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Sheriff Jokes

78 sheriff jokes and hilarious sheriff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sheriff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Read through a collection of hilarious sheriff jokes. Featuring Sheriff Woody, his small posse and their dealings with the townspeople, these jokes will make you laugh out loud. Enjoy these short sheriff jokes, perfect for any occasion.

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Funniest Sheriff Short Jokes

Short sheriff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sheriff humour may include short deputy jokes also.

  1. The Chief of Police died responding to people changing font on town signs There we were, left sans-sheriff
  2. The sheriff at the press conference said we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head. Frankly, we're stumped.
  3. A dog with a bandaged foot limped into town one day. The sheriff approached the stranger and said: What brings you to Dawson City? The dog replied: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
  4. A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar... The font designer leaves sans sheriff.
  5. Kids these days are dumb, someone broke into the local sheriff's office and stole all the toilet seats The police are trying to build a case but they have nothing to go on.
  6. Sheriff: Sir you I'm fining you for having your store open during the shutdown Man: Oh, I'm not the owner I'm just looting.
    Sheriff: Oh, ok carry on
    This was an actual conversation overheard.
  7. What do you call it when you are bitten by a rattlesnake, and your uncle is the sheriff, and his sidekick hand delivers you the antidote? Serumdeputy
  8. The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday. I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.
  9. What's the difference between a war criminal and a married sheriff? One has been court martialed, the others a courted marshal.
  10. A man stumbles into a lawless town on the American fontier looking for help Only to find it sans sheriff

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Sheriff One Liners

Which sheriff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sheriff? I can suggest the ones about officer and policeman.

  1. What's Robin hood's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
  2. What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
  3. What was Robin Hood's favourite variety of font? Sans-sheriff
  4. What is Bob Marley's Favorite Typeface? Sans Sheriff
  5. What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone? Sans Sheriff.
  6. Who's the law enforcement in the font world? Sans Sheriff
  7. What did the deputy find in the sheriff's toilet? The police log
  8. What's a french criminal's favourite font? Sans Sheriff
  9. What is an outlaws favourite font? Sans-Sheriff
  10. Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
  11. It must have been so cool living in a Jewish village. Everyone gets to be sheriff.
  12. If there are four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving? The county sheriff.
  13. What is Bob Marley's favorite font? Anything sans sheriff.
  14. A man walks into a lawless town in the American fontier It was sans sheriff
  15. What does a squid sheriff form?
    An octoposse.

Deputy Sheriff Jokes

Here is a list of funny deputy sheriff jokes and even better deputy sheriff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Chuck Norris didn't shoot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy.
  • Her: I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**... Him: Don't worry, I'm a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there's no chance I'll come inside.

County Sheriff Jokes

Here is a list of funny county sheriff jokes and even better county sheriff puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Someone stole the toilet from the LA county sheriffs station. The cops there have nothing to go on.
  • What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times? "Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"
Sheriff joke, What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about sheriff can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of sheriff puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Unearthly Funniest Sheriff Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

What funny jokes about sheriff you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean police chief jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make sheriff prank.

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"

A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times.

He said it was the worst case of s**... he'd ever seen.

I'm not fishing

A woman had become tired of the family stressing around her, so she went to the nearest lake and borrowed a boat, sailed out to the middle of the lake, throws in the anchor and sits down and starts reading the book she brought with her.
Ten minutes later a boat aproaches and she notices it is the sheriff.
"Do you have a fishing permit?" the sheriff asks
"no, I'm not fishing I'm reading my book"
"but you have the boat full of fishing equipment, there's nothing to stop you from fishing when I turn my
back on you. So I will have ask you to follow me to the shore, so I can write you a fine for i**... fishing"
"If you do that I'll yell r**..."
"r**...?"
"yeah you got the equipment for it, there's nothing to stop you from using it when I turn my back on you"
the sheriff tips his hat to the lady "Enjoy the book, and have a nice day"
*edit spelling*

My local sheriff did a talk on h**....

I couldn't understand much of it.

