sheep fucking Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious sheep fucking puns

An Australian goes to new Zealand

An Australian goes to new Zealand and sees a guy fucking a sheep on the side of the road, he says mate, in Australia we sheer our sheep. The new Zealand guy says, fuck off, I'm not sheering her with anyone.

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A redneck sees another carrying a sheep under each arm.

So he asks him, "you shearing?" The other answers "nope, gonna fuck 'em both m'self."

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Husband walks into the bedroom carrying a sheep.

His wife is in bed reading a book. He stands at the foot of the bed and says, "See honey, this is the cow I fuck when you have a headache." The wife puts the book down and looks at her husband. "If you weren't so stupid" she replies, "you'd realize that's a sheep, not a cow."
"Well" says the husband, "if you weren't such a bitch you'd realize I wasn't talking to you."

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A man walks into his kitchen with a sheep under his arm when he looks at his wife and says...

"This is the pig I've been fucking when you're not around."

His wife rolls her eyes and replies "that's a sheep, not a pig, idiot."

"I wasn't taking to you."

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A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm.

His wife is laying in bed.
The man exclaims This is the pig I fuck when you don't put out
His wife says Are you drunk? That's not a pig that's a sheep
The man replies Shut up, I was talking to the sheep

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An Australian notices a New Zealander having sex with a sheep.

He says "Hey mate, shouldn't you be shearing that sheep?"

The New Zealander replies "Fuck off, I'm not shearing it with anyone!"

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A marine and a sailor are walking down the street...

When they spot a sheep with its head stuck in a fence. The pair race up to the sheep, where the marine drops his pants and begins fucking the sheep. After a few minutes he finishes, take a step back and asks the sailor "you want to give it a shot?"

The sailor replies "hell ya" and promptly sticks his head in the fence.

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A guy walks into his wife's room...

....with a sheep under his arm. He says, "this is the pig I fuck when you're not around."

To which his wife replies, "You stupid asshole, that's not a pig, it's a sheep."


He says, "Shut up. I wasn't talking to you."

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A married man carries a sheep into his bedroom.

His wife is laying on the bed confused and asks him what is going on. The man says "This is the pig I fuck when you are too tired". "That's not a pig that's a sheep" says the wife. To which the husband responds "shhh I'm not talking to you"

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A drunken farmer stumbles upstairs into his bedroom, waking his wife.

She sits up and sees the husband carrying a sheep underneath his arm. The farmer yells, "See, honey, this is the pig I've been fucking." The wife yells back, "you idiot, that's not a pig, it's a sheep!" The farmer says, "shut the fuck up, I was talking to the sheep!"

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A drunken Welshman

A Welshman comes home to his wife after having too much to drink. He kicks open the bedroom door with his favourite sheep under his arm.
He says, "This is the pig I fuck when you're not around."
His wife replies, "John, that's a sheep."
He replies, "Bitch, I wasn't talking to you!"

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The Fence

Two New Zealand guys were walking through a paddock one day when they come to a fence.

Stuck in the fence is a sheep. Only its head is stuck and its body on the men's side of the fence.

Without think about it one of the men, John pulls down his trousers and fucks the sheep. When he's finished he gets all embarrassed and says to his fellow, "Sorry, did you want a go."

Jack, his mate thinks about it for a second. Then he kneels down

And sticks his head in the fence.

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Aussie v. Kiwi (NSFW)

An Australian sheep farmer decides to take a vacation in New Zealand. After a few days of seeing the usual tourist sites, he decides to check out a local sheep farm.

As he is walking up to the gate, the Aussie spots a Kiwi shepherd with his back to him. The Kiwi's pants are down around his ankles and he has a ewe by the hind legs. He is balls deep in her, pumping away like there's no tomorrow.

Digusted, the Aussie calls out "Hey, mate! Where I'm from, we shear those!"

Without missing a stroke, the Kiwi shouts back: "Fuck off! I ain't shearin' this with anyone!"

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Englishman: "That your dog?"

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Horse don't talk.

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!

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A guy walks into a bar...

A guy walks into a bar in Scotland and sits down beside an old man. They strike up a conversation and the old man says,

"Laddie, do ya see that stone wall out there? I built that wall with me own hands, but do they call me Angus the wallbuilder? No."

