Shepherd Jokes
118 shepherd jokes and hilarious shepherd puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shepherd that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for some fun and silly shepherd jokes? Check out this article for a collection of jokes pertaining to shepherds and their sheep. From German Shepherds to Australian Shepherds to the Good Shepherd, these jokes will have you laughing as you explore the world of these beloved and loyal animal guardians. You won't want to miss the jokes involving a Rottweiler and a Collie mixed with a shepherd - get ready to laugh!
Quick Jump To
Funniest Shepherd Short Jokes
Short shepherd jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shepherd humour may include short sheepdog jokes also.
- A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date... German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
Sheep: "You herd me." - "I have the brain of a german shepherd and the body of a teenage boy. They're both in my trunk and I want you to see them."
- Hi, I'm from Brazil and I can't go to the backyard, I'm afraid my german shepherd will laugh instead of bark at me...
- Wanna see my impression of a German Shepherd? "*ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!* YOU SHEEPS *VILL* GO INTO ZE PASTURE, UND YOU *VILL* HAVE A GOOD TIME!"
- What's the difference between a German Shepherd and a bad comedian? Nothing, they always come back with the same schtick.
- Did you know about the deaf shepherd who gathered his flock and herd? What about the blind carpenter who picked up his hammer and saw?
- The shepherd woke up one afternoon... "Oh no! I fell asleep! I hope nobody stole my sheep.
Let's see 1, 2, *Zzzzzz*" - Dog and sheep Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up. - Why was the shepherd fired? He fell asleep during inventory
Why was the sheep girl fired?
She was sleeping with the shepherd too. - What's the difference between a rolling stone and a Scottish shepherd? One says, "hey, you! Get off of my cloud!"
The other says, "hey Macleod! Get off of my ewe!"
Share These Shepherd Jokes With Friends
Shepherd One Liners
Which shepherd one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shepherd? I can suggest the ones about sheep herding and herding dog.
- What do you get when you crossbreed a chihuahua with a German Shepherd? A que-nein.
- I ate some shepherd's pie today ...he seemed pretty angry about it.
- What did the insolent sheep mumble to the shepherd? You herd me.
- What do they call pastors in Germany German shepherds
- What do you call a German Shepherd in a U-boat? A sub woofer
- What do you call it when a shepherd can't find his ram? Memory loss.
- I have an uncle who has 2 German Shepherds, named Rolex and Timex Watchdogs
- What did the sheep say to her abusive shepherd? You're herding me.
- How do you find the circumference of a sheep? Use shepherds pi
- My dad grew up herding sheep in Germany He was a German shepherd.
- how you call the pastor that come from Germany ? German Shepherd
- What do you call an ISIS member who has a 100 lovers? A shepherd.
- What should you do if you get attacked by a German Shepherd? Take his crook
- Red sky at night: shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night: day
- What do you call a new-zealander with multiple girlfriends? A shepherd
German Shepherd Jokes
Here is a list of funny german shepherd jokes and even better german shepherd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- How does a German Shepherd greet you? Guten dog!
- What's Brown and Black and looks good on an escaped prisoner A German Shepherd
- What do you call a Pastor in Germany? A German Shepherd.
- Every morning this week a German Shepherd has been taking a dump on my lawn Yesterday he brought his dog.
- Good news! There are well over 100 labs in America working on developing a vaccine. Just wait til they get the German shepherds involved!
- I have the mind of a German Shepherd and the body of and old man... ...and they are both in the trunk of my car.
- Sheepdogs aren't used to herd sheep in Germany They use German Shepherds instead
- What's a Korean's favourite take on a traditional British meal? German Shepherd pie.
- A German shepherd peed outside my house yesterday... Next week, he's bringing his dog
- I am dual citizen Half German half shepherd. Woof.
Shepherd And Sheep Jokes
Here is a list of funny shepherd and sheep jokes and even better shepherd and sheep puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I used to be a Shepherd, but I have no idea how many sheep I had. Kept falling asleep trying to count them.
- The Sheepdog counter 40 sheep, the shepherd counted only 37 That's because the sheepdog rounded them up
- A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away Forget it, you've already herd this one.
- My mate works as a shepherd, but he keeps getting in trouble for showing up late. Doesn't seem like he's lost any sheep over it though.
