The Best 70 Sexual Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Sexual jokes. There are some sexual escapades jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these sexual mutually puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Sexual Jokes and Puns

Comedian Jeff Dunham has been accused of sexual assault

After allegations from his coworkers saying that he's been fisting them for decades.

Just look up his Youtube channel if you want to see evidence of this abuse. Millions have just sat by and watched while these poor souls suffered through tremendous pain right in-front of them.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar

Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

I was sexually active at 12

It's now 12:15 and my arm is killing me

Sexual joke, I was sexually active at 12

When a man talks dirty to a woman...

The man is charged for sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, He's also charged $3.95 per minute.

Someone once said that I should always treat other people how I would like to be treated...

Now I`m facing sexual harassment charges.


Sexual harassment

The supervisor of a local firm is startled when his secretary bursts into his office to file a complaint of sexual harassment against a man working in the same department. "What on earth did he do?", asks the boss. "It's not what he did but what he said!", the secretary shrieks. "He said my hair smelt nice!". "And what is so wrong with him telling you that?", asks the boss. "He's a midget" ,huffs the woman.

Using what sexual position often causes a couple to have an ugly baby?

I don't know, ask your mom.

Sexual joke, Using what sexual position often causes a couple to have an ugly baby?

Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?

Ask your mother.

Over the past year, my sexual fetishes have been slowly getting more perverse.

But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I realised I'd hit rock bottom.

What sexual position makes the ugliest babies?

Ask your mom.

I knew that sexual fetishes could get more and more perverse over time, but...

...it wasn't till I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

You can explore sexual intimacy reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean sexual sessions dad jokes. There are also sexual puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


What did the scientist who was conducting sexual experiments on dogs say to his partner?

"If you need me, I'll be in the lab."

Who took care of Mr. Miyagi's sexual needs after his wife died?

No one. Now he just wax off.

I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

A Welsh man is in bed with his girlfriend [NSFW]

A Welsh man is in bed with his girlfriend, and they're thinking about getting it on. As they're getting ready, the girlfriend asks the man how many sexual partners he's had.

He begins to count, and soon he falls asleep.

My sexual desires have been getting out of control...

But it wasn't until I spanked a statue that I knew I'd hit rock bottom.

Sexual joke, My sexual desires have been getting out of control...

The first known case of the Zika virus in the United States has been found in Texas and was transmitted via sexual contact.

Officials believe the case will end how it began: With someone getting a little head.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.

Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but fell asleep.


I sexually identify as a brick.

I'm always hard and I've only been laid once.

Welcome to the Sexual Innuendo Club

Thank you all for coming.

I sexually identify as Counter Strike...

*And I'm globally offended*

If a man talks dirty to a woman, that's sexual harassment.

If a woman talks dirty to a man, that'll be $6.50 a minute.

With age comes wisdom

An old man was fishing at the riverbank. Along came a frog who said, "If you kiss me I will turn into a beautiful woman and grant you any sexual favor you desire!"

The old man thought about it and put the frog in his coat pocket.

"Aren't you going to kiss me?" said the frog.

"I'm 75, I'd rather have a talking frog!"

I sexually identify as a Canadian...

I'm eh-sexual.

I held an orgy for my sexual dysfunction class last night.

Nobody came.

I was getting off an airplane, when I passed a little boy who was waving and saying "Bye, plane!"...

"No, this isn't a biplane." I said, as the kid's dad immediately gave me a condescending look.

I went on, "You can't tell its sexual preference based just on how it looks."

A college teacher said this about the finals tomorrow.

She said "Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tommorow. I might consider something like a car crash, or trump wins, but that's all. A student in the back of the room asked "What if i was suffering from complete sexual exhaustion?" The whole class laughed, but was silenced when the teacher said "Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand"

I got fired from my last job for arranging the vegetables into sexual position

Apparently that's "misconduct" for a special needs teacher.

I sexually identify as an invisible dad.

I'm trans-parent.ο»Ώ

Based on statistics

The most used sexual position among married couples is doggy style...
The husband sits and begs, while the wife rolls over and plays dead.

I lost my job at the hospital today for sexual assault....

It's not my fault that they put up a sign that said, 'stroke patients downstairs'.

I'm trying my best to give up using sexual innuendos....

But it's SO hard.

Why did Medusa have to take sexual harassment training?

Because she wouldn't stop objectifying people.

I asked my Welsh mate how many sexual partners he's had.

He started counting and fell asleep.

Donald Trump said, "I declare April as Sexual Assault Awareness month."

His aide said, "So what do think are some good ways to prevent it?"

Trump replied, "Prevent it?"

Did ya'll ever hear about that lady who was selling sexual favors for spaghetti?

