Shark Jokes
171 shark jokes and hilarious shark puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about shark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of shark jokes! These funny jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.
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Funniest Shark Short Jokes
Short shark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shark humour may include short whale jokes also.
- A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark… ..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist
- Shark Tank *on Shark Tank*
Sharks: what's your idea?
Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
Shark 1: I'm out
Shark 2: I'm out as well
Hammerhead shark: tell me more - I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him. - Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
- Vending machines kill more people than sharks. I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.
- I was wondering... since there are great white sharks, how come there aren't any great black sharks? Then i realized even if there were, they probably couldn't swim...
- yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you're square. all comes down to who's the faster cyclist.
- My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!" She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.
- If you think swimming with dolphins is expensive, you should try swimming with sharks Cost me an arm and a leg!
- doctor: you've been bitten by a radioactive shark me: so i'm gonna get shark powers right doctor: you no longer have legs...
me: just like a shark.
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Shark One Liners
Which shark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shark? I can suggest the ones about sea lion and tiger.
- Baby Shark Today's date.
- Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
- "I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.
- How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.
- Why do sharks live in salt water Because pepper water makes them sneeze
- What do you call it when a shark is sassy? Sharkasm
- What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer.
- Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
- Where does the president of the sharks live? In the Great White House.
- I'm allergic to sharks.. ..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.
- What do you call an octopus that fights sharks? An octobrave.
- Where do sharks go on vacation? Finland
- what did the shark said when he ate the clownfish this tastes a bit funny
- What do sharks say when something radical happens? Jawesome!
- What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites
Great White Shark Jokes
Here is a list of funny great white shark jokes and even better great white shark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What is similar between Sharks and Humans? The Great ones are always white.
- What do you call a guy who puts his right hand into the mouth of a great white shark? Lefty.
- In an effort to not offend... ...The great white shark will now be named the average caucasian shark.
- Great white shark diet surprises scientists "It consists mostly of wildlife biologists that study sharks," said a famous wildife biologist studying sharks.
- What's the most privileged fish? A Great White shark.
- Did you know that great white sharks can grow up to 15 feet? They usually dont though...
- I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
- If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
Loch Jaws. - What do you call a school of racist sharks? A great white problem.
- When it comes to sharks... what's so great about the white ones?
Shark Week Jokes
Here is a list of funny shark week jokes and even better shark week puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.
- People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.
- Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide!
Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha! - Shark Week I just got a notice from our cable provider about Shark Week.
Isn't that when Congress goes back in session? - Before Shark week I took my cable box to the urologist He had a weak stream
- With all the sharks on the front page, you'd think it is shark week.
- The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.
- We have a week dedicated to sharks... sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week. - Sharks watch Chuck Norris week.
Jaws Shark Jokes
Here is a list of funny jaws shark jokes and even better jaws shark puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Steven Spielberg just announced he's not doing anymore shark movies. This is a real Jaw dropper
- Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas? Santa Jaws
- When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
- What did Jaws call his solo banking firm? Loan shark.
- What do you get if you watch Jaws backwards? You get a movie about a shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach
- Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
It costs an arm and a leg to eat there. - TIL selfies killed more people last year than shark attacks. Jaws 5: Selfies strike back
- Did you hear about Shark Jesus? He was King of the Jaws
Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Shark Jokes and Friends
What funny jokes about shark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crocodile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shark pranks.
What does a shark victim see before their end?
Fin.
Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans?
It sounded something like
Den-im...
Den-im...
Den-im Den-im Den-im
denimdenimdenimdenim
(Read it out loud)
Need the punch line to this joke.
So I'm channel surfing with my 10 yo son and we hear this joke. What kind of shark delivers mail? Well I clicked to the next channel before the punch line. So if anyone has heard this joke I'd appreciate it if you could tell me the punch line.
What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?
A-fish-in-sea.
I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"
I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.
