy ... this is how you get rich ...
Getting rich is easy.
You buy an apple for 5-cents. You polish the apple until it's shiny and then you sell it for 10-cents.
Then you use the 10-cents to buy two apples. You polish them until their are shiny and sell them for 20-cents.
Then your father dies and you inherit $20-million dollars.
A man decides to put his counterfeit 30 dollar bills into circulation.
He decides that a small town would be the best place to put them into circulation. "No one will know" he thinks. When he enters the store he chose to start breaking them up, he tells the cashier, "I got these brand new, shiny 30 dollar bills, Can you break them for me?" She says, "Sure, do you want it in 15's or 6's?"
Three T-Rexes are walking when one of them brushes against a shiny stone.
A genie appears and grants them one wish each.
The first says
"Make a huge hunk of meat fall from the sky in front of me."
The genie clicks his finger and it happens. The first T-Rex begins eating happily.
Thinking of the possibilities the second T-Rex yells
"Make a shower of meat all over the place."
Again the genie clicks his finger and it begins showering small chunks of meat which the second T-Rex begins snatching up.
The third T-Rex, not satisfied, roars
"Make the same as the last one, but make it a MEATIER SHOWER!"
The spy must have sensed I was watching him, because he quickly lit a cigarette and started puffing while gazing at his reflection on a shiny metal wall.
It was smoke and mirrors. I had no doubt.
What do you call a shiny lion?
A medallion.
Dave the dragon loved to collect shiny gold coins.
It had 3 heads and 2 tails.
What makes Warsaw such a shiny city?
Mostly because it has a lot of polish.
Imagine you're a slug of metal rolling down a conveyor belt. A massive die drops on you and you're stamped into a shiny, perfect coin...
Are you moved and impressed?
3 dinosaurs walk up to a shiny lamp
One of them rubs it, and a mystical blue genie flies out of it!
"Hello! I am genie! Since there are 3 of you, you each get 1 wish!
"I wish for a large piece of meat!" The first dinosaur said.
And so a large slab of meat materialized before his eyes and plopped down in front of him!
"I wish for a meat shower!" The second dinosaur said.
And so the genie made all different sorts of meats from different animals rain from a small cloud above the dinosaur's head.
Not wanting to be outdone by his friends the third dinosaur quickly tries to think of something better.
"I wish for a meatier shower!"
An old joke I once heard from a friend, never fails to crack me up
A homeless man finds a shiny lamp by the road while trying to find a place to pass the night.
Picking it up, the man was just about to shove it in his bag when a genie appeared out of it.
"I can grant you one wish." Said the genie.
Not wanting to waste the wish, the man spent much time to think of the best wish.
"I want an apartment, make it a big one and make sure it's in downtown." The man said.
The genie shook his head.
"I can't fulfill that wish."
The man was disappointed. "I thought you were supposed to be able to do anything!"
The genie simply said: "Do you think I would be living in this lamp if I could afford a place of my own?"
For our upcoming anniversary, my wife wanted something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds.
I bought her a scale.
A teacher goes for a walk on the beach. She finds a shiny magic lamb, picks it up, and rubs it.
The lamb gives her a weird look and runs away.
One single day is all I lasted as a Mailman. Turned up on time in my shiny new uniform, was handed a letter and thought to myself..
.. this isn't for me.
My wife was hinting at what she wanted for our anniversary. She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0-100 in 3 seconds."
I got her a weighing scale.
Why do people from Poland keep their stuff super shiny?
Well duh, they're Polish
Why does Jack Skellington's pet dog have a bright, shiny nose?
Because he's a boo's hound.
This time of year reminds me of that time I spent Christmas on the road ...
I stopped into a little diner for breakfast, and ordered the Christmas Eggs Benedict. The waitress came and delivered it on a shiny metal plate. I said, "This is fancy." She replied, "Well hon', you know there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"
Sadly that shop didn't have any small shiny discs either.
Sorry , said the cashier, we don't have any in stock.
A lady went into an embroidery shop to buy some fancy beads for her dress.
So she tried another shop down the road.
Like this joke, the shops were all out of sequins.
Why is Pavlov's hair so shiny?
He conditions it.
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shiny silk jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working shiny magnificent piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.