The Best 57 Shakespeare Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Shakespeare jokes. There are some shakespeare sonnet jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shakespeare literature puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Shakespeare Jokes and Puns

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before hoes.

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?


Shakespeare joke, What do you call a nervous javelin thrower?

Shakespeare jokes

Said Hamlet of ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?

-Some of Spike Milligan's finest work

What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book?

Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.

Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.

"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"

"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."

"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."

"How do you figure that?"

"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.

*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*

Shakespeare joke, Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter?


What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals?

"2p or not 2p, that is the question."

You can explore shakespeare jackasses reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shakespeare playwright dad jokes. There are also shakespeare puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

Tom Swift's best moments.

"German sausage jokes are the wurst," Tom said frankly.

"I got cut in half," Tom said intuitively.

"I will never read Shakespeare," Tom said unwillingly.

"I lost my legs right under the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.

"Who turned out the lights?" Tom asked dimly.

"I don't know the words to this song," Tom said humbly.

"I lost my wrists," Tom said offhandedly.

TIL I know more words than Shakespeare

Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. Carnival. I have more...

Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school?

He didn't have to read Shakespeare.

Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school?

He didn't have to learn Shakespeare

Shakespeare joke, Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school?

Shakespeare Joke

Painter: "Y'are a dog."

Apemantus: "Your mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"

Shakespeare told us who he was all along. . .


What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?


Why did Shakespeare write only in ink?

Because the pencils were confused 2B or not 2B.

What's the past tense of William Shakespeare?

Wouldiwas Shookspeared

What's a Shakespearean ellipsis?

Doth doth doth

Shakespeare would have been a terrible umpire.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair.

If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare...

...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.

I found an old pencil

I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

What do you call it when Shakespeare has a wet dream?

Mid summer Night's cream

Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn't decide which ones to buy.

2B or not 2B; that was the question.

A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.

After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.

The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".

Why did Shakespeare write only using quills?

Pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B.

What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?

Murder most fowl.

William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.

It's really put a strain on our sex life.

Shakespeare loved to play video games...

His favorite was Sonnet the hedgehog

My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare.

It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B

What did Shakespeare have for breakfast?


Do you know what the difference is between Shakespeare and Eminem?

Eminem had no ghostwriter

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink ?

Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B

What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News?

One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?

Shakespeare walks into a bar

[Exit, pursued by a bear]

What did Shakespeare call his shower


What did Shakespeare eat for lunch?

Caesar salad.

What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

One is The Taming of the Shrew.

The other is the shaming of the true.

William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much...

...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.

Everyone's making a big deal about how the second person to receive the Covid 19 vaccine was named William Shakespeare

But I think it's much ado about nothing.

Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q.

Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.

A village idiot walks into a library

He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."

The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"

The idiot says, "William".

3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?

Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.

I walked into the book store and asked the guy, Do you have any books by Shakespeare?

Bookseller: Of course. Which one?

Me: William.

Why did Shakespeare write in ink?

Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?

Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters.

After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"

What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?

2B or not 2B

William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play.

It was a real tragedy.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shakespeare poems jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working shakespeare bookshop piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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