Shined Jokes
6 shined jokes and hilarious shined puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shined that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Comical Puns & Laughs: Enjoy Fun, Witty Shined Jokes with Friends.
What is a good shined joke to make people laugh? Check out this list of funny stories that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth.
i once found a vampire in my hotel so i stabbed it with a wooden stake, shined my flashlight at it and threw holy water at it. died instantly.
still don't know why it had a bucket of candy tho.
An old millionaire is asked how he gained his wealth...
He says: "When I was a young man in the middle of the Great Depression, all I had was five cents. With that five cents, I bought an apple, shined and scrubbed it all day, and at the end of the day, I sold it for ten cents. With the ten cents, I bought two apples, scrubbed and shined them all day, and at the end of the day, I sold them for twenty cents. This went on for a week. Then my uncle died and left me twenty million dollars."
Was just thinking that if I s**... and shined my scalp and stood out in the sun, I could blind passersby or start a fire.
Just some random reflections off the top of my head.
So I got pulled over...
I was driving home from the bar and of course Sirens were wailing and showing red and blue.
I pulled over and the officer showed up to my window and shined a light in my eyes.
Sir you have been swerving and your eyes are red have you been drinking
Well, your eyes are glazed have you been eating donuts?!
We laughed and laughed!!!
Yeah, I need bail money........
Jesus is always watching.
A burglar broke into a house one night. He shined his flashlight around, looking for valuables when a voice in the dark said, 'Jesus knows you're here.'
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off, and froze. When he heard nothing more, he shook his head and continued.
Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard 'Jesus is watching you.'
Startled, he shined his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot.
'Did you say that?' he hissed at the parrot.
'Yes', the parrot confessed, then squawked, 'I'm just trying to warn you that he's watching you.'
The burglar relaxed. 'Warn me, huh? Who in the world are you?'
'Moses,' replied the bird.
'Moses?' the burglar laughed. 'What kind of people would name a bird Moses?'
'The kind of people who would name a Rottweiler Jesus.'
Sad loss
I woke up early as the sun shined brightly through my bedroom window. Usually the light was filtered though the leaves of a beautiful old elm tree that had been in our backyard for generations. Yesterday we had to cut her down as she had been stricken with Dutch Elm Disease. I slowly wiped a tear away then thought to myself, "Why am I being so sentimental over a tree, it's just a simple piece if wood?" My wife sensing that something was wrong asked, "What's the matter honey?" I responded, "Oh nothing, I just never thought mourning wood could be so hard." She enthusiastically sat up and said, "Well, let's have a look. I'll be the judge of that."
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