A shark walks into a bar,
and the bartender leaves because sharks are dangerous.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why were the other fish calling the shark gay?
He swallowed all of the s**....
a pirate walks in to a bar...
and he has a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a missing eye. The bartender asks him how he lost his leg, so the pirate says he lost it fending off a shark. Then the bartender asks how he lost his hand, the pirate said he lost it in a great battle. Then the bartender asks how he lost his eye, the pirate says a seagul pooped in his eye and he wasnt used to the hand yet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
One knight a king, a queen, and a dog sailed on a boat. The queen and king fell off and drowned. The dog tried to rescue them but was eaten by a shark. Who survived?
The knight.
(It's a better o**... joke since knight and night are interchangeable)
Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?
The octopus because it is well armed.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach
"I've found that I'd scream the exact same way If a piece of seaweed touches my leg or if a shark were trying to bite me."
- Kevin James
I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....
Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A blond is walking down the beach...
and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling Help, Shark, Help!
The blond yells back, no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"
Before I go swimming in the ocean...
I always slather myself in marmite, that way I have a 50% chance of not getting eaten by a shark.
Why did the shark go to the doctors?
Because he didn't feel very whale
What did the Hammerhead shark say to his buddies when he got laid?
Nailed it.
I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday
Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.
An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first
Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A Pirate's Life
A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".
Did you know hippos kill more people than sharks every year?
No one has ever seen a hippo kill a shark.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's h**...'s favorite species of shark?
The Great White.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's a sharks favorite game?
s**... the leader.
*This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*
Why do sharks like stoners?
Because they're baked snacks.
Having a shark as a pet
defeats the porpoise
What swims slightly faster than a shark?
The Little Mermaid on her period.
If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..
Would they..Hit it off?
What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?
I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.
I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...
For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.
What kind of shark is always drunk?
A hammeredhead
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?
He didn't have a leg to stand on
A Life Guard is walking along a beach
A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.
Do you know why sharks don't eat clowns?
They taste funny.
Why don't sharks eat more than one dentist at a time?
They're filling.
What do you call a drunk shark?
A hammered-head
A shark was swimming around looking for food...
... and he catches a squid.
The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"
So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."
The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."
Why did the shark tell the fish he wouldn't eat it?
Because he was being sharkastic.
What Do You Call a Burger Made by a Hammerhead Shark Man
a BigMaccus
What does a shark call a school of fish?
Snackademia
Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark?
They found his head and shoulders on the beach.
Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight...
Swordfish & mako shark specials tonight. Lady asked which would be faster. I said the swordfish can reach speeds up to 60mph, shark 42mph...
Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines?
I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.
Me and my dad went fishing...
when he caught a small shark, he called it his dadliest catch.
Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark
Every year for Halloween I go dressed as a shark. But, I've done this for the last few years so the joke is wearing fin
What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.
Do not consume if seal is broken
Why is it obvious when a shark has an eating disorder?
You can sea it's way too fin.
Never trust a shark.
They don't have an honest bone in their body.
There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try,
but when he went on air, he died.
Me and my friend went boating
I thought i saw a shark, but he said it wasn't.
oh whale
What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?
A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.
What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?
A loan shark.
I went to college in Hawaii and
While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp
And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn't going to help him
Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?
Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.
Hospitals charge you quite a lot if you've been bitten by a shark
Usually ends up costing an arm AND a leg.
The wife has just been attacked by a shark.
In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.
I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.
I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did the k**... let the shark join them?
It was a great white.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Me: "I just saw a video of a shark saving a toddler from drowning"
Friend: "Wha- how is that even possible?"
Me: "Well.. by eating the toddler"
What do you call a shark that plays basketball?
A Shaq.
What do you call an acrobat in shark infested waters?
A balanced breakfast.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why was the shark eating pineapples?
Because it makes s**... taste better.
A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.
"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."
What do you call it when a shark has a mental disorder?
Jautism
God asked Adam to name the animals
Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…