- Why did the shepherd sleep on the job? Because he was busy counting sheep.
- The shepherd counted 98 sheep...
- A shepherd asked a depressed sheep how he was doing... "Baaaaaahd," the sheep replied.
- Dr. Dre is giving up music. Instead, he has decided to become a shepherd, and raise sheep.
Introducing Bleats by Dre. - Why do shepherds wear overalls? Because sheep can hear zippers.
- A Shepherd asks a Blacksmith, Can you help me find my sheep? Blacksmith replies, That sounds like a ewe problem.
Good Shepherd Jokes
Here is a list of funny good shepherd jokes and even better good shepherd puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- I have this good Shepherd joke I want to tell you all. Stop me if you've herded before.
Fun-Filled Shepherd Jokes to Make You and Your Friends Chuckle & Giggle
What funny jokes about shepherd you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean herding jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shepherd pranks.
What kind of car does a rich shepherd drive?
A Lamb-orghini!
A black knight moves into a new village with only white people...
...after a year, a white girl in the village gives birth to a black child. A shepherd goes up to the knight and says: "I think you had s**... with that girl, since you're the only black person in this entire village." The knight responds: "Well, sometimes weird things just happen, like your single white sheep among your heard of black sheep." The shepherd says: "Hey! You say nothing bout the sheep, I say nothing bout the baby."
Woof
A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."
Two guys and their dogs are walking down the street...
...one's got a german shepherd and the other's got a chihuahua.
They get hungry so the german shepherd guy suggests they grab a bite to eat at the restaurant on the corner, but his friend says, "They won't let us into a restaurant with our dogs!"
"Just follow my lead," says the first guy.
He walks up and the maitre'd says, "What are you, nuts?! You can't come in here with a dog!"
"But it's a seeing eye dog," the guy with the german shepherd explains.
"Oh, excuse me, now I understand. Go right ahead," says the maitre'd.
The next guy walks up and the maitre'd stops him too. "You can't come in here with a dog!"
Following his friend's cue the guy says, "But it's a seeing eye dog!"
The maitre'd looks skeptical and says, "Sir - that's no seeing eye dog. It's just a chihuahua."
The guy jumps back in shock... "WHAT!? They gave me a chihuahua!!?"
Two guys were walking their dogs....
Two guys were walking their dogs-one had a German Shepherd and the other had a Chihuahua. The man with the Shepherd suggested going into a bar for a drink. The other man says, "They're not going to let dogs into the bar." And the first guy says, "No? Watch this." So he puts on some dark glasses, acts like the German Shepherd is a seeing-eye dog, walks into the bar and orders a drink. And no one says anything. So the second guy takes out some dark glasses, slips them on, and walks his Chihuahua into the bar. The bartender says, "Sorry-we don't allow dogs in here." And the man says, "It's okay-it's my seeing-eye dog." The bartender laughs and says, "This Chihuahua is your seeing-eye dog?" And the guy says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"
Inigo Montoya would make a great shepherd
He'd kill for his fodder.
What do you call a dog with a cold?
A Germy Shepherd!
What do you call a Scottish shepherd?
"p**...."
I had Shepherd's pie for dinner...
So he asked "Why are you eating my food?"
A priest and a shepherd...
... from Australia participate in a gameshow on TV. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It's a city in Africa.
The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:
"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "
The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his poem:
"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three ladies cheap to rent.
But they were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "
Why did the n**... feed their farmers dog biscuits?
Because they were German Shepherds.
Tom Parry on Folk Wisdom
Red sky at night, shepherd's delight. Blue sky at night, day.
Red sky at night; shepherds delight, red sky in morning; shepherds warning
Minced lamb, potato, onion and carrot; shepherd's pie.
Red sky at night shepherd's delight. Red sky in the morning...
Your barn's on fire.
Did you hear about the shepherd that retired to the Pacific Northwest?
He was sheepless in Seattle.
my job is great, I get to travel a lot, I'm surrounded by hot b**..., and I even met my wife on the job!
I love being a shepherd!
What do you call the workers in an Apple store?
Shepherds.
Icarus arrives at the airport.
Ahead of him, a husband and wife shepherd their two children, a boy and girl, toward their gate.
"Dad, can I have a taco before the flight?" The boy asks.
