Setting Fire Jokes
138 setting fire jokes and hilarious setting fire puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about setting fire that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
Funniest Setting Fire Short Jokes
Short setting fire jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The setting fire humour may include short forest fire jokes also.
- Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night. Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.
- Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life
- Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day... SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.
- Give a man fire and he'll be warm for a day Set a man on fire and he'll stop bothering you.
- On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven." Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!
- Cigarettes are just like weasels... Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.
- Build a man a fire, you'll warm him for a day. Set a man on fire, you'll warm him for the rest of his life.
- If you build a man a fire he will be warm for a couple hours. If you set a man on fire he will be warm for the rest of his life.
Share These Setting Fire Jokes With Friends
Setting Fire One Liners
Which setting fire one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with setting fire? I can suggest the ones about caught fire and bonfire.
- What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire? Amazon kindle.
- Honey, I accidentally set your son on fire! Just kidding, it's not your son, it's arson.
- I burnt a lot of calories today… I set a fat kid on fire.
- How do you make a Flamingo
Set fire to an O - Just got fired from my job as a set designer. I left without making a scene.
- How do you set fire to a football stadium? With a match.
- How do you make a cat go woof Pour petrol on it and set it on fire
- What do you call a woman who sets fire to all her bills? Bernadette
- My girlfriend begged me to make her scream so I set her cat on fire.
- My wife told me to burn some calories... So I found a fat kid and set him on fire.
- Did you hear about the guy that set fire to the internet? He was a PAIromaniac ...
- I once set a crippled kid on fire... I call it Hot Wheels
- Why did the vampire set Van Helsing's house on fire? He likes his stakes well done
- Setting someone on fire Setting someone on fire is a very heartwarming gesture.
- If you set a forest on fire It wood burn
Amusing & Witty Setting Fire Jokes for Laughter-Filled Fun
What funny jokes about setting fire you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean campfire jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make setting fire pranks.
How many Mafia hitmen does it take to light the bonfire?
Three, One to set fire to the effigy, one to watch his back, and one to shoot any witnesses.
A brunette doing laundry asked her blonde friend to help her find a match for her sock.
The blonde replied, "What for? Are you going to set it on fire!"
There's nothing I've learned from being a father that I couldn't just as easily have figured out from setting all my money on fire.
How do you burn alot of calories?
Set a fat kid on fire
A man relaxing on a nudist beach...
... when a little girl comes up to him and asks "What's that?" pointing at his c**.... The man replies "Well that's my bird". The little girl runs off to play and the man falls asleep.
A little while later the man wakes up screaming in pain. He looks around and see the little girl standing there. "What'd you do?" he shouts. The little girl replies "Well I was playing with the birdy and it spat at me. So I broke its neck, crushed its eggs, and set its nest on fire."
Inspiration.
A priest sees a young man walk into his church. He's downtrodden, shabby-looking, obviously in distress.
"My son, what's troubling you?"
"Oh, Father, I'm at my wit's end. I got fired, the bills are piling up, my credit cards are maxed out, I'm about to lose everything. I don't know what to do!"
"Take heart, my son" the priest says. "All shall be well in the fullness of time. Go to a nice, quiet park, where you can be at one with nature. Set your bible on a table, contemplate your trials and tribulations, and wait for the wind to flip the pages of your good book. Read what it says there, and you shall find your inspiration."
The man leaves, and the priest does not see him for several weeks. Then one day, the young man pulls up to the church driving a new Porsche, wearing an expensive Italian designer suit, obviously on top of the world.
"My goodness, son, you've certainly turned your life around!"
"Yes, Father, and I owe it all to you! I did what you said-when I looked at my bible, I knew I had found the answer!"
"That's wonderful, son. But if I may ask, what was it that you read?"
"Chapter 13."
Give a man fire...
...keep him warm for a day
Set a man on fire, keep him warm for the rest of his life.
A trucker and a blonde.
A trucker is driving down a busy highway when he is abruptly cut off by a blonde woman in her car. Tired and grumpy from driving all day, he quickly pulls along side of the woman's car and forces her to stop on the shoulder of the highway. The trucker and the woman get out of their vehicles. The trucker takes a rock and draws a circle around the blonde.
"Don't you dare set foot outside this circle," the trucker orders.
He walks over to the blondes car and keys the side of it. When he returns, the woman is standing in her circle giggling. This angers the trucker even more. He proceeds to grab a bat out of his semi and smash the mirrors off the woman's car. When the trucker returns to the woman, she is still standing in her circle laughing. Enraged, the trucker takes a gas tank out of his semi, douses the woman's car in gas, and sets it on fire. The woman bursts into hysteria.
"I just totaled your car!! What is so funny?!" The trucker shouts.
The blonde replies, "When you weren't looking, I stepped out of the circle three times!"
Teach a man joke
Light a fire for a man, and he is warm for the night.
Set a man on fire, and he is warm for the rest of his life.
Give a man a fire and he is warm for a day
Set a man on fire and he is warm for a lifetime.
A m**... plantation was set on fire
witnesses claim a dragon is responsible.
What do you call a guy who's laying down in front of a door?...Matt. What do you call a guy floating up and down in the water?... Bob. What do you call a guy leaning against a wall?...Art. What do you call a gal who you owe money to that you set on fire?...
.........................................................................................
.
.....
..BERNADETTE!!!!!!
The brunette, the redhead, and the blonde.
One day a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde were set to be executed. They lined the three woman up in front of a firing squad. First, they brought the brunette up. Ready, aim. But just before they shoot she shouts "Earthquake!" and in the commotion she escapes. Once the chaos dies down they bring up the redhead. Ready, aim."Tornado!" and she escapes. Then they bring the blonde up. By that time the blonde has caught on. Ready aim, and she shouts "Fire"!
Flamethrowers
The very existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I'm just not close enough to get the job done.
My laptop got left outside during a storm. I tried turning it on and the screen blew and the keyboard started smoking.
That's the first time I've seen the rain set fire to a Dell.
To catch an elephant (my favourite joke when I was a kid):
First off, you're going to need to dig an elephant-sized hole.
Next, fill the hole with wood and set it ablaze.
When the fire dies down to ashes, surround the hole with peas (elephants love peas).
Wait for an elephant to come take a pea.
Then kick it in the ash hole.
I needed to burn some calories...
so I set a fat kid on fire
Who sang at the f**... of those who died in a railroads arson?
Adele.
Some one set fire to the train
If you love someone, set them free.
If you hate someone, set them on fire.
Give a man a match and he'll be warm for a few minutes
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.
Two scientists are trying to find the best source of energy.
They realise that no one has tried asking the energy sources what *they* think.
So they go to a coal-fired power station, and they ask the coal, "What do you think of coal power?"
The coal says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists write this down.
Then they go to an oil-fired power station. They ask the oil, "What do you think of oil power?"
The oil says, "Well, I don't really like it, because they set me on fire, and it hurts." The scientists nod and write it down.
Then they go to a wind farm. They ask a wind turbine, "What do you think of wind power?"
The wind turbine just stands there and says, "I'm a huge fan."
What type of curry sets fire to the rain?
A-Dhal
Teach a man to build a fire and he'll be warm for a night.
Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for a lifetime.
I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday
What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?
Bernadette!
Nigel Farage walks into a bar
Convinces the patrons to set it on fire, and then leaves.
ISIS takes Congress hostage
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the highway outside Washington, DC.
Nothing was moving.
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped the entire US Congress, and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom. Otherwise, they are going to douse them all in gasoline and set them on fire."
"We are going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a gallon."
A Mathematician is given a psychological test.
The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."
US follows Britain
BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"
*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*
USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"
Ordered a sandwich..
And I asked for a liberal amount of bacon. The employee cried, set the sandwich on fire, then went outside to protest.
I need to learn to be careful using the word liberal.
The invention of the broom may have swept the nation...
... but the invention of the Galaxy Note 7 really set the world on fire
Why the different branches of the military can't work together:
The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.
Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones....
Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
Accidentally called 911
Set my house on fire to not look s**....
If an i**... immigrant sets fire to their arm
Is it an i**... firearm?
A police officer calls two parents...
"I'm sorry, but your child was caught setting fire to a building yesterday evening."
"No, not arson!"
My lad got arrested for setting a house on fire...
the police told me it was arson.
The man who has set himself on fire during a protest has died of his injuries.
His cremation will be continued next week.
An old fire mage asks his granddaughter to help him set up a "Face Book".
After she helps him sign up, add some friends, and pick a profile picture, he decides to write a short profile description as well.
"What would you like it to say?" says the granddaughter.
"Well, first, I am a fire mage, and I... love lemon meringue."
The granddaughter nods "mm-hmm" and begins typing:
"Pie-romancer."
How do you get a cat to say woof?
Dip it in gasoline and set it on fire.
One day, Billy was playing at home with some matches.
Even though his mother had told him not to. He accidentally set the house on fire, and he and his mother fled outside. As the house was burning down, his enraged mother said,
"Boy, your dad is going to s**... you when he gets home".
But Billy just laughed; he knew his dad had come home early for a nap.
Why did the cops arrest the man who set his hand on fire?
Possession of a Firearm.
I was an ISIS photographer for a while but got fired due to the way I was setting up the shots...
They said I kept cutting the heads off people.
My brother has just set fire to one of my Mr Men books.
No more Mr Nice Guy.
Squirrels are like cigarettes
The perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and set in on fire
My therapist suggested I write letters to all the people I hate and set fire to them. I tried it and feel a lot better...
But now what do I do with all these letters?
A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the road
Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks,"What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all the politicians , and they're asking for a $100 million dollar ransom.
Otherwise, they're going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We're going from car to car, collecting donations".
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks...
The man replies, "Roughly 2 litres."
Make a man a fire he will be warm for a night...
Set a man on fire, he will be warm for the rest of his life.
I bet my life will be so much better if I burn about 75 kgs
By setting myself on fire.
Wintertime joke: Give man fire and he will stay warm until it's fuel is consumed.
Set a man on fire and he will stay warm his entire life.
Let's play name the title
Jokes are reposted so many times here, so name the titles of these punchlines
1. Ones a hippo and ones a little lighter
2. How far do you think I can kick this bucket?
3. Obviously not
4. But it wasn't stroganoff
5. Sam sung note 7
6. Measles
7. We went out and had a few drinks. Cool guy, wanted to become a web designer.
8. I wore the wrong sock this morning
9. Unless everyone gets them
10. Set a man on fire and he will be warm for life.
A man went to a gas station
To pump up his car, but as he went to do so, the nozzle set his arm on fire. He then got back into his car and headed for the hospital. As he was on the highway, he was waving his burning arm out of the window, but was seen by a cop. The cop then pulled him over and promptly arrested him for possession of a firearm.
Last night Philadelphia residents climbed light poles, flipped over cars, and set dumpsters on fire
Then things really got out of hand when they learned the Eagles won the Super Bowl
A solicitor walks up to a car
...and says,
"Good afternoon, have you heard the news? There is a tragedy happening. Terrorists kidnapped our President Donald Trump. If they don't receive $100 million in ten hours, they say they will soak Trump in gasoline and set him on fire! And that's why I and others are going around and asking people to donate what they can. Would you like to make a contribution?"
The driver responds,
"Okay, you can take a gallon."
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish, he eats for a lifetime.
Give a man a fire, he's warm for a day. Set a man on fire, he's warm for the rest of his life.
What you do you call a pirate that likes to set things on fire?
An Arrrrrsonist.
After years of empty promises about "buckling down and flying right,"...
.. Greece has finally set the place on fire for the insurance money.
I gave up jogging for health reasons
"I gave up jogging for health reasons. My thighs kept rubbing together and setting my pantyhose on fire."
I set my old school books on fire yesterday.
Never before had they been so enlightening.
Keep your eyes out for the early signs of a psychopath:
1) Obsession with setting fires
2) Persistent bedwetting past the age of 5
3) Cruelty to animals
4) Pronouncing "GIF" with a soft "G"
Why are cigrattes and hamsters similar
There both pretty safe until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.
Did you ever hear about the man who set pastries on fire?
He was a self proclaimed pie-ro-maniac.
How do you get a cat to say woof
Douse it in petrol and set in on fire
\*whoof\*
Someone dressed up as Rian Johnson just came into my house and set every single Star Wars toy that I own on fire.
My entire childhood is ruined.
What do you call a girl who sets fire to bank loans ?
Bernadette.
Stirlitz
Stirlitz saw how two German soldiers pour a gasoline on a cat and set it on fire. Poor cat runs in agony and after few seconds fall on ground and dies. He ran out of fuel - Stirlitz said.
What do you call a Belgium detective that sets fire to things?
Inspector Pyro
Principal: Sorry for calling you in, but your son set the school on fire.
Parents: Arson?
principal: Yes, your son.
Police: I'm sorry for the both of you.
Police: Your son set the school on fire.
Parents: Arson?
Police: Yes, your son.