Sexist Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Sexist puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Sexist

If there's anything my wife has taught me about being sexist,

It's probably wrong because she's a woman.

If my wife made a dollar for every sexist joke I make

She'd be $.77 richer right now

If I had a penny for every time someone called me sexist...

I'd probably be earning more than the average woman.

I'm voting for an old, senile, racist, sexist, white man with rape allegations this year for president.

But I'm still not sure which one to pick.

It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

Im not sexist...

Because thats wrong and being wrong is for women

Donald Trump is really a proved racist and sexist, because...

He beat a woman badly in his run for the presidency and threw a black family out of a white house...

What do you call a sexist Masseuse?

A Massaginist!

It's an awful joke I came up with last night and couldn't stop giggling thinking about it.

I would never be sexist, sexism is wrong

And being wrong is for women

I was told by a female friend that I was being sexist and should look at things from a woman's perspective more often

But I can't see very much from my kitchen window

Women are just as sexist as men

But just like everything else, men are just better at it.

Being a sexist doesn't bother me at all.

The only people that will call me a sexist are women and their opinion doesn't matter.

Met a woman at the bar the other night

She was absolutely stunning. At least at 11/10. I asked her where she's from and what she does. She said "I live around here, and I'm a brain surgeon."


Now I don't know if it's sexist of me, but I was really impressed.


Most women can't pull off sarcasm.

What did the man say to the feminist to get her angry?

Nothing. The fact that he didn't say anything to her made her think that he thought he was superior and therefore a sexist, misogynistic, scum of the earth

A racist, a sexist and a priest walk into a bar.

The bartender says: "Hey Bill, drinking alone tonight?"

If I had a dollar every time I was called sexist...

I'd be making more money than the average woman

I can tell we still live in a sexist society because...

Doctors still make more money than nurses.

A rapist, a sexist and a racist walk into a bar

Barman: How can I help you Mr. President?

My girlfriend often accuses me of telling sexist, condescending jokes that target women.

I've explained to her those jokes are actually ironic jabs at the current state of post-modern feminism, designed to highlight societal double standards across genders.

So she needn't worry her pretty little head about it.

A comedian was getting attacked for his routine being too sexist

So, he replaced the word "women" with "white, rich, republican women". The audience stopped complaining.

My favorite winter Olympic sport is women's curling...

Because it's the one time every four years I can yell, sweep harder at a woman, and no one thinks it's because I'm a sexist pig.

What's a Racist, Homophobe, Sexist, Bigot, or Hater?

Anyone winning an argument with a liberal.

The wage gap is sexist, because a woman gets 70 cents for every dollar a man makes...

... then the man is only left with 30 cents. That's messed up.

What do you call a sexist masseuse?

A massage-ynist.

The comedy industry is ridiculously sexist.

Zach Galifinakis can tell a joke to a full theatre and the audience would love it. If Amy Schumer told the same joke a week later in the same theatre to the same audience, she'd be accused of stealing material

So a sexist man is having sex with another mans wife...

The husband comes home from work and sees this man drilling his wife on the kitchen counter.

The man says, "Oh hey Paul, I'm just loading the dishwasher!"

The Magic Mirror

In this public toilet, there's this magic mirror. Whenever you say something untruthful you disappear.

A red head walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the best legs in the world" and puff...she's gone.

Next a brunette walks into the toilets and says "I think I have the most sexist eyes" and puff...she's gone

Finally a blonde walks into the toilets and says "I think..." and puff she's gone!

I am not a sexist but...

female mosquitos don't belong in a workplace. They the suck the life right out of you.

You know, garbage man as a job title is a little sexist and outdated.

We should call them garbage people instead.

Trump has been criticized for being incredibly sexist, homophobic, fundementalist, and wanting to bring back slavery

In other words, he's been criticized for acting like a Muslim.

What banks are the most sexist?

Sperm banks cause they only accept deposits from men

Today a woman called me "the most sexist man she'd ever met"

When will these dumb broads understand that "sexiest" is spelled with two E's and not one?

At the annual women's rights convention the speaker got up and said...

At the annual women's rights convention the speaker got up and said "last year we talked about making our husband's do more of the work often considered women's work, let's hear how that went."
First a lady from the USA got up and said "I told my husband I wasn't going to do any more cleaning until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he cleaned the whole house from top to bottom." Everyone cheered.
Next a lady from Britain stood up and said "I told my husband I wasn't doing laundry until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day he not only did his laundry, but mine as well." More cheers.
Then a lady from Australia got up and said "I told my husband I wasn't going to do any more grocery shopping until he helped. On the first day I didn't see anything, on the second day I didn't see anything, but on the third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye"

A person who discriminates race is racist; Sex- sexist, age- ageist, disability- ableist, religion-

Realist

How many sexists does it take to change a light bulb?

