Sherlock Holmes Jokes
109 sherlock holmes jokes and hilarious sherlock holmes puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sherlock holmes that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sherlock Holmes Short Jokes
Short sherlock holmes jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sherlock holmes humour may include short sherlock and watson jokes also.
- Sherlock Holmes Sherlock Holmes is inspecting a bed. He says to Watson, "this bed is missing something." Watson replies "no sheet sherlock."
- Why doesn't Sherlock Holmes pay any income tax? Because he makes so many brilliant deductions.
- Just wrote this How does Sherlock Holmes find out what TV shows are on?
He just asks Watson.
(Works better out loud) - Tesla, Oscar Wilde, and Sherlock Holmes walk into a bar. The punchline of this joke was patented and then hidden by Thomas Edison.
- I'm going to make a Sherlock Holmes game that is 12 inches long. I'm going to call it
The Games A Foot. - What did Sherlock Holmes say when Dr. Watson asked him what grade an eight year-old was in? Elementary, my dear Watson!
- Ordered a Sherlock Holmes game online... Received a podiatric prosthesis instead...
Must unravel this strange mystery.
The game is afoot. - Why did Sherlock Holmes visit a Mexican restaurant? Because he was looking for a good case idea.
- Why can't Sherlock Holmes solve ANY crimes in Alabama? He can't find any dental records, and all the DNA is the same for everyone.
- Sherlock Holmes enters Baker Street... ...with a basket of lemons.
Watson asks, "where did you get so many lemons from, Holmes "?
To which Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson."
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Sherlock Holmes One Liners
Which sherlock holmes one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sherlock holmes? I can suggest the ones about holmes and watson and detective.
- Why are Sherlock Holmes' taxes so low? He's a master of deduction.
- Why doesn't sherlock holmes ever drink tea made in hospitals? He really hates more ER tea
- "Dad, look! I'm Sherlock Holmes' sidekick!" "You what son?
- Watson didn't make much money working for Sherlock Holmes Too many deductions
- I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes... He's great at making deductions.
- What do you call a cholo detective? Sherlock, Holmes.
- What does Sherlock Holmes do in the toilet? He de-deuces.
- What type of school did Sherlock Holmes go to as a kid? Elementary my dear Watson
- What did Sherlock Holmes say after being asked to get a paternity test? Watson?
- What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite kind of rock? Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
- Sherlock Holmes got audited by the IRS. He had too many deductions.
- How does Sherlock Holmes go to the bathroom? OC By process of elimination.
- Who's the best detective in Mexico? Sherlock-Holmes
- What do you call a smart mexican? Sherlock, Holmes.
- What do you get if you cross an alligator with Sherlock Holmes ? An Investigator.
The Funniest Sherlock Holmes Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about sherlock holmes you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean harry potter jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sherlock holmes pranks.
Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson are hiking.
They hiked all day long and then, having gotten tired, unpacked and quickly retired.
Holmes wakes up deep into the night, wakes Watson and says "Watson, do you see the bright stars and do you notice how clear the sky is? What can you deduce from it?"
Watson yawns and tries to play the game.
LWell, this clearly tells us the weather tomorrow is going to be dry and sunny."
"No, my friend. It’s much simpler than that. Someone has stolen our tent."
Sherlock Holmes dies and goes to Heaven.
There is a brouhaha.
Sherlock Holmes asks St. Peter what seems to be the problem.
Apparently, Adam has gone 'walkabout' among all the souls.
It will take ages to find him. Holmes tracks down Adam, very quickly.
The Lord asks Holmes how he recognized Adam among the millions of souls, without ever having met him.
"Elementary, my dear God, he has no navel."
Q: Who makes the best detective - Sherlock Holmes or a tax accountant?
A: The tax accountant - she make's more deductions.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson....
...were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Watson go on a camping trip
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of wine, they retire to their tent for the night. Several hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, wake up and tell me what you see?"
"I see millions of stars."
"And what do you deduce from that, Watson?"
Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all-powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Sherlock?"
