Shed Jokes

108 shed jokes and hilarious shed puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shed that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a laugh? Check out our collection of shed jokes. From funny one-liners to hilarious puns, we've got what you need to lighten up your day.

Quick Jump To

Funniest Shed Short Jokes

Short shed jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shed humour may include short hare jokes also.

  1. My friend was showing me his tool shed. He pointed to a ladder.
    "That's my step ladder," he said.
    "I never met my real ladder."
  2. The wife told me the cat had to be chipped. I only have a nine iron but i still got it over the shed
  3. I asked my wife if shed like me to be in the room with her when she delivered our child She said "Why? It's not like you were in the room when she was concieved.
    RIP Rodney Dangerfield
  4. Dads (Dad support group)
    Hi, I'm dad
    "Hi dad, I'm dad"
    *room breaks into laughter*
    *dads starts building a shed together*
  5. As I stood infront of the mirror, combing my hair to one side, I couldn't help but shed a tear. Alas, parting is such sweet sorrow.
  6. Where does a horse go when it gets sick? The horse-pital!
    Ha ha, just kidding. It goes behind the shed
  7. I'm hiding in my Finnish Neighbours shed, waiting to jump out and surprise him. It's like a sauna in here.
  8. Whilst clearing out the shed I found a box full of dead batteries. I'm giving them away free of charge
  9. My wife told me she and her sister started a weight loss competition to see who can shed the most pounds before their cousin's wedding this summer. "I hope you win" was not the correct response.
  10. You probably didn't hear about the power outage in New York City... I think the news should have shed more light on it.

Share These Shed Jokes With Friends

Shed One Liners

Which shed one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shed? I can suggest the ones about shelf and ashes.

  1. Can't believe someone broke into my shed and stole my limbo stick How low can ya go
  2. How many tears were shed today? A Brazillion.
  3. I like my women how I like my old bike... ... chained up in the shed.
  4. Why did the winter solstice go on a diet? It wanted to shed a few "light" pounds.
  5. Trees are like dogs Some shed and some don't. Others just bark
  6. A snake tells her son, "Go out and get me some scale cream!" "Why?"
    "Because I shed so!"
  7. What type of rock do you find in the shed? Shedimentary!
  8. Why does a cake become smaller when it's sad because it sheds tiers
  9. Someone told me I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed What does that mean?
  10. Me and My Friends Play Yu-Gi-Oh In The Shed We call it the Shed-O-Realm.
  11. I reached my goal of shedding 137 pounds this week It's nice being single again
  12. What does my girlfriend have in common with a hockey game? Blood is shed each period.
  13. My iguana just lost a LOT of weight! He shed the whole scale!
  14. There is nothing wrong with window puns, I just don't like to shed light on them.
  15. Opened up the shed today and realized my handsaw needed tuning It was a bit sharp

Tool Shed Jokes

Here is a list of funny tool shed jokes and even better tool shed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • My dad says I'm not the sharpest tool in the shed. But he also says atleast I've got the being a tool part down to a science!
  • Why do all of the men who prefer their wives making sandwiches in the kitchen work outside in the shed? Because they're all tools.
  • My colleagues at work asked where I kept my garden tools.... "Don't you have a shed in your garden?"
    "So where do you keep your lawnmower?"
    "She shares the bed with me."
  • Why did Ottis Toole say to Henry Lee Lucas after he got caught? I ain't the sharpest Toole in the shed
  • When I was younger I misheard the song lyrics as "I ATE the sharpest tool in the shed"... I ain't the sharpest tool in the shed
  • My friend told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I told him I'm not a tool or in a shed. Sure showed him.
  • Where does Dracula keep his tools? The blood shed.
  • I'm not the brightest shed in the tool But you definitely read that wrong
  • A blonde is like a hammer Not the sharpest tool in the shed
  • What is the sharpest tool in the shed? The SUHHH DUDE!

Garden Shed Jokes

Here is a list of funny garden shed jokes and even better garden shed puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What do you call it when you have dogs building a small garden garage? They're shedding.
  • I went to buy a shed... "Are you going to put it up yourself?" asked the shopkeeper.
    No, I replied, I'm just going to put it in the garden.
  • What do you call a bunch of black dudes in a shed... Antique garden tools.
  • What do a serial killer and a prolific gardener have in common? Both of their sheds are filled with h**....
  • Based on a true story: I was carrying back gardening tools to the shed and dropped one. My wife yells from behind me. "Yee haw, it's a h**... down"
  • What did the philanderer say to the gardener praying in the shed? How do you stay faithful in a room full of h**...?
  • Does the dead h**... in my shed... ...count as a garden h**...?
Shed joke, Does the dead h**... in my shed...

