Shaved Hair Jokes
52 shaved hair jokes and hilarious shaved hair puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shaved hair that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Shaved Hair Short Jokes
Short shaved hair jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shaved hair humour may include short shaved head jokes also.
- Gimli was going on a date last night, so I let him borrow my hair gel and my shaving foam. And my Axe.
- I hate the idea of men shaving their chest hair but when your baby is pulling them then it has to go, we can always make another one.
- Am I supposed to shave the hair on my fingers? I think they have grown a bit...
Out of hand. - As I sat there winding my hair through my fingers, I thought to myself "I really need to shave my a**..."
- To every girl who complains about shaving their legs every now and then You don't know the pain of shaving your f**... hair every morning.
But neither do I. - No Shave November At first I didn't like the f**... hair I had.
But as I waited I started to like the beard more and more.
One might say its...
Growing on me. - I once dated a girl who had no p**... hair. She insists she didn't shave or wax and said she wouldn't even be able to afford the supplies on her allowance anyways.
- Did you hear about that guy who made millions of dollars by donating all his beard hair? He s**... a fortune
- What's the difference between a sheep and a Welshman? One lives in flocks in the hills and gets its hair s**... once a year, the other's a sheep.
- A blonde walks into a hair salon and asks to be s**... bald "I think you should stay blonde," says the Parlor
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Shaved Hair One Liners
Which shaved hair one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shaved hair? I can suggest the ones about shave haircut and shaved beard.
- As a guy, I used to shave my chest hair... But now it's starting to grow on me.
- I like to cut my hair by placing it on train tracks It results in a close shave.
- Yo momma so hairy, she has to use a lawnmower to shave her underarm hair.
- What's it called when a delivery driver forgets to shave? UPS next day hair
- Girl: Why should I shave my downstairs? Guy: Because I don't like hair in my food.
- I used to always do No Shave November At least until I started growing f**... hair.
- How many shaves does it take to remove all a persons p**... hair? A brazillion!
- Everyone hates my f**... hair for No Shave November But it's growing on me
- What did h**... say when the barber s**... his head? Mine hair!!
- I s**... all the hair of my girlfriend's cat.
Hopefully she takes the hint.
Shaved Hair Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about shaved hair you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shaved face jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shaved hair pranks.
A blonde walks into a electronic store and asks the manager, “Can I buy that TV”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Because your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes out and dyes her hair red.
She returned to the electronic store and said, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“Your a blonde.”
So the blonde goes and shaves her hair off and returns to the electronic store and says, “Can I buy that TV?”
“No”
“Why not?”
“You’re a blonde”
“How can you tell I’m a blonde, I dyed my hair red, then s**... it off!”
“Because that’s not a TV, that’s a microwave!”
A young man goes into the Job Centre in Sydney, and sees an ad for a Gynaecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more.
"Can you give me some more details on this job?" he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, "The job entails getting the women ready for the gynaecological consult. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down, and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the examination. There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Perth - other side of the country."
The man says "Oh is that where the job is?"
The clerk says "No sir. That's where the end of the line is right now."
Many years ago, a middle-aged couple took in a young woman boarder.
When she asked to take a bath, the woman of the house told her, "We don't have a bathtub but you're welcome to use the washtub in front of the fire. Monday nights would be best; my husband bowls every Monday."
The following Monday, when the husband had left for his bowling league, the housewife filled the washtub and watched as the young girl undressed.
She noticed with surprise that the girl had no p**... hair. When she told her husband later that night he didn't believe her, so she said, "Next Monday, before you go off to bowling, I'll leave a little gap in the curtains and you can sneak back in to see for yourself."
This week, as the girl undressed, the wife asked, "Do you shave yourself down there?"
"No," replied the girl, "I've just never grown any hair there. Do you have hair there?"
"Oh, yes," said the woman and she showed it to her.
After the husband came home from bowling, the wife asked him, "So? Did you see it?"
"Yes, and you were right," he said. "But why did you show her yours?"
"Why not?" she replied, "It's nothing you haven't seen before."
He replied, "True, but it was sure a surprise to my bowling team!"
Job opportunity
A young man goes into the Job Center in Jacksonville, Florida, and sees a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more – Can you give me some more details? he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist.
You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions,
then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $75,000, but you're going to have to go to Oxford, Mississippi. That's about 620 miles from here.
Oh, okay… is that where the job is?
No sir – that's where the end of the line is right now.
A man is sentenced to 15 years in prison, but escapes after only 3 days
He's taken in front of a judge, who orders the prisoner to explain his actions. The prisoner says "Well your honor, the first day, they gave me a comb, then s**... off all my hair. The second day, they gave me a tooth brush, then pulled out all my teeth. The third day, they gave me a jock strap, I went over the wall". "Case dismissed" declares the judge
A little boy saw his mother n**.....
and asked her, "What is that between your legs?"
The woman, having not s**... her p**... hair in a while, says, "It's my wash cloth, darling." The woman shaves her p**... hair that night.
A few days later, the boy sees his mother n**... again. "Mom, where did your wash cloth go?"
"I lost it, darling," his mother replies.
A few days after that, the mom comes home to the excited little boy. "Mommy, mommy, I found your wash cloth!!"
"Where, darling?" She asked, confused.
"The lady next door was washing dad's face with it!"
A woman goes to the vet
A woman goes the the vet to get her dog looked at because it isn't hearing what she says. And he says "He has a lot of hair in his ears, that's why he doesn't respond" So he takes Nair and puts it on a Q-tip and rubs it on the insides of his ears, and the dog is fine. The vet says "If you do this every few weeks, he should be fine."
So she goes to the pharmacy, gets a can of nair, and goes to the check out. The cashier tells her, "If you use this on your legs, don't shave them for at least three days." And she tells him she's not using it on her legs. "If you use it on your armpits, don't shave them for at least three days." And she says "I'm actually going to use it on my schnauzer." "In that case, don't ride your bike for at least a week."
Geriatric pick-up lines.
A rather elderly gentleman (mid-eighties) walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is very well-dressed, smelling slightly of an expensive after-shave, hair well-groomed, great-looking suit, flower in his lapel. He presents a suave, well-looked-after image.
Seated at the bar is an elderly fine-looking lady (mid-seventies).
The gentleman walks over, sits along-side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, good looking, do I come here often?"
A Buddhist monk goes to a barber
... to have his head s**.... "What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.
That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, my son?" "No price, for a man of the cloth such as yourself." And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen roses.
That day, Rabbi Finklestein comes in to get his *payoss* [sideburns] trimmed. "What do you want I should pay you?" "Nothing, for a man of God such as yourself." And the next morning, what do you know?
The barber finds on his doorstep — a dozen rabbis!
Coming out of retirement
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.
The clerk pulled up the file and read --
"The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."
"The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana."
"Good grief; is that where the job is?"
"No sir; that's where the end of the line is right now."
Two blondes with horses...
Two blonds who loved horse riding had been begging their parents to get them a horse each for a long time, and in the end the parents give in.
The two blonds wants to be able to distinguish which horse belongs to whom.
The first blonde says: "Let's cut off the tail off on one of the horses, that way we can tell the difference!"
They agree, and proceed to do so, however after a week the tail has grown back out, and they agree they need a more permanent solution.
The other blonde suggests: "Let's shave all the hair off one horse"
They do so, but they encounter the excact same problem that the hair grows back out really fast.
After a while of brainstorming one of the blondes says: "I guess we will have to sell one of them and get another"
The second blonde says: "Which one should we sell? The black or the white one?"
A young man goes into the Job Center in Downtown Los Angeles, and sees an advertisement for a Gynecologist's Assistant.
Interested, he goes to learn more. 'Can you give me some more details?' he asks the clerk.
The clerk pulls up the file and says, 'The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help them out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so that they're ready for the gynecologist's examination.
There's an annual salary of $85,000, but you're going to have to go to Albuquerque New Mexico. That's about 620 miles from here.'
'Good grief, is that where the job is?'
'No sir... that's where the end of the line is right now...
The curious case of the lost washcloth
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day the little boy walked in and saw his mother n**..., he asked his mother what was the hair in between her legs?
She responded, "It's my washcloth".
Weeks later after the mother had the baby, the young boy walked
in on his mother again, but while she was in the hospital the
doctor s**... her p**... hair, and the boy asked his mother:
"What happened to your washcloth?"
The mother responded, "I lost it".
The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his
mother's washcloth. A few days later the little boy went running
to his mother yelling and screaming,
"I found your washcloth!"
The mother thinking that the child was just playing went along
with the boy and asked,
"Where did you find it?"
The boy answered, "The maid has it and she's washing daddy's face with it."
An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...
At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. As he's coming to, the idiot rubs his head and finds he has no hair. "That barber is a right m**...!" he exclaims, "He's got it all wrong and woken the bald man instead of me!"
(this joke from the Philogelos, is over a thousand years old
I was talking to a girl in a bar last night
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
If a ginger bird s**... her p**... hair
Into a Brazilian s**..., would it look like a Fish Finger?
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
A Close Shave
An older man getting his hair cut said to the barber, I have very loose skin on my face so I can never seem to get a good close shave. Any ideas?
The barber handed him a small wooden ball and said, Place this in your mouth and roll it around to whichever side I'm shaving. It will stretch out the skin and I'll give you the best shave you've had in years.
The man did what the barber said and sure enough. his face was smooth as silk after the shave. He spit out the wooden ball and said, I just have one question- What would happen if I accidentally swallowed that wooden ball?
You'd bring it back in a few days, like everyone else does.
I told my teacher with amazing hair that it looked like someone s**... it all off
He gave me detention for making a bald accusation.
A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.
He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.
A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head s**.... He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 gold coins in front of his door.
A rabbi goes to the barber and has his hair trimmed. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 rabbis in front of his door.
A man is at a barber's shop getting his f**... hair s**......
The barber gives him a piece of rubber ball to put between his teeth and inside of lower lip so he can give him a cleaner shave. While getting the shave, the customer asks, "what if I accidentally s**... the rubber ball?"
"You can return it tomorrow" answers the barber. "Like everyone else does".
A guy goes to the barber
How would you like your hair today?
Look, i want this side all but completely s**..., with this 2 spots here bald, this side, shorn, and in the middle do as you please.
I am sorry, but i think that would be too hard to do.
How did you do it last week then?