Shakespeare Jokes

119 shakespeare jokes and hilarious shakespeare puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shakespeare that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Love a good joke? Check out our collection of funny jokes and puns related to the theatre, law, pentameter and more! We've got something for everyone, so no matter if you're a theatre-lover, lawyer, or just a Jackass, you'll be sure to find something to tickle your funny bone!

Best Short Shakespeare Jokes

Short shakespeare jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shakespeare humour may include short theatre jokes also.

  1. My dad has a pencil that was once owned by Shakespeare. It's so chewed up that we can't tell if it's 2b or not 2b.
  2. In order to attract women I like to use this quote from Shakespeare's Hamlet, Act III, Scene IV, line 82. "Hello."
  3. If you give a monkey a typewriter, it will eventually write Shakespeare... ...If you give a monkey a camcorder, it will eventually film a dead body and post it to the internet.
  4. A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare 'Of course' replied the sale assistant 'Any particular one?'
    'William, of course' replies the man.
  5. What did the math text book say to the Shakespeare text book? Look, buddy, I've already got a lot of problems, and I really don't need any of your drama.
  6. William Shakespeare chewed on his pencil so much... ...that eventually he couldn't tell if it was 2B or not 2B.
  7. 3/15 is The Ides of March. Do you know what time it officially starts? At two
    If ya love Shakespeare then ya love a groaner. Enjoy!
  8. I own a pencil used by William Shakespeare He used to chew on it a lot though, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B
  9. What's the difference between a Shakespeare comedy and Fox News? One's The Taming of the Shrew, the other is the shaming of the true.
  10. What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference? One is The Taming of the Shrew.
    The other is the shaming of the true.

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Shakespeare joke, What's the difference between a a Shakespeare play and a Trump-era White House press conference?

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about shakespeare can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of shakespeare puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

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Shakespeare One Liners

Which shakespeare one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shakespeare? I can suggest the ones about william shakespeare and literature.

  1. Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
  2. Why did Shakespeare write in ink? Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?
  3. What did Shakespeare call his shower McBath
  4. What do you call a nervous javelin thrower? Shakespeare
  5. What do you call a tiny pig reciting Shakespeare? Hamlet.
  6. Why did Shakespeare only write in ink? A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?
  7. What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil? 2B or not 2B
  8. Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school? He didn't have to learn Shakespeare
  9. Why did Shakespeare write only using quills? Pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B.
  10. Shakespeare's pencil is so chewed… You can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B
  11. What Shakespeare ask himself before buying a pencil? 2B or not 2B
  12. Hey Shakespeare, are you writing your next play in pentameter? Iamb.
  13. What did Shakespeare eat for lunch? Caesar salad.
  14. Why did Shakespeare only write in ink ? Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B
  15. Why did Shakespeare write only in ink? Because the pencils were confused 2B or not 2B.

William Shakespeare Jokes

Here is a list of funny william shakespeare jokes and even better william shakespeare puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • A village idiot walks into a library He goes to the librarian and says, "Ma'am, I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."
    The librarian says, "Sure, hon. Which one?"
    The idiot says, "William".
  • I walked into the book store and asked the guy, Do you have any books by Shakespeare? Bookseller: Of course. Which one?
    Me: William.
  • What did William Shakespeare say regarding atomic orbitals? "2p or not 2p, that is the question."
  • William Shakespeare died before completing the final act of his last play. It was a real tragedy.
  • William Shakespear walks into a bar... ..the bouncer sees him and throws him out of the door.
    "You can't come in here", the bouncer tells Will, "you're Bard!"
  • Apparently, they once sat William Shakespeare in front of an infinite number of typewriters. After a week, he had written "ooh aahh ooh ooh"
  • Everyone's making a big deal about how the second person to receive the Covid 19 vaccine was named William Shakespeare But I think it's much ado about nothing.
  • I named my first child after William Shakespeare. About 500 years after.
  • What's the past tense of William Shakespeare? Wouldiwas Shookspeared
  • Did you know that William Shakespeare died on the same day he was born? He must have been a fast writer!

