Sheriff Jokes
74 sheriff jokes and hilarious sheriff puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sheriff that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Read through a collection of hilarious sheriff jokes. Featuring Sheriff Woody, his small posse and their dealings with the townspeople, these jokes will make you laugh out loud. Enjoy these short sheriff jokes, perfect for any occasion.
Quick Jump To
Funniest Sheriff Short Jokes
Short sheriff jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sheriff humour may include short deputy jokes also.
- The Chief of Police died responding to people changing font on town signs There we were, left sans-sheriff
- The sheriff at the press conference said we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head. Frankly, we're stumped.
- A dog with a bandaged foot limped into town one day. The sheriff approached the stranger and said: What brings you to Dawson City? The dog replied: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.
- A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar... The font designer leaves sans sheriff.
- Sheriff: Sir you I'm fining you for having your store open during the shutdown Man: Oh, I'm not the owner I'm just looting.
Sheriff: Oh, ok carry on
This was an actual conversation overheard. - What do you call it when you are bitten by a rattlesnake, and your uncle is the sheriff, and his sidekick hand delivers you the antidote? Serumdeputy
- The sheriff's department auctioned off a bankrupt crematorium yesterday. I was surprised there wasn't morbid, but it's a tough way to urn a living.
- What's the difference between a war criminal and a married sheriff? One has been court martialed, the others a courted marshal.
- A man stumbles into a lawless town on the American fontier looking for help Only to find it sans sheriff
- Why was the bank robber caught so quickly? The note he gave the teller was written in a sheriff font.
Share These Sheriff Jokes With Friends
Sheriff One Liners
Which sheriff one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sheriff? I can suggest the ones about officer and policeman.
- What's Robin hood's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
- What was Bob Marley's favourite font? Sans Sheriff!
- What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone? Sans Sheriff.
- Who's the law enforcement in the font world? Sans Sheriff
- What did the deputy find in the sheriff's toilet? The police log
- What's a french criminal's favourite font? Sans Sheriff
- What is an outlaws favourite font? Sans-Sheriff
- Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"
- It must have been so cool living in a Jewish village. Everyone gets to be sheriff.
- If there are four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving? The county sheriff.
- What does a squid sheriff form?
An octoposse. - Chuck Norris didn't shoot the sheriff, but he roundhouse kicked the deputy.
- What public official is most prone to giving their stuff away? A sheriff.
- "I called the sheriff!" Johnny said. "Depp, you tease!" Amber said.
- TIL that Eric Clapton was sentenced to 10 years in prison. He shot the sheriff.
Unearthly Funniest Sheriff Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
What funny jokes about sheriff you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean police chief jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sheriff pranks.
Dumping garbage
The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I'm not fishing
A woman had become tired of the family stressing around her, so she went to the nearest lake and borrowed a boat, sailed out to the middle of the lake, throws in the anchor and sits down and starts reading the book she brought with her.
Ten minutes later a boat aproaches and she notices it is the sheriff.
"Do you have a fishing permit?" the sheriff asks
"no, I'm not fishing I'm reading my book"
"but you have the boat full of fishing equipment, there's nothing to stop you from fishing when I turn my
back on you. So I will have ask you to follow me to the shore, so I can write you a fine for i**... fishing"
"If you do that I'll yell r**..."
"r**...?"
"yeah you got the equipment for it, there's nothing to stop you from using it when I turn my back on you"
the sheriff tips his hat to the lady "Enjoy the book, and have a nice day"
*edit spelling*
Help me find this joke
The joke is about a farmer returning from town and the sheriff meets him and gives him this list of constantly escalating inner connected bad news terminating with the revelation that the farmer needs to get a new dog.
Traveling Circus
A circus stopped in a small town. An elephant escaped and found its way into an old woman's garden. Not recognizing the beast, she frantically called the sheriff. "Sherrif, there's an enormous awful beast in my garden, and it's pulling up my petunias with its tail". "Oh?" said the sheriff. "and what is it doing with the petunias?". "Sheriff, if I told you, you'd never believe me!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road...
...when the bus suddenly ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's field.