None, let her cook in the dark.

The difference between sexists and misogynists...

Sexist: I like my women like I like my jeans - loose in the crotch!

Mysogynist: I like my women like I like my jeans - acid washed!

I'm not sexist.

Being sexist is wrong and being wrong is for woman.

Programmers are so sexist...

They treat their dates as objects.

How many basement dwellers and deplorables does it take to change a lightbulb?

That's ridiculous I saw on CNN that Hillary has already changed the lightbulb Plus it's not dark and the light bulb isn't broken and anyway who told you it was broken Vladimir Putin? What are you sexist?

I heard the government were going to give on the spot fines to bad drivers

I thought that's a bit sexist.

Cr

If I had a dollar every time someone called me sexist...

I'd have enough money to sponsor the repealing of the 19th Amendment.

What's the most useless thing on a woman?

A drunken Irishmen at 3am.

[EDIT]: This isn't meant to be sexist, it is self-defamation.

What did the sexist man say when his girlfriend asked for his coat?

If you can't stand the cold, stay in the kitchen.

Society is so sexist

When a guy sleeps around with many women, he's called a jock.

When a woman sleeps around with many men, she's called your Mom.

It's International Women's Day today. I guess I should make some sort of sexist joke.

I'll have to simplify it for the women.

Some people play the sexist card. Some people play the racist card. Guess what my wife plays?

My credit card.

Which one is different from the other three and why - a fridge, a washing machine, a tv or a woman?

Most people say it's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't belong in the kitchen but they are sexist. It's the tv because it's the only one that doesn't leak when it's fudked.

My girlfriend thinks Hawaii is sexist.

I told her we had all-mail voting.

A feminist visited a Muslim country and was unhappy with the treatment of women there...

All of the Muslim men made their wives walk at least five feet behind them. The visiting feminist was outraged, "How could you be so sexist? This is an outrage!"


She left the country, only to return years later. Much to her surprise, all of the women were walking five feet *ahead* of their husbands. The feminist couldn't believe it. "What changed? Why are you so progressive now?" One of the men overheard and said with a smile... "land mines."

A man is lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his crotch.

A woman passing by remarks, "If you were any sort of a gentleman, you would lift your hat to a lady." He replies, "If you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself."

What's a violent and sexist book club called?

ISIS.

How do you get a dishwasher to dig a hole? Give the woman a shovel!

Girl: "Girls are better than boys."
Boy: "Then why did God make boys first?"
Girl: "Duh, you have to have a rough draft before the final copy."

Why was the programmer sexist?

Because he treats women like objects.

Why are companies who sell snacks sexist?

Cause they avoid trans fat

I laugh at anyone who proudly states they are getting a degree in Gender Studies.

Not because I'm sexist, but because that's a stupid-ass thing to get a degree in.

A very sexist from my high school days

Person 1, "Your dishwasher stops working and like any good mechanic you hit it and tell it to get back to work, and it does. You return later to find dishes that are only half clean. Why?"
Person 2, "I have no clue."
Person 1, "You must have hit her in the eye."

After I have sex, I like my woman like my mailbox. Outside my house!

What are the simularities in between a sexist man and a slave owner

Somebody is making the sandwich, and it isn't gonna be them

Why did they call the masseuse sexist?

He was massage-anistic..

My wife was teaching our children that Barbie and Disney were sexist and misogynistic.

I happen to believe that children learn through examples set by their parents.

So I told my wife to shut her yap and get back in the kitchen.

If women aren't supposed to be in the kitchen, then why do they have milk and eggs inside them?!

Is it sexist....

...I just assume Dr. Pepper is a guy?

Would it be sexist if...

I named my son Hunter and my daughter Gatherer?

Iron Man is sexist

The fellas down at Marvel need to create an Iron Woman. She would use her super strength and agility to get even the toughest stains out of my office slacks.

If I got $1 every time somebody called me sexist

I would walk free of a rape case

There's a new drug for lesbians on the market to cure depression, it's called Trycoxagain.

So these two couples had known each other for decades, and would meet once a month for dinner.

It was always the same routine, they would meet at one couples house, and after dinner the women would go to the kitchen to clean up and catch up (not saying it's not sexist, but they were raised in different times) and the men would go to the living room for some catching up of their own.

The one guy says "So anything fun happen for you lately?" to which the other guy replies "Yeah...I saw a movie last week that was pretty good".

The first guy then says "Really? What was the name of it so maybe we could see it?" and the second guy replies "Oh geez, my memory is so bad......what's the name of those red flowers with the long stem and thorns?" to which the first guy replies "You mean a rose?"

"Yeah, yeah that's it." and over his shoulder he yells "Hey Rose, what's the name of that movie we saw last week?"

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes