Sew Jokes
59 sew jokes and hilarious sew puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sew that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sew Short Jokes
Short sew jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sew humour may include short cloth jokes also.
- According to my sewing instructor, I'm easily the worse student She's ever had.. Oops... sorry, wrong thread.
- What did Captain Picard say to the engineer when the Enterprise's sewing machine broke? Make it sew.
- I'm trying to think of a sewing pun but I'm really struggling. I needle the help I can get.
- Everybody in the village agreed that I did an excellent job of sewing their mouths shut. After I left, they were humming my praises.
- I think my wife's sewing machine is on the blink. I'm not sure what's wrong, it just doesn't seam right.
- I took my shoddy suit to the tailors, and said, "can this be repaired? It looks like the stitching's come undone." "Hmmm, yes... ", he replied, examining the suit, "sew it's seams".
- Not saying we were poor, but many a time, my mother would send me next door with a button... ...and ask our neighbor if she would sew a shirt on it.
- A beekeeper said he wanted to train his hives to work with stitching and rope. I asked him if he really thought that would work, and he nodded and said May bee sew, may bee knot
- I decided to see what it was like to live as a woman. So I sewed all the pockets of my jeans shut.
- I got a C- for my high school sewing project. The teacher's only comment was.... Seams reasonable.
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Sew One Liners
Which sew one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sew? I can suggest the ones about seamstress and tailor.
- I asked the doctor if I could sew up my own wound. He said "suture self"
- Today i made a mistake while sewing. Oops, wrong thread.
- I've got a friend who writes songs about sewing machines. He's a singer songwriter.
- I thought I fixed my pants, but apparently the stitching fell out... Or sew it seams.
- I come from a very musical family Even the sewing machine's a singer
- Link to the ultimate guide for sewing and hemming clothing. Sorry, wrong thread.
- I think I can fix one of your ripped shirts. Well sew it seams anyway.
- Christmas trees are bad at sewing They always drop their needles.
- Why can't you find good quality clothing on the Iron Islands? They do not sew
- What do you say to an angry woman sitting at a sewing machine? You seem stressed.
- What did Kurt Vonnegut say when he split his pants? Sew it goes
- How can you tell if a sewing machine is trustworthy? If it seams legit
- Should you tie or stitch your loose ends? Maybe sew maybe knot!
- I was going to make a joke about thread but… It would have been sew bad
- Be careful if you decide to sew nun uniforms It's habit forming.
Happy Sew Jokes for a Lighthearted Night with Friends
What funny jokes about sew you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean suture jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sew pranks.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
So Fred has accidentally cut off John's ear with his s**....
John and Fred were digging a ditch when Fred made a careless swipe with his s**... and cut off John's ear.
"Help me find it in all this mud," said John. "If we find it they can sew it back on."
After a couple of minutes, Fred triumphantly shouted, "Here it is", handing the ear to John.
"That's not it," said John, throwing the ear back in the muddy ditch. "Mine had a pencil behind it."
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Three Surgeons meet in a bar...
Three Surgeons meet in a bar and talk about their work. The first one says "I sew 2 fingers that were cut off back on a guys hand, and I did it so well that he still became a famous pianist". The second one says "Thats nothing, I sew a guys legs back to his torso and did it so well that he still was able to win gold in the olympics". The third one says "a cowboy and his horse were hit by a train and the only thing i had left to work with was the guys a**... and the horses blond mane. I did my best and the guy became president of the USA".
Sven and Ole joke (do your best Swedish accent when reading their lines)
Sven and Ole both lost their jobs when the clothing manufacturer they worked at closed. At the unemployment office, Sven was asked what position he held at the factory, he replied Ya, well I sew women's underpants. He was told to go to the next line to claim his unemployment check.
Ole was asked the same question, to which he replied Diesel fitter. He too was told to go to the next line to get his unemployment check.
After Sven and Ole collected their checks, they compared them outside. Ole's check was twice as much, which made Sven furious. He stormed back inside and asked to talk with a manager. He demanded to know why his check was half of what Ole's was. The manager told him, Well, you were a tailor, your friend Ole has a specialty in engine repair.
Sven's anger was boiling over. He loudly told them, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? I sew the underpants and put them in a pile, Ole holds them up and says Ya, diesel fitter. What has that got to do with engines?
