... so I can remind my wife for how long we've not been doing it.
To look sharp.
Cr
She said, "If you lost a few kgs, had a shave and got your hair cut, you'd look all right."
I said, "If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."
Ctrl+S
To avoid being mistaken for feminists.
To avoid being confused with feminists.
So that you can tell them apart from feminists
But I don't have the balls to do that anymore.
So people don't confuse them with feminists.
So you can tell them apart from feminists.
"Why do you shave, daddy?" she enquired.
"Because mommy likes me with nice smooth skin." I explained.
"Does it hurt?" she asked.
"No, not at all." I said. "Unless I cut myself."
"And then do you put a Band Aid on?" She asked.
"No, I just stick a little piece of toilet paper on any cuts." I told her.
"But don't they just fall off?"
"No, sweetheart." I replied. "They're held in place when I put my underpants back on."
The barber
Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.
The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.
He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"
A barber.
They were both almost done when the barber reached for the aftershave when the first man said Don't put that shit on me‚ my wife will think I've been in a whore house.
The other man then turned to his barber and said you can put it on me ‚ my wife doesn't know what the inside of a whore house smells like.
Edit-words
Cant wait to see my new cock
I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
To be more pharaohdynamic.
I woke up the next morning bald.
A barber
Can't wait to see my new cock.
So they don't get mistaken for a feminist
One day there was a Marine and a Sailor sitting next to each other getting a haircut and a shave. At the end of the shave, the barber went to go put some aftershave on the Marine. The marine stopped the barber and said skip the aftershave, I don't want to go home to my wife smelling like a whore house When the Sailor was done the barber hesitated but the Sailor said, Go ahead, my wife doesn't know what a whore house smells like .
It was shear brilliance!
"If I shave my ass, does that make me gay?"
Master replies: "Man who cleans house is expecting guests."
Because if they didn't, people would mistake them for feminists.
"I have two horses that I can't tell apart," he tells his friend. "Is there any way you can help me?"
"Shave the mane off one horse," his friend said. "Then you'll know the difference between them."
The farmer did as he was told, but after some time the mane grew back and he couldn't tell the difference anymore.
"This time, give one of them a small cut on its leg," said his friend. "Then you can tell it apart from the other."
The farmer did this again, but the other horse ran into a thorn bush and got a similar cut on its leg.
"Measure their height," said his friend. "One of them must definitely be a bit taller than the other."
The farmer tried it out, and it worked. Ecstatic, he ran back to his friend's house.
"It worked!" he yelled. "The black one is two inches taller than the white one!"
I can't wait to see my new cock.
An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in years, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed the little ball.
The barber replied, Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does .
While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.
"And what if I swallow it?"
"No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does."
An old drover walks into a barber shop in Black Stump Crossing, NT, Aussie, for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old drover to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.
When he's finished, the old drover tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he'd had in yonks, but he wanted to know what would have happened if he had accidentally swallowed that little ball.
The barber replied, "Just bring it back in a couple of days like everyone else does."
They are all pretty old, 80+ years, and they all shaking, they have tremors.
One says to the others "It's true that when you get old your body isn't worth much more, it's useless!"
The other says "You are right, look at me how much I shake!"
They all agree and say they also shake so much, they all have uncontrollable tremors
one of the old man says "Today I went to shave, and I cut all my face up!"
the second old man says "Today I went to have some coffee and I poured it all on myself!"
The third old man says "Today I went to take a piss and I came 3 times!"
In an attempt to use sex to encourage me to do some jobs in and around the house, my wife walked up to me and said, I'll make you a deal… you go outside and cut the hedges, and I'll shave my pussy.
I replied, Don't be stupid. We can't both use the hedge trimmer at once.
Now I can afford to put razors in all the Halloween candy.
I was talking to a girl in the bar last night, and she said, If you lost a few pounds, had a shave, and got your haircut, you'd look alright. I said, If I did that, I'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you.
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