The old farmer heard the tragic c**... so he rushed over to investigate. He then began digging a large grave to bury the politicians.
A few hours later, the local sheriff was driving past the farmer's field and noticed the bus wreck. He approached the old farmer and asked where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer explained that he'd gone ahead and buried all of them. "Were they ALL dead?" asked the puzzled sheriff. "Well, some of them said they weren't," said the old farmer, "but you know how them politicians lie."
A Firefighter, a Sheriff, and a Paramedic are trying to get into heaven...
St. Peter greets them and tells them regardless of their heroic acts, they'll need to be able to count to ten to get into heaven.
The Sheriff goes first. He hauls out his Colt .45 and counts the shots, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Let me try again!" So he reloads, "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7... Nope, I only got 7 shots."
So the Paramedic steps up, "I can do this." He gets into CPR position, "1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... 1 and, 2 and, 3 and, 4 and, 5... Nope, CPR only goes in rounds of five."
The firefighter reluctantly goes next... "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10"
"That's amazing!" St. Peter declares, "You're the first all week. Can you count any higher?"
"Sure, 10, jack, queen, king."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Deputy Investigation goes Wrong.
WASHINGTON COUNTY SHERIFF 'S DEPT. Investigation
A Deputy stops at a dairy farm and talks with the old farmer who's the owner.
He tells the farmer, 'I need to inspect your property for i**... grown m**....'
The old Farmer says, 'Okay, but don't go in that field over there.'
The officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me"!! Pointing to the badge on his chest he proudly says,
"See this badge"!? "This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish…on any land". "No questions asked or answers given". "Have I made myself clear!!??" "Do you understand!!??"
The old farmer nods politely and goes about his chores.
Later, the old guy hears loud screams and spies the deputy running for his life and close behind is the a huge breeder bull.
With every step the bull is gaining ground on the officer.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The old farmer immediately throws down his **** fork, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs.....
"Your badge! Show him your F**king badge!"
Air Force one goes down.
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
A large plane crashed...
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Air Force One crashes in a field..
A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left, smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm.
The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath.
"Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out, "the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor.
"He kept a-saying he wasn't . . . But you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a southern sheriff is investigating a m**......
...and is writing where they died. the sheriff writes "the first fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the second body and writes "this fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the third body and writes "this fella died in the ~~b-o-w-l~~ ~~b-o-l-e-v-a-r~~ ~~b-u-o-l-o-v~~" and then he moved the body into the ditch.
Elephant ambiguity
A circus train derailed in a very rural area and several animals escaped throughout the countryside. An elephant wandered into an elderly lady's garden and began eating her vegetables. She looked out from inside her house and saw the animal. Being nearsighted and never having seen an elephant, she phoned the sheriff and exclaimed "Sheriff, sheriff, come quick; there is some kind of critter in my garden, it is bigger than my toolshed, and it is pulling up my turnips with its tail!". The sheriff replied,"Pulling turnips up with its tail? What is it doing with them?" The old lady squinted through the window and reluctantly replied, "Sheriff, if I told you, you wouldn't believe me!
Who shot the sheriff in Jurassic park?
DepuT- Rex...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who said r**... aren't real smart?
"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding m**... inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Yep!"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"
Three people are given the death sentence...
They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.
The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."
The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.
The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."
The brown paper cowboy
A bounty hunter wandered into an old Texan town, looking for the latest wanted posters. Not finding any, he made his way to the local sheriff's office. ''So, who needs bringing in around here?" he asked the sheriff.
''Well, there's only one godawful fugitive around here, the baddest guy in the west. They call him the brown paper cowboy.''
'Why do they call him that?'' asks the bounty hunter.
''Because he wears a brown paper hat, a brown paper jacket, and brown paper boots.''
''Weird'' says the bounty hunter. ''What's he wanted for?"
''Rustlin','' says the sheriff.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer
I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.
I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.
The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.
How police officers argue with lawyers
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a sheriff. The sheriff asks for license and registration.
The lawyer asks, "What for?"
The sheriff responds, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign." The lawyer says, "I slowed down and no one was coming." "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration please," say the sheriff impatiently.
The lawyer, thinking he knows everything about the law says "If you can show me the legal difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not, you let me go and don't give me the ticket."
The sheriff says, "That sounds fair, please exit your vehicle."
The lawyer steps out and the sheriff takes out his nightstick and starts beating the lawyer with it.
The sheriff says, "Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?
"Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who's the only person known to have had s**... with OP's mom?
Sheriff Andy Taylor
An Englishman, a Scotsman and a Irishman are running from the sheriff...
They turn a corner and see three large empty sacks. Quickly, they each hide inside one.
The sheriff and his deputy turn the corner and see the three sacks on the ground. The sheriff dismounts and kicks the first sack.
"Meow," says the Englishman.
"It's just a cat," the sheriff says and kicks the second bag
"Woof," says the Scotsmen.
"It's just a dog," the sheriff says and finally kicks the last bag.
The Irishman says "potatoes."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A cowboy is walking n**... down main street...
and the sheriff came driving by and saw him. BWOOP BWOOP! He pulls over and talks to him.
"Son, why are you n**... in the middle of town?"
The cowboy chuckles and says "Well, it's a long story."
"There is a n**... cowboy on main street in my town. I got time for a long story, let's hear it."
"Alright, so I was throwin' hay in my barn when a pretty little blonde lady comes in and says 'It's mighty hot in here, why don't you take your shirt off?' I did and she did the same, and I didn't mind. Then she says 'why don't ya set down and take your boots off?' I do and she set down beside me. Then she says 'why don't ya take them pants off?' I do and she does the same. Then she looks at me and says 'now go to town.' So here I am!"
Did you hear about the Gay cowboy...
..who rode in to town and shot up the sheriff?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
a**... of police powers.
A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.
The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."
And the cowboy says "What for?"
The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"
A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash.
I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the favorite song of b**...
I shot the sheriff
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Sheriffs discover a dead black man in the woods...
... with 75 stab wounds and 36 gunshots to the chest. Sheriffs report it as the worst s**... they've ever seen.
Country Politics
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer''s barn.
The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Her: I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**...
Him: Don't worry, I'm a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there's no chance I'll come inside.
In the Old West
In the Old West, a man robbed a bank in El Paso and rode south. The sheriff quickly formed a posse and they captured him in a small cantina near the Mexican border, but he didn't have the money. The sheriff decided to interrogate him, but the robber only spoke Spanish, so they got the bartender to translate.
Sheriff, through translator: "Where's the money?"
Bank robber, through translator: I'll never tell you."
The sheriff puts his revolver to the bank robber's head. Now, tell me where the money is!
Bank robber (in Spanish): I hid it under the bridge south of town!
Translator: He says he's not afraid to die."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A man gets pulled over...
A man gets pulled over by a local sheriff. The sheriff walks up to the man's window and says I pulled you over because you didn't come to a full stop at that stop sign back there.
Yeah, but I slowed down... the man tells him.
Quickly, the sheriff reaches into the man's car, grabs him by the hair and starts smashing the man's face over and over into the steering wheel and asks him, Now do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to slow down?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A r**... and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.
But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.
Brown Paper Larry
A cowboy rides into town and sees a few guys working on a gallows. The cowboy dismounts and calls out, "Hey, sheriff, when's the hangin'?"
The sheriff says, "Saturday. We're fixin' to hang Brown Paper Larry."
The cowboy's brow furrows. "How come he's called Brown Paper Larry?"
"Well," says the sheriff, "the man always wears clothes made of brown paper. Brown paper shirts. Brown paper pants. Even brown paper socks."
The cowboy ponders this for a moment, then asks, "What are y'all hangin' him for?"
And the sheriff says, "Rustling."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.
The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"
There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"
A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.
The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.
He was t**..., had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.
When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, It is truly the worst d**... case of s**... I've ever seen.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A preacher rides into a town in the old west...
As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"
The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"
The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."
A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him
I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.
Everyone in the bar hushes up.
I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.
What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.
The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.
There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?
Sheriff replies Rustling
So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.
So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.
Gas station robbery
First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.
