Uproarious Sherlock Jokes to Share with Friends
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax?
Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons.
Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?"
Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
Holmes is on the case...
Sherlock Holmes is investigating a m**... where the culprit had used a knife carved from Sandstone.
Dr. Watson finds the choice of m**... weapon odd.
"Holmes, who would kill another man with an Igneous rock?"
"Sedimentary, my dear Watson, Sedimentary..."
I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes...
He's great at making deductions.
Which detective investigates electrical crimes?
Sherlock Ohms
That's why his partner is called Wattson...
Sherlock was gardening when Watson came over and asked what he was planting.
"A lemon tree, Watson".
Watson, Sherlock Holmes's faithful assistant, asked, "What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?"
Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes...
"Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"
"Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"
You can explore sherlock watson reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sherlock mysteries dad jokes. There are also sherlock puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Tesla, Oscar Wilde, and Sherlock Holmes walk into a bar.
The punchline of this joke was patented and then hidden by Thomas Edison.
Sherlock and Watson go camping
Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?
Because it was More ER Tea.
The Detective
Who was the first electricity detective?
Sherlock Ohms
What does Sherlock call his friends?
His Holmies
Watson walks into room and sees Sherlock having s**.... He inquires is she in high school. Sherlock replies..
Elementary! My dear Watson
Sherlock was working on his garden, when Watson walked over and asked what he was planting.
"What are you planting?" said Watson.
"It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson."
What does Sherlock Holmes do in the toilet?
He de-deuces.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out hunting some rocks
Sherlock picks up a rock, admiring it. Watson asks, "What kind of rock is that? Igneous?"
Sherlock replies, "Sedimentary, my dear Watson. Sedimentary."
What do you call Watson when Sherlock isn't around?
Holmeless
Sherlock was convicted for child m**...
A disgusted Watson visited him in prison, and said, "I cannot believe you were caught exposing yourself to a child in high school!"
"Elementary, my dear Watson..."
Sherlock and Watson are filling in their college application.
Watson: Sherlock? Why have you skipped writing this essay?
Sherlock: It's supplementary my dear Watson
What do you call a detective in the real estate business?
Sherlock Homes
Sherlock and Watson were walking through an orchard...
As they walk Watson keeps asking Sherlock to identify the trees they are seeing. After some time they approach a clearing and in the centre is a lone tree.
Watson asks "Sherlock what is that tree with yellow skinned fruit?"
Sherlock smiles and replies "That's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
What do you call a Sherlock who is black?
Sherlock Homie
Sherlock and Watson go to shoot up a school..
Watson: which part of the school shall we head to first sherlock?
Sherlock: Elementary my dear Watson.
[Please don't kill me for this]
Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low?
He's a master of deduction.
What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island?
"No ship Sherlock"
Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl...
Dr. Watson catches Sherlock having s**... with a young girl and says:
Sherlock, what are you doing? This girl looks like she's in middle school.
Sherlock: Elementary, dear Watson.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are busy with yet another complicated case.
Suddenly, Holmes seizes a chunk of blood-spattered limestone from the ground.
"What is it, Holmes?" asks Watson, eagerly.
Holmes turns and replies, gravely, "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What do you call when you cross a detective with an electrician
Sherlock Ohms
Sherlock's son tugs at his robe, screaming: "Daaad, dad!"
Sherlock looks at him and says: "Watson?"
One night at dinner, Watson watches Sherlock unhinge his jaw and eat a line of sausages nearing six feet. Amazed, Watson asked, "How did you do that??"
Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson".
Tell me, Sherlock, where do lemons come from?
A lemon tree, dear Watson.
Watson: Sherlock, what kind of rock do you think this is?
Sherlock: Sedimentary, my dear Watson
Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS.
He had too many deductions.
Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The m**... lives in the house with the yellow door."
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
Why doesn't sherlock holmes ever drink tea made in hospitals?
He really hates more ER tea
A detective walks into a party...
and asks the partygoers,
"Do you guys have any Nacho Cheese?"
The partygoers respond,
"No dip, Sherlock."
Watson didn't make much money working for Sherlock Holmes
Too many deductions
Sherlock Holmes
Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson, "this bed is missing something." Watson replies "no sheet sherlock."
Watson walks in on Sherlock in bed with a girl much younger than himself.
As she hastily covers herself and leaves the room Watson looks at her and says
"Jesus, is she in highschool?"
To which Sherlock replies "Elementary, dear Watson!"
I hear they're building apartment buildings for detectives only
They're calling them Sherlock Homes.
Sherlock had a lemon, and Watson asked him where it came from. Sherlock said...
A lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Sherlock, what do they call primary school in America?
Elementary, my dear Watson.
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...
To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Sherlock opens a salon.
Sherlock combs.
Sherlock bones the worlds greatest doggy detective has solved yet another mystery with the help of his partner Dr.Dogson, but how did they do it?
Smellementary.
What did Sherlock Holmes say after being asked to get a paternity test?
Watson?
Ordered a Sherlock Holmes game online...
