Shining Jokes
50 shining jokes and hilarious shining puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shining that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Discover a selection of hilarious jokes from Shining Time Station, the popular children's TV show that brought you light-hearted entertainment and glint of brightness. We guarantee these jokes will leave you with some footprints of laughter!
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Funniest Shining Short Jokes
Short shining jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shining humour may include short sparkling jokes also.
- Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted... ...a night in, shining armor.
- I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
- Why did the summer solstice have a successful modeling career? It knew how to "shine" on the runway.
- My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature. So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
- I'm just okay during Pride Month. But just wait until sloth Month. Or Gluttony Month. That's my time to shine.
- A friend told me he saw a black guy on a stolen bike getting hit by a train I rushed home, afraid that it was mine.
But thankfully, mine was still in my basement shining my shoes. - Told at work A coworker commented that eating rice helps her sleep. I quipped, "And then you Rice and Shine?" She laughed.
- The evening after they were married, Harry set Meghan to work, polishing his set of Royal plate mail. Well, she did say she always wanted a night in, shining armour.
- So I was walking home from work.... And I saw this black guy carrying a tv and I thought it was mine but then I ran home and mine was still there shining my shoes.
- What's the difference between a knight in shining armour and a naughty baker A knight in shining armour darts on the foe
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Shining One Liners
Which shining one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shining? I can suggest the ones about sunshine and lightning up.
- How are women and lightbulbs alike? Both shine light into your life (:
- What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress? Magnets
- What did the winter solstice say to the darkness? "I shine brightest when you're around!"
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- What is a Knight in Shining Armors greatest enemy? An itch.
- How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle? He shines a flashlight in her ear.
- Polish is a lot like Finnish Theyre both used to make furniture shine
- What is the Asian version of "good morning"? "Rice and shine!"
- I broke the lamp today Cause nothing shines brighter than me.
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine.
- What would you write on the grave of a knight in shining armor? RUST IN PEACE
- How do you make blond's eyes shine? Just put flashlight to her ear and turn it on.
- Why didn't the sun ever shine on the castle? It was full of knights.
- Fox is good on Final Destination... but Fountain of Dreams is where he shines.
- I always wanted to see my name in shining lights. So I changed my name to Exit.
Fun-Filled Shining Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about shining you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheen jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shining pranks.
Two Mexican men have just crossed the border into the U.S.
They are now wandering through the Arizona desert. In short time, they become lost amongst the sand, praying for any sign of civilization. They spend days out there, and are on the verge of death from heat and starvation.
When suddenly, a shining oasis appears before them. The water is crystal clear and it is surrounded with lush foliage. And in the center is one specific tree. It is a majestic plant and from it's branches hang the most unexpected of things.
Bacon. Delicious, crispy bacon. Enough to feed a man for days. Without even thinking, one of the men bolts for the oasis, desperate for food and water. As he reaches the half way point, from behind the tree springs forth a man wielding a machine gun. The poor immigrant is gunned down and lays in the sand, dieing. His friend runs to him and says
> Miguel, are you alright? What happened to you?
To which the man responds, looking up at his friend with his dieing breath
> Pedro, it is not a bacon tree...it is a hambush.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I see a black guy running down the street with a TV and thought it looked like mine, but it wasn't...
.. mine was at home shining my shoes.
The secret to wealth
A young man once asked a rich older man how he made all his money.
The dapper old fellow smoothed his tailored jacket and said, "Well young man, it was 1932, in the depths of the Great Depression. I was down to the last penny I had."
"I took that penny and I went and bought an apple. I spent the whole day shining that apple until it gleamed like the sun, then I took that apple to the market and sold it for two cents."
"The next day I took those two cents and bought two apples. I shined those apples all day and night until they were perfect, then I sold them at the market for four cents the next day. I worked at it like this for a month, sometimes selling, sometimes not, and at the end of the month I'd amassed myself a fortune. Nearly eight whole dollars. I'd never been so proud of myself in my life."
"Then my wife's father died and left us 2 million bucks."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
All the forest animals are having a big car show..
..shining their rims, getting ready to put their cars on display for the forest folk to see. The bunny is hopping along half drunk and stumbles into the clearing.
"WHOAAHhh bear, that's a sweet lambo, how did you ever afford it?"
"Well bunny, i'm not an alcoholic like you" replies the bear.
The bunny takes another sip of his stashed mickey and hops with his face into the rims of a Ferrari.
"Woaahh Fox, how on earth did you afford this!"