Holmes rolled his eyes. "Watson, you idiot! It tells me that someone has stolen our tent!"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, the fire dwindling nearby, Holmes said: "Watson, look up and tell me what you see".
Watson said "I see a fantastic panorama of countless of stars".
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it suggests to me that if there are billions of other galaxies that have roughly similar stellar population densities as represented by my view, that, potentially, trillions of planets may be associated with such a galactic and, therefore, stellar population. Allowing for similar chemical distribution throughout the cosmos it may be reasonably implied that life-and possibly intelligent life-may well fill the universe.
Also, being a believer, theologically, it tells me that the vastness of space may be yet another suggestion of the greatness of God and that we are small and insignificant.
Meteorologically, the blackness of the sky and the crispness of the stellar images tells me that there is low humidity and stable air and therefore we are most likely to enjoy a beautiful day tomorrow.
Why? - What does it tell you, Mr. Holmes?"
Holmes: "Someone stole our tent".
Sherlock Holmes & Dr Watson's Camping Trip
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
Adventures Of p**...-Sherlock
How would you like your school girls today, Mr. Holmes?
-Elementary, my dear Watson.
Holmes and Watson on a camping trip
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
Watson replied, I see millions and millions of stars.
What does that tell you? Holmes questioned.
Watson pondered for a minute. Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent.
anyone interested in a good Sherlock Holmes joke?
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. John Watson went on a camping trip. After sharing a good meal and a bottle of Petrie wine, they retire to their tent for the night.
At about 3 AM, Holmes nudges Watson and asks, "Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions of stars."
Holmes asks, "And, what does that tell you?"
Watson replies, "Astronomically, it tells me there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it tells me that it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes retorts, "Someone stole our tent."
What is Sherlock Holmes' favorite tree?
A-lemon-tree my dear Watson.
Sherlock Holmes walks into his house with a basket full of lemons.
Watson asks, "Where did you get so many lemons?"
Holmes replies, "A lemon tree, Watson.."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip.
After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Watson awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Holmes, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Holmes replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Sherlock says
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Watson?"
Watson was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Holmes, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping
They pitched their tent under the twinkling start and went to sleep. Sometime during the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the stars and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson Replied: "Well, if there are millions and millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely there are some planets like earth out there. And if there are a few planets like earth out there might also be life."
And Holmes said: "Watson you idiot!, It means that someone has stolen our tent."
Sherlock Holmes faced a tax audit because...
all his clever deductions made the tax office very suspicious.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping
Sorry if re-post, a friend sent it to me over a text, and I thought it was worthy enough to go on here!
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson are on a camping trip. After dinner, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged Watson.
"Watson, look up at the sky. tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see billions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are on a camping trip...
and in the middle of the night, Sherlock nudges Watson awake. He says "Watson, look up, and tell me what you see."
Watson says "well, I see the stars, and that makes me think about our place in the universe. In the face of such cosmic vastness, aren't we really just insignificant? And what of life on other planets? In all the universe, ours can surely not be the only planet to support living beings. Perhaps one day we shall be able to reach the stars and find out for ourselves. Why do you ask, Sherlock? What do you think of when you look up?"
Sherlock replies: "somebody stole our tent".
Holmes is on the case...
Sherlock Holmes is investigating a m**... where the culprit had used a knife carved from Sandstone.
Dr. Watson finds the choice of m**... weapon odd.
"Holmes, who would kill another man with an Igneous rock?"
"Sedimentary, my dear Watson, Sedimentary..."
A Sherlock Holmes Joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner , they retire for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.
I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes replies Watson.
And what do you deduce from that?
Watson ponders for a minute. Well,
Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.
Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.
Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.
Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.
Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.
But what does it tell you, Holmes?
Holmes is silent for a moment.
Watson, you idiot! he says. Someone has stolen our tent!
I wonder if Sherlock Holmes is good at his taxes?
His deductions are phenomenal.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson Go Camping...
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of red, they lay down for the night and went to sleep.
Some hours later Holmes woke up, nudged his faithful friend and said, "Watson, I want you to look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars." Sherlock said, "And what does that tell you?"
