Shines Jokes
33 shines jokes and hilarious shines puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shines that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shines Short Jokes
Short shines jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shines humour may include short shining jokes also.
- Last night, I gave my girlfriend a medieval battle uniform to polish while I went to the bar. I mean, she always said she wanted... ...a night in, shining armor.
- I live in North Korea and I'm ready to tell the world what it's really like! [Edit]: The sun shines brightly on our smiles and future as our glorious leaders bring us joy with their mighty military.
- I saw a black guy running down the street carrying a tv I thought for a second, "man that looks a lot like mine' so I ran home quick and nope there was mine still shining my shoes.
- I saw a black man walking down the street with a TV. "That looks a lot like mine..." I thought... Then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes.
- As I was driving home I saw a black man carrying a TV down the street... Nervously, I had to wonder if it was mine, but then I remembered mine was at home shining my shoes
- Why did the summer solstice have a successful modeling career? It knew how to "shine" on the runway.
- i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly. still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.
- My mother in law complained that the thermometer I gave her (which she hung in a very sunny spot) wasn't showing an accurate temperature. So I told her to stick it where the sun doesn't shine.
- I'm just okay during Pride Month. But just wait until sloth Month. Or Gluttony Month. That's my time to shine.
- A friend told me he saw a black guy on a stolen bike getting hit by a train I rushed home, afraid that it was mine.
But thankfully, mine was still in my basement shining my shoes.
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Shines One Liners
Which shines one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shines? I can suggest the ones about sunshine and sheen.
- How are women and lightbulbs alike? Both shine light into your life (:
- What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress? Magnets
- What did the winter solstice say to the darkness? "I shine brightest when you're around!"
- What do you get if you cross shoe polish with yeast? Loafers that rise and shine
- What is a Knight in Shining Armors greatest enemy? An itch.
- How does Kanye make Kim Kardashian's eyes twinkle? He shines a flashlight in her ear.
- Polish is a lot like Finnish Theyre both used to make furniture shine
- What is the Asian version of "good morning"? "Rice and shine!"
- I broke the lamp today Cause nothing shines brighter than me.
- What happens if you eat yeast and shoe polish? Every morning you will rise and shine.
- What would you write on the grave of a knight in shining armor? RUST IN PEACE
- How do you make blond's eyes shine? Just put flashlight to her ear and turn it on.
- Why didn't the sun ever shine on the castle? It was full of knights.
- Fox is good on Final Destination... but Fountain of Dreams is where he shines.
- Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in her ears.
Howlingly Hilarious Shines Jokes for All Ages to Enjoy
What funny jokes about shines you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoe shine jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shines pranks.
A Russian goes to a watchmaker.
He says, "My clock is defective. It only goes 'tic...tic...tic...tic...' unlike the others, which go 'tic...toc...tic...toc...'."
"No problem", says the watchmaker, taking the clock from its owner.
He then shines a light in the clock's face and says menacingly, "We have ways to make it toc."
Two priests are driving down a road when they are pulled over by the cops.
The cop shines a light in their faces and signals to the driver to roll down his window.
"We're searching for two child molesters," he says.
The driver leans over to the other priest and they whisper between themselves.
Finally, he turns back to the policeman. "Ok. We'll do it."
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space
Lord , he prays, I cannot stand this, please open a parking space for me and I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.
The clouds part and the sun shines on an empty space in the car park. Without hesitation the Irishman says, Actually never mind, I've found one.
Jesus is watching you
A burglar breaks into a dark house one night. He's moving around in the dark, when he hears a calm voice say, "Jesus is watching you."
The burglar freaks out, shines his flashlight around and spots a Parrot sitting in his cage. The parrot says again, "Jesus is watching you."
Relieved it was just a Parrot, and laughing, the thief asks the Parrot, "what's your name, Parrot?"
The Parrot replies, "My name is Moses."
Laughing again, the burglar asks, "Who would name their Parrot Moses?"
Parrot: "The same people who named their Doberman, Jesus."
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot.
Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!
A man's been driving around a crowded parking lot trying to find a place to park.
"Lord," he prayed, "I can't take this any longer. If you open up a space for me, I swear I'll give up drinking and go to church every Sunday."
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines down on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says, "Never mind, I found one."
God In The Parking Lot
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space for me, I swear that I'll give up the drink and go to church every Sunday.
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines down on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says Never mind, I found one!
A cop sees a car swerving around as it goes down the road and pulls it over.
At the wheel, he finds a priest. So the cop shines a light in the car and asks him, have you been drinking, father?
The priest says, Just water.
The cop moved his flashlight to the passenger seat and saw an empty bottle of wine. The priest looks at it and cries out, Good Lord, He's done it again!
An Irishman is struggling to find a parking space...
"Lord", he prays, "I cannot stand this, please open a parking space for me and I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday."
The clouds part and the sun shines on an empty space in the parking lot. Without hesitation the Irishman says, "Actually nevermind, I have found one."
[Not OC, found a screenshot in my phone I found really hilarious. Original cr
Im starting to see the bright side of being single..
..If I tip the bottle towards the ceiling, light shines right through the v**.... Facinating
Jesus knows you're here
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shines his flashlight around the house looking for valuables when a voice in the dark says "Jesus knows you're here." Freaked out, he turns his flashlight off and freezes, but hears nothing more so shakes his head and continues. As he is disconnecting cables from the TV, he hears very clearly "Jesus is watching you." Startled, he shines his light around frantically looking for the source of the voice. In the corner of the room he spots a Parrot. "Did you say that?" he asks. "Yes," the parrot confessed, "I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you." The burglar laughs a bit, "warn me huh? Who in the world are you!" "Moses." The bird replies. With a now humorous tone, the burglar asks "What kind of person would name a bird Moses?" The bird replies "the same kind of people who would name a rottweiler Jesus."
A man is looking for a parking space...
And, starting to get desperate, he prays to God. "Oh lord, deliver unto me a parking space, and I swear devoutly to give up all my sinful vices, and go to church weekly."
The clouds part and a ray of sun shines down on the only empty parking space. Overjoyed, the man continues.
"Nevermind, found one."
God in a parking lot
A man is struggling to find a parking space. Lord, he prays. I can't stand this. If you open a space up for me, I swear I'll give up the drink and go to mass every Sunday.
Suddenly, the clouds part and the sun shines on an empty parking spot. Without hesitation, the man says: Never mind, I found one!
Two roaches were munching on garbage in an alley.
"I was in that new restaurant across the street," said one. "It's so clean! The kitchen is spotless, the floors are gleaming white. It's so sanitary the whole place shines."
"Please," said the other roach, frowning. "Not while I'm eating!"
I think our sun is highly overrated
At least the moon gives off a bit of light at night, the sun only shines in the day when it's already light.