The guy nods appreciatively and the old man says,

"Do you ya see this bar here? I built this bar with me own hands, but do they call me Angus the bar builder? No sir."

The guy nods again and finally the old man says, "Arrgh...but ya fuck one sheep..."

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A man walks into a bar and sees an old man sitting by himself

He sits next to the man, who obviously already had a few and starts a conversation. The old man tells him:
"You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!"
The old man then leans in closer:
"but you fuck one sheep..."

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A man walks into a bar...

...and sits down. He starts a conversation with an old Scottish guy next to him. The old guy has obviously had a few. He says to the man: "You see that dock out there? Built it myself, hand crafted each piece, and it's the best dock in town! But do they call me "McGregor the dock builder"? No! And you see that bridge over there? I built that, took me two months, through rain, sleet and scoarching weather, but do they call me "McGregor the bridge builder"? No! And you see that pier over there, I built that, best pier in the county! But do they call me "McGregor the pier builder"? No!" The old guy looks around, and makes sure that nobody is listening, and leans to the man, and he says: "but you fuck one sheep..."

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another sheep fucking joke

Tom and Joe are driving down the road in rural Montana when they spy an odd sight along the side of the road. They slow down the car to be sure of what they see: there's a sheep that's got it's head stuck in a fence and behind the sheep is a man fucking the shit out of the sheep. Tom says to Joe "pull over, that looks like fun." Joe pulls over and Tom proceeds to get out of the car and stick his head in the fence.

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A woman is sitting in bed, reading a magazine while her husband walks in drunk with a sheep under his arm....

... he says: look darling.. this is the PIG I fuck when you don't feel like having sex!
Wife: B.. but honey.. that's a sheep!
Husband: I WASN'T TALKING TO YOU!

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A Scotsman is sitting in a pub...

somewhere in Scotland when an American tourist walks up to the bar. The Scotsman turns to the American, clearly drunk, and points out the window.

"Ye see that wall, right there?" The Scotsman said in a heavy accent. "Built that with me bare hands. But do they call me "McGregor the Wall Builder... No..."

After another round of drinks, the Scotsman turns to the American, pointing out the window again.

"Ye see that dock there? Down by the lake?" The Scotsman said. "Built that with me bare hands. But do they call me 'McGregor the Dock Builder... No..."

After another round of drinks, the Scotsman turns to the American again.

"Ye fuck one sheep..."

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A drunken farmer...

A drunken farmer comes home late one night holding a sheep under his arm. He walks into the bedroom and says "This is the pig I've been fucking!"

His wife says "You idiot! That's not a pig, that's a sheep!"

The farmer says "Will you shut the fuck up! I was talking to the sheep!"

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A man who could talk to animals visits a farmer

English is not my native language so I apologize for any error.

A man who could talk to animals visits a farmer.

"What do you want here?" says the farmer

"I can talk to animals"

"I don't believe you!"

"I'll show you!"

So they go to the chicken and the man says: "Who fucked you yesterday night?"

"The cock!"
The farmer was amazed and said, now let's see with the cow!

"Who fucked you yesterday?" asks the man to the cow.

"The bull!"

The farmer couldn't believe it and the sheep was passing nearby.

"I'll ask the sheep now!"

"No don't ask her she's a fucking liar!"

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The farmer and his wife

A farmer's wife is sitting in her bedroom knitting quietly in her rocking chair. The farmer comes through door with a sheep under his arm and says "Look here, this is the pig I fuck when you're not in the mood". The farmer's wife looks up and says "You are some kind of idiot! That there is a sheep!" The farmer replies "Well, I wasn't talking to you!"

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A teacher in a junior school is asking the children about farm animals.

The teacher askes Lilly, "what does a sheep sound like?" Lilly's eyes light up as she knows the answer. "It goes BAAA" she says excited. Then the teacher askes Ben, "what does a cow sound like?" Ben quickly answers "MOOO!!" And finally the teacher asks Dwayne Jr "what does the pig sound like?" Dwayne also knowing the answer shouts "Drop it nigger, get on the fucking ground!!"

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An oldie but a goodie...