After a minute or so of pondering Watson said, "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three in the morning. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Metereologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day today. What does it tell you?"
Holmes was silent for about 30 seconds and said, "Watson, you idiot! Someone has stolen our tent!"
Sherlock Holmes, how is the periodic table structured?
It's elementally, my dear Watson.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip
In the middle of the night Holmes wakes up and gives Dr. Watson a nudge. "Watson," he says, "look up in the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions of stars, Holmes," says Watson.
"And what do you conclude from that, Watson?"
Watson thinks for a moment. "Well," he says, "astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meterologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful, and we are small and insignificant. What does it tell you, Holmes?"
"Watson... someone has stolen our tent."
Watson, Sherlock Holmes's faithful assistant, asked, "What's a ten-letter word meaning 'supplying nourishment'?"
Sherlock replied, "Alimentary, my dear Watson."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were going camping...
They pitched their tents under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the night Holmes woke Watson up and said "Watson, look up at the sky. Tell me what you see."
"I see millions and millions of stars" replied Watson; to which Holmes said "And what do you deduce from that?"
"Well, if there are millions of stars and systems, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets out there like Earth. And if there are even a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life.
And Holmes replied "Watson, you idiot, it means somebody stole your tent!"
**
Dr Watson asks Sherlock Holmes...
"Holmes, why are you spreading fruit juice on my buttocks?"
"Lemon entry dear Watson, Lemon entry"
Sherlock and Watson go camping
Sherlock and Dr. Watson go camping. They pitch their tent and go to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes wakes Watson and says: "Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see." Watson replies, "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes asks, "And what do you deduce from that?" "Well, if there are millions of stars," Watson says, "there must be some with planets, and some of those planets must be like Earth. And if there are planets like Earth, there might be planets with life." And Holmes says, "Watson, you idiot, it means someone stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are in a greenhouse when Watson says "Is that an orange bush, Holmes?"
Holmes replies, "It's a lemon tree, my dear Watson"
Sherlock and Watson take a vacation
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.
Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.
"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."
Watson replied, "I see millions of stars."
"What does that tell you?"
Watson pondered for a minute.
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets."
"Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo."
"Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three."
"Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant."
"Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow."
"What does it tell you, Holmes?"
Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!"
Why did Sherlock Holmes not want a second cup of tea in the emergency room?
Because it was More ER Tea.
Why did Sherlock Holmes get a colonoscopy?
It's alimentary, Watson.
If someone stole Sherlock Holmes' magnifying glass, how would he search for clues?
Using watSonar
Why was Sherlock Holmes such a successful detective in Australia?
Because he had a good eye.
(Read out loud)
Who does Sherlock Holmes battle after ERT?
More ERT
Doggy Sherlock Holmes was investigating a case...
Doggy Sherlock: Any leads?
Doggy Watson: Yes, Holmes. Two.
Doggy Sherlock: Excellent, lets take them and go walkies.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out hunting some rocks
Sherlock picks up a rock, admiring it. Watson asks, "What kind of rock is that? Igneous?"
Sherlock replies, "Sedimentary, my dear Watson. Sedimentary."
What does Sherlock Holmes eat for breakfast?
Eggs Benedict
Watson was hosting a party.
Sherlock Holmes, however, was upset when there was nothing to put his tortilla chip in.
"No dip, Sherlock."
On dating websites I always say I look like 'Sherlock Holmes' which is an obvious lie.
I give up searching for stuff after a couple minutes.
What did Watson say when he and Holmes got stranded on a desert island?
"No ship Sherlock"
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson are busy with yet another complicated case.
Suddenly, Holmes seizes a chunk of blood-spattered limestone from the ground.
"What is it, Holmes?" asks Watson, eagerly.
Holmes turns and replies, gravely, "It's sedimentary, my dear Watson.
What Did Gay Sherlock Holmes Say To His Sidekick?
Alimentary my dear Watson, alimentary.
Sherlock Holmes turned to Dr Watson and announced: "The m**... lives in the house with the yellow door."
