Sheriff Jokes

Read through a collection of hilarious sheriff jokes. Featuring Sheriff Woody, his small posse and their dealings with the townspeople, these jokes will make you laugh out loud. Enjoy these short sheriff jokes, perfect for any occasion.

Unearthly Funniest Sheriff Jokes to Tickle Your Sides

Dumping garbage

The Sheriff pulled up next to a guy unloading garbage out of his pick-up truck into a ditch. The Sheriff asks, "Why are you dumping garbage in the ditch? Don't you see that sign right over your head?"
"Yep," he replied. "That's why I'm dumpin' it here, 'cause it says: 'FINE FOR DUMPING GARBAGE.'"

A Texas sheriff found a black man who was shot 12 times.

He said it was the worst case of s**... he'd ever seen.

My local sheriff did a talk on h**....

I couldn't understand much of it.

Help me find this joke

The joke is about a farmer returning from town and the sheriff meets him and gives him this list of constantly escalating inner connected bad news terminating with the revelation that the farmer needs to get a new dog.

jokes about sheriff

Traveling Circus

A circus stopped in a small town. An elephant escaped and found its way into an old woman's garden. Not recognizing the beast, she frantically called the sheriff. "Sherrif, there's an enormous awful beast in my garden, and it's pulling up my petunias with its tail". "Oh?" said the sheriff. "and what is it doing with the petunias?". "Sheriff, if I told you, you'd never believe me!"

What was Bob Marley's favourite font?

Sans Sheriff!

a southern sheriff is investigating a m**......

...and is writing where they died. the sheriff writes "the first fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the second body and writes "this fella died in the d-i-t-c-h." then he goes to the third body and writes "this fella died in the ~~b-o-w-l~~ ~~b-o-l-e-v-a-r~~ ~~b-u-o-l-o-v~~" and then he moved the body into the ditch.

Sheriff joke, a southern sheriff is investigating a m**......

What's Robin Hood's favourite font?

Sans Sheriff!

Who said r**... aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding m**... inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They sneer at Virgil and leave.

The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Three people are given the death sentence...

They are given a choice, guillotine or rifle for their execution.

The first convict states he will take the guillotine. When they setup and release, the blade gets stuck and the sheriff states "it is not your time, you may go."

The second decides on guillotine as well, the blade gets stuck and they also let him free.

The third says "Well, since the guillotine isn't working, I will take death by rifle."

I installed a new home alarm system I've never felt safer

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch.

I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center.

The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I am saving $49.95 a month.

You can explore sheriff sherriff reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sheriff hidin dad jokes. There are also sheriff puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Just saved 50 bucks!

I've disconnected my home alarm system and de-registered from the Neighborhood Watch. I've got two Pakistani flags raised in the front yard, one at each corner, and the black flag of ISIS in the center. The local police, sheriff, FBI, CIA, NSA, Homeland Security, Secret Service and other agencies are all watching the house 24/7. I've never felt safer and I'm saving $49.95 a month!

What did the county Sheriff say about the black man who was shot 15 times?

"Worst case of s**... I've ever seen"

What is Bob Marley's Favorite Typeface?

Sans Sheriff

Who's the only person known to have had s**... with OP's mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor

a**... of police powers.

A cowboy walks into a saloon wearing paper bag boots, paper bag pants, a paper bag shirt and a paper hat.

The local sheriff pulls out his gun and says " I'm arresting you."

And the cowboy says "What for?"

The sheriff replies "RUSTLING!"

Sheriff joke, a**... of police powers.

A friend of mine in law enforcement doesn't like The Clash.

I guess you could say that sheriff don't like it.

What font was used on Wyatt Earp's tombstone?

Sans Sheriff.

Sheriffs discover a dead black man in the woods...

... with 75 stab wounds and 36 gunshots to the chest. Sheriffs report it as the worst s**... they've ever seen.

What did the Alabama Sheriff call the black man with 20 bullet holes in his back?

The worst case of s**... he's ever seen.

What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times?

Worse case of s**... he's ever seen

What is Bob Marley's favorite font?

Anything sans sheriff.

A Font Designer and a Police Officer Walk Into a Bar...

The font designer leaves sans sheriff.

Who was the first person ever to have s**... with OPs mom?

Sheriff Andy Taylor of Mayberry

What's the difference between a war criminal and a married sheriff?

One has been court martialed, the others a courted marshal.

Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

Just think of how idyllic and peaceful the whole community was.

What did the main characters all have in common? Sheriff Andy, Barney, Opie, Gomer, Floyd the barber, Helen, Clara Jean, Aunt Bea, Goober, Harold......they were all SINGLE.

The only married character was Otis, and he was drunk all the time!

Sheriff joke, Why Mayberry RFD was such a pleasant place

If there are four Dallas Cowboys in a car who's driving?

The county sheriff.

What's a french criminal's favourite font?

Sans Sheriff

It must have been so cool living in a Jewish village.

Everyone gets to be sheriff.

A dog with a bandaged foot limped into town one day.

The sheriff approached the stranger and said: What brings you to Dawson City? The dog replied: I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.

Her: I want to be safe so you have to wear a c**...

Him: Don't worry, I'm a Broward County Sheriff Deputy so there's no chance I'll come inside.

Sheriff dog bursts into the saloon and says

"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

A man walks into a lawless town in the American fontier

It was sans sheriff

A man stumbles into a lawless town on the American fontier looking for help

Only to find it sans sheriff

A man was applying to be a sheriff's deputy in Alabama.

The sheriff said I have one test, "I give you a gun and you have to shoot 4 b**... and a rabbit".
The man looked a bit confused and asked "why a rabbit?"
The sheriff replied "you're hired".

A man gets pulled over...

A man gets pulled over by a local sheriff. The sheriff walks up to the man's window and says I pulled you over because you didn't come to a full stop at that stop sign back there.

Yeah, but I slowed down... the man tells him.

Quickly, the sheriff reaches into the man's car, grabs him by the hair and starts smashing the man's face over and over into the steering wheel and asks him, Now do you want me to stop? Or do you want me to slow down?

She's a keeper

This guy is sitting at home alone when
he hears a knock on the front door.
There are two sheriff's deputies there;
he asks if there is a problem.
One of the deputies asks if he is
married, and if so, can he see a picture of his wife.
The guy says "sure " and shows him a
picture of his wife. The sheriff says,
"I'm very sorry sir, but it looks like your
wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, " I know, but she has a
great personality and she's an excellent cook."

What do you call it when you are bitten by a rattlesnake, and your uncle is the sheriff, and his sidekick hand delivers you the antidote?


Why was the bank robber caught so quickly?

The note he gave the teller was written in a sheriff font.

A r**... and con artist gets caught by the sheriff in a small town.

But he gets released because sitting presidents can't be indicted.

Sheriff: Sir you I'm fining you for having your store open during the shutdown

Man: Oh, I'm not the owner I'm just looting.

Sheriff: Oh, ok carry on

This was an actual conversation overheard.

The sheriff of a small Texan town pulled over a Porsche that was doing 60 miles per hour in a 30-mile an hour zone.

The man behind the wheel, a San Francisco law associate, was steaming. When he was finally brought before the local magistrate, he exploded, "I can't believe you stopped me. This town must be the a**... of the world!"

There was a five second pause as the magistrate looked at him. Then he asked, "You just passing through?"

A bus filled with politicians is speeding down a country road when it swerves into a field and hits a tree.

The farmer who owns the field and tree comes out to investigate. Then he digs a hole and buries the politicians. A few days later the sheriff drives by and sees the bus. He goes and gets the farmer and asks him where the politicians are. He says he buried them. The sheriff asks if they were all dead. The farmer says, "Some of them were but some of them were trying to tell me they weren't. But you know how politicians lie!"

Who's the law enforcement in the font world?

Sans Sheriff

A Mexican man was found dead at the bottom of a lake.

He was t**..., had chains wrapped around him, and had seven bullet wounds.

When the local sheriff was asked what had happened, the sheriff replied, It is truly the worst d**... case of s**... I've ever seen.

A preacher rides into a town in the old west...

As he's riding into town, his horse keeps stumbling around the street. The reins are finally grabbed by the Sheriff, who says, "This stallion okay?"

The preacher says, "Yes. We passed through a patch of p**... and he ate some. But that aside, I come to tell you of God's good word, to help you worthless, sinful heathens to-"

The Sheriff shakes his head, struggling to hold the animal still, and says "Now before you go preaching to us, why don't you get off your high horse."

A sheriff walks into a saloon, the doors swinging on their hinges behind him

I'm gonna need your attention he exclaims.

Everyone in the bar hushes up.

I'm lookin' for a wanted man says the sheriff.

What's he look like sheriff? asks a patron standing at the bar.

The sheriff responds Well now, he's been seen wearing a brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, he also wears brown paper boots and has a brown paper hat. We're calling him the Brown Paper Cowboy.

There's a quiet murmur throughout the bar, until finally someone asks What's he wanted for sheriff?

Sheriff replies Rustling

So these three lawyers are zooming along a country road and they get into an accident with a gravedigger.

So the gravedigger pulls himself out of his car and he's okay, but the lawyers are kind of messed up, so he buries them, right there, and walks into town and calls the Sheriff. 'Sheriff,' he says, 'terrible accident I just had. Three lawyers in it, they was all dead, so I buried them.' Sheriff says, "What?
You went ahead and buried them already? Are yousure they was dead?' Gravedigger says reluctantly,
"Well, they said they wasn't, but you know how those fellas lie.

A man walks into the Sheriff's office...

A man walks into the sheriff's office... "I want to become a deputy!"

"Good, I want to you to catch this man" says the sheriff handling the man a wanted poster.

The poster reads : 'Last seen wearing a brown paper hat, brown paper shirt, brown paper pants, and brown paper boots.'

"What's he wanted for?" asked the hopeful yound man.


Gas station robbery

First offโ€ฆI am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.

The sheriff at the press conference said we have a torso with no arms, legs, or head.

Frankly, we're stumped.

Remember that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes that make girls laugh. Many of the sheriff commissioner puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When a joke goes too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke becomes inappropriate.

We suggest you to use only working sheriff deputy piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and make them laugh.

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