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
p**... Stitcher VS Diesel Fitter
Manuel and Pedro worked together and both were laid off, so they went to the unemployment office. When asked his occupation, Manuel answered, "p**... Stitcher. I sew da elastic onto ladies' cotton p**...."
The clerk looked up p**... Stitcher. Finding it classified as "unskilled labor," she gave him $300 a week unemployment pay.
Pedro was asked his occupation. "Diesel Fitter," he replied. Since diesel fitter was a skilled job, the clerk gave Pedro $600 a week.
When Manuel found out he was furious. He stormed back into the office to find out why his friend and co-worker was collecting double his pay.
The clerk explained, "p**... stitchers are unskilled and diesel fitters are skilled labor"
"What skill?!" yelled Manuel. "I sew the elastic on da p**..., Pedro puts dem over his head and says: 'Yeah, diesel fitter.'"
What's the difference between Captain Picard, a scared female pig, a loose thread, and the likelihood this joke is terrible?
One likes to make it so, one is an afraid sow, one is a frayed sew, and sorry, but I'm afraid so!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Just started a job that requires me to sew two people's anuses together
Not a dream job, but it makes ends meet.
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
I told my doctor that I could sew stitches better than he could.
He replied, "Fine, suture self".
Captain Picard meets Jethro Tull, the inventor (not the band) and says
"Make it sew, number one"
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Simon was in a car c**... with his uncle.....
Sadly his uncle died, but Simon was saved
but lost both his legs. The surgeon was able to sew his uncle's legs to his body. When he was recovered he decided to pursue his love
of music and performed in the local pub as Simon and Halfuncle.
Mom: I don't think you know what it means to thread a needle through cloth.
Child: Yeah. Sew?
How many cats does it take to make a fur coat?
None! Cats can't sew!
Have you heard the one about the seamstress?
It's sew sew.
Why should you never ask a tailor how he's feeling?
Because he's always just sew sew.
The worst job I ever had was at the canvas factory, pushing a large needle through 50 layers of cloth over and over and over...
Sew boring!
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
What's the motto of an undertaker who is a r**... and a necrophiliac?
You r**... what you sew
How's your homophone needlepoint project coming along?
Sew sew
A friend of mine asked if it is possible to repair a torn wetsuit.
It seams sew.
How do you make a net?
You sew a bunch of holes together.
So my wife got a new sewing machine this week and I know what you guys are thinking....
...sew what?
How to sew...
>! THREAD !<
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Perfectly spell-checked poem
- I have a spelling checker.
- It came with my PC,
- It plainly marks four my r**...,
- Mistakes I cannot sea.
- I've run this poem threw it,
- I'm sure your pleased to no,
- Its letter purfect in it's weigh,
- My checker tolled me sew.
- Cents I began to youse it,
- I'm reel, reel pleased eye I got won.
- My righting's sew much bettor now,
- Ware wood eye bee without won.
The Tailor
Tailor: problem?
Customer: Frayed sew
Tailor: Sew its seems!
My grandmother was an amazing seamstress, and continued to sew even after going blind. But she never used a thimble.
I guess she just didn't see the point.
What did the masseuse say to the camping seamstress?
Why sew tents?
I know we get a lot of dad jokes...here's a mom one
What did Captain Picard say when he saw the new sewing machine?
Make it sew!
When I asked my tailor if it mattered that the stitching was unravelling on my pants, his only response was,...
"Frayed Sew"
My mom always told me to beware of tailors...
They tend to come unraveled. Or sew she said.
Why Do tailors never make any money?
Because they rip what they sew.
Have you guys already heard the one about the self-replicating shirt?
ah, it's seams sew.
You know when you're opening the tube of Pilsbury crescent rolls but it just tears, then you see the "press spoon here" option?
Spanx ought to sew that line into each of their garments.
My friend is learning how to sew...
Sew what?
My Dad's cat had a hernia operation
The cat was laying there next to next to me and I asked " What did they sew you up with?"
My Dad laughing so hard - as he said "That's not funny!"
[Cat Gut]
⚠️ Warning ⚠️
This joke may contain profanity or explicit language
Bill Cosby took a sewing class, and used to sew together models of sleeping women.
You know what they say, you r**... what you sew!
I think that's how it goes atleast....
