Setting Of Many Jokes
37 setting of many jokes and hilarious setting of many puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about setting of many that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Short setting of many jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The setting of many humour may include short setting jokes also.
- Why was Germany able to accept so many refugees so quickly? They already had all the camps set up.
- Set your wifi password to 100 So when someone ask tell them it's how many times a week this gets reposted.
- I wanted to know how many people have actually left Facebook So I set up a Facebook poll, so far no responses.
- A ship with 66 passengers sets off, however during the sail it flips over, there are no survivors but how many people died? 99
- How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses. - With the news of Trump presidency, many Americans set out to emigrate. Attempting to leave the coasts, they discover something they had never thought possible - a wall to keep them in!
- How many civil servants does it take to set fire to Guy Fawkes on November 5th?
Twenty, One to strike the match and nineteen to fill in the paper work. - How many communists does it take to light a candle? None - the regime already set fire to their barn
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Setting Of Many Funny Jokes And Hilarious Puns.
What funny jokes about setting of many you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean countless jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make setting of many pranks.
It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!"
An uneducated father with his educated son went for a camping
they set up a tent and slept
father gets up after sometime and asks his son"what can you see in the sky?"
son:i can see many stars
father:what does it resemble?
son:there are many planets
father beats on his sons head and says "Someone has stolen our tent"
It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!"
An uneducated father with his educated son went for a camping
they set up a tent and slept
father gets up after sometime and asks his son"what can you see in the sky?"
son:i can see many stars
father:what does it resemble?
son:there are many planets
father beats on his sons head and says "Someone has stolen our tent"
It’s a sunny morning in the Big Forest and the Bear family is just waking up.
Baby Bear goes downstairs and sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he squeaks. Father Bear arrives at the table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl. It is also empty! "Who's been eating my porridge?" he roars. Mother Bear sticks her head out the kitchen door and yells, "For Pete's sake, how many times do we have to go through this? It was Mother Bear who go up first. It was Mother Bear who woke everybody else in the house up. It was Mother Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mother Bear who went out into the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper. It was Mother Bear who set the table. It was Mother Bear who put the cat out, cleaned the litter box and filled the cat's water and food dish. And now that you've decided to come down stairs and grace me with your presence, listen good because I'm only going to say this one more time: I haven't made the f*cking porridge yet!"
Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...
...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.
After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named Juan Cerejo.
They set out to meet their son in Chile first. After meeting with him and having a wonderful time, the mother was ready to go meet her other son, but her husband disagreed.
When she asked why they couldn't go see him, he replied, "Well, if you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal!"
The best salesman in the world
The boy went into the mall to get a job. He told the management that he was the world's best salesman. They gave him a job as a seller, but expected profits from day one.
On Saturday evening the manager came down and asked how many customers he had served today. The boy said he had helped one customer. The director was disappointed with the boy and said he already had sellers today who had done much better than him. The manager asked the boy how much the sale was worth, and the boy answered "$93,100.25". The manager was very confused and asked the boy what he had sold.
The boy: "I started off with a $0.25 fish hook which got him looking at the fishing poles. I set him up with the $100 bait master and asked him where he was gonna fish, I told him about that great lake down south but told him he'd need a car with all wheel drive to make it up the rough terrain so we got him into the $33,000 SUV we had on the lot, when he asked about boat rentals I thought I had lost him, but I ended up selling him the $60,000 riverking pro to top it off."
The manager steps back in disbelief and says "Wow, you sold that all to a guy who came in for a fish hook?
"No" the boy said "The customer came in and told he had to buy tampons for his wife. I simply told him the weekend was already wrecked so he might as well go on a fishing trip"
An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
The Engineer
Towards the end of the French revolution many people lost their heads to the guillotine. One day a politician, a priest, and an engineer were to be executed.
The politician was first. The executioner asked him: "Do you have any last words?" to which the man replied, "I regret nothing." The executioner lowered the man's head into the guillotine and released the blade. It fell swiftly but suddenly jams and stopped just inches from reaching the politician's neck.