Shakespeare Hamlet Jokes

Here is a list of funny shakespeare hamlet jokes and even better shakespeare hamlet puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Shakespeare jokes Said hamlet of ophelia,
    I'll draw a sketch of thee,
    What kind of pencil shall I use?
    2B or not 2B?
    -Some of Spike Milligan's finest work
  • What did Shakespeare call the baby pig that he kept as a pet? Hamlet
  • What's David Cameron's favourite Shakespeare play? Hamlet.
  • What did Shakespeare name his pet pig? Hamlet.
  • What is Shakespeare's favourite snack? Hamlet du fromage
  • How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet. Tu-ba or no tu-ba.
Shakespeare joke, How a brass instrument player reads a line from Shakespeare's Hamlet.

The Funniest Shakespeare Jokes for a Bone-Shaking Laugh

What funny jokes about shakespeare you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean poems jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make shakespeare prank.

Why did Shakespeare break up with his girlfriend?

Prose before h**....

Why was Shakespeare always a good teammate to have?

Because no matter the sport, he would always play write

Lost Shakespearean Soliloquy

Scholars have found an heretofore unknown piece of Shakespeare's "Merry Wives of Windsor" thought to be an homage to Aristophanes' "Lysistrata." It is a short speech by a s**... frustrated squire named Fullstaff.

What was the slogan for Shakespeare's camping shop?

Now is the winter of our discount tents

What does Shakespeare's dog eat?


Literary position.

Years ago, my grandparents took me on a vacation to Disneyland. Grandma was excited for me when we boarded the plane, she exclaimed that I was lucky, because I got the Shakespeare seat.
"Why is it the Shakespeare seat Grandma?"
"You are in seat 2-B, so it's the Shakespeare seat."
"Don't be silly Grandma. All the seats on an airplane are Shakespeare seats."
"How do you figure that?"
"Well, it's either seat 2-B or not 2-B."

Who do you think was smarter, Jesus or Buddha?

I mean, just in terms of not letting themselves get crucified.
*-Anthony Jeselnik, Shakespeare*

What did Shakespeare ask his doctor when he was afraid he had tuberculosis?

TB or not TB, that is the question.

What's Shakespeare's favorite video game?

Sonnet the hedgehog

What did the artist ask Shakespeare when he was sketching his portrait?

2B or not 2B?

Oldest YOUR MOM Joke

CHIRON: Thou hast undone our mother.
AARON: Villain, I have done thy mother.
an e**... soundeth! Chiron hast been cooked on a spit!
From Shakespeare's "Taming of the Shrew.

Shakespeare & The Beatles walk into a pub...

...Landlord says, "sorry mate, you're barred and those guys are banned".

What is Shakespeare's favourite writing utensil?

I don't know, but it was either 2B or not 2B.

Tom Swift's best moments.

"German sausage jokes are the wurst," Tom said frankly.
"I got cut in half," Tom said intuitively.
"I will never read Shakespeare," Tom said unwillingly.
"I lost my legs right under the ankles," Tom said defeatedly.
"Who turned out the lights?" Tom asked dimly.
"I don't know the words to this song," Tom said humbly.
"I lost my wrists," Tom said offhandedly.

TIL I know more words than Shakespeare

Shakespeare. Albatross. Conglomerate. Sasquatch. carnival. I have more...

Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school?

He didn't have to read Shakespeare.

Shakespeare Joke

Painter: "Y'are a dog."
Apemantus: "Your mother's of my generation. What's she, if I be a dog?"

Shakespeare told us who he was all along. . .


What do you call a hunter class Neanderthal with Parkinson's Disease?


What do you call an Islamic militant Shakespeare?

The Allahu Ak-Bard.

What do you call a Muslim Shakespeare?

A Sheikhspeare

Shakespeare would have been a terrible umpire.

Fair is foul, and foul is fair.

If you give an infinite amount of monkeys with typewriters an infinite amount of time, they will eventually recreate all of Shakespeare's masterpieces accidentally...