"Good grief, Holmes," said Watson. "How on earth did you deduce that?"
"It's a lemon entry, my dear Watson."
Sherlock Holmes smeared lemons over Dr. Watson's backside
"Why are you doing that, Holmes?" Dr. Watson asked.
"Lemon-entry my dear Watson", Holmes replied.
Where does pervert Sherlock Holmes pick up girls?
Elementary my dear Watson
Sherlock Holmes and Dr.Watson are camping
At three in the morning, Holmes wakes Watson. "Watson, look up. What can you deduce from what you see?"
Watson ponders for a while. "From the starry sky? Astronomically, there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, God is great and we are small and insignificant. Horologically, it's about 3 AM. Meteorologically, we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What do you deduce, Holmes?"
"I deduce that you're an idiot, Watson. If we can see the stars, then our tent has been stolen!"
They're making a Dracula vs Sherlock Holmes movie
They're calling it "The Stake Out."
Sherlock Holmes & Doctor Watson went on a camping trip...
What did Sherlock Holmes say to the geologist?
Sedimentary, my dear Watson.
The world's funniest joke
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said:
"Watson, look up at the sky, and tell me what you see."
Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?"
Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it's quite likely that there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said:
"Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
The World's Greatest Detective.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson were camping. They'd gone to sleep beneath the night sky, when Holmes awoke and shook his companion.
"Watson, look at the sky and tell me what you see."
"I see millions of brilliant stars," Watson answered.
"And what does that tell you?"
"Astronomically, it tells me that there are countless galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically speaking, Saturn is in Leo. Theologically, I see that God is all-powerful and that we are small and insignificant. And you, Holmes?"
Holmes paused. "What I see, Watson, is that someone has stolen our tent!"
Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...
To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.
Sherlock Holme shakes my hand
Sherlock: So, did you wash your hands yet?
A kid ask his slightly deaf father about Sherlock Holmes
-Dad, do you know who was Sherlock Holmes' best friend?
-What son?
Sherlock Holmes shares good news with Watson at a pub one night...
"I've gone and found myself a girlfriend!" exclaims Holmes.
"Well, right on!" said Watson. "You must tell me more about her."
"She's on the short side, extremely innocent, and she's a determined, hard-working schoolgirl."
"A schoolgirl, eh? Good to hear she cares about her education. But what kind of school does she go to?"
Sherlock smiles, and his face lights up with pride as he proudly responds:
"Elementary, my dear Watson."
What do Sherlock Holmes and a man on a toilet have in common?
They're both deducing.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson went on a camping trip. As they lay down for the night, Holmes said: Watson, look up into the sky and tell me what you see?"
Watson said, "I see millions and millions of stars."
Holmes: "And what does that tell you?"
Watson: "Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Theologically, it tells me that God is great and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorogically, it tells me that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"
Holmes: "Somebody stole our tent."
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are camped in the woods while investigating a case.
They go to sleep. Several hours later, Holmes wakes Watson. He says, "Watson, look up and tell me what you see."
Watson says, "Well, I see thousands of stars."
"And what does that tell you?"
"Well, I think it means that we'll have another nice day tomorrow. How about you?"
"To me, it means someone has stolen our tent."
Just wanted to share an old joke I read a long time back.
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson once go camping. In the middle of the night, Watson is woken up violently by Sherlock. "Watson, look up and tell me what you see." "The stars are shining so beautifully tonight." To which Sherlock replies,"No, you idiot! Our tent's been stolen."
Sherlock Holmes and Watson are out hunting. Watson has a buck in his sights, when holmes throws a rock near it, and, frightened, it runs away. "What the h**... was that?!" He asks. Holmes looks at him for a second..
It sedimentary. My deer, Watson.
Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping
They set up their tent under the starry night sky.
In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up his friend and says, "Watson look up at the stars and tell me what you can deduce."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars, and if even if only a few of them have planets, it's quite likely that some of them are exactly Earth-like planets. And if there are a few Earth-like planets, there might be life."
Holmes then replies, "Watson, you idiot! Someone stole our tent."