Following is our collection of likeable humor and column one-liner funnies working better than reddit jokes. They include Shades puns for adults, dirty skylight jokes or clean bands gags for kids.
There is an abundance of curtain jokes out there. You're fortunate to read a set of the 77 funniest jokes on shades. Full with funny wisecracks it is even funnier than any crayon witze you can hear about shades.
They both encourage people who can barely read to try new things.
like how she got a job right out of college.
So I took a photo of her hair!
Male, female, and 50 shades of gay
For example, the one where she gets a job right out of college.
As he wakes up, he notices the room is dark, and a doctor is standing there. He asks the doctor, "Why did you close all the window shades?"
The doctor says, "There was a large fire across the street, and we didn't want you to think you didn't survive the operation."
Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.
In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."
So I showed her a picture of her hair.
First, she wants me to become a billionaire.
beats me
When asked to comment about this 50 Shades stated "It's okay, I like to be dominated."
Q: What type of bees make milk?
A: BOO-Bees!
And then he just couldn't stop laughing. Mom turned 50 shades of red and blamed dad. Good times.
It's like getting an obscene phone call from Stephen Hawking
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It's called 50 Shades of Eyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy
A woman goes into Cabela's to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter.
The clerk was standing behind the counter wearing dark shades.
She says to him, "Excuse me, sir.. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Ma'am, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway......
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-LB. Test line. It's a good all-around combination, and it's on sale this week for only $20.00."
She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Master Card," he says.
She bends down to pick it up and accidentally farts.
At first she is really embarrassed, but then realizes......there is no way the blind clerk could tell it was her who tooted. Being blind, he wouldn't know that she was the only person around?
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $34.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me the rod and reel were on sale for $20.00? How did you get $34.50?"
He replies, "Yes, ma'am. The rod and reel is $20.00, but the Duck Call is $11.00, and the Catfish Bait is $3.50."
She doesn't know which one to get, so she just picks one and goes over to the counter.
The salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades.
She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?"
He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but if you'll drop it on the counter,
I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes."
She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway.
He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb..Test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's actually on sale this week for $44."
She says, "That's amazing that you can tell all that, just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!"
As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor.
"Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says.
As the lady bends down to pick up the card, she accidentally farts..
At first she's really embarrassed, but then realises there is no way
the blind salesman would tell exactly who had farted.
The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be $58.50 please."
The woman is totally confused by this and asks,
"Didn't you tell me it was on sale for $44. How did you get $58.50?"
"The Duck Caller is $11, and the Fish Bait is $3.50."
The missus bought a Paperback,
down Shepton Mallet way,
I had a look inside her bag;
T'was "fifty shades of grey".
Well I just left her to it,
And at ten I went to bed.
An hour later she appeared;
The sight filled me with dread...
In her left she held a rope;
And in her right a whip!
She threw them down upon the floor,
And then began to strip.
Well fifty years or so ago;
I might have had a peek;
But Mabel hasn't weathered well;
She's eighty four next week!!
Watching Mabel bump and grind;
Could not have been much grimmer.
And things then went from bad to worse;
She toppled off her Zimmer!
She struggled back upon her feet;
A couple minutes later;
She put her teeth back in and said
I am a dominator !!
Now if you knew our Mabel,
You'd see just why I spluttered,
I'd spent two months in traction
For the last complaint I'd uttered.
She stood there nude and naked
Bent forward just a bit
I went to hold her, sensual like
and stood on her left t*t!
Mabel screamed, her teeth shot out;
My god what had I done!?
She moaned and groaned then shouted out:
"Step on the other one"!!
Well readers, I can't tell no more;
About what occurred that day.
Suffice to say my jet black hair,
Turned fifty shades of grey.
Y'know the one where she gets a job right out of college.
I got a B+ and the teacher left a note saying, "thank god you didn't actually read the book, though I loved your creativity stating Christian Grey had 49 other clones".
Ironically, the only way you could get me to watch 50 shades of gray is if you tied me up and forced me to watch it.
... they both offer the fantasy of being dominated by a rich guy, who pushes the boundarys of what you though you were into.
When it came to a halt,the engineer said,"Our engine has failed,What shall i do?"."Let the invincible spirit of the people pulls us on!" Lenin declared."Shoot the engineer!" offered Stalin.And Gorbachev suggested, "Close the shades and we can pretend we're moving forward."