Help me find this joke

The joke is about a farmer returning from town and the sheriff meets him and gives him this list of constantly escalating inner connected bad news terminating with the revelation that the farmer needs to get a new dog.

Traveling Circus

A circus stopped in a small town. An elephant escaped and found its way into an old woman's garden. Not recognizing the beast, she frantically called the sheriff. "Sherrif, there's an enormous awful beast in my garden, and it's pulling up my petunias with its tail". "Oh?" said the sheriff. "and what is it doing with the petunias?". "Sheriff, if I told you, you'd never believe me!"

A busload of politicians were driving down a country road...

...when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.
The old farmer heard the tragic c**... so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.
A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."

Deputy Investigation goes Wrong.

WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation
A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer who's the owner.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for i**... grown m**....'
The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says,
"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land". "No questions asked or answers given". "Have I made myself clear!!??" "Do you understand!!??"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy running for his life and close behind is the a huge breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down his **** fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge! Show him your F**king badge!"

A large plane crashed...

A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.

a southern sheriff is investigating a m**......

...and is writing where they died. the sheriff writes "the first fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the second body and writes "this fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the third body and writes "this fella died in the ~~b-o-w-l~~ ~~b-o-l-e-v-a-r~~ ~~b-u-o-l-o-v~~" and then he moved the body into the ditch.

Who shot the sheriff in Jurassic park?

DepuT- Rex...

Who said r**... aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding m**... inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Three people are given the death sentence...

They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."

I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.

Just saved 50 bucks!

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!

How police officers argue with lawyers

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. The sheriff asks for license and registration.
The lawyer asks, "What for?"
The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer, thinking he knows everything about the law says "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."

The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle."
The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.
The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Who's the only person known to have had s**... with OP's mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor

A cowboy is walking n**... down main street...

and the sheriff came driving by and saw him. BWOOP BWOOP! He pulls over and talks to him.
"Son, why are you n**... in the middle of town?"
The cowboy chuckles and says "Well, it's a long story."
"There is a n**... cowboy on main street in my town. I got time for a long story, let's hear it."
"Alright, so I was throwin' hay in my barn when a pretty little blonde lady comes in and says 'It's mighty hot in here, why don't you take your shirt off?' I did and she did the same, and I didn't mind. Then she says 'why don't ya set down and take your boots off?' I do and she set down beside me. Then she says 'why don't ya take them pants off?' I do and she does the same. Then she looks at me and says 'now go to town.' So here I am!"

a**... of police powers.

A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"

A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash.

I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it.

Sheriffs discover a dead black man in the woods...

... with 75 stab wounds and 36 gunshots to the chest. Sheriffs report it as the worst s**... they've ever seen.

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

"I called the sheriff!" Johnny said.

"Depp, you tease!" Amber said.

What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times?

Worse case of s**... he's ever seen

Who was the first person ever to have s**... with OPs mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.
What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

A man was applying to be a sheriff's deputy in Alabama.

The sheriff said I have one test, "I give you a gun and you have to shoot 4 b**... and a rabbit".
The man looked a bit confused and asked "why a rabbit?"
The sheriff replied "you're hired".

A man gets pulled over...

A man gets pulled over by a local sheriff. The sheriff walks up to the man's window and says I pulled you over because you didn't come to a full stop at that stop sign back there.
Yeah, but I slowed down... the man tells him.
Quickly, the sheriff reaches into the man's car, grabs him by the hair and starts smashing the man's face over and over into the steering wheel and asks him, Now do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to slow down?

She's a keeper

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."

Why was the bank robber caught so quickly?

The note he gave the teller was written in a sheriff font.

A r**... and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.

But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.

The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"
There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"

A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"

A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.

He was t**..., had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.
When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, It is truly the worst d**... case of s**... I've ever seen.

A preacher rides into a town in the old west...

As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"
The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."

A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him

I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling

So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.

So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.

A man walks into the Sheriff's office...

A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"
"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.
The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'
"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.
"Rustling."

Gas station robbery

First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

Sheriff joke, The sheriff at the press conference said  we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head.

jokes about sheriff

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these sheriff jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.