Shallow Jokes

Hilarious puns and funny pick up lines

A pig goes to the doctors with swine flu.

The doctor gives him a leaflet for a therapeutic spa and tells him to go straight there.

When he gets there he's instructed to lay in a shallow bath of salt and sugar.

He chuckles to himself and thinks, "what's this supposed to do, cure me!"

A husband and wife are fighting. The wife says "You've got the smallest penis I've ever seen!"

The husband shoots back "Then we're a perfect fit for each other, cause you're a shallow cunt!"

Does size matter?

Some women say size doesn't matter.

Some even say that they prefer smaller ones. I think that they're just shallow.

My ex...

My ex was like a rock pool. Shallow, but interesting. And upon closer inspection I found crabs.

What's the difference between Kylie Jenner and an egg?

One is just a fragile shell, containing contents so shallow, they hardly give any sustenance to those who want it. And if dropped, or tossed away, can be easily replaced by bunch of others, exactly like them.

And the other is an egg.

What did the Olympic size swimming pool say to the kiddie pool?

I can't be your friend anymore you're just too shallow!

My wife is so shallow

I should probably move her body before someone spots it

Why did the kiddie pool have no friends?

Because it was too shallow.

Why'd the one eyed man marry the shallow girl?

He lacked depth perception.

My gf broke up with me today because I have a short penis...

Which confuses me because when we started going out she claimed that she was really shallow

A man is driving down a country road

when he comes to a spot covered in in water. Not knowing how deep the water is he turns around and goes back the way he came. A little ways down the road he meets a little boy. He asks the little boy if the water is shallow enough to drive through and the little boy says yes it is. A few minutes later he starts to drive across when the car sinks and floods with water. The man gets out and walks back to the little boy and says "I thought you said the water was shallow." and the little boy says. "Well it only came up to here on the ducks."

What do Buzz Lightyear and Bees have in common?

They both can fly.

What?

You thought I was going to make a pun? I'm not that shallow.

Now buzz off.

If a priest went swimming in the shallow end where all the kids are

would he touch bottom?

Some women can be so shallow.

I mean everything was going great at our first dinner date until I told her what kind of car I lived in.

Why can a Kardashian never drown?

They're always way too shallow.

Women who think penis size doesn't matter

are shallow.

My first wife was too shallow for my liking

so I dug a deeper hole.

I left my girlfriend because she lost an ear

It may sound shallow but I take my corn seriously

What do you call a Muslim guy who won't date fat chicks?

Shallow Halal.

It's upsetting how obsessed Catholics are with this whole "Body Of Christ" thing

He's really smart and interesting, and has got an amazing personality, too, but it's not like anyone that shallow would ever bother finding out.

I could never date someone who swims in the kiddy pool...

They're just too shallow for me

Sometimes I think my wife's a bit shallow

I wouldn't want the dog digging her up

I, an Orca, tried to warn my brother countless times.

He just had to eat that family of dolphins in shallow water.


Well, the idiot beached himself.


If I told him once I told him a thousand times.


Don't eat Tide Pods.

Where do hillbillies like to hang out during the summer?

The shallow end of the gene pool.

I'm tired of people hating on integral calculus for being so shallow!

Integrals are more than just the sum of its parts!

How much money do hookers with shallow vaginas make?

Just the tips.

Did you hear about the landmark Supreme Court case concerning the best way to cross a shallow creek?

It was *Row versus Wade.*

My therapist said the fact that I keep digging that weird hole is shallow

I said it's deep for me

My bathtub is just like me.

Shallow and not quite long enough.

Girls are so shallow nowadays. Every single one of my dates this week has forgotten my name.

They always call me Help whenever we have sex after the date. Like... who the fuck is Mr. Help?

I think women who say that size doesn't matter are shallow.

People always say ugly people are beautiful deep down,

But unfortunately I'm way too shallow for that.

German coast guard

An American cruise ship was following the German coast when it got caught off course in a storm, hit some rocks in the shallow water, and started to sink.

The captain of the ship got on the radio:

"Help! Help!"

He got a reply:

"Hello, ziss is German coast guard. Do you haff a problem?"

"Help us! We're sinking! We're sinking!"

..."Vot are you sinking about?"

Why can't Adele swim in the shallow end of the pool?

Because she can only roll in the deep!

Girl are you a shallow grave by a river

Because I want to bury a baby in you

What happens to superficial people when they die?

They end up in a shallow grave.

Why did the Red sea not find a good husband?

because she was too shallow.

If I said you have a nice body would you...

stash it under the floorboards with the rest of them or bury it in a shallow grave?

What made the soccer player romantically shallow?

He was just trying to score

What did one ocean say to the other?

You shallow son of a beach.

Girls I've dated are always calling me shallow...

But how can I be shallow, if I've been balls deep.

What do you call it when a shallow, demeaning midget sucks your dick?

A low blow.

Dating someone solely on their looks is shallow.

What are the funniest shallow jokes of all time?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking about Shallow? Well, here are the best Shallow puns to laugh out loud. Crazy and funny Shallow pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes