Shakespeare Jokes
117 shakespeare jokes and hilarious shakespeare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shakespeare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Love a good joke? Check out our collection of funny jokes and puns related to the theatre, law, pentameter and more! We've got something for everyone, so no matter if you're a theatre-lover, lawyer, or just a Jackass, you'll be sure to find something to tickle your funny bone!
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Funniest Shakespeare Short Jokes
Short shakespeare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shakespeare humour may include short theatre jokes also.
- My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
- In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
- If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
- A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare 'Of course' replied the sale assistant 'Any particular one?'
'William, of course' replies the man. - What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.
- 3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts? At two
.
.
If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy! - What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News? One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.
- What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference? One is The Taming of the Shrew.
The other is the shaming of the true. - Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school? He didn't have to read Shakespeare.
- One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b
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Shakespeare One Liners
Which shakespeare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shakespeare? I can suggest the ones about william shakespeare and literature.
- Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
- What did Shakespeare call his shower McBath
- What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare
- What do you call a tiny pig reciting Shakespeare? Hamlet.
- What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil? 2B or not 2B
- Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter? Iamb.
- What did Shakespeare eat for lunch? Caesar salad.
- I named my first child after William Shakespeare. About 500 years after.
- What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease? Shakespeare
- Shakespeare would have been a terrible umpire. Fair is foul, and foul is fair.
- Shakespeare walks into a bar [Exit, pursued by a bear]
- What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait? 2B or not 2B?
- What did Shakespeare have for breakfast? Hathbrowns
- Shakespeare loved to play video games... His favorite was Sonnet the hedgehog
- What do you call Shakespeare's works in Mecca? Islamic pentameter
William Shakespeare Jokes
Here is a list of funny william shakespeare jokes and even better william shakespeare puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals? "2p or not 2p, that is the question."
- William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play. It was a real tragedy.
- William Shakespear walks into a bar... ..the bouncer sees him and throws him out of the door.
"You can't come in here", the bouncer tells Will, "you're Bard!" - Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters. After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"
- Everyone's making a big deal about how the second person to receive the Covid 19 vaccine was named William Shakespeare But I think it's much ado about nothing.
- What's the past tense of William Shakespeare? Wouldiwas Shookspeared
- Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born? He must have been a fast writer!
- What is William Shakespeare's favorite kind of meat? Poultry
- On the anniversary of William Shakespeare's death . . . I leave to you my second best joke.
- Why couldn't William Shakespeare go to the pub? Because he was bard!
Shakespeare Hamlet Jokes
Here is a list of funny shakespeare hamlet jokes and even better shakespeare hamlet puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- Shakespeare jokes Said hamlet of ophelia,
I'll draw a sketch of thee,
What kind of pencil shall I use?
2B or not 2B?
-Some of Spike Milligan's finest work - What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play? Hamlet.
- What is Shakespeare's favourite snack? Hamlet du fromage
- How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Tu-ba or no tu-ba.
The Funniest Shakespeare Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh
What funny jokes about shakespeare you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean article jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shakespeare pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?
Prose before h**....
Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?
Because no matter the sport, he would always play write
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Lost Shakespearean Soliloquy
Scholars have found an heretofore unknown piece of Shakespeare's "Merry Wives of Windsor" thought to be an homage to Aristophanes' "Lysistrata." It is a short speech by a s**... frustrated squire named Fullstaff.
What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?
Now is the winter of our discount tents
What does Shakespeare's dog eat?
Iambs!
Literary position.
Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."
Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?
I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*
What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?
TB or not TB, that is the question.
What did Shakespeare say when asked how his wife keeps things interesting?
"Anne hath a way."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Oldest YOUR MOM Joke
CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother.
AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
an e**... soundeth! Chiron hast been cooked on a spit!
From Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew.
Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...
...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Tom Swift's best moments.
"German sausage jokes are the wurst," Tom said frankly.
"I got cut in half," Tom said intuitively.
"I will never read Shakespeare," Tom said unwillingly.
"I lost my legs right under the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
"Who turned out the lights?" Tom asked dimly.
"I don't know the words to this song," Tom said humbly.
"I lost my wrists," Tom said offhandedly.
What did Shakespeare say when Black Friday was over?
Now is the winter of our discount.
Shakespeare is like a fish with epilepsy
I can't even begin to grasp it.
TIL I know more words than Shakespeare
Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. carnival. I have more...
What is the best thing about taking a date to see a play by Shakespeare?
Getting to know her afterwords.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Shakespeare Joke
Painter: "Y'are a dog."
Apemantus: "Your mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"
Shakespeare told us who he was all along. . .
BIC PENTAMETER. Its all over his works: I AM BIC PENTAMETER
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?
The Allahu Ak-Bard.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call a Muslim Shakespeare?
A Sheikhspeare
A dozen monkeys, locked in a room with typewriters and infinite time would produce Shakespeare. What do you get when you give a gorilla a smartphone for an afternoon?
@realDonaldTrump
If you give an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters an infinite amount of time, they will eventually recreate all of Shakespeare's masterpieces accidentally...
But give them five minutes, and they'll have the script of The Last Jedi.
They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.
Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.
A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found
The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What did Shakespeare say to Yoda?
Methinks that thou cannot with grammar speak.
I found a really chewed up pencil
I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
Happy Birthday/Deathday Shakespeare!
It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....
With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What do you call it when Shakespeare has a w**...?
Mid summer Night's cream
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
A homeless man approaches a rich thespian and asks him for money
The thespian says '"Neither a borrower nor a lender be." William Shakespeare"'
The homeless man says "c**...!' James Joyce'"
Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn't decide which ones to buy.
2B or not 2B; that was the question.
A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.
After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.
The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".
No one could ever change Shakespeare's mind but one lady. What would you call that?
Ann hath-a-way
Why did Shakespeare get so many bacterial infections?
Because he only had quillicillin
Who is Michael J. Fox's least favorite playwright?
Shakes-peare.
Need some meme ideas for school project, regarding the 16th century.
Canterbury tales, Shakespeare,Beowulf using these.
Why do emo kids not like Shakespeare?
Because they write sins not tragedies...
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"
My wife disagrees.
It's really put a strain on our s**... life.
Shakespeare once said "the entire worlds a stage",
His theatre in London is literally called "the globe".
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Who is the greatest Chicken-Killer in Shakespeare?
Macbeth, because he did m**... most foul.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What might Shakespeare say if he met a bow-legged man?
"What h**...! Who is this that approaches with his glands in parenthesis?"
Do you know what the difference is between Shakespeare and Eminem?
Eminem had no ghostwriter
Did you know that Shakespeare once made a performance about puns?
It was a play on words.
If Shakespeare was a rapper, what would his producer's name be?
My QUiLL Made-It
I went to a discount theater performance...
Shakespeare in the parking lot.
Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q.
Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.
3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?
Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.
I'm about to embark on a huge art conquest of Shakespeare's work and am undecided on which pencil to use...
2B or not 2B
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
How many of Shakespeare's characters does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to contemplate how a lightbulb is as mortal as any human, and one to spend the afternoon debating whether to m**... his uncle.
An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?
I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!
...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.
