The Best 61 Shake Jokes
Following is our collection of funny Shake jokes. There are some shake rattle jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.
Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these shake scaramucci puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.
Top 10 of the Funniest Shake Jokes and Puns
What does a stoner with Parkinson's disease do in the morning?
Shake and bake.
How do epileptics greet people?
They shake.
What do you call a globtrotter after you put him in a blender?
A Harlem shake.
An RAF vet is giving a talk about the war...
An RAF veteran is giving a talk to a class of school children, and was trying to explain what a typical mission would be like.
"So there I was, escorting the bombers to their target, when out of the blue we were attacked by a bunch of Fokkers. There were about 20 of these Fokkers. One took out my buddy, but I managed to shoot the Fokker down. Then one was on my tail and I coukdn't shake the Fokker, but my pal took care of him. Then I took out two more of the Fokkers..."
The teacher interupts "Children I should explain, the Fokker was a type of figher airplane used by the German Air Force to stop the RAF bombers and their escorts."
"Yes, but these Fokkers were Messerschmitts!"
What do you get when you put your hand in a blender?
A hand shake.
How do you make the best Harlem Shake video?
You throw a flashbang into a room of epileptic children.
How do you start an earthquake in East Africa?
Shake Djibouti.
A blonde, a brunette, and a red head just robbed a bank.
They run into a barn to hide from the cops chasing them. Each of them jumps into an empty burlap sack when the cops come in.
The cops see the bags so they inspect them. The cops shakes the red head's bag. "Woof woof !" Says the red head. So the cops move on, thinking that it's just the farmer's dog.
The cops shake the brunette's bag. "Meow!" Says the brunette. So the cops move on.
The cops approach the third sack and shake the bag. The blonde yells "potatoes!"
A man walks into a bar ...
And proceeds to order a beer. The bartender says, "Sure, that'll be 25 cents please". The man almost spits out his beer in shock.
"Wow, 25 cents! I'll get some chicken wings too!"
The bartender replies, "That'll be 30 cents!"
"Where is the owner", asks the man, "I want to shake his hand!"
"Upstairs with my sister", replies the barkeep.
"Huh, why?", asks the confused costumer.
"He's doing to her, what I'm doing to his bar."
What shakes and sits at the bottom of the ocean?
A nervous wreck.
Love Story
I shall seek and find you.
I shall take you to bed and control you.
I will make you ache, shake and sweat until you grunt and groan.
I will make you beg for mercy.
I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relieved when I leave you.
And you will be weak for days.
All my love,
The Flu
You can explore shake wag reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean shake shiver dad jokes. There are also shake puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Table manners
Teacher:"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
Teacher: 'That would be rude and impolite. What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
Teacher:'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?'
Johnny: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'
As a politician...
You need to shake hands & kiss babies...
...and take good care not to confuse the two.
I went to shake the old man's hand
But Parkinson's beat me to it
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Three, one to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
I'm part of a club for people with parkinson's
We have our own hand shake
Parkinson's
My friend asked me the other day if I had any advice for dealing with Parkinson's, apparently 'just shake it off' wasn't the right answer.
I hate it when homeless shake their cups with change in them
I know you have more money than me, stop showing off.
I saved my cannibal neighbor's daughter from drowning today. Her father was so grateful he gave me a hand shake.
It had some chunks, but it was delicious.
Why did Shakespeare have a great time in secondary/high school?
He didn't have to read Shakespeare.
Why did Shakespeare enjoy high school?
He didn't have to learn Shakespeare
What instructions are not needed on Parkinson's Medicine?
Shake well before use.
What do you call a black guy with Parkinson's?
A chocolate shake.
Yo momma so stupid
when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Whenever I shake someone's hand....
I always ask if they're nervous. They usually say no, and then I reply with "Then why are you shaking?"
What do you call a cow with Parkinson's?
A milk shake
When I meet a girl for the first time I shake hands with my left.
I don't want to intimidate her with the competition right away
A new thrift store just opened up in my town, and all proceeds go to Parkinson's research...
you get a 10% discount if you do the secret hand shake.
My personal trainer told me to drink a protein shake everyday at 3 in the morning.
But that's whey past my bedtime.
What do you call a bodybuilder having a seizure?
A protein shake
I really can't stand it when homeless guys shake their cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they've got more cash than I do?
Why did Shakespeare write only using quills?
Pencils confused him - 2B or not 2B.
What is the most Shakespearean way to eliminate bird flu?
Murder most fowl.
