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Shaken Jokes

77 shaken jokes and hilarious shaken puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about shaken that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

This article examines the use of the phrase "Shaken, Not Stirred" in jokes and comedy. Learn why the phrase is used, the history of its origin, and what context it is used in today. Explore why it can be humorous and why it should be used with caution.

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Funniest Shaken Short Jokes

Short shaken jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The shaken humour may include short shook jokes also.

  1. A friend came over visibly shaken. He said he had just slept with his 3rd cousin... I told him, if it upsets you that much quit counting them
  2. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast.
  3. I'm still a bit shaken up. I was involved in a violent mugging this morning. On the plus side I did make $43 and I think the watch looks really good on me.
  4. My friend looked completely shaken. He said that he had just slept with his 3rd cousin. I said, If it upsets you so much, stop counting them.
  5. Sir Roger Moore, prominent James bond actor has passed away His family say that they are shaken.... but not stirred
  6. A mugged turtle.. A turtle is crossing the road when he's mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, I don't know. It all happened so fast.
  7. Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini factory tour. Fortunately the machine wasn't switched on. He is reportedly shaken
  8. Did you hear about how James Bond slept through an earthquake? He was shaken, not stirred.
  9. Someone surprised me by jumping out and taking a Polaroid of me Afterwards I was visibly shaken
  10. A tortoise was crossing the road, when two snails mugged him. The police arrived and asked what the muggers looked like.
    Shaken, the tortoise said "I don't know. It all happened so fast!"

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Shaken One Liners

Which shaken one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with shaken? I can suggest the ones about shaking and shakes.

  1. Had my first ever seizure today. I was pretty shaken up, but I'm alright now.
  2. Just fought the James Bond. I was really shaken. But not stirred.
  3. When I was an infant I had a nanny that abused me And im still pretty shaken up about it
  4. What was shaken and is now stirred? Haiti.
  5. I just had to tell one of my patients that he has parkinsons He seemed very shaken up.
  6. This earthquake news is devastating It's really got me shaken up
  7. There was an earthquake where I live last night I'm pretty shaken up about it
  8. My doctor just told me I have Parkinson's... ...I'm pretty shaken up about it.
  9. How can you tell if James Bond has died? If he has been shaken and not stirred!!
  10. How do you describe someone who can't wake up during a nightmare? Shaken not stirred.
  11. What does snoop dogg say when he opens a soda can that has been shaken? What the fizzy?
  12. Mr. Bond is really getting into homeopathy... He prefers his water shaken, not stirred.
  13. Sir Roger Moore has died aged 89. His family are said to be shaken but not stirred.
  14. Michael J. Fox Got into a Car Accident Recently... He was really shaken up about it.
  15. What do a baby and a martini have in common? I prefer both of them shaken

Shaken Stirred Jokes

Here is a list of funny shaken stirred jokes and even better shaken stirred puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Talk about a type-cast... Why did James Bond hire a bartender with Parkinson's?
    ... Every drink was shaken, not stirred.
  • Why is James Bond a terrible motivational speaker? Because the audiences are shaken, not stirred.
  • What do you get when you combine Robert Frost and James Bond? The Road Not Shaken but Stirred.
  • One morning I woke up lying on the floor next to my bed. I realised there must have been an earthquake that night........ I was shaken, but not stirred :p
  • What does James Bond say after a heavy workout? I would like to have Whey. Shaken, not stirred.
  • How does Michael J Fox take his martinis? Shaken. Not stirred
  • Michael J. Fox walks into a bar The bartender asks how do you want your martini? Shaken or stirred?
    He says nah I got it.
  • Michael J Fox has watched too many James Bond movies... Now he's shaken, not stirred.
  • I like my baby like I like my drinks Shaken, not stirred.
  • Why does James Bond like Michael J Fox? Because he always gets his martini shaken, not stirred.

Shaken Not Stirred Jokes

Here is a list of funny shaken not stirred jokes and even better shaken not stirred puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • I like my babies like I like my Martinis... Shaken not stirred
  • James Bond love Michael J. Fox's martinis. They're shaken, not stirred.
  • Why doesn't Sean Connery have any grown up children? He prefers them shaken, not stirred.
  • Why can't Michael J. Fox have his favorite drink? Because his favorite drink is a v**... Martini, stirred, not shaken.
  • What is the epileptic bartender's signature drink? v**... martini, shaken not stirred
  • 007 then and now 007 then:
    Shaken not stirred.
    007 now:
    Trimmed not s**....
Shaken joke, 007 then and now

Shaken Baby Jokes

Here is a list of funny shaken baby jokes and even better shaken baby puns that will make you laugh with friends.

