Shark Jokes

172 shark jokes and hilarious shark puns to laugh out loud. Read animal jokes about shark that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Looking for a good laugh? Check out our collection of shark jokes! These funny jokes are sure to bring a smile to your face.

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Funniest Shark Short Jokes

Short shark jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shark humour may include short whale jokes also.

  1. A shark can swim faster than a human, but a human can run faster than a shark… ..So in a triathlon it comes down to who's the better cyclist
  2. Shark Tank *on Shark Tank*
    Sharks: what's your idea?
    Me: ridiculously wide sunglasses
    Shark 1: I'm out
    Shark 2: I'm out as well
    Hammerhead shark: tell me more
  3. I saw a man at the beach yelling "Help, shark! Help!"
    I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
  4. I heard a swimmer shout "Help shark help!! I just laughed. I knew the shark wasn't going to help him!
  5. I once told someone I had a half brother They said Oh different mother or different father? And I said Niether, there was a shark attack
  6. Awwww If you watch Jaws backwards it is a heartwarming story about a shark who gives arms & legs to disabled people.
  7. Why do we let women and children off a sinking ship first? So the sharks aren't hungry anymore.
  8. Swimming in the Ocean I while back I was sitting on a beach in Mexico watching this guy in the ocean screaming "HELP SHARK, HELP!" I just laughed, I knew that shark wasn't going to help him.
  9. Vending machines kill more people than sharks. I've never even seen a shark use a vending machine.
  10. I was wondering... since there are great white sharks, how come there aren't any great black sharks? Then i realized even if there were, they probably couldn't swim...

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Shark One Liners

Which shark one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shark? I can suggest the ones about sea lion and tiger.

  1. Baby Shark Today's date.
  2. Man 1: I have a half sister. Man 2: Different father? Man 1: No, shark attack.
  3. "I'm getting sick of eating airline food all the time." Said the Malaysian shark.
  4. How much RAM does a great white shark have? A killer-bite.
  5. Why do sharks live in salt water Because pepper water makes them sneeze
  6. What do you call it when a shark is sassy? Sharkasm
  7. What do you call the soft tissue between a shark's teeth? A slow swimmer.
  8. Why did the shark keep swimming in circles? It had a nosebleed.
  9. Where does the president of the sharks live? In the Great White House.
  10. I'm allergic to sharks.. shark bite and it's straight to the ER for me.
  11. What do you call an octopus that fights sharks? An octobrave.
  12. Where do sharks go on vacation? Finland
  13. what did the shark said when he ate the clownfish this tastes a bit funny
  14. What do sharks say when something radical happens? Jawesome!
  15. What does a shark and a computer have in common? They both have megabites

Great White Shark Jokes

Here is a list of funny great white shark jokes and even better great white shark puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • What is similar between Sharks and Humans? The Great ones are always white.
  • What do you call a guy who puts his right hand into the mouth of a great white shark? Lefty.
  • In an effort to not offend... ...The great white shark will now be named the average caucasian shark.
  • Great white shark diet surprises scientists "It consists mostly of wildlife biologists that study sharks," said a famous wildife biologist studying sharks.
  • What do humans and sharks have in common? The great ones are always white.
  • What's the most privileged fish? A Great White shark.
  • Did you know that great white sharks can grow up to 15 feet? They usually dont though...
  • I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a great white shark or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.
  • How do you shoot a great white shark?
    Hold his nose until he turns blue and then you shoot him with a blue shark spear gun.
  • If they made a movie starring the Loch Ness monster and the great white shark from Jaws, what would the movie be called?
    Loch Jaws.

Shark Week Jokes

Here is a list of funny shark week jokes and even better shark week puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Shark week is actually the safest time to go to the beach Because all of the sharks are busy being on TV.
  • People from Boston will never forget that Shaquille O'Neal is hosting Shark Week this year. They love Shaq Week.
  • Why did the shark cross the Great Barrier Reef? ...To get to the other tide!
    Shark Week Hoo Ha Ha!
  • Shark Week I just got a notice from our cable provider about Shark Week.
    Isn't that when Congress goes back in session?
  • Before Shark week I took my cable box to the urologist He had a weak stream
  • With all the sharks on the front page, you'd think it is shark week.
  • The results of a recent Harris Poll on "what's scarier" forced the Discovery channel to cancel Shark week in lieu of Chuck Norris week.
  • We have a week dedicated to sharks... sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  • Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris is the most feared predator on the planet.
    That's why sharks have a Chuck Norris week.
Shark joke

