The Best 63 Shelf Jokes

Following is our collection of funniest Shelf jokes. There are some shelf bookcase jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shelf bookstore puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Shelf Jokes and Puns

I bet my butcher $50 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf.

He said "No, the steaks are too high".

Beer is good.


After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."

The stakes

A man walks into a meat shop and asks if he can have a nice cut of prime steak. The butcher goes to the back of the shop but comes back empty handed. The man asks why he didn't bring back any meat, and the butcher replies "the meat was on the top shelf and I couldn't reach it... The stakes were just too high.

Shelf joke, The stakes

Library suicide

A man goes to the library and asks if they have a book on how to commit suicide.
The librarian says "Yeh, I think we do, it should be at the back row on the top shelf".
The man goes and looks, even climbs a ladder to look at the top but still can't find it.
"Still no luck" says the man.
The librarian replies "Oh, the last person who borrowed it mustn't have brought it back"

I was reminiscing at my old school's library...

looking back at my shelf.


Methylated Spirit

A scruffy homeless man walks into a DIY store.

"Bottle of methylated spirit please."

"Look mate, no offense but I wasn't born yesterday. I can't sell that to you when I know you're just gonna drink it."

"Hey, what are you implying? This is ridiculous, I'm using it for woodwork!"

"All right, all right..." says the shopkeeper, taking a bottle of the shelf.

"Oh, haven't you got a cold one?"

Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

I'll start

Confucius says woman that keeps soap on top shelf will jump for joy.

Shelf joke, Let's hear some Confucius Jokes

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell on his head?

"I have only my shelf to blame"

midget in the library

midget walks into a library and ask do you have any books on irony? the librarian replies sure they are on the top shelf

Teddy Bears

A man meets a gorgeous woman in a bar. They talk, they connect, they end up leaving together.
They get back to her place, and as she shows him around her apartment, he notices that her bedroom is completely packed with teddy bears.
Hundreds of small bears on a shelf all the way along the floor, medium sized ones on a shelf a little higher and huge bears on the top shelf along the wall.
The man is kind of surprised that this woman would have a collection of teddy bears, especially one that's so extensive, but he decides not to mention this to her.
After a night of passion, as they are lying together in the after glow the man rolls over and asks, smiling, "Well, how was it?"
The woman says, "You can have any prize from the BOTTOM shelf."

Guy walks into a butcher shop

A guy walks into a butcher shop and sees a butcher standing in front of a shelf with various meats.

The guy says "I betcha 20 bucks you can't reach the meat on the top shelf."

The butcher looks at the shelf and replies, "Nah, those steaks are too high."

You can explore shelf cupboard reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shelf novels dad jokes. There are also shelf puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I have a librarian friend and a grocer friend who rarely want to hang out with me

because they're just too shelf conscious.

A police officer knocks on a man's door.

The officer asks, "Is this the Sorkin residence?" The man nods.

"May I see a picture of your wife?" The man hands the officer a picture off a shelf.

The officer sighs, "It looks like she was hit by a train."

" I know, but she's such a nice lady and an excellent cook!"

A midget walks into a library.

A midget walks into a library and gets the woman working at the desk's attention.
"Excuse me," he says. "I was just wondering if you had any books on irony?"
"We do," the librarian responded. "It's on the top shelf."

Why are librarians so shy?

Their occupation makes them very shelf conscious.

If Sean Connery starred in Interstellar...

He'd tell Murph to stop talking to her shelf.

Shelf joke, If Sean Connery starred in Interstellar...

A man goes into a butcher's shop

and says "I bet you 50 bucks you can't hand me the ribeye from the top shelf."

The butcher says: "I can't take that bet, the steaks are too high."

Books all over the floor.....

but I have only my shelf to blame.

I recently got crushed by a pile of books,

I recently got crushed by a pile of books, but I suppose I have only my shelf to blame.


-Hi, do you have books on midget discrimination?

-Yeah, look on that top shelf in the corner

Clean Shave

An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.

He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."

We hired a teenage girl at my hardware store

I was showing her around the aisles when I picked up something off the shelf and pointed it at my self and made a beeping sound.

I said, "This is a stud-finder" and laughed.

She pulled up her sleeve, showed me her FitBit and made a beeping sound. She said, "This is a pedo-meter."

I was at the butchers the other day

And i thought while i'm there i'd have a gamble with the butcher. I bet him £10 that he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf, he said "nah mate, i'm not taking that bet, the steaks are too high."

