The Best 94 Sheep Jokes

Following is our collection of Sheep jokes which are very funny. There are some sheep mutton jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud. Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sheep sheep fucking puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Funny Sheep Jokes and Puns

How do you milk sheep?

Bring out a new iPhone and charge $1000 for it.

Husband doing crossword with his wife

Husband: Emphatic no, five letters.

Wife: Never

H: Pistol, 3 letters.

W: Gun

H: Disgust, 3 letters.

W: Ugh

H: Charity, 4 letters.

W: Give

H: Female sheep, 3 letters

W: Ewe

H: Pixar movie, 2 letters

W: Up

A Welshman died at the weekend...

Friends say he died the way he would have wanted; comfortably in his sheep

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...

but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.

Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:

"I define myself to be on the outside."

The Sheepdog and the Farmer

A farmer is wondering how many sheep he has in his field, so he asks his sheepdog to count them.
The dog runs into the field, counts them, and then runs back to his master.
"So," says the farmer. "How many sheep were there?"
"40," replies the dog.
"What? How can there be 40?!" exclaims the farmer. "I only bought 38!"
"I know," says the dog. "But I rounded them up."


How does a Scotsman find a sheep in tall grass?

Very satisfying.

Tour guide

A tour bus is going through the Highlands when the guide spots a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. He stops the bus and gets out, saying "watch this" and then bangs the sheep.

When he's finished, he zips up and asks "does anyone else want to have a turn?"

Another guy from the tour says "sure, I will" and sticks his head in the fence.

What do you call 4 sheep tied to a fence in Wales?

A Brothel :D

A new Zealand joke

Why do New Zealand race horses run faster than other race horses?

They saw what happened to the sheep

How many sheep?

A blonde woman is tired of people assuming she's stupid and dyes her hair red. Feeling empowered, she goes for a car ride down a country road. Soon she sees a farm with hundreds of sheep. She walks up to the owner of the farm and makes this proposal: "These sheep are adorable, if I guess how many there are, can I keep one?" The farmer agrees, surely out of all the sheep this woman can't guess the number exactly. She looks around and replies "There are 593 sheep" The farmer is awe-struck, the number was exactly right. So the woman picks her sheep and is getting back in the car when the farmer runs up to her and yells "WAIT! If I can guess your natural color can I have him back?" The woman smiles and agrees, she already proved she's too smart to be called a blonde. The farmer replies "you're a blonde, now can I have my dog back?"

At what point does a Lamb become a Sheep?

When its had it's Baaaaa-Mitzvah!

You can explore sheep sheeple reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sheep wool dad jokes. There are also sheep puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Short joke I thought of.

What's the difference between sheep and women?

The Welsh don't know yet either.

How does a Welshman find sheep in long grass?

Irresistible.

Black sheep

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science.

One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child. The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion."

The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Tell you what. You don't say anything more about that sheep and I won't say anything more about that white child.

How does a Scotsman find a sheep in the tall grass?

Very satisfying.

Retweaked joke:
How does a (insert nationality here) find a sheep in the tall grass?
Very (insert extremely lustful emotion here)!

Where do you get virgin wool from?

Ugly sheep.

two men are driving down the country road when....

...one man sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. he pulls the truck over, gets out, walks up to the sheep and pulls down his pants and has sex with the sheep. After he is done he walks back and tells his buddy "hey man its your turn". his buddy walks over to the sheep, gives a deep sigh, and sticks his head in the fence.

A Man Walks Into His House With a Sheep Under His Arm...

He finds his wife in the kitchen and says, "This is the pig I've been sleeping with when you're not around."

The wife says, "That's a sheep, not a pig you fool."

The husband says, "I wasn't talking to you."

How did the hillbilly find the sheep in the tall grass?

Satisfying


New Zealand scientists have discovered two new uses for sheep...

Meat and wool.

(Exchange for Welshmen if need be)

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear zippers a mile off.

Breaking news: The Irish have come up with a new use for sheep.

Wool.

What's the Welsh word for shearing a sheep?

Foreplay

The Albino and the Black Sheep

A professor is sent to darkest Africa to live with a primitive tribe. He spends years with them, teaching them reading, writing, math and science. One day the wife of the tribe's chief gives birth to a white child.

The tribe is shocked, and the chief pulls the professor aside and says, "Look here! You're the only white man we've ever seen and this woman gives birth to a white child. It doesn't take a genius to figure out what happened!"

The professor replied, "No, Chief. You're mistaken. What you have here is a natural occurrence, what we in the civilized world call an albino! Look at that field over there. All of the sheep are white except for one black one. Nature does this on occasion." The chief was silent for a moment, then said, "Ok, ok, you no tell anyone, I no tell anyone."