There was a rule with these executions where if the blade could not finish its job with one pull of the rope, the condemned were allowed to be released and set free. Upon realizing this the politician cheers in excitement and scampers away.
Up next was the priest - the executioner asked, "Do you have any last words?" to which the priest replied, "None. God has already saved my immortal soul." The executioner then lowered the priest's head into the guillotine and pulled the lever to release the blade. AGAIN, the blade jams and stops just inches before reaching the priest's neck. After realizing what had just happened, the priest said "Praise the lord, it's a miracle!" and scampered away.
Finally, the engineer was brought up to the guillotine. The executioner said, "Any last words?" to which the engineer replied - "Yes! I think I see what your problem is."
Church squirrels
All five churches in a small Texas town were having a terrible problem with squirrel infestations. Predictably, they all had different ways of dealing with the problem.
The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there, and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will.
In the Baptist church, the squirrels had taken up habitation in the baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a cover on the baptistery and drown the squirrels in it. The squirrels escaped somehow and there were twice as many there the next week.
The Methodist church got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creation. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back.
The Catholic church came up with what they thought was the best and most effective solution: they baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they only see them on Christmas and Easter.
Still, the Jewish synagogue beat them all: they took one squirrel and had a short service with him called a bris -- and they haven't seen a squirrel on the property since.
Deer Season
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
Deer Hunting
Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.
The interviewing robot.
A big company bought a robot. Many people applied for work there so its job was to sort through the job applicants. After setting it up, the managers invited the first person for his interview.
HELLO.
>Hello.
DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH?
>No.
GOODBYE.
After this, a second applicant entered the room.
HELLO.
>Hi.
DO YOU SPEAK SPANISH?
>Yes, I do.
DO YOU SMOKE?
>Yes.
GOODBYE.
So far - so good. A third man went next.
HELLO.
>Howdy, partner!
GOODBYE.
The Blonde And The Lord
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools together, she made for the ice. After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice. Suddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole. Again from the heavens the voice bellowed,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
The blonde, now worried, moved away, clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more,
"THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE!"
She stopped, looked skyward! and said, "IS THAT YOU LORD?"
The voice replied,
"NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE HOCKEY RING!"
Topical Jokes (5/22)
Hope everyone had a wonderful Wednesday but we can never escape the jokes!
First up, the FCC announced today that they would start to allow more s**... during peak kids' TV hours. So look out for PBS's new show starring Big Bird's cousin, Kandi Kanary, in "Sesame Red Light District".
Weird entertainment news, Paris Hilton has signed onto Cash Money Records. It's there she plans to rap under the emcee name, Li'l Self Respect.
More celebrities. Justin Bieber is now threatening to sue fans if they try to break into his home. Bieber also says he has a whole team of lawyers set up if any females try to break into his room despite the "no gurls allowed" sign.
Good news on the Catholic front, Pope Francis proclaimed that every single human has been redeemed. The Pope said, "God even forgave me for that time I got wasted and peed in the baptismal font so, seriously, stop bringing that up."
And more hopeful news, Vice President Biden told crowds today that the US is not in decline - which is expected for someone who hinges the US's status based on how many Slurpee flavors are available at 7-Eleven.
Just a quick set tonight but thanks for reading!
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl......
A Mexican, an Arab, and a r**... girl are in the same bar.
When the Mexican finishes his beer, he throws his glass in the air, pulls out his p**..., and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In Mexico , our glasses are so cheap we don't need to drink with the same one twice.'
The Arab, obviously impressed by this, drinks his beer, throws it into the air, pulls out his AK-47, and shoots the glass to pieces. He says, 'In the Arab World, we have so much sand to make glasses that we don't need to drink with the same one twice either.'
The r**... girl, cool as a cucumber, picks up her beer, downs it in one gulp, throws the glass into the air, whips out her 45, and shoots the Mexican and the Arab. Catching her glass, setting it on the bar, and calling for a refill, she says:
'In America we have so many i**... aliens that we don't have to drink with the same ones twice.'
