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Sew Jokes

59 sew jokes and hilarious sew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Sew Short Jokes

Short sew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sew humour may include short seam jokes also.

  1. According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had.. Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
  2. What did Captain Picard say to the engineer when the Enterprise's sewing machine broke? Make it sew.
  3. I'm trying to think of a sewing pun but I'm really struggling. I needle the help I can get.
  4. My friend composes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams. (Don't hate me.)
  5. I have a friend who writes lyrics about sewing machines She is a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams
    They'll keep you bobbin your head.
  6. My friend writes songs about sewing machines... Yes...He's a Singer songwriter....or sew it seams !!
  7. Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.
  8. I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.
  9. Just started a job that requires me to sew two people's anuses together Not a dream job, but it makes ends meet.
  10. I told my doctor that I could sew stitches better than he could. He replied, "Fine, suture self".

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Sew One Liners

Which sew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sew? I can suggest the ones about cloth and seamstress.

  1. I asked the doctor if I could sew up my own wound. He said "suture self"
  2. Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread.
  3. I've got a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer songwriter.
  4. My friend composes lyrics about sewing machines. She's a Singer songwriter.
  5. My friend writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer songwriter or sew it seams.
  6. I thought I fixed my pants, but apparently the stitching fell out... Or sew it seams.
  7. I hired a hitman to clean up my sewing He has been tying up all the loose ends.
  8. I come from a very musical family Even the sewing machine's a singer
  9. My friend writes songs about sewing machines. He's a Singer song writer.
  10. Link to the ultimate guide for sewing and hemming clothing. Sorry, wrong thread.
  11. I think I can fix one of your ripped shirts. Well sew it seams anyway.
  12. Why are Christmas trees so bad at sewing? They always drop their needles!
  13. Christmas trees are bad at sewing They always drop their needles.
  14. Why can't you find good quality clothing on the Iron Islands? They do not sew
  15. What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.

Make fun with this list of one liners, jokes and riddles. Each joke is crafted with thought and creativity, delivering punchlines that are unexpected and witty. The humor about sew can easily lighten the mood and bring smiles to people's faces. This compilation of sew puns is not just entertaining but also a testament to the art of joke-telling. The jokes in this list are designed to display different humor styles, ensuring that every reader at any age finds something entertaining. Constantly updated, they offer a source of fun that ensures one is always smiling !

Happy Sew Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends

What funny jokes about sew you can tell and make people laugh? One example I can give are clean tailor jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help make sew prank.

So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his s**....

John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his s**... and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."

Three Surgeons meet in a bar...

Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".

Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)

Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?

p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter

Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"

What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?

One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!

I took my shoddy suit to the tailors, and said, "can this be repaired? It looks like the stitching's come undone."

"Hmmm, yes... ", he replied, examining the suit, "sew it's seams".

Not saying we were poor, but many a time, my mother would send me next door with a button...

...and ask our neighbor if she would sew a shirt on it.

A beekeeper said he wanted to train his hives to work with stitching and rope. I asked him if he really thought that would work, and he nodded and said

May bee sew, may bee knot

Captain Picard meets Jethro Tull, the inventor (not the band) and says

"Make it sew, number one"

What did Kurt Vonnegut say when he split his pants?

Sew it goes

Simon was in a car c**... with his uncle.....

Sadly his uncle died, but Simon was saved
but lost both his legs. The surgeon was able to sew his uncle's legs to his body. When he was recovered he decided to pursue his love
of music and performed in the local pub as Simon and Halfuncle.

Should you tie or stitch your loose ends?

Maybe sew maybe knot!

I was going to make a joke about thread but…

It would have been sew bad

Be careful if you decide to sew nun uniforms

It's habit forming.

Mom: I don't think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth.

Child: Yeah. Sew?

How many cats does it take to make a fur coat?

None! Cats can't sew!

What did they say to the doctor that wanted to sew his own stitches?

"Suture self!"

Have you heard the one about the seamstress?

It's sew sew.

Captain Jean-Luc Picard needed to mend his torn uniform, but his old Singer was broken. So he took it down to the repair shop...

...and said, "make it sew."

If you do these things for 30 days you will be unrecognisable.


1. Sleep 8+ hours everyday.

2. Drink 3L of water minimum daily.

3. Get outside in the sun everyday.

4. No sugar.

5. Read for 30 mins each day.

6. Workout for 1hr 3 times a week

7. Capture someone and cut their face off then sew it onto your face.

8. Meditate for 10 mins everyday.

Why should you never ask a tailor how he's feeling?

Because he's always just sew sew.

The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...

Sew boring!

What's the motto of an undertaker who is a r**... and a necrophiliac?

You r**... what you sew

What did Jean-Luc Picard say when Engineering offered to fix his electric sewing machine?

Make it sew!

I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines

So there's a singer/songwriter... or sew it seams.

How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along?

Sew sew

A friend of mine asked if it is possible to repair a torn wetsuit.

It seams sew.

How do you make a net?

You sew a bunch of holes together.

So my wife got a new sewing machine this week and I know what you guys are thinking....

...sew what?

How to sew...

>! THREAD !<

Perfectly spell-checked poem

- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my r**...,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew.
- Cents I began to youse it,
- I'm reel, reel pleased eye I got won.
- My righting's sew much bettor now,
- Ware wood eye bee without won.

The Tailor

Tailor: problem?
Customer: Frayed sew
Tailor: Sew its seems!

A ghost of a dog walks into a bar. He tells the story of how he was shot to bits and lost his tail. After asking if there was anyone to sew it back on the barman replied...

"I'm sorry, we don't retail spirits here"

I took my suit back to the tailor as the stitching had come undone.

I showed him the problem and he said, "Hmmm, yes... sew its seams".

jokes about sew

Jokes are a form of humor that often involves clever wordplay, puns or unexpected twists in a story. These are usually short narratives or anecdotes crafted with the intent of amusing its audience by ending in an unexpected or humorous punchline. Jokes are a universal form of entertainment that people of all ages like adults, teens, kids and toddlers can enjoy. JokoJokes' FAQ section has answers to questions you may have!

The impact of these sew jokes can be both social and psychological. They can help to ease tensions, create bonds between people, and even improve overall mental health. The success of a joke often relies on the delivery, timing, and audience. Jokes can be used in various settings, from social gatherings to professional presentations, and are often employed to lighten the mood or enhance a story.