She was a pastatute

A man asks his Welsh friend how many sexual partners he's had to this day

The Welshman starts counting but falls asleep.

I'm always frank with my sexual partners.

I wouldn't want them to know my real name.

Anyone know where I can find someone to share a bond of mutual affection, typically exclusive of sexual or family relations?

Asking for a friend.

It's a good thing they shut down production of House of Cards

It's be too unrealistic to have someone playing the US president who has been accused of sexual misconduct.

Peter Dinkalage has been accused of sexual harassment.

He allegedly told the woman that her hair smelled nice.

My girlfriend asked me to name off all my sexual partners in order...

I probably should've stopped when I got to her name

What's sexually transmitted and has a 100% death rate?

Life

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner

I'm done in five minutes and look nothing like the picture

Whales have pretty sexual names, Sperm whale, humpback whale...

Your mom

My daughter asked me today:"Dad, What is sex?"

I had feared this moment would come and didn't think it would come this soon but nevertheless I was prepared.
So I sat her down and explained it all. The birds and the bees, the different sexual orientations, all the positions and of course I had to mention all the STD's and the rules of safe sex.
When I finished she looked at me shocked and confused:
"So... which box should I check on this form? Male or Female?"

All women are bi

The question is whether its sexual or polar.

My boyfriend's dad told us that back in his day, before required sexual misconduct training...

Harass was two words

What sexual position creates the ugliest children?

Ask your parents.

No matter what sexual role play idea my wife decides on, I always have to play the same character.

The husband who is out of town.

The wife said: "Bulls can engage in sexual activity more than 20 times in a day. I wish you could do that..."

And the husband replied: "Just remember they do it with more than one cow..."

A sexual predator, a racist and a Russian spy walk into a bar.

The bartender says "What can I get you Mr. President?"

I sexually identify as Michael Jackson

My personal pronouns are he/hee

A college professor reminds her class of the next day's final exam saying, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever"

A guy sitting at the back asks, What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, and says, Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand.

A Russian spy, a sexual predator and a billionaire walk into a bar, and the bartender says:

What can I get you Mr. President?

A big city doctor visits an Native American tribe full of men and he asks "How do you guys relieve your sexual tension?

"Simple, just come down to the river tomorrow and we'll show you." The next day the doctor shows up and sees a group of men near a donkey. One man says "Since you're our guest you get to go first."

The doctor not knowing what to do stands cluelessly until a tribesman explains to him: " Use the donkey".

The doctor: " what?"

"Yes use it, mount it"

The doctor not wanting to go against custom starts to kiss, then proceeds to have sex with the donkey. Then a man in the group asks "Are you almost done Doc? We need the donkey to cross the river in order to get to the tribe of women."

The creator of sexual innuendos just passed away

His wife is taking it really hard

Bought the ex wife some crotchless panties for Halloween...

Nothing sexual, just to give her a better grip on the broomstick.

A High School English Teacher reminds her class of the next day's final exam. She tells the class that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for a serious injury or illness, or a death in the student's immediate family.

One smart-ass jock in the back of the room asks, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Aw, that's so sad. Guess you'll just have to write with your other hand"

The Psychiatrist

A guy goes to a psychiatrist. The psychiatrist draws a circle and shows it to him.

"What's this?" asks the psychiatrist.

"A tit," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a square.

"What's this?

"It's a tit," says the guy.

The psychiatrist then draws a triangle and shows it to the guy.

"So, what do you think this is?"

"It's a tit!" yells the guy.

"Sir, I'm afraid you have serious sexual issues," says the psychiatrist.

"I have issues? What about you? You keep drawing tits!"

I sexually identify as chocolate

My pronouns are Her-She

What do you call a sexual film that is a hit?

A banger

BBC News: The Pope calls for 'action' on sexual abuse.

Right after calling Lights, camera...

An Englishman and Welshman were in a pub discusing their sexual prowess.

The Englishman boasts he's gotten laid with 27 different partners this year.

"What about *you*?" he asks the Welshman, who promptly falls asleep.

I sexually identify as a microwave dinner....

You can have me in 5 minutes and I look nothing like the picture.

The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on Sexual morality......

In moments of temptation, said the speaker to the class, ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame?



A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: How do you make it last an hour?

Wife just asked me to cut down on sexual innuendo

This is going to be hard, so very hard.

What happens when you smack Dwayne Johnson's butt?

You get arrested for sexual assault. What did you think was going to happen?

A man goes to the police to report sexual harassment in the work place by a group of horny work colleagues.

He's a zoo keeper in the rhino enclosure.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the sexual sexual exhaustion jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working sexual sexual street signs piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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