Uproarious Shell Jokes to Share with Friends
Snail Racing
My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish
Daylight robbery...
I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.
I said, "Yeah, pump 6."
How do you make a racing snail faster?
I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.
What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?
He went to the Shell station.
How is an accordion like an artillery shell?
Once you hear it, it's already too late.
I bought myself a snail to race other snails..
I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish
I removed the shell from my pet snail...
because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish
I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...
It only made it more sluggish.
What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?
Oh no Michelle !
I took the shell off my racing snail...
... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.
What do you call a greedy crab?
Shell fish......
You can explore shell shuck reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shell pearl dad jokes. There are also shell puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Racing snail.
My racing snail hadn't been out for a while, so i took his shell off to make him more streamlined. Unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.
A blond chick gets a new tattoo...
So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.
One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"
"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."
What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell?
Ereptile dysfunction
I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster.
But it just made it more sluggish.
I wanted to make my racing snail faster..
So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.
My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh
Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.
I took the shell off my racing snail to speed it up.
If anything it made it more sluggish.
Sure, Aphrodite poses n**... in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.
But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.
I used to own a racing snail...
It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish
I had a racing snail...
To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish
What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing! They just WAVED.
SEA what I did there?
I'm SHORE you did.
Let MINNOW if you are not getting it.
SHELL I continue??
No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead.
Thanks ladies and gentlefish
I thought removing a snail's shell would make it faster...
Turns out, it only makes it more sluggish.
I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster
Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.
My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...
It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.
- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country
I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.
But, unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.
What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell?
About 25 seconds in the microwave.
I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up
I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.
I tried to give iodine a full electron shell...
...but iodide.
Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...
If anything he seems more sluggish!
What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?
Print("Hello World!")
My girlfriend got a tattoo of a conch shell on her inner thigh...
Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the ocean.
If I lie there long enough, I get c**... on my forehead.
As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.
I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.
Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"
The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."
I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...
Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.
A blonde gets a tattoo...
...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.
Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?
Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.
My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.
When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.
You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell,
But it's actually more sluggish...
I thought my snail's shell was weighing him down,
but after I removed it he appeared even more sluggish.
Took The Shell Off Of My Racing Snail,
I Thought He Would Go Faster But It Only Made Him 'Sluggish'.
A guy wanted to speed up his snail - so he took it's shell off.
if anything, he made it more sluggish.
I used to have a a racing snail that kept losing.
I decided to remove its shell to try and speed it up, if anything it made it more sluggish.
I wanted to help my pet snail.
He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.
I took my pet snail's shell off to see if he could go faster.
But now he's just more sluggish.
I removed my snail's shell because I thought it would make him faster
It seems it only made him more sluggish.
I removed the shell from my racing snail to help him go faster
If anything , it made him more sluggish
A snail thought taking off his shell would make him faster...
But it just made him more *sluggish*
I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster
...if anything, it made him more sluggish
I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..
He's actually more sluggish now.
Can you run an OS without a GUI?
Shell yeah!
What's the difference between Kylie Jenner and an egg?
One is just a fragile shell, containing contents so shallow, they hardly give any sustenance to those who want it. And if dropped, or tossed away, can be easily replaced by bunch of others, exactly like them.
And the other is an egg.
I met this girl with a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh
She told that if I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.
I bought a racing snail
I bought a racing snail but it kept losing. In desperation I removed it's shell, thinking it would be lighter and faster.
It didn't work, it became more sluggish.
I decided to remove my racing snail's shell to make him go faster.
But if anything, it just made him more sluggish.
You would think that a snail without a shell would move a bit faster...
But it's actually more sluggish.
Did you know Sean Connery used to save the egg shells from pancake day and paint them to use for egg hunts at Easter?
It was an egg shell lent idea
I'm walking down the street when out of nowhere a shellfish falls out of the sky
and hits me in the head. Dazed, I pick up the mollusk and say "Where did you come from, little guy?" The shell creases open slightly and I hear it say "A tornado picked me and threw me. You better get somewhere safe, it's headed this way!" I look around and see mostly blue skies, except for a few clouds. That's when I realized:
It was the clam before the storm.
When I first met my father-in-law he threw a shotgun shell at me
Then he said "Nice catch but the next one's gonna be going much faster!"
Why was the seafood restaurant being investigated by the IRS?
They were suspected of being a shell company in some fishy business.
Did you hear about the tortilla factory that had ties to the mob?
Turns out it was a shell company.
I removed the shell from a snail to see if it would make him move any faster.
It didn't work. If anything, now he's even more sluggish.
If you think snails would be faster without the shell, you're wrong...
They would just be more sluggish.
\- cr
I know someone that was offered a position with the Outside Peanut Corporation…
Come to find out it was a shell company…
My racing snail was too slow, so I tried removing his shell to speed him up
It made him even more sluggish
Gas station robbery
First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.
You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell
It's actually more sluggish
Why did the fisherman refuse to share his catch ?
He was shell fish.
Why did the turtle stop the car?
To get gas at the shell station.
My pet snail lost his shell.
He's looking a bit sluggish.
So when Aphrodite sprawls out bare-a**... n**... in a giant clam shell, she's a "goddess."
But when I do it, supposedly I'm "a drunk" and "no longer welcome at the aquarium."
What do you call a snail without a shell?
Less Cargo.
I removed the shell from my racing snail.
I thought it would make it faster, but if anything it's more sluggish.
Did you hear about the snail who removed his shell?
He thought it would make him faster, but he just felt more sluggish.
My 5 year olds joke
Why did the turtle cross the road
To get to the shell station
