Shepherd And Sheep Jokes
55 shepherd and sheep jokes and hilarious shepherd and sheep puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shepherd and sheep that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Shepherd And Sheep Short Jokes
Short shepherd and sheep jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shepherd and sheep humour may include short shepherd jokes also.
- A German Shepherd and a Sheep are out on a date... German Shepherd: "What do you mean I'm too controlling?!"
Sheep: "You herd me." - Wanna see my impression of a German shepherd? "*ACHTUNG! ACHTUNG!* YOU SHEEPS *VILL* GO INTO ZE PASTURE, UND YOU *VILL* HAVE A GOOD TIME!"
- The shepherd woke up one afternoon... "Oh no! I fell asleep! I hope nobody stole my sheep.
Let's see 1, 2, *Zzzzzz*" - Dog and sheep Shepherd: did you count all the sheep.
Dog: yes there are 40 sheep.
Shepherd: 40? I thought we had 38 sheep.
Dog: yes I rounded them up. - Why was the shepherd fired? He fell asleep during inventory
Why was the sheep girl fired?
She was sleeping with the shepherd too. - I used to be a Shepherd, but I have no idea how many sheep I had. Kept falling asleep trying to count them.
- The Sheepdog counter 40 sheep, the shepherd counted only 37 That's because the sheepdog rounded them up
- My mate works as a shepherd, but he keeps getting in trouble for showing up late. Doesn't seem like he's lost any sheep over it though.
- Dr. Dre is giving up music. Instead, he has decided to become a shepherd, and raise sheep.
Introducing Bleats by Dre. - A Shepherd asks a Blacksmith, Can you help me find my sheep? Blacksmith replies, That sounds like a ewe problem.
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Shepherd And Sheep One Liners
Which shepherd and sheep one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shepherd and sheep? I can suggest the ones about sheep herding and sheep ewe.
- What did the insolent sheep mumble to the shepherd? You herd me.
- What did the sheep say to her abusive shepherd? You're herding me.
- How do you find the circumference of a sheep? Use shepherds pi
- My dad grew up herding sheep in Germany He was a German shepherd.
- A shepherd was looking for a sheep that ran away Forget it, you've already herd this one.
- Why did the shepherd sleep on the job? Because he was busy counting sheep.
- The shepherd counted 98 sheep...
- Sheepdogs aren't used to herd sheep in Germany They use German Shepherds instead
- A shepherd asked a depressed sheep how he was doing... "Baaaaaahd," the sheep replied.
- Why do shepherds wear overalls? Because sheep can hear zippers.
- Did you know sheep could talk? Neither did the deaf shepherd.
- As the shepherd said to his sheep Let's get the flock out of here
Shepherd And Sheep Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about shepherd and sheep you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean sheepdog jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shepherd and sheep pranks.
A man walking along a road in the countryside comes across a shepherd and a huge flock of sheep.
He tells to the shepherd: "I will bet you 100 € against one of your sheep that I can tell you the exact number in this flock."
The shepherd thinks it over; it’s a big flock so he takes the bet.
"973," says the man.
The shepherd is astonished, because that is exactly right.
Says "OK, I’m a man of my word, take an animal."
Man picks one up and begins to walk away.
"Wait," cries the shepherd, "Let me have a chance to get even. Double or nothing that I can guess your exact occupation."
Man says sure.
"You are an economist for a government think tank" says the shepherd.
"You are exactly right!" responds the man, "but tell me, how did you deduce that?"
"Well," says the shepherd, "put down the dog and I will tell you."
Two shepherds lean on their crooks at the end of a long day and the first asks the second, "So, how's it going?"
The second one sighed and shook his head, "Not good, I can't pay my bills, my health isn't good, my kids don't respect me, and my wife is leaving me."
The first replied, "Well, don't lose any sheep over it."
My (blonde) sister hates blonde jokes. I (redhead) told her I have a redhead joke for her. She was eager to hear it!
A redhead goes for a drive through the country, just enjoying the peaceful ride with her windows open. She has to stop as a shepherd is moving his flock across the road. The redhead gets out of her car to stretch and has an idea.
"Hey Mister! If I can guess how many sheep you have, may I keep one?"
The shepherd has hundreds of sheep and feels confident enough to agree. The redhead looks over the flock and says, "361." The shepherd is stunned that she guessed correctly but, being a man of his word, allows her to pick out her favorite. The redhead is about to put her new pet in her car when the shepherd calls out to her.
"Hey Lady! If I can guess your real hair color, may I have my dog back?"
My sister was not amused.
Another blonde joke.
A blonde has her hair dyed brown. A few days later she's out driving through the countryside when she stops her car to let a flock of sheep pass. Admiring the cute woolly creatures, she says to the shepherd, If I can guess how many sheep you have, can I take one? The shepherd agrees, so the blonde thinks for a moment and says, 352. The shepherd is amazed, You're right! Which sheep do you want? The blonde picks the cutest animal. The shepherd says to her, Okay. How's this for a bet? If I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?
A black knight moves into a new village with only white people...
...after a year, a white girl in the village gives birth to a black child. A shepherd goes up to the knight and says: "I think you had s**... with that girl, since you're the only black person in this entire village." The knight responds: "Well, sometimes weird things just happen, like your single white sheep among your heard of black sheep." The shepherd says: "Hey! You say nothing bout the sheep, I say nothing bout the baby."
A blonde and a shepherd.
A blonde, tired of people assuming she's s**..., goes to a salon and has her hair dyed brown. On her way home she sees a shepherd and his flock of sheep. She stops and asks, "if I guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?" The shepherd agrees and the blonde guesses, "237." He does some quick figures in his head, realizes she's right and tells her to grab one. As she comes back with her pick **he** asks, "if I guess what color your roots are, can I have my dog back?"