In the mid 1800s a primitive condom was developed in New Zealand, made from a sheep intestine.

It wasn't until the early 1900s that it made it's way to Australia, where it was immediately improved by removing it from the sheep.

A Scotsman invented the first condom. It was made out of a sheep's intestine.

Not too long after, the British improved on it by first removing the intestine from the sheep.

Condom origins

Did you know the condom was invented in a small village in wales in the 12th century. They thought it would be a good idea to use the lower intestine of a sheep to stop their wives becoming pregnant.

Of course, in the 1350's, the English improved on the idea. They took the lower intestine out of the sheep before they used it.

A Sheep, a Drum, and a Snake fall off a cliff

Baa-Dumm-Tsss

What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep?

...banned from the petting zoo...

A European missionary goes to an African tribe...

... and asks the tribeleader if he may stay with them. The leader agrees on one condition: No white child can be born.

However, 9 months later, a woman is discovered with a white child.
The leader summons the missonary to explain himself. The missionary looks out the window and shows the leader a herd of sheep and says:
" As you can see, all the sheep are white, yet one of them is black... "

In complete distress, the tribeleader exclaims: " Allright, I won't say anything about your child, as long as you don't say anything about the sheep!"

How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?

Attractive

A blond is tired

A blond gets tired of blond jokes, so she dyes her hair. She goes for a ride and comes across a farmer with a flock of sheep. She asks the farmer, "If I can guess the exact number of sheep in your flock, can I take one home?" The farmer accepts. The blond guesses, "382". The farmer says, "Wow, that's correct. Pick any one you want!" She looks over the entire flock before picking one and putting it in her car. The farmer then says, "I have an offer for you. If I can guess the real color of your hair, can I have my dog back?"

A farmer wanted to know how many sheep he had...

So he asked his border collie to count them from him.

The dog ran off counted the sheep and ran back to the farmer.

"So how many sheep do I have?" Asked the farmer.

"40" said the border collie.

"How can there be 40?" Asked the farmer. "I only bought 38."

The dog replies, "I rounded them up."

Sheep

At the end of the day, a border collie reported back to the grazier, "All fifty sheep accounted for, boss!"

"Wait, I only have 48 sheep!" he replied.

"I know," said the dog, "but I rounded them up."

What do you call a young plastic covered sheep?

Laminated

A sheep, a drum, and a snake fell off a cliff.

Ba-dum-tss.

A sheepdog

.... gets all the sheep in the pen, he reports back to the farmer:

*"All 40 accounted for"*

*"But I only have 36 sheep"* says the confused farmer

*"Yeah I know"* says the sheepdog. *"I rounded them up".*

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. *Old MacDonald had a farm* and bingo was his name-o!

Most Intelligent But Funniest

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible. The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it. The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock. The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep

I said 'Sure, seventy'.

A blonde woman dyes her hair red....

A blonde woman dyes her hair red because she's tired of the blonde jokes. One day she stops by a farm and asks the farmer, "If I can count how many sheep you have, can I keep one?" The farmer reluctantly agrees. After some counting, the blonde woman says, "there is 124 sheep in your farm." Shocked, the farmer counts them. Sure enough, there are 124 sheep. The woman picks one up and takes it to her car. Right when she's about to leave, the farmer knocks on her window and asks,"Ma'am, if I can guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

The history of the condom.

In 1272, a Welsh inventor created the first condom using a sheeps lower intestine.

In 1873 the English somewhat refined the idea by taking it out of the sheep first.

~ Obligatory edit. No, it took them 601 years to get the welsh out of the sheep to make the condoms.

What's the most frustrating part about being a sheep farmer?

Every time you try to take inventory, you fall asleep.

A sheep,a pot and a snake walk together then fall of a cliff...

*Baah Dum Tssssss*

A programmer began to cuss

Because getting to sleep was a fuss.

When laying in her bed

Looping round in her head

Was: while (!asleep()): sheep++;

What do you get when yo cross sheep DNA with human DNA?

Kicked out of the petting zoo.

I can control sheep by just listening to them

It's true, I heard them with my own ears

A physicist, engineer, and mathematician are asked by a local farmer to build the smallest fence they possibly can to hold in all of his sheep.

The physicist builds a big fence and slowly reduces the size until he can't reduce the fence any longer.

The engineer measures each sheep, stacks them in a specific way, and then builds a fence around them.

The mathematician builds a small fence around himself, then defines himself to be outside the fence.