Hey man, why do you have all these self help books on your floor?

I hate my shelf.

A guy walks in a library:

- Do you have motivational books here?
- Yes darling, right there, 3rd row, the second shelf.
- Do you have any books closer?"

A man died today when a pile of books fell on him.!!!

He only had his shelf to blame.,,,,

I recently thought about stealing from the food shelf...

But the steaks were too high.

A midget walks into a bookstore...

...& asks clerk: 'do you happen to have any books on irony.'

The clerk points to a shelf: 'top row.'

I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs.

She replied "Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."

I went to the library today and said, "I'd like to check these books out."

The librarian said, "Sorry, that's actually against the rules."

"Huh?!"

The librarian replied, "You see, checking them out only makes them shelf conscious."

I told the butcher I'd give him $10 if he got the meat down off the top shelf.

He said he couldn't.... the steaks were too high.

A book just fell on my head!

I guess I only got my shelf to blaim!

Why should you never store meat on the top shelf of the freezer?

The steaks would be too high.

I'm pretty sure someone stole the last paragraph of my essay, and hid it on a really high shelf...

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

Not original, and not sure if it's been posted before, but it made me chuckle and thought I'd share.

Midget Discrimination

A midget asks the librarian, Do you have any books on midget discrimination? The librarian replies, Top shelf .

Lately I've noticed a strange fascination shared by everybody that comes over to my house. They can't seem to get enough of this one Stephen King book I have on my shelf.

I guess it's true what they say; company loves Misery.

A book falls on Sean Connery's head

"Well, I've only got my shelf to blame"

The Old Cowboy's Shave

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.

The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .

What do you call a workplace accident at the North Pole?

Shelf on the elf.

Why didn't the butcher attempt to get the meat from the top shelf off of his rickety ladder?

The steaks were too high.

I told Sean Connery about how I was crushed by a pile of books.

He said 'you've only got your shelf to blame'.

There was once a robot whose job it was to organize all the shelves of a massive library that had thousands of books. Every day he did his job without missing a beat. One day though, he didn't show up to work. The librarians were all perplexed that a robot would do something like that...

Turns out he had become shelf aware.

I'm pretty sure someone hid the last paragraph of my essay on a shelf that I can't reach,

But I don't want to jump to conclusions.

My friend got crushed by a pile of books.

He's only got his shelf to blame.

A book fell on me yesterday...

A book fell on me yesterday, I have no one to blame but my shelf.

I just bought 27 books

I don't have any shelf control.

I saw Sean Connery build a bookshelf once. He built it wrong and it was kinda crooked. I called him out on it and he told me...

"I'm ashamed of my shelf.

A bunch of books fell on my head last night

I was pretty mad but I guess I've only got my shelf to blame.

I bet the butcher £100 he couldn't reach the meat on the top shelf

He said No chance the stakes are way too high

Sean Connery finds a cupboard in his house he hasn't used before

A rare moment of shelf discovery.

Sean Connery was arranging his bookcase when one of the books fell from the top and landed on his head.

Unfortunately Sean Connery only had his shelf to blame.

I moved my girlfriend's vase to the top shelf

Then there was an earthquake and the vase fell off and broke.

My girlfriend was angry with me, but it wasn't my fault.

I visited the doctor today and he said my sugar was too high

So I came home and moved it to a lower shelf

A depressed man walks into a library

Depressed man: do you have any books on suicide?

Library staff: yes it's on the third shelf over there

Depressed man: walks to third shelf

Depressed man after a few minutes: I can't seem to find any.

Library staff: yep it's awful cause they never bring them back

I bet my butcher $1,000 that he couldn't reach the beef on the top shelf without a ladder.

He said the steaks were too high.

I would never try to get meat off the top shelf without a ladder.

The steaks are too high

What did Sean Connery say when a book fell down and hit him on the head?

I can only blame my shelf

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut

He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.

The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".

why didn't the midget get the top shelf T Bone?

Because the steaks were to high...

Just finished building an Ikea shelf. I'm going to name it Joe.

It's a bit shakey and leans slightly to the left.

Sure, I might flip over a table in an argument, but I'd never tip over a bookcase.

I have too much shelf respect.

A book fell on my head today

I blame *my shelf*

I'm 3'6 , which makes certain daily tasks extremely difficult. Recently, I spent a good 10 minutes in my local supermarket wondering how to get the pasta down from the top shelf.

Then suddenly the penne dropped.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shelf drugstore jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shelf closet piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes