Unearthly Funniest Shattered Jokes to Tickle Your Sides
Guys I just recently bought a 256GB iPhone 7 Plus, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!
The kid is 8 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
Guys i just bought a 256GB iPhone 11, my brother dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways I'm doing a giveaway!
The kid is 6 years old, cute, thin and not really tall.
Pilot Choice
As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down, the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, an elderly man in the uniform of an Air Force General is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the white-haired, courtly, soft-spoken General leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear.
Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt.
All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the General slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve.
"Excuse me, General," she asks quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?"
The old man smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my pilot's wings, service stars, and battle ribbons, and explained that they entitle me to throw one passenger out the plane door, on any flight I choose."
I take the bus to school
So every morning I take the bus to campus. On the way, it stops by the local prison.
This morning, while we were stopped by the prison, I heard a loud c**.... I look to my right and I see what used to be a window, now shattered.
I'm looking at the window, and I see some rope fly out. Following the rope, I see an inmate. A rather small inmate. As a matter of fact, the man was a dwarf.
I stared at him in awe. As he made his way down the rope towards freedom, he notice me observing him. He gave me the stink eye. I thought to myself:
Wow, that's a little condescending.
At a Diplomats' dinner, a waiter tripped
and shattered the beautiful plate in which he was carrying a large turkey.
Hushed silence turned into a roar of laughter, when
the quick-witted Diplomat announced:
"Ladies and Gentlemen!
You have just witnessed 4 major international events happening :-
Fall of Turkey
Breakup of China
Spillage of Greece
and Frustration of Hungary!"
A bowling ball jumped off the roof of a tall building.
Looking among the pieces of shattered bowling ball, the Physicist in the crowd regretfully said, "He had so much potential..."
I know I know. I'm not a dad but I teach physics and I've never made up a joke before....
My wife has packed her things and left me...
My wife has packed her things and left me due to my obsession with glass objects.
Frankly, I'm shattered.
My 3 year old's knock knock joke - innocence shattered
3 yr old: Knock Knock Daddy!
Me: Who's there?
3 yr old: (excitedly waving around their fork heaped with spaghetti and slinging sauce everywhere) Fork!
Me: Fork who?
*wife and I lock eyes; we each slowly make "the face" as we realize what is about to come out of our 3 year old's mouth*
3 yr old: Fork you Daddy!!!!! (delirious laughter)
(for those who aren't parents, imagine how someone who is learning to talk might pronounce "fork you"). My 3yr old lost their innocence in my eyes today. May as well pack them up and get them ready for college.
Guys I just bought a 256gb iPhone XR, my son dropped it and the screen shattered. Anyways, I am doing a giveaway!!
The kid is 7, cute, thin and not really tall.
Mommy and Daddy rabbit were enjoying a splendid afternoon in the woods.
Suddenly, the sound of hunting dogs shattered their idyllic time together. They ran for their lives. The dogs were relentless. Finally the two terrified bunnies took shelter in a hollow log. The dogs had them trapped. The situation seemed hopeless.
Daddy looked at Mommy and said "Well, we'll just have to outnumber them."
A Physicist Gets Into A Car Accident
A surfer dude approaches the shattered driver's-side window and asks, "Are you hurt, man? The driver replies, "No, I'm Feynman".
You can explore shattered anton reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shattered tore dad jokes. There are also shattered puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Kevin and Jake had fallen on bad days. Finally, they resorted to theft.
They decided to break into a millionaire's house the following night. Inside the house, Jake accidentally dropped a goblet, which shattered. The noise woke someone up. "Who's there?" the voice demanded. Jake had the presence of mind to reply "meow." After grabbing his fill, Jake slipped out into the darkness, but Kevin was not satisfied. He wanted more. As Kevin searches for more loot, he accidentally knocks a chair over. The voice demanded once again, "Who's there?" "This is another cat," replied Kevin.
A blond walks into the hospital with a shattered right hand...
The doctor asks "what happened?"
So she says, "I was feeling really depressed so I took a gun, held it to my left ear and fired."
The doctor says "how did that damage your hand?"
"Well, before I fired I thought that it might be loud so I plugged the other ear."
Just saw the movie glass.
Over 2 hours long.
I was shattered at the end.
A homeless man with a shattered leg goes to a job interview.
The interviewer asks What are some of your best skills?
The homeless man says, I'm a hard worker, and a reliable one at that. I always get the job done on the spot.
The interview then asks, What are some of your biggest cons?
He says, Well personally, I've been broke in many different places, and have trouble getting back on my feet.
Did you here about that Leg Doctor
He shattered his entire left leg and had to get a metal replacement.
It was a really bad case of Iron-Knee
My Coworker Dropped A Plate Today
The poor thing. It must be shattered.
What happens when a hard drive platter is shattered?
File fragmentation
I've decided I want the title for most vinyls shattered in a nanosecond.
I'll be breaking records in no time!
I just bought an iphoneX but my son dropped it and the screen shattered, i seriously lost interest now and i want to sell it, he is 7 years old and doing great at school
Of course a Canadian s**... shattered the record for the longest confirmed kill in history....
...they stay as far away from the fight as possible. Sorry.
What did the bottle say to the glass after a long night?
Nothing, they were both shattered.