A young nun at a convent
A young nun at a convent had one too many s**... indiscretions, and turned up pregnant. Scared, she told no one of this, and was thankful that the order she belonged to wore loose, floor-length habits that would keep her secret safe, possibly right up until the birth.
And so it did, and upon the evening when the contractions started, she rushed down into the basement, hoping that no one would hear either her own moaning, or the cries of the newborn child.
After the birth, panic set in; she didn't know what she should do with the baby. If she were found with the child, she would be thrown out of the order, with no place for food or shelter. Knowing that the Mother Superior was a wise woman, and also having no other options, she placed the baby in a basket, and quietly crept into the sleeping Mother's room in the pre-dawn hours. She left the baby, and silently exited the sleeping chambers.
At sunrise, the Mother Superior awakened, and heard the baby as it was just waking from a nap. She quickly looked over the side of her bed, at the child in the basket, fell back in her bed with a sorrowful look, and dejectedly sighed, "Oh, God! You can't even trust your own finger any more!"
Santa's Jokes
Question: What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
Answer: Sandy Claws.
Question: Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
So he can h**...-h**...-h**....
Question: What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
Answer: Frostbite.
Question: Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
Because he had low elf esteem.
Question: What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
Answer: Ribbon hood.
Question: What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
Answer: Claustrophobic.
Question: What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
Answer: Snowflakes.
Question: Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
Answer: She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Question: What was so good about he neurotic doll the girl was given for Christmas?
Answer: It was wound up already.
Question: What was wrong with the boy's brand new toy electric train set he received for Christmas?
Answer: Forty feet of track - all straight!
I wanna tell you what kind of luck I've got. If this year I cornered the mistletoe market, they'd postpone Christmas.
Christmas: When you exchange hellos with strangers and good buys with friends.
Christmas is the time when people put so many bulbs on the outside of their houses, you don't know if they're celebrating the birth of Jesus or General Electric.
Do you know what it is like to put up fifteen hundred Christmas lights on the roof of a house? The kids are giving two to one I'm gonna come down the chimney before Santa Claus does.
Christmas in Los Angeles is always interesting. Seeing carolers dressed in Bermuda shorts...groping their way through the smog singing: "It came upon a midnight clear."
Every Christmas pageant throughout the world has a scene showing Joseph leading Mary into Bethlehem on a donkey. Do you realize what would happen if the Republicans asked for equal time?
Did you hear about the Beverly Hills school Christmas pageant? Two kids dressed as Mary and Joseph and they are on their way to the inn in Bethlehem. On the other side of the stage, a boy in a shepherd's outfit is on a mobile/ cellular phone, calling for reservations.
Sometimes I get the feelin that if Christmas, Father's Day and birthdays did not exist, then aftershave too, would not exist.
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Sasquatch
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints.
Other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to Sasquatch, "You promised me, Sasquatch, that if I followed you, you would walk with me always.
But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there have only been one set of prints in the sand.
Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?"
Sasquatch turned around, look me staight in the eyes and said,
"HHHHRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR"
Too much of anything can kill you
When I was 10, our teacher made a bold claim..."An unlimited amount of anything can kill you".
Some of my classmates seemed astounded.
"What about food?" they asked.
She replied, "If you eat too much food, you'll become fat and have many health problems, eventually your heart will stop and you'll die"
"What about money?" they asked.
She replied, "Too much money could build up in your house and take up all the space, you'll suffocate and die."
... on and on this went, with each suggestion ending in a road to death, until I raised my hand...
"What about Birthdays? Could you die from an unlimited amount of Birthdays?"
She paused for a moment, her jaw agape... defeat slowly setting in her eyes.
I can't think of a punchline. Sorry, I'm drunk.
Four guys have been going to the same golfing trip to St Andrews for many years...
Two days before the group is to leave, Jack's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Jack's mates are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do.
Two days later, the three get to St Andrews only to find Jack sitting at the bar with four drinks set up!
"Wow, Jack, how long you been here, and how did you talk your misses into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since last night..
Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my living room chair and my wife came up behind me and
put her hands over my eyes and asked, 'Guess who?" I pulled her hands off, and there she was, wearing a nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me into our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. Well she's been
reading '50 Shades of Grey'......
On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie
her up and cuff her to the bed, so I did.
And then she said, 'Do whatever you want.'
So--- Here I am!
Unicorn hunting...
Two hunters, Paul and Kurt, were in a lodge, making small talk.
Paul asked Kurt, So, what do you hunt?
Kurt answered, I hunt unicorns.
Paul was startled, but said, Really? How do you do that?
Kurt replied, I find a v**... and hire her to help me. The v**... sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare.
Paul said, Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one.
Kurt said, Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!
Let's play name the title
Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.
3 murders get caught and get 10 years solitary...
During their killing spree they spare the life of an old man. They have 24 hour lock down and the old man turns out to be a wizard and approaches them in prison and says I cant set you all free but i will give you whatever you love the most in your cell.
So the first guy says woman, So the guy gives him 72 virgins. The second guy says jack D, so the genie gives him litres and litres of Jack. The 3rd guy says w**... so the genie gives him ounces and ounces of w**....
After 10 years when they're released the old man comes and say soo did you guys like your wishes?
The first guy says "ohh i f**... so many of the girls i cant even look at a p**... again"!
Asks the second guy and he says I cant drink another drop of whiskey without falling ill!
Comes to the thirds guy and asks how his w**... was, the 3rd guy looks at him in anger and says "you didnt leave me a lighter ya p**...!!"
oh god i crack myself up
How many crew do you need to pilot an Airbus plane?
You need 1. Plus a dog. The Pilot sets the autopilot and makes sure the dog is fed. The dog is tasked with biting the pilot if he tries to flip any switches.
I gave my friend a set of alphabet letters.
He lost a letter a few days later.
So I told him to give the set back to my baby brother.
He asked me why, so I told him to look into the box.
He takes them out and counts how many of each letter there were.
"four 'A's, four 'B's, four 'C's, ... four 'T's, three 'U's, four 'W's,..."
When he finished counting, I told him it's not 4 U anymore.
Wide Mouth frog joke
The story of the Wide Mouthed Frog.
A wide mouthed frog lived in the swamp. One day he set off to meet his neighbours. First he met a dragonfly.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?" he said.
"I'm a dragonfly, and I eat insects." said the dragonfly.
"I'M A WIDE MOUTHED FROG, AND I EAT SNAILS AND WORMS!" said the wide mouthed frog. And he set off to look for more neighbours. Next he met a squirrel.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?" he said.
"I'm a squirrel, and I eat nuts and berries." said the squirrel.
"I'M A WIDE MOUTHED FROG, AND I EAT SNAILS AND WORMS!" said the wide mouthed frog. And off he went to see who else he would meet.
Then he met a crocodile.
"HULLO! WHO ARE YOU?"" he said.
"I'm a crocodile, and I eat wide mouthed frogs."" said the crocodile.
And the frog replied:
Ooo! You don't see many of those around these days, do you?
A couple who were making wedding preparations die in a traffic accident.
When they arrive at heaven, the man finds an angel and explains the situation, asking if they could arrange a wedding in heaven or not.
-Let me have a look, the angel says.
After a few months, it comes back to the couple and tells them:
-Everything's set, you guys can marry.
The bride asks:
-What if we cannot get along and want to divorce, can you arrange that too?
The angel roars in rage:
-IT TOOK ME 4 MONTHS TO FIND A PRIEST IN HERE, HOW MANY MORE DO I NEED TO FIND A LAWYER DO YOU THINK?
A blonde girl sets out to prove blonde aren't dumb
A blonde girl rents out a stadium and invites as many blondes as she can and sure enough 80,000 blondes fill the stadium and she films it all on live television. She invites a little 4 year old girl out in front of everyone and asks her what's 2+2? The little girl shivers and squeaks out T-three? The crowd erupts yelling Give her another chance! So they do and ask her again what's 2+2? The girl stands there for a moment before answering is it 4? The crowd starts chanting once again Give her another chance!