Shaking Jokes
122 shaking jokes and hilarious shaking puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shaking that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Shaking jokes are a fun way to lighten the mood and bring a smile to your face! Learn how shaking like a head, leg, or spasms can be used as hilariously faintly jokes. Discover how the power of laughter can be helpful even in Barkinsons patients. Enjoy these unique jokes today!
Quick Jump To
- Short Shaking Jokes
- Shaking One Liners
- Head Shaking Jokes
- Shaking Like A Jokes
- Leg Shaking Jokes
- More Shaking Jokes
Funniest Shaking Short Jokes
Short shaking jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shaking humour may include short shakes jokes also.
- I can't stand homeless people Every time I leave work, one of them approaches me and shakes his can full of coins just to show off how he has more money than me.
- I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me. I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
- When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left. I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away
- How do you make the best Harlem Shake video? You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.
- An old one. What lies on the bottom of the sea and shakes? A nervous wreck!
I first heard this at xmas 1952 (64 years ago) and it still makes me smile. - i hate when homeless people shaking their cup of coins at me like yeah i know you have more money than me but you don't need to rub it in
- I was walking around the city when i saw a man in a turban shaking his carpet on his balcony. I shouted at him: "What's wrong, it isn't starting?"
- The first time I asked a woman to sleep with me my hands were shaking and I was sweating uncontrollably I'd never pointed a gun at anyone before
- I just saw an Indian guy shaking a piece of carpet outside his door. I said, "Whats up, Won't it start?"
- I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.
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Shaking One Liners
Which shaking one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shaking? I can suggest the ones about shook and trembling.
- What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's? A chocolate shake.
- Dentist: When was the last time you flossed? Shaking my head. Dude, you were there!
- What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure? A protein shake
- I have a jar full of jars, I call it jar jar, and when I shake it, Jar Jar Clinks
- What do you call a cow with Parkinson's? A milk shake
- What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck.
- To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper.... I wanna shake your hand.
- Me : Shaking a magic 8 ball.. "Will my vision ever get better??"
Coconut : - What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine? Shake well before use.
- I'm part of a club for people with parkinson's We have our own hand shake
- What do you get when you cast Michael J. Fox as Walter White? Shaking Bad.
- What do you get when you put your hand in a blender? A hand shake.
- The Etch a Sketch company was struggling But they hired me to shake things up
- The ATM has the shakes... And other withdrawal symptoms too.
- What's the worst part about meeting someone with Parkinson's? Shaking hands.
Head Shaking Jokes
Here is a list of funny head shaking jokes and even better head shaking puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- TIL: Due to the placebo effect, if you tilt your head back, close your eyes, and pretend as if you're shaking a salt-shaker into your mouth, your brain will cause you to actually taste salt
- An E, F Sharp, G, A, B, C, D, and another E walk into a bar. The bartender shakes his head and says, sorry, we don't serve minors here.
- At the pharmacist A guy goes to a pharmacist and asks for a dozen condoms.
The druggist asked " Would you like a paper bag?"
The guy shakes his head and says "Nah, she ain't that ugly." - You can reduce your weight by one simple exercise of shaking your head horizontally. Do it when you are offered food
- Two donkeys are standing at a roadside Two donkeys are standing at a roadside, one asks the other: "So, shall we cross? "
The other shakes his head: "No way, look at what happened to the zebra." - Arnold Schwarzenegger joined an Easter egg hunt but didn't find any eggs. His secretary asks "Does this mean you hate Easter now?" He shakes his head and responds:
"I still love Easter baby." - So there's this duck, trying to sell drugs to this horse The duck hold out his wing and says: "Quack?" The horse shakes his head and says: "Neigh!"
- An apple falls on Isaac Newton's head He shakes his fist at the sky and says, "There should be a law!"
- The best first: Doctor to Mrs. Spew: Is your daughter always stuttering like that? Mrs. Spew shakes her head: No, only when she wants to say something.
- A vulture tries to board a plane whilst carrying a dead rabbit under his wing. The flight attendant stops him, shaking his head.
"Sorry sir, you can't bring that on here. No carrion."
Shaking Like A Jokes
Here is a list of funny shaking like a jokes and even better shaking like a puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Whoever the guy is that invented 1-ply toilet paper … I'd like to shake his hand.
- Toilet paper... Whoever it was that invented single ply toilet paper, I'd like to shake his hand.
- I saw them shaking hands
like it was 2019 - Trump is like Hurricane Matthew The media is talking about it nonstop. Nobody knows how bad it's going to be, but you can't help shake your head at the Floridan who ignores the warning.
- What's wet and likes to shake? An earthquake on a rainy day.
- Me and Michael J Fox have a hand shake... he must really like it because he keeps practicing it.
- Did you hear about the stripper with epilepsy No one in the club could shake it like her
- I like my women like I like my peanut butter... ...brown, smooth, and easy to spread.
Props to Shakes the Clown. - What's the similarity between a baby and an etch a sketch? If you don't like how it looks you can shake it until it goes away!
- What do a baby and an Etch A Sketch have in common? If you don't like it, you just shake it and start over.
Leg Shaking Jokes
Here is a list of funny leg shaking jokes and even better leg shaking puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- You know it's good when moan and your legs won't stop shaking. Stretching, that is. You can do it anytime of the day and it still feels good.
- What is it a man does standing, a woman does sitting and a dog does with one leg lifted? Shake hands
- Grandpa says his leg shakes when it's about to rain. I don't think he knows his phone is in his pocket.
- Hate shaking it off after peeing then putting it back in my pants still makes it dribble down my leg ... ... wish I could say a punch line but it's 40 y/o facts
- The CDC has updated their rules for handling Ebola: 1) put your left leg in
2) take your left leg out
3) shake it all about - What do men do sitting up, women do sitting down, and dogs do on two legs? Shake hands.
Cheeky Shaking Jokes that Will Make You and Your Friends Chuckle
What funny jokes about shaking you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean shivering jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shaking pranks.
An Arab is shaking a carpet on the window.A guy sees from below and asks:
What's wrong with it? Doesn't start?
I got into a car accident with a midget...
He got out of his car, angrily shaking his fist and yelled, "I'm NOT happy!"
"Well," I replied, "which one are you?"
I saw some n**... on TV last night...
I just sat there shaking my fist. I was furious.
A man goes to the doctor...
... and he says, "Doc, I'm not sure what's wrong with me. I can't stop shaking my hips and singing Tom Jones songs."
To which the doctor replies, "Clearly sir, you have Tom Jones' Disease."
The man asks, "Is this common?"
The doctor answers, "It's not unusual."
George W. Bush is sitting with his aides...
and he is getting debriefed on the world news of the day. The news is rather mundane and unexciting, but one of his aides states that 3 Brazilian people perished in a plane c**... early this morning.
Dubya's reaction is pure shock and grief, he's shaking and can't control his emotions.
Tearfully looking over to the man who broke the news, he asks him, "How many is a Brazilian?"
An old woman went on a walk looking for her husband of 50 years...
As she strolled down the sidewalk outside of the retirement home, so approached a shaking bush. When she peered inside, she saw her husband getting a h**... from old Gurt. Startled, they got up. The woman cried to her husband, "how could you do this to me?" He hung his head in shame. "What makes her so great?! What does SHE have that I don't?"
The old man just smiled, and replied, "Parkinson's."
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident...
A priest and a rabbi get into a car accident at an intersection. They get out of their cars and find that neither is hurt, which is surprising because it was a horrible accident. The cars are a mangled mess.
The priest says to the rabbi, "Thank the lord that we are both uninjured! That was *terrifying.* I still can't stop shaking. I was so frightened!"
The rabbi says, "Friend, I feel the same way. I saw my life flash before my eyes, but those airbags saved us. Look, I had this bottle of Manischevits wine on the seat next to me and it didn't even break! Here, let's have a drink to calm our nerves. " as he hands the bottle to the priest
"Yes, and also to celebrate still being alive!" the priest says as he takes a long drink from the bottle.
He hands the bottle back to the rabbi who, instead of drinking, closes the bottle and puts it in his pocket.
"Aren't you going to have a drink?" the priest asks
"Not until after the cops get here. "
Two Women Talking in Heaven
1 Woman: Hi, Wandal
2 Woman: Hi, Sylvia! How'd you die?
1 Woman: I froze to death.
2 Woman: How horrible!
1 Woman: It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm and sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?
2 Woman: I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. Instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.
