The Best 87 Shark Jokes

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of shark jokes! These funny jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

Top 10 Funniest Shark Jokes and Puns

What does a shark victim see before their end?

Fin.

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"...

I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

jokes about shark

Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans?

It sounded something like
Den-im...
Den-im...
Den-im Den-im Den-im
denimdenimdenimdenim
(Read it out loud)


What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?

A-fish-in-sea.

Swimming in the Ocean

I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Shark joke, Swimming in the Ocean

I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.

Heard from my 10 year old cousin.

I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!!

I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!

Why were the other fish calling the shark gay?

He swallowed all of the seamen.

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.

You can explore shark sharknado reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shark bull shark dad jokes. There are also shark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach

I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....

Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin

Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks

Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?

A blond is walking down the beach...

and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling Help, Shark, Help!
The blond yells back, no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

Shark joke, A blond is walking down the beach...

I was just at the beach and heard someone yell "Help! Shark!"

I am pretty sure that shark wasn't going to help him...

I'm allergic to sharks..

..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday

Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.


A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:

"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"

" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".

"What about the eye-patch?".

"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".

"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"

"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.

What's a sharks favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

*This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*

What do you call a guy who puts his right hand into the mouth of a great white shark?

Lefty.

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...

For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

A Life Guard is walking along a beach

A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Shark joke, A Life Guard is walking along a beach

A shark was swimming around looking for food...

... and he catches a squid.

The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"

So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."

The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites

Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach.


Why do sharks live in salt water

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach

Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

How much RAM does a great white shark have?

A killer-bite.


What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.

Do not consume if seal is broken

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?

A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?

A loan shark.

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp

And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn't going to help him

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?

Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

The wife has just been attacked by a shark.

In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.

What do you call it when a shark is sassy?

Sharkasm

Where do sharks go on vacation?

Finland

Why was the shark eating pineapples?

Because it makes seamen taste better.

walking down the beach when I saw a guy

Guy: HELP! SHARK! SHARK! HELP ME!

Me: (laughs) that sharks not gonna help him

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…

Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too

Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,

"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."

I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

I saw a man in the sea screaming, 'Help, shark, help!'

I couldn't help but laugh though because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

Where do fish go to withdraw money

The Loan shark

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?

...because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?

No? Well, she is all right now.

What did the shark say when he ate the clown-fish?

This taste a little funny.

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."

"shark infested water"

You mean their home?

What do sharks say when something radical happens?

Jawesome!

A shark ate a girl that had dandruff.

How did they know?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.

He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.

The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.

The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.

The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.

Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.

Why didn't the octopus fight the shark?

Because he was spineless

A mother shark is teaching her young one how to eat humans.....

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"

Awwww

If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?...

...

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is a better cyclist!

"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...

...why did he wait so long?

What does a shark call a jet-skier?

Fast food. (I'm so sorry)

Did you know that when a shark has a stroke...

it can smell toast from up to fifty miles away?

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

how to eat a human

a shark teaching his son " always circle around these humans 5 times before eating them"

the son replied " why can't I just eat them directly ?"

the shark replied " well, if you wanna eat them along with their feces it's your choice"

what did the shark said when he ate the clownfish

this tastes a bit funny

doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right

doctor: you no longer have legs...

me: just like a shark.

Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father?

Man 1: No, shark attack.

A shark can swim faster than I can...

But I can definitely run faster than a shark.
So really, in a triathlon, it would come down to who is the better cyclist.

Once, when I was a lifeguard years ago,

someone was swimming and suddenly started yelling, help, shark! Help, shark! I just had to laugh. I knew that shark wasn't going to help them.

What do you call a Hammerhead Shark who's operating a Drill Rig?

A Flathead Screw driver.

yes, sharks can outswim you.

but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.

What did the shark say after he bit the dolphin?

I'm sorry, I meant to do that on porpoise.

What did the surfer say after his legs were bitten off by a shark?

what a waist..

Today is baby shark day!

Because today is, baby shark 2-22-22.

What is a shark attack survivor's favorite coffee?

Half-caf. I'll see myself out.

Baby Shark

Today's date.

I went to the dog beach yesterday. Everyone was freaking out and running for their lives. I have no clue why.

I didn't have time to figure it out though, I was busy trying to find my lost dog Shark .

Father shark teaches the son shark how to eat human

"Look boy, when you target a swimming human go close with your fin out of the water. Take a few laps around the target then you can eat. Does it make sense?"

"Yes, father. Thank you." the son replayed.

"Now go find your lunch" said the father.

The guy went in one direction and came back after some time.

"Did you find someone?" father.

"Yes dad."

"Did you do what I said?"

"Yes, I found a human and ate him?"

"Did you show your fin and make a few laps around the target?"

"No. I just ate him"

"Oh boy. You ate the shit with that human."

Vending machines kill more people than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.

It is Summer - down at the beach today a guy was yelling "Help, shark, HELP"!!

I had to laugh because I know for a fact that the shark was not going to help him...

News just in of a honeymooner killed in a shark attack off the Perth Coast. The man had been married very recently. A police spokesman said

Fortunately the man did not suffer too much as he had only been married 5 days

So we took our new dog to the beach today

I realise now it was not a good idea to name him Shark

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shark shark tank jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shark shark bait piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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