Shell Jokes

Following is our collection of shuck humor and conch one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Shell puns for adults, dirty pearl jokes or clean shellfies gags for kids.

There is an abundance of tortoise jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 68 funniest jokes on shell. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any oyster witze you can hear about shell.

The Best jokes about Shell

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a shell on her thigh

Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the sea.

I had a racing snail, I thought it would be faster if I removed it's shell...

It only made it more sluggish.

I entered a my pet snail into a race and removed its shell thinking it would make it faster...

Unfortunately, it only made it more sluggish.

I pulled the shell off of my snail to make him faster

Turned out it had the opposite effect, now he's a little sluggish.

I wanted to make my racing snail faster..

So I took off its shell. If anything it became a lot more sluggish.


You'd think a snail would be faster without it's shell,

But it's actually more sluggish...

I used to own a racing snail...

It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish

How do you make a racing snail faster?

I tried taking his shell off but it only made him more sluggish.

I took the shell off of my pet snail because I thought it would make him move faster

...if anything, it made him more sluggish

My girlfriend has a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh.

When you put your ear on it, you can smell the ocean.

I removed the shell from my racing snail thinking he'd be faster..

He's actually more sluggish now.


Today I decided to take the shell off my racing snail, thinking it would make him move faster...

If anything he seems more sluggish!

What did the Python say when he came out of his shell?

Print("Hello World!")

I had a racing snail...

To make him more aero-dynamic I took off its shell. If anything it made him more sluggish

Snail Racing

My friend owned a racing snail. It never won any races so he removed the shell to make it go faster. Sadly it didn't work, if anything it made it more sluggish

I met this girl with a tattoo of a sea shell on her inner thigh

She told that if I put my ear to it, I can smell the ocean.

I used to have a a racing snail that kept losing.

I decided to remove its shell to try and speed it up, if anything it made it more sluggish.

I thought my snail's shell was weighing him down,

but after I removed it he appeared even more sluggish.

I took the shell off my racing snail, hoping it would make him faster.

But, unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.


I decided to remove my racing snail's shell to make him go faster.

But if anything, it just made him more sluggish.

I bought myself a snail to race other snails..

I took its shell off to see if it would go any faster.
If anything it just made it more sluggish

I took the shell off my racing snail...

... thinking it would make it go faster. If anything it just made it more sluggish.

Racing snail.

My racing snail hadn't been out for a while, so i took his shell off to make him more streamlined. Unfortunately, it just made him more sluggish.

I took the shell off my racing snail to speed it up.

If anything it made it more sluggish.

I wanted to help my pet snail.

He was really slow like, so one day I took off his shell, thought it'd make him more streamlined. Turns out it didn't. It made him more sluggish.

My wife has a tattoo of a shell on the inside of her thigh...

It's a really weird thing, when you lay your ear on it you smell the sea.


- I hope it came off right, thats an old joke they tell in my country

What did Barack Obama say when he dropped his shell at the beach?

Oh no Michelle !

I removed the shell from my pet snail...

because I thought it would move around quicker. Now it's just really sluggish

My girlfriend got a tattoo of a conch shell on her inner thigh...

Every time I lay my ear on it I can smell the ocean.

If I lie there long enough, I get crabs on my forehead.

I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster.

But it just made it more sluggish.

I thought removing a snail's shell would make it faster...

Turns out, it only makes it more sluggish.

A blonde gets a tattoo...

...On her inner thigh of a conch shell.

Friend: Why did you get a conch shell tattoo on your inner thigh?

Blonde: So that when you put your ear against it you can smell the ocean.

I removed my snail's shell because I thought it would make him faster

It seems it only made him more sluggish.

Took The Shell Off Of My Racing Snail,

I Thought He Would Go Faster But It Only Made Him 'Sluggish'.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing! They just WAVED.

SEA what I did there?

I'm SHORE you did.

Let MINNOW if you are not getting it.

SHELL I continue??

No?.. I guess I'll stop WHALE I'm ahead.


Thanks ladies and gentlefish

A guy wanted to speed up his snail - so he took it's shell off.

if anything, he made it more sluggish.

You would think that a snail without a shell would move a bit faster...

But it's actually more sluggish.

Sure, Aphrodite poses naked in a giant clam shell, she's a goddess.

But when I do it, I'm ''drunk' and 'no longer welcome at the aquarium'.

What's the difference between Kylie Jenner and an egg?

One is just a fragile shell, containing contents so shallow, they hardly give any sustenance to those who want it. And if dropped, or tossed away, can be easily replaced by bunch of others, exactly like them.

And the other is an egg.

A blond chick gets a new tattoo...

So later at the bar with her friends she hikes up her skirt to show off a conch shell tattooed high on her inner thigh, near her snootch.

One of her friends asks, "Why did you get it so on your thigh?"

"So that when you put your ear against it, you can smell the ocean."

I removed the shell from my racing snail to help him go faster

If anything , it made him more sluggish

As I was walking through the woods I got hit in the head by some shell fragments.

I tried to ignore it but it happened a second time and then a third.

Looking up in anger I saw two squirrels that looked like they were up to no good, so I screamed up at them, "what are you trying to do start a war?!?!"

The bigger of the two looked down at me and said, "nah man, just trying to bust a nut."

What's the difference between a hard and soft shell taco from Taco Bell?

About 25 seconds in the microwave.

A lawyer boarded an airplane

in Baltimore with a box of frozen soft shell crabs and asked a stewardess to take care of them for him.

She took the box and promised to put it in the crew's refrigerator..
He advised her that he was holding her personally responsible for them staying frozen, mentioning in a very haughty manner that he was a lawyer, and proceeded to rant at her about what would happen if she let them thaw out.

Needless to say, she was annoyed by his behavior.

Shortly before landing in Sarasota Florida, she used the intercom to announce to the entire cabin, "Would the gentleman who gave me the crabs in Baltimore , please raise your hand?"

Not one hand went up .... so she took them home and ate them.

Daylight robbery...

I got robbed today at Shell gas station.
I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it.

I said, "Yeah, pump 6."

I took my pet snail's shell off to see if he could go faster.

But now he's just more sluggish.

A snail thought taking off his shell would make him faster...

But it just made him more *sluggish*

Can you run an OS without a GUI?

Shell yeah!

I tried to give iodine a full electron shell...

...but iodide.

I didn't hear the sea when I held a Shell up

I did, however, get six years in jail for armed robbery of a petrol station.

What do you call a greedy crab?

Shell fish......

How is an accordion like an artillery shell?

Once you hear it, it's already too late.

I bought a racing snail

I bought a racing snail but it kept losing. In desperation I removed it's shell, thinking it would be lighter and faster.

It didn't work, it became more sluggish.

[NSFW] How did the turtle finally lose his virginity?

He came out of his shell.

What did the turtle do when he ran out of gas?

He went to the Shell station.

My wife has a shell tattood on her upper thigh..

And if you lay your ear on top of it, you can smell the sea.

What is wrong with a turtle who can't come out of his shell?

Ereptile dysfunction

I took the shell off my racing snail so that he would go faster

but now he is a little sluggish.

What did one ocean say to the other?

Nothing- they just waved.


Are you shore you get it?


Do you sea what I did there?


I should shell some better puns


But I cant dolphink of any!


And what would be the porpose of that?


When Im having a whale of a time saying these?


Sorry if these jokes are making you crabby.

After he fell off the wall, Humpty Dumpty fell on hard times....

He couldn't get his life together. Humpty didn't remember eggsactly what happened. He was diagnosed with amnesia and his memories were scrambled from that moment. Humpty walked out of the hospital he was all yolked up and crying. He fell to drugs and became a crack head. Humpty became a true shell of himself before he went to rehab. It was difficult for him since people were hard boiling him with questions about his state of mind. Humpty couldn't take all this stress and he started to mentally break fast. But, with help from a doctor, went back to normal and everything became sunny side up.

From my 7 year old daughter: What do you call a girl shell?

A she shell.

I took the shell off my racing snail to help him go faster.

Didn't work. It actually made him more sluggish.

My snail entered a race, I took off his shell to make him faster. But It backfired.

If anything it made him more sluggish...

What do you call a female crab who is also single?

Ms. Shell

How do you take a picture of the Little Mermaid?

Using Ariel photography. (If that doesn't work, try your shell phone.)

How do turtles communicate?

With shell phones.

I had a snail when I was a kid

The snail was moving very slowly so I thought if I took his shell off he might move a bit quicker.

He ended up just being a bit sluggish.

Why cant you call anybody while at the beach?

Because the shell service was so bad.

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.

Joko Jokes