The Fox, grabbing a towel out of its back pocket gives the bunny a dirty look and mutters "I don't spend every acorn i earn on booze.."
The bunny, amazed, takes another swig of v**... and hops his way back into the woods.
As everyone is adding the finishing touches to their rides, ready to open the show to the public, a helicopter lands in the middle of it all with the bunny in the pilot seat. He barely makes two hops and throws up.
"Wow bunny.. how on earth did you ever manage to afford that?!" the amazed onlookers exclaim.
" *hic*.. turned in my empties"
Jesus was making his usual rounds in heaven
when he noticed a wizened, white-haired old man sitting in a corner looking very disconsolate. The next week he was disturbed to come across him again, looking equally miserable, and a week later he stopped to talk to him.
"See here, old fellow," said Jesus kindly, "this is heaven. The sun is shining, you've got all could want to eat, all the instruments you might want to play-you're supposed to be blissfully happy! What's wrong?"
"Well," said the old man, "you see, I was a carpenter on earth, and lost my only , dearly beloved son at an early age. Here in heaven I was hoping more than anything to find him."
Tears sprang to Jesus' eyes. "Father!" He cried.
The old man jumped to his feet, bursting into tears, and sobbed, "Pinnocchio!"
Someone call a knight in shining armor...
cuz today's a draggin.
I saw a black man carrying a T.V. today
I though that it looked like mine, but when I got home he was still shining my shoes
My wife and I decided to go out for the day. We went for a long stroll in the park, bought some ice creams and sat by the pond, feeding the ducks. Eventually she turned to me and said, "Have you had a nice day?"
I said, "Yes thanks. It was 1987, the sun was shining and I'd just left school."
[OC] I thought of an astronomy joke tonight.
A shining star walks into a bar and the barmen says, "Wow, you're positively *scintillating*."
Here are some few movie jokes:
The Shining: A family's first Airbnb experience goes very wrong.
• The Lord of the Rings: Group spends nine hours returning jewelry.
• Titanic: Everyone tries the ice-bucket challenge.
• Beauty and the Beast: Stockholm syndrome works.
• The Chronicles of Narnia: Kid comes out of the closet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv
I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.
Cafe Chit Chat
At a local cafe, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. And stay home at night! An old granny overheard and spoke up, Honey, if that's all you want, get a TV!
I saw a black man running..
I was walking down the street one evening and I saw a black man running holding a television. I thought to my self "i wonder if that's mine", so I hurried back home and lo and behold it was still there, shining my shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why'd the couple ride their bicycle n**... whenever the sun was shining?
To tan dem.
Left my wife polishing my chainmail while I went to the pub
She said she wanted a night in, shining armour
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... & Murphy had just come out of O'Reilly's Tavern
p**... says to Murphy, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
Murphy stared into the sky for a moment and stops and looks at his drunken friend, "You are wrong. That's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said,
"Sorry, I don't live around here."
I built the most American guitar ever
Made completely out of mirror polished, stainless steel from the World Trade Center in the shape of a bald eagle carrying a rifle.
Only has one octave, but I enjoy playing it, from C to shining C.
The guy that polishes my shoes doesn't enjoy Stephen King's books.
But he's always loved The Shining
Fulfilling Career
Shoe shining should be just below Bishop in the Church -
They touch so many soles.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I saw a black man walking down the road with a television in his hands, and I thought, "Huh, that kind of looks like mine."
Then I remembered that mine was at home, shining my shoes.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A kid asked challenged me to a fist fight
Just thought i would yell you while I'm shining my knuckle dusters.
Mommy, mommy, christmas tree is burning!
Sweetie, the christmas tree is shining, not burning.
Mommy, the carpet and curtains are now shining too!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I woke up this morning at 9:30, made coffee, stepped out for the day's first cigarette, and was greeted by a gorgeous spring day. The sun was shining the birds were singing...
Then I ripped a**... like a bologna windmill slapping a tile floor.
Just wanted to share an old joke I read a long time back.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson once go camping. In the middle of the night, Watson is woken up violently by Sherlock. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." "The stars are shining so beautifully tonight." To which Sherlock replies,"No, you idiot! Our tent's been stolen."
My wife asked me if she looked fat in her new dress.
I told her: "You look like a beautiful shining star"
She replied: "Awhh..."
But then I added: "A neutron star" and she slapped me.
I was hoping she was too dense to understand the joke.
"How much do you love me?" she asked.
I said, "Look into the sky and count the stars. That's how much I love you."
"But the sun is shining!" she said.
"There you go."