Broke
I just really hate it when homeless people shake there cups of money at me.
Do they really have to rub it in that they have more money than me?
I HATE when homeless people shake their cans of change at me.
I get it, you have more money than me, you don't have to show off.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
Pencils posed an issue; 2B or not 2B
Do you know why women fart after they pee?
They can't shake it so they need to blow dry.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink ?
Pencils posed a problem, 2B or not 2B
Two bodybuilders are having a conversation in Hell.
Man 1: Hey dude, do you think there is anywhere down here where I could get a protein shake?
Man 2: Dude, there's no whey in Hell.
Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?
A: Pencils confused him — 2B or not 2B?
What did Shakespeare call his shower
McBath
What did Shakespeare eat for lunch?
Caesar salad.
What is a cannibal's favourite shake?
Handshake
A Brit, A Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of Adam and Eve frolicking in the garden of Eden
"Look at their reserve, their calm," muses the Brit."They must be British"
They pondered this possibility but the Frenchman and the Russians soon shake their heads in disagreement.
"Nonsense," says the Frenchman. "They're naked and so beautiful, clearly they are French". The Brit and Russian agreed on this point but the Russian soon raises an objection to this.
"No clothes, no shelter and they have only an apple to eat but they're told this is Paradise. They are clearly Russian"
Fatherly advice
When I was a little boy I fell off my bike and scraped my knee. My dad ran to me picked me up and told me to "shake it off."
Years later while playing baseball I was hit with a wild pitch, my dad called out from the stands "Shake it off son."
Before going off to college my long time girlfriend dumped me. Of course just like everything else in life when I was hurt my dad with his infinite wisdom once again told me to "shake it off."
Due to all the years of his great fatherly advice I knew exactly what to say when he was diagnosed with parkinson's disease.
What does the guy with epilepsy do after his workout?
Has a shake.
Why did Shakespeare write in ink?
Pencils were confusing to him. 2B or not 2B?
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room.
Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his pit stop, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said
"Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."
I despise when homeless people shake their coin cups at me.
Look, I get it. You have more money than me. No need to rub it in my face.
Recruit at the KGB
The KGB had found their newest recruit, but before he could join, he had to go through three tests. First, he had to down an entire bottle of vodka in one sitting, then shake hands with a bear, then seduce and sleep with a lady. The recruit easily downs the vodka in a matter of seconds, then is put in a cage with a bear. Intense screaming, bear growling, and shouting can be heard for the duration of 20 minutes, but the cage goes quiet and recruit finally emerges from the cage, bruised up and covered in claw marks. He then asks, "so where's this lady I'm supposed to shake hands with?"
What did Shakespeare say when he couldn't identify the pencil?
2B or not 2B
In Transylvania. We go hunting for bear!
Father tells son:
Son! We go hunting for bear! Bring the dog, rope and the gun.
So the boy asks: Why we need the dog and the rope?
Because, when we go hunting for bear. The bear will be up on the tree. I climb up, shake the bear down. When the bear falls the dog will bite his nutz so you can rope the bear!
But then why we need the gun?
Because if the bear shakes me down, you have to shoot the dog!
Trump comes to the fortune teller
Trump comes to the fortune teller and asks how she sees his future.
She looks into the crystal ball and says:
You are travelling down the Constitution Ave. On both sides are cheering and happy crowds with flags and flowers...Go on, tell me more! Jumps Trump.
Everyone is happy, people are hugging each other, continues the fortune teller.
And they shake my hands? Trump interrupts again.
No, the coffin is closed.
What do an infant and a Polaroid have in common?
If you shake them too much, they don't develop properly.
Why did Shakespeare always use a pen when writing?
Because the pencil was confusing - 2B or not 2B
To the genius who invented 1ply toilet paper....
I wanna shake your hand.
Two lawyers enter a restaurant.
They both pull up suitcases onto the table they're on, and take out a sandwich each from their suitcases. Seeing this, a waiter comes up to them and tells them they cannot eat their own food in the restaurant. With an irritated tsk and a shake of the head, the two lawyers exchange their sandwiches, much to the despair of the unfortunate waiter.
My old car's steering started to shake so bad I can barely park it on the street.
The mechanic says it has Parallel Parkinsons.
Whoever the guy is that invented 1-ply toilet paper …
I'd like to shake his hand.
I have a jar full of jars, I call it jar jar, and when I shake it,
Jar Jar Clinks
What Shakespeare ask himself before buying a pencil?
2B or not 2B
Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the shake jolt jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.
We suggest to use only working shake lotion piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.