The Best 62 Shave Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Shave jokes. There are some shave stubble jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shave stache puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Shave Jokes and Puns
Thank god for dollar shave club
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
Why do Sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
Because if they didn't, people would mistake them for feminists.
Let's hear best "Confucius Say" jokes you got
My first Confucius Say joke was this:
>Confucius Says...Crowded Elevator Smell Different to Midget
Today while shaving in the shower I came up with this one
>Confucius Says...Man who shave nut sack with straight razor will not have a ball
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night...
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look alright. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.
Two 14-year-old Muslim boys have been suspended from school in Accrington for refusing to shave off their beards.
The head teacher said, "We will not tolerate a school environment where it's impossible to tell the boys from the girls."
I like to shave in front of my car's side view mirrors every morning.
that way, I can get a closer shave than it appears.
How does a redhead shave his pubes?
Gingerly
An old man went to get a shave...
And the barber handed him a wooden ball to put in his mouth against his cheek to make his wrinkled skin smooth. After it was over with the man said "let me ask you something, what would've happened if I swallowed the ball?" And the barber says "just bring it back in two to three days like everyone else"
How does Sean Connery shave?
Ctrl+S
I would shave my beard...
but it's kind of grown on me.
What do you call someone who has to shave 30 times a day?
A barber
You can explore shave stylist reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shave barber dad jokes. There are also shave puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Who can shave 25 times a day and still have a beard?
A barber.
Why do sumo wrestles shave their legs?
So that you can tell them apart from feminists
Who shaves every hour everyday and still has a beard?
The barber
A farmer was having trouble telling his horses apart.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
Why isn't Sean Connery allowed to play Super Mario Bros. any more?
He kept trying to shave the princess.
Why did ancient Egyptians shave their heads?
To be more pharaohdynamic.
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
Why do pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Cr
Clean Shave
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
Why do sumo wrestlers shave their legs?
So people don't confuse them with feminists.
A man walks into a barber shop for a shave.
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
I shaved my head the other day...
At first I hated the look, but it's starting to grow on me.
I used to always do No Shave November
At least until I started growing facial hair.
I always shave my beard after having sex
... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.
What do you call a blond policewoman who doesn't shave her pubes?
Hot fuzz.
My six year old daughter was watching me shave this morning..
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
Girl: So, how many times a day do you shave?
Man: Well, about 15-20 times every day.
Girl: My god, are you some kind of crazy?
Man: No, I'm a barber.
I shaved my mustache after having kept it for a few years
I hated the way I looked at first, but it's growing on me.
My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had sex for the first time.
I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
Why did the robber shave his entire body?
So he could be a smooth criminal
A beautiful girl...
...was giving a pedicure to a man who was at the same time also getting a shave at a salon. The man says
"What about a date later?"
"Am married", she replied.
The man said:
"So?, call your husband and tell him you are going to visit a girlfriend"
She said:
"You should tell him yourself, he is shaving you".
Why do sumo wrestlers shave?
Because they dont want to be confused with feminists.
Who shaves many times a day but still has a beard?
The barber.
Why is it common practice for sumo wrestlers to shave?
So they don't get mistaken for a feminist
The Old Cowboy's Shave
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
I almost cut myself with a razor today
It was a close shave
A pirate named Ronny gets promoted to First Mate.
Ronny is pondering life one day as hes giving the captain a shave.
"I'm not a very good pirate," he says to the captain. "I can't navigate and I don't know how to fight. I don't even sound like a pirate. Is there a reason you chose me as first mate?"
"Aye Ronny," says the captain.
I was talking to a girl in a bar last night
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
What happens when Stevie Wonder tries to shave himself?
Stevie Nicks.
How did the farmer manage to shave 100 sheep in one hour?
Shear effort
An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
I just saw a farmer shave a sheep in 1 second.
It was shear brilliance!
What do generals in the millitary shave?
Their privates.
My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth
My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth so he could a get a closer shave on my cheek.
I asked him "what happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?"
He replied " you can bring it back tomorrow just like everybody else who does "
I asked my friend if he would ever dare to shave his nut sack with a straight razor
He said he tried it once while in college, but it was so bad that he hasn't got the balls to try it again.
The people you meet as a firefighter are really weird sometimes.
I met this woman today who kept demanding I shave her baby.
An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut
He asks the barber, "do you think you can get all my whiskers off? My cheeks are so wrinkled from age".
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he's had in years. But he wanted to know what would have happened if he had swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does".
How does Sean Connery shave?
Ctrl+esh. Like everyone elshe.
Safe travels, Sir.
What did 007 say about the Queens legs
God Shave the Queen
My wife told me I should shave my beard.
A few months ago, I would have maybe agreed with her, but now it has really grown on me.
Don't use Cops to protect the Capitol building!
Use barbers and hairdressers, the threat of a shave, shampoo and haircut should have most of them running for the hills!
What's the only job where you get to shave your privates at work?
Army barber
Why do pencils shave?
To look sharp.
As I sat there winding my hair through my fingers, I thought to myself
"I really need to shave my ass"
I used to shave my testicles with a straight razor.
Nowadays I lack the balls to do so
All this time I've been looking forward to when I can get a proper haircut again, and thinking I'll shave off this lockdown beard of mine.
But over the past year, it's gradually grown on me.
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair.
"I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes."
When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you."
"That wasn't my daddy," said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
A rich man brings a prostitute to a fancy party
The two enter the ballroom with arms in grasp.
The man, with a new suit, clean shave, and an outrageously expensive watch, was clearly dressed to the nines.
The prostitute, barely covered and well worked, had been payed handsomely for her time.
The two approach the bar and both order a whiskey, neat; the prim proper elderly waitress responds with a putrid gasp,
I'm sorry, I cannot serve you, as this is the punch line.
Who shaves 20 times a day
A BARBER
A man an a boy walk into a barbershop
A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you". "That wasn't my daddy" said the boy. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said 'Come on, son, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shave nair jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working shave pube piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.