An old man is sitting on a dock, crying his eyes out. A younger man walks to him and asks "what's the matter?"
The old man says "I built this dock with my own two hands, but do they call me John the Carpenter...no. I shot the biggest buck ever seen in these parts with my bow, but do they call me John the Archer or John the Hunter...no. But you fuck one sheep..."

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Guy walks into his bedroom carrying a sheep under his arm

Where his wife is reading a book.

The guy says, "This is the pig I'm fucking when you're not around."

His wife says, "That's not a pig, that's a sheep."

The guy says, "I wasn't talking to you."

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A man and his son are sitting in a clearing.

The man points to a bridge and says to his son, "You see that bridge, son? I built that bridge. Do they call me a bridge builder? No they don't."

He points to a barn.

"You see that barn? I built that barn. Do they call me a barn builder? No they don't, son."

The man points to a flock of sheep.

"You see those sheep, son? I fuck one sheep. ONE SHEEP!"

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After a long night of drinking a man enters his wifes bedroom...

After a long night of drinking a man enters his wifes bed room wifh a sheep under his arm and exclaims , " look honey, this is the pig I've been fucking ! "

His wife says, " honey, that's not a pig, its a sheep.."

"Shut up bitch, i wasn't talking to you "

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Frank and his grandson are sitting on a hill above their town

"You see that house down there?" Frank says to his grandson,

"I built that house, but they don't call me Frank the house builder."

Frank continues.

"And that Church, you see that church son? I built that church for the townspeople so the can all gather and worship. And that wall, I laid the stones brick by brick, with no help from anyone, so the townspeople can feel safe"

"You are a great man, I am proud to call you my Grandfather." The grandson replied.

"Yet they don't call me Frank the Church-builder, or Frank the Wall-maker, do they?"
Frank exclaimed.

"But you fuck just one sheep..."

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A guy comes home drunk carrying a sheep under his arm..

..and his wife, who is sitting on the couch, sees him and goes, "It's 2 AM and you're drunk again!" The guy sighs and says, "Welp, there's the pig I've been fucking." With this the wife rolls her eyes and yells, "That's not a pig, it's a sheep you idiot!" The guy looks at her and says, "I was *talking* to the sheep."

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An eskimo on holiday in Wales...

His car breaks down.

A Welshman looks under the bonnet and says, "you've blown a seal"

Eskimo says "so what, you fuck sheep"

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[NSFW] A north dakota cowboy and a south Dakota cowboy are riding the fence one day

When they come across a sheep with it's head stuck in the fence so the south Dakota cowboy gets down off his horse, goes over, and fucks the sheep.

He then looks up at the North Dakota cowboy and asks "do you want a go?"

Too which the North Dakota cowboy replies "sure" and he gets down off his horse,

Pulls his pants down,

And sticks his head I the fence.

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Looking for the comic on this one

Not a perfect go at it, but here's the line

"The Scots like to say the Kiwis are fucking their sheep, the kiwis like to say the Australians are fucking their sheep, the Australians like to say the Scots are fucking their sheep... Personally, I think it's the sheep that are sluts"

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A New Zealander sheep shearer gets a job in Australia.

At the lunch break of his first day in the shearing shed, he drops his dacks, pulls his cock out, grabs a sheep and starts fucking it. The Australians look at him, roll their eyes, shake their heads and mutter, "Bloody Kiwis."

Then one old bloke approaches him and says, "Mate, you're supposed to *shear* your sheep."

The New Zealander scowls at him and yells, "I'm not shearing thus sheep wuth innybody!"

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Two men were driving down a long country road.. (NSFW)

Driving for hours, they pass a large fenced in field. The driver sees a sheep with its head stuck in the fence. The driver pulls over and says, "man, I got to get me some a that!"
So he walks over behind the sheep, drops his pants, whips it out and starts fucking the sheep.
The passenger anxiously watches and waits for him to finish.
The driver eventually gets it over with and pulls up his pants.
The passenger then says, "hey! You think I could get some of that?!"
"Sure! By all means, go ahead!"
So the passenger walks over and sticks his head in the fence.

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What are the most funny Sheep Fucking jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Sheep Fucking? Well, here are the best Sheep Fucking dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Sheep Fucking pick up lines to share with friends.

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