The father sighs, relenting. "All right."
Three hours later, Icarus lands. His father waits outside, ready to greet him.
"Good to see you!" He exclaims, then pauses, looking at Icarus's suit. "Geez, you got v**... all over you. What happened?"
Icarus shrugs. "I flew too close to the son."
Where did h**... take his sick German Shepherd?
To the veteran-a**...
My neighbors think I'm having s**... with a 3 year old.
I tried to explain it to them but they didn't seem comforted when I cleared up the fact that my German Shepherd is actually 21 in dog years.
How do you call Greek gentleman with 1000 lovers?
-Shepherd
Poodle: My life is a mess. My owner is mean, my girlfriend is leaving me for a German shepherd, and I'm as nervous as a cat. Collie: Why don't you go see a psychiatrist?
Poodle: I can't. I'm not allowed on the couch.
What did the goat say to shepherd's wife?
Goats can't speak.
What did the goat say to shepherd's wife ? Part - 2
Nothing, Goat still can't speak.
Did you hear about the chihuahua that killed the German Shepherd
It got stuck in its t**....
A shepherd tells his dog to go count the sheep...
So the dog goes out, comes back a little later. Shepherd says: How many sheep you count out there?
Dog says: 40 .
Shepherd says: That's not possible, I only had 38 to begin with! .
And the dog goes: Yeah but I rounded them up .
A German shepherd walks into a bar
and says Hey, I'm a talking dog. Other dogs can do tricks, but have you ever heard one talk? How about a drink for a dog who's articulate and erudite?"
The bartender says, Sure, the toilet's there, first door on the right.
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A shepherd owned a remarkable dog, deft at sheep herding and able to speak.
At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.
"40," the dog barked.
"40? I counted 37."
"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."
My friend came over to visit the other day.
He saw my German Shepherd in the corner l**... his b**... and said "boy...I sure wish I could do that."
I said "well you should probably pet him first, he can be pretty mean."
What did one shepherd say to another shepherd on a cold winter's night?
I'm freezing! Let's get the flock out of here!
A German Shepherd, a Doberman, and a cat died.
In Heaven, all three faced God, who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German Shepherd said, I believe in discipline, training, and loyalty to my master.
Good! said God. Sit at my right side. Then God asked, Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answered, I believe in the love, care, and protection of my master.
Aha, said God, you may sit on my left.
Then God looked at the cat and asked, And what do you believe in?
I believe, replied the cat, that you are sitting in my seat.
It's a miracle
A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.
I shouted at a shepherd the other day...
He said You what?
I replied You herd
A German Shepherd, Doberman And Cat Have Died And Gone To Heaven
A German Shepherd, Doberman and a cat have died.
All three are faced with God who wants to know what they believe in.
The German shepherd says: "I believe in discipline training and loyalty to my master."
Good," says God. "Then sit down on my right side. Doberman, what do you believe in?
The Doberman answers: "I believe in the love, care and protection of my master."
Ah," said God. "You may sit to my left."
Then he looks at the cat and asks, "And what do you believe in?"
The cat answers: "I believe you're sitting on my seat."
I hear that Chad Kroeger from Nickelback, absolutely loves to take part in Nativity plays. He's played a shepherd, the inn keeper and one year, he even played the rear end of the donkey...
But he never made it as a wise man
Two dogs are sitting in a field.
First dog turns to the second dog and says d**... man you smell like s**...! Have you been rolling in s**...?
Yep.
Wow. That is foul. Is it like a compulsive behavior?
Nope.
Do you do it to cover your scent up, like to ward off predators?
Nope.
Is it some weird f**... that gets you off?
Nope.
Then why would you roll in such pungent p**...!?
So I can sit in peace and not be bothered. Figures it wouldn't work on a German Shepherd
The guessing game
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
\- "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
\- "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
\- "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A German shepherd, a Doberman and a cat died.
In heaven they faced God,who wanted to know what they believed in.
The German shepherd said "i believe in discipline, loyalty and training to my master".
"Good" said God. "You may sit on my right side".
The Doberman said "I believe in love,care and protection of my master".
"Aha,you may sit on my left" said God.
Then God looked at the cat and said" and what do you believe in"?
The cat replied " I believe you are sitting in my seat".
Proper English
An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"
The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!"
The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more water that way!"