But give them five minutes, and they'll have the script of The Last Jedi.

I found an old pencil

I found an old pencil that apparently belonged to Shakespeare. It's so chewed up through the years that I can't tell if it's 2B, or not 2B. ✏

I own the chewed pencil that Shakespeare used to write his famous works.

He used to chew on it so much that I can't tell whether it's 2B or not 2B.

They said if you put a million monkeys on typewriters they'd eventually bang out a work of art.

Well, I've been reading the YouTube comment section for years and haven't seen a single line of Shakespeare.

William Shakespeare walks into a gay bar.

*Exit pursued by a bear.*

A new cache of pencils chewed by Shakespeare have been found

The bard apparently chewed them so much, he couldnt tell if they were 2B or not 2B

What do you call Shakespeare's works in Mecca?

Islamic pentameter

It has been said that a million monkeys hitting keys at random on a typewriter keyboard for an infinite amount of time will almost surely type complete works of William Shakespeare.....

With the advent of internet, now we know that is not true!

What do you call it when Shakespeare has a w**...?

Mid summer Night's cream

Shakespeare was at the store looking for pencils, but he couldn't decide which ones to buy.

2B or not 2B; that was the question.

A mum, dad and their son walk into a pub.

After a few drinks, the dad jumps up onto a table and starts reciting quotes from Shakespeare to his wife. The wife joins in, and responds with, "Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?" Then they dramatically kiss, as the whole pub stops and watches.
The son lifts his face from his palms and says, "Please... mum, dad... you're making a scene".

At the bookstore, I asked Do you have a book by Shakespeare? Of course, Sir. Which one?

Me: William

Why did Shakespeare get so many bacterial infections?

Because he only had quillicillin

William Shakespeare once said "Better Three Hours Too Soon Than a Minute Too Late"

My wife disagrees.
It's really put a strain on our s**... life.

Shakespeare loved to play video games...

His favorite was Sonnet the hedgehog

What did Shakespeare have for breakfast?


Do you know what the difference is between Shakespeare and Eminem?

Eminem had no ghostwriter

Did you know that Shakespeare once made a performance about puns?

It was a play on words.

Shakespeare walks into a bar

[Exit, pursued by a bear]

Three fishermen catch a mermaid. If they agree to set her free, she will grant them each a wish. The first guy says, "OK, I want you to double my I.Q." Immediately, the guy recites Shakespeare flawlessly. The second guy asks the mermaid to triple his I.Q.

Suddenly, he's spouting complicated mathematical solutions. Impressed, the last guy asks the mermaid to quintuple his I.Q. The mermaid hesitates and asks, "Are you sure that's what you really want?" "Absolutely!" says the man. The mermaid smiles. Instantly, the third man turns into a woman.

3" , 6", & 9" are which Shakespeare plays?

Much Ado About Nothing... As You Like It ...& Taming of the Shrew.

I'm about to embark on a huge art conquest of Shakespeare's work and am undecided on which pencil to use...

2B or not 2B

How many of Shakespeare's characters does it take to change a lightbulb?

Three. One to change the lightbulb, one to contemplate how a lightbulb is as mortal as any human, and one to spend the afternoon debating whether to m**... his uncle.

One of Shakespeare's original pencils is going up for auction

Problem is its very chewed, so nobody can tell if its 2b or not 2b

An old Joke by Lee Mack on... 8 out of 10 Cats plays Countdown, I believe?

I popped into an second-hand store the other day and bought a pencil. What's remarkable about the pencil, is that it used to be used by Shakespeare!

...Only thing is, the top part is all chewed up, so I can't tell if it's 2B or not 2B.

I own Shakespeare's old chewed pencil.

He chewed on it so much i cant tell if its 2b or not 2b

Shakespeare never actually used a quill to write his work, he used a pen because

It could write in i-am-bic pen-tameter

Why did Shakespeare always use a pen when writing?

Because the pencil was confusing - 2B or not 2B

Shakespeare joke, Why did Shakespeare always use a pen when writing?

jokes about shakespeare

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these shakespeare jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.