The Best 87 Shark Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Shark jokes. There are some shark greenpeace jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shark whale puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Shark Jokes and Puns

What does a shark victim see before their end?

Fin.

I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"...

I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Shark joke, I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"...

Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a Cracker Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans?

It sounded something like
Den-im...
Den-im...
Den-im Den-im Den-im
denimdenimdenimdenim
(Read it out loud)


What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?

A-fish-in-sea.

Swimming in the Ocean

I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.

Shark joke, Swimming in the Ocean

I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.

Heard from my 10 year old cousin.

A shark walks into a bar,

and the bartender leaves because sharks are dangerous.

Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark?

Professional courtesy.

I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!!

I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!

You can explore shark fish reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shark fin dad jokes. There are also shark puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


Why were the other fish calling the shark gay?

He swallowed all of the seamen.

"I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time."

Said the Malaysian shark.

One knight a king, a queen, and a dog sailed on a boat. The queen and king fell off and drowned. The dog tried to rescue them but was eaten by a shark. Who survived?

The knight.

(It's a better oral joke since knight and night are interchangeable)

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach

Shark joke, Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?

I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....

Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin

Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks

Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?

A blond is walking down the beach...

and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling Help, Shark, Help!
The blond yells back, no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"


I was just at the beach and heard someone yell "Help! Shark!"

I am pretty sure that shark wasn't going to help him...

I'm allergic to sharks..

..one shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.

I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday

Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.

An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first

Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.

A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:

"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"

" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".

"What about the eye-patch?".

"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".

"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"

"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.

What's a sharks favorite game?

Swallow the leader.

*This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*

What do you call a guy who puts his right hand into the mouth of a great white shark?

Lefty.

If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..

Would they..Hit it off?

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...

For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

A Life Guard is walking along a beach

A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

What do you call a drunk shark?

A hammered-head

A shark was swimming around looking for food...

... and he catches a squid.

The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"

So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."

The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."

What does a shark and a computer have in common?

They both have megabites

Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach.

Why do sharks live in salt water

Because pepper water makes them sneeze

Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach

Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Shark Tank

*on Shark Tank*

Sharks: what's your idea?

Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses

Shark 1: I'm out

Shark 2: I'm out as well

Hammerhead shark: tell me more

How much RAM does a great white shark have?

A killer-bite.

Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines?

I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.

Me and my dad went fishing...

when he caught a small shark, he called it his dadliest catch.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.

Do not consume if seal is broken

Why is it obvious when a shark has an eating disorder?

You can sea it's way too fin.

There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try,

but when he went on air, he died.

Why did the shark keep swimming in circles?

It had a nosebleed.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?

A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?

A loan shark.

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp

And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn't going to help him

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?

Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

The wife has just been attacked by a shark.

In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.

What do you call it when a shark is sassy?

Sharkasm

People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year.

They love Shaq Week.

I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.

I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.

What do you call a shark that plays basketball?

A Shaq.

Where do sharks go on vacation?

Finland

Why was the shark eating pineapples?

Because it makes seamen taste better.

walking down the beach when I saw a guy

Guy: HELP! SHARK! SHARK! HELP ME!

Me: (laughs) that sharks not gonna help him

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…

Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too

Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,

"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."

I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

I saw a man in the sea screaming, 'Help, shark, help!'

I couldn't help but laugh though because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

Where do fish go to withdraw money

The Loan shark

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?

...because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?

No? Well, she is all right now.

What did the shark say when he ate the clown-fish?

This taste a little funny.

A shark is teaching his kid how to attack swimmers.

"Make sure your dorsal fin is above the water and swim toward them *really fast*, then veer away at the last moment. Do that a few times, and then go back and eat them."

"But why not just come up from below and eat them right away?"

"Well, they taste a lot better if you *empty* 'em first."

What do you call a black shark?

Sharkoal

Steven Spielberg just announced he's not doing anymore shark movies.

This is a real Jaw dropper

"shark infested water"

You mean their home?

What do sharks say when something radical happens?

Jawesome!

A shark ate a girl that had dandruff.

How did they know?

They found her head and shoulders on the beach.

It was a man's first day on a pirate ship.

He noticed the captain had a peg leg, a hook for a hand, and a patch over his eye.

The man was curious so he asked the captain how he lost his leg.

The captain responded, Arrrrr, a shark bit me leg off.

The man asked how he lost his hand. Arrrr, I lost me hand in a sword fight.

Finally, the man asked the captain while he wears a patch over his eye. The captain said, Arrrr, a seagull pooped in me eye, and it was me first day with a hook.

Why didn't the octopus fight the shark?

Because he was spineless

A mother shark is teaching her young one how to eat humans.....

"First, you go straight at them and then you circle them. You go straight at them again and circle them again. Finally, you go straight at them and then you eat them"

"But, mom, why can't I just eat them the first time around?"

"Well, I suppose you can, but why would you want to eat them with all the shit still inside?"

Awwww

If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water?...

...

Because pepper water makes them sneeze.

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark.

So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is a better cyclist!

"Bill to ban shark fin harvesting", and "Bill to increase minimum wage" and "Bill to help ease the burden of Vets"...with all these good things happening, it makes me wonder...

...why did he wait so long?

What does a shark call a jet-skier?

Fast food. (I'm so sorry)

Did you know that when a shark has a stroke...

it can smell toast from up to fifty miles away?

Why do sharks eat underwater internet cables?

They were advised to have more fiber in their diet.

how to eat a human

a shark teaching his son " always circle around these humans 5 times before eating them"

the son replied " why can't I just eat them directly ?"

the shark replied " well, if you wanna eat them along with their feces it's your choice"

what did the shark said when he ate the clownfish

this tastes a bit funny

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shark swordfish jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shark jellyfish piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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