Received a podiatric prosthesis instead...
Must unravel this strange mystery.
The game is afoot.
Why did Sherlock Holmes visit a Mexican restaurant?
Because he was looking for a good case idea.
What do you call an electrical engineer trying to solve an issue?
Sherlock Ohms
A kid ask his slightly deaf father about Sherlock Holmes
-Dad, do you know who was Sherlock Holmes' best friend?
-What son?
What do you call a cholo detective?
Sherlock, Holmes.
Just wrote this
How does Sherlock Holmes find out what TV shows are on?
He just asks Watson.
(Works better out loud)
What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite kind of rock?
Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What would you call an electric detective?
Sherlock Ohms.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camped in the woods while investigating a case.
They go to sleep. Several hours later, Holmes wakes Watson. He says, "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson says, "Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that tell you?"
"Well, I think it means that we'll have another nice day tomorrow. How about you?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Just wanted to share an old joke I read a long time back.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson once go camping. In the middle of the night, Watson is woken up violently by Sherlock. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." "The stars are shining so beautifully tonight." To which Sherlock replies,"No, you idiot! Our tent's been stolen."
What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in?
Elementary, my dear Watson!
"You're still constipated, aren't you Watson?"
"No s**..., Sherlock."
What do you call a detective and a part-time electrician?
Sherlock Ohms!
What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid?
Elementary my dear Watson
"Dad, look! I'm Sherlock Holmes' sidekick!"
"You what son?
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping
They set up their tent under the starry night sky.
In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up his friend and says, "Watson look up at the stars and tell me what you can deduce."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars, and if even if only a few of them have planets, it's quite likely that some of them are exactly Earth-like planets. And if there are a few Earth-like planets, there might be life."
Holmes then replies, "Watson, you idiot! Someone stole our tent."
What did the doctor say to the constipated detective?
No s**... sherlock?
S. Holmes: Do you know what constipated means Watson?
Watson: No s**..., Sherlock?
(Cr
Have you heard about the constipated detective?
No s**... Sherlock
What do you call a constipated British detective from the 19th century?
No s**... Sherlock
I'm constipated, Mr. Holmes.
So then you haven't been able to move your bowels, Dr. Watson?
Yes, no s**... Sherlock.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were taking the train one day when they passed a huge flock of sheep in a field.
As quickly as they had observed the fluffy cloud it had passed out of view.
"So many sheep!" Watson exclaimed. "I wonder how many there were?"
"Elementary, Dear Watson. There were 167 sheep." Sherlock calmly stated.
"Holmes, are you really telling me you managed to count them all in that brief moment?" Watson inquired.
"Don't be silly, Watson. I counted the legs and divided them by four."
What did the retired detective call his new real-estate business?
Sherlock Homes.
Dr.Watson has constipation
*watson returns home after a visit to th doctor*
Sherlock: " So was I right about your stomach issues."
Watson: " Yeah no s**... Sherlock!"
Watson, what does constipated mean?
No s**... Sherlock
Sherlock Holmes enters Baker Street...
...with a basket of lemons.
Watson asks, "where did you get so many lemons from, Holmes "?
To which Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson."
What do you call a suddenly constipated detective?
"A doctor?"
No s**... Sherlock.
Did you hear the one about the constipated detective?
They call him a "no s**... Sherlock".
After Sherlock Holmes received an amputation below the ankle, why did he call his new prosthetic "The Game?"
Because, my dear Watson, The Game is a foot
Watson: Which tree do we get lemons from?
Sherlock: Elementary, my dear Watson
What do you call a real estate agency opened by a detective?
Sherlock Homes
(I don't know if it was posted before but I found the joke by myself )
What do you call a detective who has constipation?
No s**... sherlock
Sherlock Holmes arrives at a crime scene, and immediately bends down to pick up a button on the floor.
Hmm… Sherlock ponders, I deduce that the individual this button belongs to is 6' 1 , was born in January, and has a fascination with blueberry muffins.
Watson was completely confused by his partner's deduction.
How could you possibly get all that from just a button?
Elementary! Sherlock replied. Because it's mine!
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping.
As they lay down in their sleeping bags, Sherlock calls out to Watson and says 'The stars are quite visible this evening. What do you think that means?'
Watson replies, 'Well, I think it means that there's a whole universe out there that remains unexplored and filled with mysteries and worlds we could never think of!'
'No you d**...,' Sherlock says, 'it means someone stole our tents.'
Sherlock Holmes returned to 221B Baker Street
He was carrying a box of lemons in his arms.
When Doctor Watson saw the box, he asked "Well where did those come from?"
And Holmes answered "A lemon tree, my dear Watson."
Sherlock Holmes was always reluctant to take credit for solving a mystery
Oh it was nothing, he would say. The police would have solved it in time.
Everyone knew he was just being modest. Be he ever so humble, there's no Police like Holmes.
Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama?
He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.
I'm going to make a Sherlock Holmes game that is 12 inches long.
I'm going to call it
The Games A Foot.