Shark Jaws Jokes

Here is a list of funny shark jaws jokes and even better shark jaws puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Steven Spielberg just announced he's not doing anymore shark movies. This is a real Jaw dropper
  • Who delivers presents to sharks on Christmas? Santa Jaws
  • When Chuck Norris crosses the pacific, swimming, sharks hear the "Jaws" music.
  • What did Jaws call his solo banking firm? Loan shark.
  • What do you get if you watch Jaws backwards? You get a movie about a shark that throws up so many people that they need to open a beach
  • Did you hear about the new shark food restaurant called Jaws?
    It costs an arm and a leg to eat there.
  • TIL selfies killed more people last year than shark attacks. Jaws 5: Selfies strike back
  • Did you hear about Shark Jesus? He was King of the Jaws
  • I s**... off a shark last night... Now I have jaw ache
Shark joke, I s**... off a shark last night...

Experience Good Cheer with Hilarious Shark Jokes and Friends

What funny jokes about shark you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean crocodile jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shark pranks.

What does a shark victim see before their end?


I was walking near the Beach When I heard someone yell "Help shark Help"...

I laughed because I knew no sharks were going to come help.

Why do sharks only swim in salt water? (Got this is a c**... Jack box)

Because pepper water makes them sneeze!

Did you hear the one about the shark that liked to eat people wearing jeans?

It sounded something like
Den-im Den-im Den-im
(Read it out loud)

Why don't shark bite Lawyers?

Profession Courtesy.

What is the most important thing for a hungry shark?


I saw a man struggling in the sea today shouting " Help, shark! Help!"

I just laughed because I knew the shark wouldn't help him.
Heard from my 10 year old cousin.

A shark walks into a bar,

and the bartender leaves because sharks are dangerous.

Why hasn't any lawyer ever been bitten by a shark?

Professional courtesy.

Why were the other fish calling the shark gay?

He swallowed all of the s**....

One knight a king, a queen, and a dog sailed on a boat. The queen and king fell off and drowned. The dog tried to rescue them but was eaten by a shark. Who survived?

The knight.
(It's a better o**... joke since knight and night are interchangeable)

Who would win a fight between an octopus and a shark?

The octopus because it is well armed.

Did you hear about the man with dandruff who got eaten by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach

I often go to fancy dress parties dressed as a shark....

Quite honestly, the novelty is wearing a little fin

Vending machines kill more people every year than sharks

Obviously, how's a vending machine going to kill a shark?

A blond is walking down the beach...

and see's a man flailing his arms wildly in the water. He's yelling Help, Shark, Help!
The blond yells back, no you idiot, you have to swim, that shark wont help you!"

I was just at the beach and heard someone yell "Help! Shark!"

I am pretty sure that shark wasn't going to help him...

Why did the shark go to the doctors?

Because he didn't feel very whale

I saw leaked footage of Finding Dory yesterday

Bruce the shark is now called Caitlyn.

An update to Windows 10 reminder was a little icon at first

Then it was an annoying pop-up. Now it's almost a full screen reminder. Soon they will start calling me on the phone and if I say no a couple loan shark guys will come to my apartment and make me update.

A Pirate's Life

A pirate goes into a bar and sits down.
The bartender says:
"Wow, you look like you've had a long life. Tell me about it. How did you get your wooden leg?"
" Arrr.... me ship capsized and a shark bit me leg off. Then while loading a canon it blew me hand clean off".
"What about the eye-patch?".
"I happened to look up when a gull flying overhead crapped on me eye".
"Well, that doesn't qualify an eye patch, now does it?"
"Arrrgh, it was the first day I got me hook".

Falling vending machines kill more people per year than sharks.

I've never even seen a shark near a vending machine.

What's h**...'s favorite species of shark?

The Great White.

What's a sharks favorite game?

s**... the leader.
*This joke has been brought to you by my 8 year old's math homework.*

If a Hammerhead Shark met a Nail Tail Whale..

Would they..Hit it off?

What do you get when you cross-breed a shark and a cow?

I have no idea but I wouldn't try milking it.