**
A brunette, a farmer and a sheep...
On her day off work, a young brunette decided to take her new convertible car for a drive through a farming community.
After an hour of driving she had to stop while a farmer shepherded his sheep across the road.
The brunette realises a rare opportunity and asks the farmer
"if I can guess how many sheep you have, can I have one?"
"Sure" replies the farmer after thinking a bit, "that wouldn't be easy"
"326" the girl says out of nowhere..
"Correct!" said the stunned farmer and never the less gives her a sheep.
The brunette is extatic by her efforts, but just before she pulls away the farmer stops her and asks
"How about another deal? If I can guess what color your hair was before you dyed it brunette, can I have my dog back?"
Three shepherds
Three shepherds are up in the hills one night and meet up to have a drink. One thing leads to another and eventually one asks, "Have you ever, you know, with the sheep?". And they all look at the ground and mumble that they have. And a few drinks later one asks what their favourite position with the sheep is. So the first says he likes to get the sheep's back legs in his rubber boots and go at it. And the second nods his head and agrees. Then they look at the third and ask him if it's the same for him.
To which he replies, "And miss out on the kissing?"
Why couldn't the spotty cat chase the sheep?
Because her Mum wouldn't leopard be a shepherd
The hiker and the shepherd.
A hiker is walking through the countryside, and he sees a shepherd with a flock of sheeps.
He asks the shepherd:
- Hey, good friend! How much wool do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
Confused, the hiker says:
- The white ones...
- About 7 kilos of wool per season.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
- And how much milk do the sheeps give?
- The white ones or the black ones?
- ... the white ones.
- About three liters per week.
- And the black ones?
- They too, they too.
The hiker is starting to feel annoyed by the shepherd and says to him:
- Why do you always answer me with "the white ones or the black ones"
whenever I ask you about your sheeps?
- Well, sir. Because the white ones are mine.
- Ahhhh... and the black ones?
- They too, they too.
(I hope it makes sense. English it's not my first language and I tried to translate it as accurate as possible).
A shepherd and his dog
In a sunny day in the fields, there is a shepherd and his dog herding their sheep's.
The shepherd asked his dog to round up the sheep to the fields. The dog went out and started herding the sheep's to the field.
After a while the dog returned and told the shepherd that he already rounded up 20 sheep's on the field. The shepherd was a bit confused because he did not have that many sheep's so he head out to the fields and counted his sheep. The shepherd counted 15 sheep's and wondered why his dog said 20.
He approached his dog and asked "there is only 15 sheep's in the field. Why did you say there were 20?"
The dog turns toward the shepherd and said "i know, but i rounded them up"
A blonde girl...
...wants to know what life is like as a brunette girl, so she goes to the hairdresser and has her hair died brown.
Eager to show the world her newly acquired intelligence, she goes on a walk and meets a shepherd. She walks towards him and says:
"if i can guess how many sheep you have in your pack, can I have one?"
"fair deal" the shepherd says and the blonde guesses "457". The shepherd, really surprised about the ability of the girl, says "a deal is a deal, you guessed the right number, pick a sheep and you can keep it".
After the girl has picked her favourite of the pack, the shepherd says:
"if i can guess, which colour your hair had before you dyed it brown, can i get my dog back?"
"You can make alot of money nowadays by being a Shepherd and taking care of herds of Sheep. What do you think about that?!"
"Meh"
A Blonde Joke
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A shepherd has 20 white sheep and 3 black ones.
A guy nearby comes to talk to him.
"What do your sheep do all day?"
"Well, usually the white ones search for good grass to eat."
"And the black ones?"
"They usually also spend time searching for good grass."
"How many times a year do you mow them?"
"I usually mow the white ones 3 to 4 times a year"
"What about the black ones?"
"About 3 or 4 times every year."
The guy frowns. "Why do you distinguish between the two kinds if the answer is the same?"
"Well, the white ones are mine."
"And the others?"
"Also mine!"
A shepherd tells his dog to go count the sheep...
So the dog goes out, comes back a little later. Shepherd says: How many sheep you count out there?
Dog says: 40 .
Shepherd says: That's not possible, I only had 38 to begin with! .
And the dog goes: Yeah but I rounded them up .
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
A shepherd owned a remarkable dog, deft at sheep herding and able to speak.
At the end of the day, after his dog had herded the flock into the pen, the shepherd asked his canine friend to confirm how many sheep were in.
"40," the dog barked.
"40? I counted 37."
"Yes," replied the dog, "I rounded them up."
It's a miracle
A devout old shepherd lost his favorite Bible while he was out looking for a wayward lamb. Three weeks later, a sheep walked up to him carrying the Bible in its mouth. The shepherd couldn't believe his eyes. He took the precious book out of the sheep's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, It's a miracle!
Not really, said the sheep. Your name is written inside the cover.
The guessing game
Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown.
She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.
\- "Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"
The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"
He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.
\- "I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"
\- "Hey lady," says the shepherd, "if I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"
Proper English
An Englishman is out walking in the Highlands and gets thirsty, so he stops at a river to get some water. He's about to bring the water up to his mouth with his hand when he gets interrupted by a shepherd nearby.
"Dinnae drink oot the river, it's foo o' sheep pish!"
The Englishman looks confused and replies, "I'm sorry, my good man, I didn't understand a word of that! I'm English and on a walking holiday!"
The shepherd smirks and says, "I said use both hands; you'll get more water that way!"