Seventy Jokes

16 seventy jokes and hilarious seventy puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about seventy that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

Laugh your way through Seventy Jokes! Get ready to chuckle at jokes from a variety of ages, from sixteen all the way to seventy. Our jokes will make you laugh through the decades, from the roaring twenties to the eighties. Whether you’re thirty or seventy, enjoy a laugh for all ages!

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Funniest Seventy Short Jokes

Short seventy jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The seventy humour may include short sixty jokes also.

  1. An unpublished manuscript of Hemingway's last novel has been discovered. It's about a man in his seventies trying to learn programming. The Old Man and the C.
  2. A Jewish girl asks her father for $100 to go shopping. He says, "Seventy Five dollars? Why would you need Fifty dollars? What are you going to buy with Twenty Five dollars anyway?"
  3. There was a seventies and scones music festival being hosted in South West England but organisers had a problem. They couldn't decide whether to put The Jam or Cream on first.
  4. Join Islam and you'll get seventy virgins in the afterlife Join Oxfam and you'll get Haiti.
  5. If a 92 year old woman hooks up with a seventy five year old man. She's no longer considered a couger. That's a saber tooth.
  6. My parents used to listen to jimmy saville back in the seventies If only they had come into my room and stopped him.
  7. What do you call a video of a birthday party for a seventy year old breast cancer survivor ? "Not your proudest fap."
  8. We all know Six was afraid of Seven because Seven ate Nine... But that's not the worst thing he did! Did you know that Five-Hundred-Seventy-Six was also ate by Seven too?
  9. What did the Alabama Sheriff say about the black man that was stabbed seventy times? Worse case of s**... he's ever seen
  10. Was reading about the inventor of MadLibs this morning... Apparently when he died, he was was seventy-s**... years crack pipe.

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Seventy One Liners

Which seventy one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with seventy? I can suggest the ones about eighty and over sixty.

  1. A Farmer asked me to round up his 68 sheep I said 'Sure, seventy'.
  2. A wife is good for seventy things, cleaning, and 69.
  3. The ministry of excessive resource usage called. Seventy-three times.
  4. What was Peter Cottontail's nickname in the seventies? Peter Polyestertail.

Seventy joke, What was Peter Cottontail's nickname in the seventies?

Gather Around for Fun Seventy Jokes and Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about seventy you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean ninety jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make seventy pranks.

While admiring some dinosaur bones in the Museum of Natural History, a tourist asks the guard, "How old are they?"

The guard replies, "They are 73 million, four years, and six months old."
"That's a rather exact number," says the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?"
"Well," answers the guard, "The dinosaur bones were seventy three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."


A Jewish guy goes into a confession box. "Father O'Malley," he says, "my name is Emil Cohen. I'm seventy eight years old. Believe it or not, I'm currently involved with a 28 year old girl, and also, on the side, her 19 year old sister. We engage in all manner of pleasure, and in my entire life I've never felt better." "My good man," says the priest, "I think you've come to the wrong place. Why are you telling me?" And the guy goes: "I'm telling everybody!"

A man runs into a bar...

A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."

A Man Was Walking A Tightrope....

Good joke from *House of Leaves*
There was this twenty five year old guy walking a tightrope across a deep river gorge while half way around the world another twenty five year old guy was getting a b**... from a seventy year old woman, but get this, at the same moment both men were thinking the exact same thought. You know what it was?
Don't look down.

Old man at the hospital.

An old man comes to the doctor and says:
"I have this whistling sound in my ear after s**...!".
The doctor asks: "How old are you?"
"Seventy five"
"Well what do you want?! Applause?!"

Geriatric problems

Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says: "Fellas, I got real problems. I'm seventy years old. Every morning at seven o'clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day long I try to urinate. They give me all kinds of medicine but nothing helps."
The second old man says: "You think you have problems. I'm eighty years old. Every morning at 8:00 I get up and try to move my bowels. I try all day long. They give me all kinds of stuff but nothing helps."
Finally the third old man speaks up: "Fellas: I'm ninety years old. Every morning at 7:00 sharp I urinate. Every morning at 8:00 I move my bowels. Every morning at 9:00 sharp I wake up."

Seventy joke, Geriatric problems