I named my dog Shark to make him sound tough...

For some reason, people go into a panic when he runs off on the beach.

What kind of shark is always drunk?

A hammeredhead

Did you hear about the lawyer who tried to sue a shark for biting all his limbs off?

He didn't have a leg to stand on

A Life Guard is walking along a beach

A Life Guard is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.
The Life guard laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

Do you know why sharks don't eat clowns?

They taste funny.

What do you call a drunk shark?

A hammered-head

A shark was swimming around looking for food...

... and he catches a squid.
The squid says: "don't eat me, I'm really sick!"
So the shark says: "fine, I won't eat you. But I know just what to do with you..."
The shark takes the squid to his friend and says: "here's the sick squid I owe you."

Why did the shark tell the fish he wouldn't eat it?

Because he was being sharkastic.

What Do You Call a Burger Made by a Hammerhead Shark Man

a BigMaccus

What does a shark call a school of fish?


Heard about the man with chronic dandruff who was attacked by a shark?

They found his head and shoulders on the beach.

Why don't sharks eat lawyers?

Professional courtesy.

My wife said to me the other day "For the last time I am on my period and I am NOT getting into the water to swim!"

She totally ruined my shark fishing trip.

Did you know sharks kill more people than vending machines?

I don't think a shark has ever killed a vending machine.

Me and my dad went fishing...

when he caught a small shark, he called it his dadliest catch.

Why won't sharks attack lawyers?

Professional courtesy

What did the seal with the broken arm say to the shark.

Do not consume if seal is broken

Why is it obvious when a shark has an eating disorder?

You can sea it's way too fin.

There was a shark that wanted to be a reporter so a news station gave him a try,

but when he went on air, he died.

What do you get when you cross a shark and a giraffe?

A stern reprimand from the bioethics committee.

What do you get when you cross a banker with a fish?

A loan shark.

I went to college in Hawaii and

While I was jogging on the beach one day, I saw a man in the distance drowning !
He was waving his arms screaming:
Helllppppp.... *Shark* ... please... hellllpppppp
And then I started laughing, haha, cause I knew that that shark wasn't going to help him

Have you ever had the feeling to push someone into a shark tank at an aquarium?

Anyways, I lost my job as a shark trainer today.

The wife has just been attacked by a shark.

In fairness, I probably shouldn't have taken the loan out in her name.

I'm glad that baby shark in TX is safe, but I doubt the police will spend a lot of time punishing the thieves.

I figure they'd have bigger fish to fry.

Why did the k**... let the shark join them?

It was a great white.

What do you call a shark that plays basketball?

A Shaq.

What do you call an acrobat in shark infested waters?

A balanced breakfast.

Why was the shark eating pineapples?

Because it makes s**... taste better.

walking down the beach when I saw a guy

Me: (laughs) that sharks not gonna help him

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer.

"Did you know that geese kill more humans than sharks each year?" the guy asks the bartender. "Yes, but let's be fair about it," the bartender replies. "It's really hard for a goose to kill a shark."

God asked Adam to name the animals

Adam began to invent names, Lion, Tiger, Horse, Cow, Pig…
Then God said, You must name the sea animals, too
Adam was tired already, so he said, Sea lion, Tiger shark, Sea horse, Sea cow, Sea pig…

My doctor said I was pessimistic.

Once, there was a shark who bit-off the left side of my body; he let out a small chuckle and said,
"I'm very sorry for this, but I think you are all right."
I replied, "Seriously, doc? I have nothing left."

I saw a man in the sea screaming, 'Help, shark, help!'

I couldn't help but laugh though because I knew the shark wasn't going to help him.

Where do fish go to withdraw money

The Loan shark

What's a sharks least favourite name?

So I have my Alexa set up to tell me joke when I say goodnight, last night it told me that joke...and I can't work it out?! I have searched for it online, and other people have searched for it but no one has seemed to find out what it means.
Am I being s**... and missing something obvious? Did I have a half asleep fever-dream and imagine this non-joke?

I went on shark tank to sell a mixed meat product

I offered 20% steak

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight?

Because he was well armed

How did they determine that the shark attack victim had dandruff?

...because all that washed up on the beach was his head and shoulders.

Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?

No? Well, she is all right now.

Shark joke, Did you hear about the shark attack victim that lost her left arm and left leg?

jokes about shark