I told my wife I wanted to watch a movie about a billionaire playboy with a penchant for darkness, inflicting violence and dressing up in masks.
She got excited and asked, "Are we really go to see *50 Shades*?"
I laughed and told her I was talking about *The Lego Batman Movie*.
He slowly but firmly grabs my throat. I try to say goodbye and I choke. I try to walk away and I stumble...'
- of Macy Gray.
I was in my bathroom earlier and I heard weird noises coming from the sink.
Then, I walked to the upstairs window and noticed a man dressed in an all black suit with black shades, suspiciously walking around outside in the car park.
Beginning to think that someone might be phoning my taps.
I think they deserve a raise.
I guess you could say we are BOTH pre soaking.
Johnny's Mum was cleaning under his bed when she found a stash of BDSM magazines.
A bit concerned she asks Johnny's Dad what he thinks she should do.
Johnny's Dad responds "whatever else you do, don't spank him"
Buy my new book: 50 Shades of Grey Poupon
Girl 1: Hey have you read yet?
Girl 2: Yes! From cover to cover!
Girl 1: And the index?
Girl 2: Exhausted...
They should have added 19 more shades
It's just all climax.
Well, first it tied the record... then it beat it....
[credit goes to the Late Night with Seth Meyers writers]
Nice shades.
(sorry)
Shades!
82% of women have admitted to reading 50 Shades of Grey with one hand
He was shades lighter after that...
....but the title "50 Shades of Grey" was already taken.
I saw someone post some the other day. Has anyone thought of any new ones?
Here are a couple my friends and I thought of...
50 Shades of Grey Goose,
Into the Wild Turkey,
Beer and Present Danger,
Patriot Drinking Games,
The Sum of All Beers (I like Tom Clancy),
The Red Badge of Liquid Courage.
Fifty Shades of Hay.
A glutton for punishment...
Then she stopped dyeing her hair.
Well first it tied them, then it beat them.
A colorblind synaesthesiac listening to the radio
Doctors have diagnosed him with colour-blandness.
And then with the remaining Fridays before the next Black Friday, you can have fifty shades of grey.
Says to the shopkeeper, "Can I have a roll of masking tape and some zip ties"
Shopkeeper smiles knowingly, "I'm sorry, thanks to the 50 Shades of Gray film we're out of stock"
The man winces and replies, "OK, just give me a chainsaw and some bin bags"
They couldn't agree where to go. Christian wanted Domino's, but Ana insisted on Subway!
If you want a lamp, why do you need shade??
My wife asked me, "what's that noise?" I said "fifty shades of gray"
...specifically, the part where the protagonist gets a job straight out of college.
"Hey, what are you doing?"
"Illustrating Fifty Shades of Grey..."
50 Shades of Jean Grey
He replies, "I'm color blind and can only see 36 of them."
Oh the hue manatee
It was basically just 50 shades of gray
... so I got the Bolshevik secret police to murder her family and I sold her to a Russian pig farmer.ο»Ώ
Cop: We found 2 murder victims, bludgeoned to death
Detective: Did you find the murder weapon?
Cop: Just one stone
Detective: *Lowers shades* Dear god
He could barely see, only shades, but he could still talk. He turned to his wife and said:
-Is David, my oldest son here? *cough*
-Yes
-is Eli, my middle son here?
-Yes, he is here too
-is Joseph here too ?
-Yes, yes, everyone is here
-*cough*, if everyone is here, why is the light in the kitchen on?
huehuehue.
A greydient
50 Shades of Gay
Beats
They are urging cinemas showing 50 shades of grey to brace themselves.
I'm not really interested in watching that film. In order to make me see it, someone would literally have to tie me up and drag me there.
I hear that when you go see Fifty Shades of Grey, some theaters, to go along with the theme of the film, will tie moviegoers to their chairs. It has been determined that the real reason for this is that it is the only way to get people to sit through the entire movie.
They both only have fifty shades of grey.
... it's impossible to tell if girls are referring to the movie or the book when they say 'I was just flicking through 50 Shades of Grey.'
50 shades of sleigh.
It makes them think that Vintage Books will publish anything that gets sent to them.
It was gonna be titled "50 Shades of Black".
Because he needs something to get him angry enough to turn him into the Hulk on short notice.
She seemed concerned and said she didn't want to be tied down.
Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Note that dirty and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. You can seriously offend people by saying creepy dark humor words to them.