Where do sheep get their haircut?

At the Bah-Bah-Shop

What do you get when you cross a sheep with a porcupine?

An animal that knits its own sweaters.

At an ISIS recruitment centre...

Interviewer: Name?

Recruit: Saaed Bin Hasrat.

Interviewer: Sex?

Recruit: Often twice a day.

Interviewer: No, no. Male or female?

Recruit: Male, female, sometimes camel, mostly sheep.

You old fool!

A farmer goes into the bedroom one night with a sheep under his arm. His wife, in bed, looks up from her National Enquirer. She has curlers in her hair and green face cream all over her face.

The farmer says, "Sweetheart, this is the pig I sleep with when you won't give me what I want."

The wife rolls her eyes and says, "You old fool! That's a sheep."

The farmer replies, "You old fool, I wasn't talkin' to you!"

The condom was first invented by a Welshman by using a sheep's intestine

The English later improved it by removing the intestine from the sheep first

A guy walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm

He says, "Darling, this is the pig I have sex with when you have a headache."

His wife, lying in bed replies, "I think you'll find that's a sheep, you idiot."

The man says, "I think you'll find I wasn't talking to you."

A reporter goes to the Middle East for an interview.

Reporter: "Excuse me, may I interview you?"

Man: "Yes!"

Reporter: "Name?"

Man: "Abdul Al-Rhazim."

Reporter: "Sex?"

Man: "Three to five times a week."

Reporter: "No no! I mean male or female?"

Man: "Yes, male, female... sometimes camel."

Reporter: "Holy cow!"

Man: "Yes, cow, sheep... animals in general."

Reporter: "But isn't that hostile?"

Man: "Yes, horse style, dog style, any style."

Reporter: "Oh dear!"

Man: "No, no deer. Deer run too fast. Hard to catch."

Why do Scottish men wear kilts?

Because the sheep can hear a zipper from a mile away.

What do you call the horse and sheep who live next door?

Your neigh-baas

A farmer comes home to find his sheepdog waiting for him.

The sheepdog says: "I herded the sheep into the barn, just like you asked!"

"You sure you got them all?" The farmer replies.

"Yep! All 40 of them!" Says the sheepdog.

"40? But I only have 37 sheep." Replies the farmer.

The sheepdog answers: "I know. I rounded them up for you."

How do you milk a sheep?

Release another iPhone for $1000.

-Credit to my buddy at work

Do you speak english?

- Yes
- Name?
- Abdul bal-Rhasib
- Sex?
- Three to five times a week.
- No, no... I mean male or female?
- Yes, male, female, sometimes camel.
- Holy cow!
- Yes, cow, sheep, animals in general.
- But isn't it hostile?
- Horse style, doggy style, any style!
- Oh dear!
- No, no! Deer runs too fast.

Missionary in the jungle

A missionary lives with a tribe in the jungle, when one day the Chief of the tribe approaches him:

"You are the only white man around here, and now my daughter gave birth to a white child! Explain yourself, or prepare to die!"

The missionary hesitates for a moment, then replies:

"The nature is full of wonders. Look at those sheep over there. They are all white, except for one single lamb which is black."

The Chief: "... If you keep quiet, then I will too.

What do you call an angry mob of sheep?

Users with an old iPhone

Honey, remember how when we started dating you told me you were an insomniac and I told you I only had five sex partners?

Neither of us were counting sheep.

Herding sheep.

A sheep herder is watching his dog herd all their sheep into a pen. The dog finishes and says "Master, I've got all 30 sheep in the pen". The man looks at the sheep, then back to the dog and says "but I only count 26". The dog says "I know, I rounded them up".

"I love my job!" said the farmer

"All you do is boss me around all day!" said one of his sheep.

"What did you say?" said the farmer.

"You herd me."

A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm...

...his wife wakes up and asks him what he's doing.

He says, 'Honey, this is the pig I sleep with when you have a headache.'.

The wife sneers at him and says, 'You idiot, that isn't a pig, it's a sheep!'.

The husband replies, ' I wasn't talking to you.'.

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

...because sheep run at the sound of a zipper

I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second.

It was shear brilliance!

How does a New Zealander find a sheep in long grass?

Rather enjoyable

Did you know the first condoms were invented by the Welsh out of sheep's intestines?

The English improved on the invention by taking the intestines out of the sheep before using them.

Husband doing crossword with wife..

Husband : emphatic no, five letters
 

Wife : never

H : pistol, three letters
 

W : gun

H : disgust, three letters
 

W : ugh

H : charity, four letters
 

W : give

H : female sheep, three letters
 

W : ewe

H : Pixar movie, two letters
 

W : Up

So my buddy and I were driving down a country road and see a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence.