  • Babies and Gin I like my babies like I like my martinis.
    Shaken.
Shaken joke, Babies and Gin

Comical Shaken Jokes to Spread Joy and Laughter

What funny jokes about shaken you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean stirred jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make shaken pranks.

Australian soccer team bus c**...

Prime minister Tony Abbott was advised of an accident involving the Socceroos team bus. "Sir, the team is OK, but 6 Brazilian people were killed."
Obviously shaken up Tone took a minute to compose himself before asking "... Exactly how many is a brazillion?"

George Bush sits in his office during the Iraq War.

During a meeting with the cabinet, his aide walks up to him and says "Mr. President, we've just received word that twelve Brazilian soldiers died yesterday in Iraq."
George puts his head in his hands and is visibly shaken by the news.
He looks up at the shocked cabinet members and asks "How many is a brazillion?"

Roosters

A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.
The man somewhat nervously said, I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him.
Suit yourself, the farmer replied, the hens are round the back.

How did Marty McFly react when shown what 2015 would really look like?

Gee, it's hard to say, although he did seem pretty shaken up about it.

Michael J. Fox asked James Bond to come over for dinner one night.

Being a polite host, he offered Bond a drink when he arrived. "What'll ya have?" he asked.
"I'll have a Martini," Bond replied.
"How do you want it?" Michael J. Fox asked.
"Shaken, not stirred."
"Oh, thank God."

Guy gets a call from his doctor...

Doc: I have bad news, and I have worse news.
Guy: Wow. Ok, well let's start with the worse news.
Doc: You have cancer and only have about 3 months to live.
Guy (shaken): Ok, what's the bad news?
Doc: You have Alzheimer's Disease.
Guy (waits a beat): Well at least I don't have cancer.

Michael J. Fox was in a car c**......

...a bystander ran up to check if he was ok. "Yeah..." Michael said "I'm just a little shaken up"

A doctor and a lawyer met with an accident....

A doctor and a lawyer in 2 cars collide on a country road.
The lawyer seeing that the doctor was a little shaken up, helps him from the car and offers him a drink from his hip flask.
The doctor accepts and has a couple of generous sips and hands it back to the lawyer, who closes it and puts it away.
"Aren't you going to have a drink yourself?" asks the doctor.
"Sure, after the police leave."

Beer was lit

An Irish man is pulled from a burning bar and shaken awake. The firemen frantically ask him, 'How did the fire start?!'
'Beats me.' He says, 'It was already burning when I got here.'

A group of celebrities are at a party hosted by Michael J Fox

The night is a huge success and everyone is enjoying themselves. Michael's working the bar when he's approached by Daniel Craig
Daniel Craig: Martini. shaken not stirred
Michael J Fox: *Looks up* There's a difference?

After an earthquake, my friend called to ask if everyone was alright.

"Everyone's fine, just shaken."

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven

A flat-Earther died, and to his surprise found himself standing on a cloud in front of the gates of heaven. God himself was there and told him he would be happy to answer any questions the man might have - about anything across the entirety of Space and Time.
So of course the man said - "Was I right? Is the earth actually flat?" and God chuckled and said "Of course not".
The man shook his head in disbelief, shaken to his very core, before murmuring "...this goes even higher than I thought..."

Dead Rooster

A man was driving down a quiet country road when a rooster wandered into his path. The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers. Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared. The man nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster. Please allow me to replace him."
"Suit yourself," the farmer replied. "The hens are around back."

Face only a mother could love

A lady walks into a restaurant with her child. The waiter, showing her to her seat, says "Ma'am, that has got to be the ugliest baby I've ever seen." Upset and shaken, the woman turns to the group at the table beside her and asks what they would do after being so insulted. The gentleman speaks up and says "You should speak with the owner right away! Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you."

Not the best joke, but it's not one I've seen here before.

Shaken joke, Daniel Craig has narrowly avoided death after falling into an industrial mixer whilst on a Martini f

jokes about shaken