Shed Load Jokes

Here is a list of funny shed load jokes and even better shed load puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • New English Word: Electrogasm. That excited feeling you get as the electricity comes back on after loadshedding.
  • A large wagon contaning menthol mints has crashed and shed it's load over the highway. Police say there will be no congestion for at least the next 4 miles.
  • What does LOL mean? Lots of Loadshedding.
  • What's the difference between South Africa and the Titanic? When Titanic went down the lights were on!
  • Stage 7 load shedding is when they remove the "You are my fire" lyrics from "I Want It That Way".
  • Loadshedding joke. Another
    Night with
  • Stage 7 load shedding joke! Eskom comes to your church and takes that little light of yours you were gonna let shine.
  • Loadshedding joke. Another new dawn eclipse, courtesy of Eskom.
  • We don't always supply you with electricity. But when we do, please don't use it.
  • I am dreaming of a light Christmas. Eskom drops festive season load shedding bomb.
Shed joke, I am dreaming of a light Christmas.

Hilarious Shed Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about shed you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shoot jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shed pranks.

My Grandpa told me this one about a crazy dog

I was out at the golf course the other day and there was a stray dog. It ran over to the shed of golf carts and starting l**... up some spilled gasoline. Suddenly it started running around and going crazy then it just stopped and fell over. The lady next to me asked, "What Happened?!?" and i told her, "He must of ran out of gas"

FBI Investigation.

The phone rings at the FBI headquarters.
"Hello? I'm calling to report my neighbor, Clifford. He is hiding m**... inside his firewood!"
"Thank you very much for the call, Sir."
The next day, FBI agents descend on the neighbor's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes the they bust open every piece of wood, but finds no m**.... They swear at the neighbors and leave. The phone rings at the neighbors house.
"Hey Clifford, did the FBI come?"
"Did they chop the wood?"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. i need my garden plowed."

A Father and Son were hard at work on their farm...

The Son dragged a h**... out of the shed and began working the field. He noticed that the h**... looked very old and worn out. It was practically falling apart, so he asked his Father "How long do you think this h**... will last?" His Father took one look at the h**... and shrugged. "I guess it depends on how much you pay her."

Who said r**... aren't real smart?

"Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?"
"Yes. What can I do for you?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's drillin' holes in his farwood and hiding m**... inside!"
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the Sheriff & his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where the firewood is kept.
Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no m**.... They sneer at Virgil and leave.
The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?"
"Did they split yer farwood?"
"Happy Birthday, buddy!"

Once John went to the market and bought a hen..

He kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John caught it and kept it in the shed again.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John once again caught it and kept it in the shed.
But the hen was stubborn and escaped from the back door.
John now caught it, killed it, cooked it and ate it.
But the hen was stubborn ....

Did you hear what happened between the cook and the onion?

I think there was a fight. It got a little dicey and tears were shed.

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician sit at a bench in a park

They see a man walk into a shed. 10 minutes later, two people walk out.
The biologist says "It was reproduction",
the physicist says "It must be bad data",
but the mathematician doesn't say anything.
A few minutes later, someone else walks in the shed.
The mathematician goes "Ok, *now* nobody is in the shed"

As the news breaks of the passing of Michele Ferrero...

I can't help but shed a chocolatier.

A joke I heard at mass

A priest is baptizing a man. He dips him 3 times in water and says "Craig, from now on you will be known as Michael. From this day forth you are to shed your sinful ways and that includes no more gambling or alcohol"
The man later that day goes home and heads straight for the fridge. He then grabs a can of coors light and dips it in the sink. As he does it he says "from this day on, you will be known as green tea"

I like my sheds the way I like my s**... clubs...

...dark and full of h**...

If you can't be the sharpest tool in the shed...

You can always be the h**...
(Seen on some store sign today)

What did Beethoven the dog shed in a moment of genius?

Fur Elise

Women's g**... are a lot like a shed roof

If you don't nail it hard enough it will end up next door

Did you hear about the guy who tried to lock himself in a shed for 1 hour?

In the end, he couldn't contain himself.

I wouldn't shed a tear if you cancelled MS America, nor lose sleep if you cancelled MS Universe

But please don't you dare cancel MS Paint :*(

How do you peel a banana?

1. Get banana sunburned. Banana will soon begin to peel.
2. Scare banana. Grab skin when it jumps out of it.
3. Hypnotize banana. Tell banana it is a snake. Banana will shed skin.
4. Call banana yellow. Banana will want to fight. Will remove jacket.

With all the recent allegations of s**... assault...

I want to come out that I s**... assaulted a lamp. I know it isn't i**..., but it does shed light on my past

What did the lightpost say to the mailbox?

I can shed some light on the situation. You accept a lot of strange mail into your mouth.

My town has been recently facing power outages that last for weeks

However, the government doesn't want to shed light on the matter

So many power outages lately

No one wants to shed light on the matter

Bike is short for Bichael

So yesterday i was sitting on my front porch and i saw a black guy riding a bike, i thought it was mine so i checked my shed but it was still there chained up and asking for food

I saw a black guy riding a bike...

I was wondering where I left mine, then realized it was in the shed at home begging for food.

My exwife and I owned separate outbuildings.

Made for a difficult divorce. It was a case of he shed, she shed.

During winter break, I visited Paris...

My mother, a fan of operas, brought me to experience one. The performance was phenomenal. Audience members were crying. I'll admit I shed a tear, but when I left the opera house, I found more people crying too! At first, I thought the music could be heard from outside, but it turns out, it was just the tear gas down the street.

ME: Dial 999. Police, please

POLICE: Police
ME: Hi. Two hooded men are robbing my shed.
POLICE: Sorry, we have no resources. There's nothing we can do.
ME: They are standing less than 1 metre apart.
POLICE: Keep them there - we'll be there in 5.

My grandpa isn't very computer savvy

So my Grandpa (72) got on the internet only recently and is still very unsure about how to use it. A month or so ago I taught him how to use email, to his amazement.
I also showed him how web browsing works and showed him how to put questions into Google search.
Yesterday he was planning to repaint the shed and wanted to know if latex paint would stick to stucco, so he did a search for Latex b**....

The year is 1921. Eastern Poland, the new border with Russia is forming after WWI.

One of the officials coordinating this process stumbles upon an old house that is located just on the path of where the border would be set. Property, with an old shed and few acres of land, is habited by one old farmer.
"This is your lucky day, old man. You can choose whether you prefer to be on the Polish or Russian side of the border" says the officel.
"Polish" the farmer answers without hesitation.
"And why is that if I may ask?"
"Cause Ruskies have very harsh winters."

what's the difference between a rapper and a country singer?

Country singers keep their h**... in the shed.

My wife said to me, "I wish you would make love to me like you did when we were courting"

So I took her to the back of the bike shed at school and got her pregnant again.

Did you hear about the time Chad Muska lost the Tampa Pro competition?


A man had been away from home for 3 days trying to hunt a deer.

Finally, he was able to shoot the largest deer he had ever seen.
He took it home and kept it a surprise from everybody else. He cooked it in the shed so that no one could see what it was.
When he brought the cooked deer to the table, his kids asked what it was.
"It's what your mother calls me," he said with a smile on his face.
The eldest son was repulsed by this statement and shouted, "Nobody eat it! It's a dog!"

Ivan and Piotr are drinking in a shack out in the woods...

They've been drinking for three days straight and have finally run completely out of booze.
Piotr turns to Ivan and says, "Vanya, go look in the shed out back, see if there's anything to drink there."
Ivan stumbles back with a bottle of methanol in his hand. "Well, we could drink this, but we'd go blind."
Piotr looks around the shack, stares out the window a moment, and says, "I think I've seen enough."

My 14 year old made me proud

I was driving them to a friend's house and we were sitting at an intersection waiting for a clear space for me to turn left. It was unusually busy for the side streets we live on and I muttered "where is all this traffic coming from?".
Without hesitation, they said "from the right".
A tear of pride may have been shed

my daughter asked me for a set of wheels. told me shed give me rides anytime I wanted

So I got her a rickshaw for Christmas.

Shed joke, Based on a true story: I was carrying back gardening tools to the shed and dropped one. My wife yell

jokes about shed