Now, like any good ol Montana boy I know a good opportunity when I see it. I pull over and walk up to the sheep and unzip my pants and start giving it to her. I'm really give'n her the boots when I look over and my buddy is jacking off. I mean, he's really beat'n his meat. Kinda freaked out I stop and ask 'ya wanna turn?'. He runs over and sticks his head in the fence.

A woman is reading a book in bed when her husband enters with a sheep under his arm

The husband holds the sheep up to the woman and exclaims: "This is the pig I'm cheating on you with."

The woman, confused by the notion, replies: "But... that's a sheep."

To which the husband shakes his head and says: "I wasn't talking to you."

The Welsh invented the condom using sheep's guts

But the English improved upon the idea by taking them out of the sheep

Tired of constant blonde jokes, a blonde dyes her hair brown. She then goes for a drive in the country and sees a shepherd herding his sheep across the road.

"Hey, shepherd, if I guess how many sheep are here, can I keep one?"

The shepherd is puzzled but agrees. She blurts out "352!"

He is stunned but keeps his word and allows her to pick a sheep.

"I'll take this one," she says proudly. "It's the cutest!"

"Hey lady," says the shepherd, "If I guess your real hair color, can I have my dog back?"

An engineer, a physicist and a mathematicians have to build a fence around a flock of sheep, using as little material as possible.

The engineer forms the flock into a circular shape and constructs a fence around it.

The physicist builds a fence with an infinite diameter and pulls it together until it fits around the flock.

The mathematicians thinks for a while, then builds a fence around himself and defines himself as being outside.

A small joke I remembered

Boss: if I find you sleeping on the job one more time, you're fired!

Employee: sorry boss

Boss: ok, now go and do the sheep inventory

Employee: oh no

A farmer walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm....

He says: "This is the pig I have to have sex with when you're away."

His wife says: "Actually I think you'll find that's a sheep."

He says: "Actually I think you'll find I was talking to the sheep."

This is my all time favorite joke

Old man: I love my job

Young boy: all you do is round up sheep

Old man: what did you say to me?

Young boy: you herd

I love my job! exclaimed the farmer. All you do is boss me around all day! complained one of his sheep. What did you say? challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...

You herd me.

A herd of sheep walks into a bar.

One of the sheep says "A round of beers, please."

The bartender says "Okay, so that's one, two, three, four.... five..... six.......

zzzzzzzzzzzzzz........."

Why do Scotsman wear kilts?

Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

I just saw a car being driven by a sheep in a swimsuit

It was a Lamb Bikini

A husband is doing crosswords with his wife.

**Husband:** Emphatic no; five letters.

**Wife:** Never.

**H:** Pistol; three letters.

**W:** Gun.

**H:** Disgust; three letters.

**W:** Ugh.

**H:** Charity; four letters.

**W:** Give.

**H:** Female sheep; three letters.

**W:** Ewe.

**H:** Pixar movie; two letters.

**W:** Up.

How can you milk a sheep?

Release a new iPhone.

How did the pervert find the sheep in the tall grass?

Very satisfying.

How do you milk a sheep?

Sell headphones for $549.

Why do the Scots wear kilts?

Sheep run away when they hear a zipper.

How do you milk a sheep?

Pretend you didn't lose an election and ask for donations.

I just saw a sports car being driven by a scantily clad sheep....

It was a lamb-bikini.

Lil Johnny's Sheep

Lil Johnny is walking a sheep through town. The Mayor stops and asks Lil Johnny what he is doing.

"Silly Billy has a boy sheep and I'm taking our girl sheep to his ranch to get her pregnant," replies Johnny.

The mayor thinks this is a bad idea and tells Lil Johnny that this is a job his father would be better off doing.

"Nah," Lil Johnny says, "I've seen dad trying a quite a few times and our sheep hasn't got pregnant yet."

ADHD & Sleep Problems. Funny That You Asked!!

I have ADHD and have troubles getting to sleep. Doctor recommended counting sheep...

1 sheep. 2 sheep. 3 sheep. Cow. Duck. Horse. \*Old MacDonald had a farm\* and bingo was his name-o!

Which side of the sheep has more wool?

Outside.

A Collie was talking about how hard he works on the farm where he lives.

A nearby sheep piped up 'YOU don't work hard, all you do is boss US around.' 'WHAT DID YOU SAY' shouted the collie. 'You herd me' the sheep replied



Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sheep herd jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sheep sheepdog piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes