Shes Jokes
75 shes jokes and hilarious shes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shes Short Jokes
Short shes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shes humour may include short she hulk jokes also.
- Dear Algebra, stop asking us to find your X. Shes not coming back. ...and we don't know Y either.
- My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
- When my girlfriend complains about how bad her day was I like to hold her hands Because shes deaf
- If I ever win the lottery Im giving all my money to charity If shes not dancing that night Im giving it all to Destiny
- Earth asks Mars... "Why has venus been so distant lately?"
Mars answers "shes been under a lot of pressure and has really bad gas" - My girlfriend hates it when I surprise her when shes sleeping... OK, so she's not my girlfriend yet...
- Old Aussie joke: Why is the lady on the Red Heads matchbox always smiling?
There are 48 heads in her box - of course she`s happy! - My best friend became a serial killer after his girlfriend Ruth left him Now that shes gone, he pretty much became ruthless
- I love my beautician. Shes so humble. When I tell her to make me look presentable, she says "Honey, I'm not a miracle worker"
- Did you hear about the little girl who had her trampoline stolen? Shes obviously gutted but she'll bounce back
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Shes One Liners
Which shes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shes? I can suggest the ones about her indoors and thats what she said.
- Ever since my girlfriend moved to Alaska... Shes been cold and distant.
- Stop making fun of the fat girl Shes thick and tired of it.
- Yo momma is so fat, shes got more "coverage" than my cell phone provider
- what does Geico and your girlfriend have in common? Shes so easy a cave man could do her.
- My girlfriend must want to be a historian. Because shes always bringing up the past
- I recently got a new girlfriend. Shes from a different nation. My imagination.
- Yo mama so fat she needed two wrist watches cause shes in two time zones.
- If a women is under the age of 90 she's Acutie, if shes 90 she's just right.
- I hate my math teacher Shes so mean.
- Why did Ellen Pao punch the puppy? Cause shes terrible.
- Female parrot thief on the loose Shes been known to take a cockatoo
- My girlfriend is amazing, she is a Chinese food chef So shes very Lo Mein-tenance
- Before i married my wife she like a hurricane She was a 5 but now shes 2
- My girlfriend isn't the principal of a school... But shes definitely a headmaster in bed.
- 8 Months ago I got a girl pregnant. Shes still pregnant
Heartwarming Shes Jokes that Make You Laugh
What funny jokes about shes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shucks jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shes pranks.
I bought my wife a new dress
A really slinky number
But it only works when shes going down stairs
My girlfriend is so reckless...
We were standing at the top of my driveway, I let go of her hand for one second and all of a sudden shes at the bottom of the driveway about to go headfirst into oncoming traffic.
No wonder she ended up in a wheelchair.
A mint worker walks into a bar...
the next morning he heads home to his wife with 2 fresh new black eyes,
shes asks "Did the bartender ask you what you do for a living?"
the mint workers says "well, I do make money after all"
What did the Scandinavian say at his Grandmothers f**...?
She was a Swede old lady but now shes Finnish
My wife and I said we would only smoke after s**.......
I have had the same pack of cigarettes since 2007, im starting to get worried about my wife though shes been going through 3 packs a day!
Tell a girl shes pretty 100 times she wont believe you Tell a girl shes fat once and she'll remember it forever
cause elephants never forget
How does a black girl know shes pregnant?
When all the cotton is picked off her t**....
Three girls are stuck on an island
They find a lamp and a genie comes out of it. He grants them each one wish. The brunette girl wishes to go home and see her family. *p**...* shes gone. The redhead wishes also go go home to see her family. *p**...* shes gone. The genie comes to the blonde girl and sees that shes crying. He asks "why are you crying?". She responds "I wish my friends were back".
Blonde and the pervert.
Who's really annoyed because a pervert keeps peeping through the keyhole while shes in the bathroom. One day she has a brilliant idea though. So the next day the pervert sees the blonde going to the bathroom, as the pervert approaches the bathroom he notices something odd.... the door isn't there anymore and he can see the blonde completely n**... changing her clothes. The blonde laughs at the pervert and says "Can't peep through the keyhole anymore!"
A guy is lost in the mall and start shouting for his wife.
Alice! Alice!, suddenly he hears another voice shouting the same name Alice!! Alice!, he turns and looks at him and shouts HEY! is your wife named Alice too? No but I guess since shes b**... a guy like you I got a shot. Alice!
I always told my mom shes like a lazy baker
When it comes to deserts, she doesnt knead any
My girlfriend told me to humble down
shes just jealous of the fact that I'm the most humble man on earth
I gave a girl my phone number and told her to text me when she got home.
I guess shes homeless.
I can't win a fight with my girlfriend. I'm rational, shes irrational...
Its a real problem
My wife was in a coma. The doctor says to me, "There's one way to wake her up, but its a little unconventional. You go in there and you have o**... s**... with her"
I said "By God".
He says "I've seen it work"
So i go in there, I'm in there about five minutes and i come out.
I say, "Doc, shes choking"
My friend told me shes s**... attracted to horses and its tearing her up inside
Literally
I stop and rest on a park bench....
After a while a blind old black man come and sits next to me with his guard dog, he keeps cursing and grunting so i ask him whats wrong "ahh my blasted wife has been cheating on me with my neighbour and shes taking half the house in the divorce, i didnt see it coming" he says, i chuckle a little at his bad taste joke, then he says "yeah you right son, it could be worse, i could be black"
My Wife Said Shes Going To Jump Off A Cliff Because Of My Obsession...
With The Beatles, at first I didn't believe her. But then I Saw Her Standing There.
I have been texting this girl and she just dropped the news that shes a vegetarian.
Bummer. I didn't even get to meat her.
She's so hot....
Friend: Shes so hot
Me: She's 14
Friend: Age is just a number
Me: Know what else is a number....[*pulls out phone] 911.
A man takes his nine year old daughter to the doctor.
After several hours in the waiting room, they're called in.
"Hello," the doctor says. "How can I help you?"
The man nods, "It"s my daughter, I was wondering if you could put her on birth control."
"Birth control?" the doctor is incredulous. "She"s too young to be s**... active!"
"s**... active?" the father says, "She just lies there like her mother!"
My 35 year old friend was telling me how excited she was that she finally had s**... with her high school crush.
Next day she tells me shes bummed cause he asked her to go to prom with him.
A husband and wife have grown old together.
He comes home to see his wife n**..., standing on her hands.
He asks why shes in such a position
She responds "Well, we both know you can't get it up anymore, how about you try dropping it in."
My one and only go-to joke, hope you like it.
A blond is riding a horse, it starts galloping faster and faster. She feels herself beginning to lose her grip and start to slid down the the saddle. She begins panicking because the horse isn't slowing and shes nearing the ground. At the very last minute the Walmart greeter walks over and unplugs it.
Id love to get mad at my baby goat when she headbutts.
But you cant blame her. Shes just a kid.
an irish girl confesses shes a p**... to her father
at first he gets s**... angry starts yelling at her, how could she betray him, calls her all kinds of names including soup taker. She looks confused at this and asks her father to accompany her to confession. Her dad stares at her for a moment and then he hugs her, crying tears of relief. The he says, "I thought you said you were a protestant!"
I love pampering my girl
I love to pamper my girl after she has had a stressful day all day at work..
So when she texts me saying shes on the way home, I get the hot water
running mix in a little soap and swirl around the bubbles and time everything
just perfectly so as soon as she walks through the door...
The dishes are all piled up and ready for her...
My wife and I decided to curb our smoking habit a bit by only smoking after s**....
I havnt touched a cigarette in 10 years and shes up to 2 packs a day.
RIP Rodney.
the barbershop
A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father. While her dad is getting his hair cut, the girl begins eating a t**.... While she\`s eating, she walks over and stands right next to the barber\`s chair.
The barber looks down and says, "Sweetheart, you\`re gonna get hair on your t**...."
"I know," the little girl replies. "I\`m gonna get boobies, too."
I asked my girlfriend if she wanted to 69 tonight
She said 24 was the most guys shes done in a night
I went to a psychic who said she was a remote viewer
I bet shes seen a lot of couch corners in her time
My wife suggested I get an e**... enhancer .
So I did.
Her name is Tamy, shes a 21 yr old dancer
Final words
A man is holding his wife's hand as shes lying on her death-bed.
"j**... , I have something to tell you before I pass on," she whispers."
"No, no, dear," says j**.... "Everything is forgiven now. All is well."
"No j**..." she mumbles." I've been carrying this load for years now, and I must tell you. I... I've been unfaithful to you. I slept with your best friend, Phil. I'm so terribly sorry."
"Yes,dear I know," Says j**.... "Why do you think I poisoned you?"
My s**... neighbor told me her underwear keeps going missing from her clothes line and that shes going to report it to the police.
I almost s**... her pants
A man walks into a bar...
... sits on the bar stool and lets out a deep sigh.
The bartender notices asks "What the problem Joe?"
The replies "My wife is upset. She told me I dont complement her enough. I told her shes a simple woman but apparently she heard that before."
"Hey Joe, I got a thesaurus over there. Maybe you could surprise her."
"All right Bob thanks!"
The next day the man is back at the bar, sits on the bar stool, and lets out a deeper sigh.
Before the bartender could ask, the man exclaims "I guess calling her a basic b**... isnt the same as a simple woman."
Guy comes home from work, finds his blonde haired wife sitting at the kitchen table.
Shes looking at the table, and concentrating super hard. She is visibly frustrated.
Husband asks "What's wrong honey?"
She replies, "I've been working on this puzzle all day. Its supposed to be a tiger, I can't get any of these puzzle pieces to match."
Husband sighs, "Honey... Please put the frosted flakes back in the box."
A blonde called her car customer service saying she could only drive her car during the day. During the night, it didn't move at all.
A mechanic comes and after an inspection couldnt find anything wrong.
"You sure you put the right fuel?"
"Yup. Petrol"
Eventually, he asks her if shes using the right gears.
She says, "Of course, I'm not s**.... I'm using D during the day and N during the night"