1 Woman: So what happened?
2 Woman: I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.
1 Woman: Too bad you didn't look in the freezer-we'd both still be alive.
No one is more excited for today than Michael J. Fox...
He's been shaking with anticipation for the last 25 years.
There's so much n**... on TV these days, it makes me so angry.
I just sit there, shaking my fist.
This homeless man was shaking his cup at me with some change in it.
Yeah i get it, you have more money than me. Quit it.
My Son's #1 Concern
When my three-year-old was told to pee in a cup at the doctor's office, he unexpectedly got nervous. With a shaking voice, he asked, Do I have to drink it?
So a pair of cannibals are sitting down to a nice meal...
...of j**... Seinfeld.
A while into the meal, one of the cannibals says,
"I'm going for the forehead, do you want any?" as he cuts a slice from the front of j**...'s scalp. The other cannibal declines, shaking his head and saying,
"What's the deal with hairline food?"
I can still remember my grandpa's last words...
"Hey, stop shaking the ladder!"
Robert asks a televangelist to pray for his hearing
After five minutes of violent shaking and trying to push the man backwards, the televangelist inquires Robert on the state of his hearing, to which he replies "I don't know, my hearing isn't until Tuesday at the courthouse."
I can't describe how terrified I was to be in the middle of an earthquake...
...I was shaking.
Whenever I shake someone's hand....
I always ask if they're nervous. They usually say no, and then I reply with "Then why are you shaking?"
I was walking down the road when I saw an Afghan dude
He was standing on a fifth floor balcony shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"
Bob didn't believe that Fred's dog could talk
So Fred asked his dog, What's on top of a house?
Roof, the dog barked.
Bob wasn't convinced. So Fred asked the dog how sandpaper feels.
Rough.
He still wasn't convinced.
O.K., who was the greatest baseball player of all time? Fred asked the dog.
Ruth.
With that, Bob walked away, shaking his head in disbelief. The dog turned to Fred and asked: Was it Hank Aaron?
A man rushes to a doctor
Doctor, Doctor. You've got to help me. I just can't stop my hands from shaking.
Do you drink a lot?
Not really. I spill most of it!
A r**... makes a phone call
The man on the other end picks up. "Hello?"
The r**..., voice nervously shaking, says, "Sir, I-I'd like to ask permission to m-marry your daughter. We're in love."
The man replies, "Of course you have my permission. You're my son and I want you to be happy."
Stalin is delivering a speech to the Party
Suddenly someone sneezes.
- Who's just sneezed?
No answer.
- Execute the first row. Who's sneezed, I ask you?
No answer.
- Execute the second row. So who of you has just sneezed?
Finally a shaking man raises and utters feebly:
- It's me, Comrade Stalin.
- Bless you! Now, back to the topic...
Conceived on a washing machine
A man walks into the doctors office and he's shaking vigorously. He asks the doctor:
"Doctor, I was conceived on a washing machine, could that have anything to do with my shaking?"
The doctor looks at him an says:
"No way, I was conceived on a record player and as you can see there is nothing wrong with, wrong with me, wrong with..."
A man was walking along the street with a brick on a leash, when ...
A man was walking along the street with a brick on a leash, when a lady came up to him and said: "What's your dog's name?". The man replied: "It's not a dog lady, it's a brick on a leash!". The woman walked away shaking her head. When she was gone, the man turned to the brick and said: "We sure fooled her, didn't we rover?"
I still remember my mother in law's last words before she died.
She said Stop shaking the ladder you idiot!
I took my dog to the vet
I took my dog to the vet bcause she's always shaking and trembling. Turns out she has Barkinsons.
A German, Italian, And Irishman are sitting at a bar...
when 3 flies fly into the room and into the 3 drinks.
The German puts down the drink, and says "i cant drink this!'
the Italian takes out the fly, and says "that's good enough for me" and continues drinking.
The Irishman starts vigorously shaking the fly, and yells "SPIT IT ALL OUT!!"
Today, my dad complimented me on my parking skills
I'm still shaking
I saw a homeless man aggressively shaking a cup of coins at me this morning
I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in
"Doctor, I can't stop my hands shaking!"
"Oh, do you drink very much?"
"No, I spill most of it."
My friend grabbed my by the shoulders and shook me
My friend grabbed me by the shoulders, and shook my while exclaiming, "I'm a pecan! I'm a cashew!"
I said "What?"
My friend continued shaking me back and forth and yelling, "I'm a macadamia! I'm an almond!"
I said "Woah dude! You're nuts!"
I hate driving through tunnels [OC]
They're always so dark and scary. My hands always start shaking whenever I'm driving through one with my mates.
I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome
Joe goes to church and starts praying hard. The pastor comes up and asks: 'what's wrong?'
Joe says: "I want you to pray for my hearing."
The pastor puts his hands on Joe's ears and starts shaking and praying hard for ten minutes.
Pastor says: "So how's your hearing" ?
Joe says: "I don't know, it's not till next Monday."
A man goes to a psychiatrist over his fear of flying...
He says Doc I'm scared. With everything happening in the world I'm shaking and breaking out in hives just thinking about there being a bomb on my plane! What can I do doc?
Doc: here's what you do, go out and get a bomb and take it on board with you, the chances of Two bombs being on the plane are one in a trillion!
I was walking down the street, when I glanced up and saw this arab guy on the balcony furiously shaking a rug..
So I yelled out to him, "what's the matter, Omar? Won't it start?"
Don't Do That In Public
A boy and his mother stood looking at a dentist's showcase. "If I had to have false teeth, I'd take that pair," said the small boy, pointing.
"Hush, w**...," interposed the mother quickly, shaking his arm. "Haven't I told you it's bad manners to pick your teeth in public?"
Hands shaking, voice trembling, I faintly rasped, "Mom, I'm in the hospital, but don't worry, I'm fine."
After a silence that seemed to go on forever, she replied, "You have to stop this. You've been a doctor for 3 years now."
Two good friends go golfing
Two good friends go golfing and they come up on two women who are moving like molasses. o**... says that he'll go up and ask if they can play through. When he's half way to the women, he freezes, turns around and comes back pretty pale.
"Sorry man, I can't do it! One's my wife and the other my mistress!"
The other guy says he'll ask instead. Halfway to the women he suddenly stops turns around and comes back shaking his head. "Small world bro!"
A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband...
A wealthy woman comes back home to her husband, she is panting and shaking.
_Wife:_ We have to fire the chauffeur, it's the second time he's tried to kill me!
_Husband:_ Come on, honey. You gotta give him another chance!
When I reach home, my 1.5 year old son rushes out to the gate..
..to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrrrmmm brrrrmmm sound. His cute antics always me forget that he is suffering from a rare disease ...It's called Parking son's disease.
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny.
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my father"
I tucked my son into bed...
When I'm about to leave, he looked up at me and said, "Daddy, check for monsters under the bed." Amused, I look underneath for him and see him, another him, shaking under the bed, and he whispers: "Daddy, there's someone on my bed."
Then I grounded the twin because it's a bad joke.
The math teacher in asks: "What is 2+2?"...
Melissa: "6"
Teacher: "Idiot! Sit down!"
Alex: "7"
Teacher: "Even stupider! Sit down too!"
At the back of the class, Karen, the only one shaking her hand in the air.
Teacher: "Ok, Karen. What is 2+2?"
Karen: "4"
Teacher: "Yes! Finally! Show the other idiots how you got your answer."
Karen: "Well, I subtracted 12 from 7"
If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher," and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
One quarter." answered little Johnny.
You don't know your arithmetic!" snapped the teacher shaking her head.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my dad!"
Doc, my husband was just admitted to the hospital with violent b**... spasms. Do you know where he is?
Doctor: ICU baby, shaking that a**....
Dad takes his son for a driving lesson
Son: Dad, I'm so nervous, I can't stop shaking, what are we going to do?
Dad: Parkinson.
A guy is having a check up at the doctor's...
"Do you think I will have a long and healthy life?"
"I doubt it" sais the doctor shaking his head "Mercury is in Uranus right now"
"I don't believe in that astrology c**..., doc"
"Yeah, neither do I. My thermometer just broke"
A man in his 60s h**... to a brothel
... constantly shaking from his Parkinson's.
He tells the madam I want 5 girls.
The madam says are you sure? 5 girls might kill you. But the man is adamant and soon enough he's in a room with 5 girls.
Shaking from every joint as he lays on the bed, he tells 2 girls: you two, hold down my arms.
Then he tells 2 more girls: you two, hold down my legs.
Finally, the last one, you get on top.
Now, you 4, let go!
A big pepper is sitting on the couch when his small pepper roommate walks in the door shivering
Big pepper: "Why are you shaking? Are you cold?"
Small pepper: "I'm a little chili."
Guy goes to the doctor
Guy: "Doctor, I can't stop my hands shaking"
Doctor:"do you drink a lot?"
Guy: "Not really, I spill most of it"
Two mentos are in a bar...
...just enjoying a drink of coke, (as they do of course.)
Then a Halls Cough Drop walks in.
One of the mentos hides under the table. Shaking.
The other one asks him "What's up?"
The mentos hiding under the table replies "You don't wanna mess with him... "
"...he's F--K!NG MENTHAL!"
"
I'll never forget the last words my uncle said to me before he passed...
"Stop shaking the ladder, you little s**...!"
I met someone with Parkinson's disease.
He was great at shaking hands.
I'll never forget the last words my Grandfather said to me...
"Stop shaking the ladder you little s**...!"
A 75 year old used to put his fake teeth in a jar of water before sleeping
He used to do this every night. One day he felt thirsty and accidentally drank the water which he put his dentures. The next day, he had severe stomach pain and went to the doctor.
The doctor examined him thoroughly, wiped his brow of sweat visibly shaking and said - In all my years being a doctor, I thought I had seen everything. But this is the first time, I saw an a**... smiling at me .
So much n**... online these days . . .
. . . sometimes I just sit in front of my laptop shaking my fist.
o**... guys, you won't believe this but james bond just came into the bar I work at and ordered a drink
I'm literally shaking right now
Before the ball could touch the floor, I kicked it back, sending it soaring past the other players and into the top corner of the net. Overcome with emotion, I ripped off my shirt and punched the air. My eyes locked with my stunned coach, who came running towards me shaking his head in amazement.
As he embraced me, he sighed, "OK, let's go over the rules of volleyball one last time."
Driver
A passenger in a taxi tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the cab, and nearly hit a bus. The shaking driver said, "I'm sorry but you scared the daylights out of me." The frightened passenger apologized and said he didn't realize a mere tap on the shoulder could frighten him so much. The driver replied, "No, I'm sorry, it's my fault. Today is my first day driving a cab. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years."
A tortoise is crossing the road when he is robbed by two snails.
When the police show up, they ask the tortoise if he can identify the culprits.
The tortoise, still shaking from the incident, cries 'It all happened so fast!'.
I'll never forget my grandpas last words.
Stop shaking the ladder you little s**...!
I saw down a side alley a load of epileptics gathered in a circle, watching two others shaking in the middle together. I asked one of them, 'What the h**... is going on?'
He said, 'First rule of fit club is, you do not talk about fit club'
Ill never forget my dad's last words
Stop shaking the ladder!
Asphalt and Tarmac were in the bar together having a beer, arguing over who was toughest - when a pink piece of concrete walked into the bar....
Everybody in the bar fell silent and averted their attention. The pink piece of concrete ordered a drink. The bartender was shaking as he poured his beer. The pink piece of concrete looked around, nobody meeting his gaze, drank his beer in one glug and left.
The normal ambience resumed.
"Youv'e got to watch out for him" Tarmac said to Asphalt, "hes a cycle-path!"
Gas station robbery
First off…I am ok. I was just robbed at the Shell station in Tampa. After my hands stopped shaking, I managed to call the Sheriff, they were quick to respond and calmed me down. My money is gone, the police asked me if I knew who did it. I said yes, it was pump number 5.
Dad, I really enjoyed pi day!
Great! Just too bad it only comes a-round once a year.
Followed by my daughter shaking her head and the wifey groan.
What do you say when there's a newborn in the infirmary with a rattler?
"ICU baby, shaking that thing"
I used to feed ducks everyday.
A big group of them, but there was always one that really stood out to me - he always had very rough feathers, always shaking with wide eyes and a chipped beak. Then one day I saw him huddled in a group with a couple other ducks that looked exactly the same, and they all had little packets of white powder in their beaks. Then it clicked:
They were quackheads.
How can you be polite to a pregnant woman?
By including the child in the greeting.
What is exaggerated politeness?
By shaking the child´s hand too.
