Sets Jokes
119 sets jokes and hilarious sets puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about sets that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.
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Funniest Sets Short Jokes
Short sets jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The sets humour may include short setting jokes also.
- Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport? Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.
- I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
- Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
- The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
- I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7. The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him No, but I would have done that in my prime.
- My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
- carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
- The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degree. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
- This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
- I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
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Sets One Liners
Which sets one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with sets? I can suggest the ones about sett and setup.
- Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
- What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?
- What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot? 671 Hallmark movies.
- Tripped over my friends bra... ..she is always setting booby traps!
- I set out to lose 10 pounds this month... Only 15 more to go
- I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
- Donald Trump walks into a bar ......
and set it lower - Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt
- What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire? Amazon kindle.
- Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
- Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
- What does Forrest Gump have his email password set as? 1Forrest1
- How did the Australian pay for his new chess set? Cheque, mate.
- I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
- Bread is a lot like the sun.. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.
Sets Twins Jokes
Here is a list of funny sets twins jokes and even better sets twins puns that will make you laugh with friends.
- A biologist gives birth ........... A biologist gives birth to a set of twins. She names one Jessica and the other Control.
- Our lead programmer is Mexican, she recently gave birth To a set of conjoined twins. It was a Juan to Manny join.
- I was born 20 minutes before my twin brother But I set up my Reddit account a month before. So today is all mine f**....
Share Hilarious Sets Jokes and Enjoy Unforgettable Laughter
What funny jokes about sets you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean rules jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make sets pranks.
What do humans and octopuses have in common?
Two sets of forearms
After 3 failed marriages, an old woman decides to try an online dating site..
She sets up an account with all her info and says she is looking for "a man who will not beat me, Will not walk all over me, and is great in bed." After 2 weeks no one has replied. Then, one day some one rings the doorbell. The woman gets up and opens the door to see a man with no arms and no legs sitting there. He says "Hello, I'm here about your online dating profile." the woman says to him, "well I want a man who won't beat me.." the man says "I have no arms, therefore I can not beat you." the woman says "well I want a man who won't walk all over me." the man replies "I have no legs, so I can't even walk." the woman says "well, I want a man who's great in bed.." the man replies "hey, I rang the doorbell didn't I?
Vladimir Nabokov walks into a bar...
The bartender looks to him and says, "What'll it be?" He orders a glass of Redbreast and chats with the bartender awhile. The night grows old and the bar starts to clear out. Eventually he says to the barkeep, "You know, I like my whiskey like I like my women." The barkeep sets aside a freshly polished glass and says, "Yeah, I like my whiskey twelve years old, too."
An old actor has trouble getting work due to failing memory...
After contacting many people that he worked with in the past , he is finally able to land a job in a popular new Broadway play. The director tells him its only one line at the beginning of the play, but it is a very important line. It sets the mood for the rest of the play. It is ESSENTIAL he nails the line. The old actor emphasizes that he will nail it. The director reluctantly agrees and proceeds to tell him his role. You will take a beautiful rose, bring it to your nose and take a deep breath and say the following line: *Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress…* That's it. Do not screw this up! The old actor thanks him 10 times over and proceeds to practice for the next 2 weeks nonstop.
Opening night comes. It's a sold out theater. He takes to the stage, spotlight on him. He raises his hand, takes a deep breath and says the line perfectly * Ah, the sweet scent of my mistress… * Just after the line is delivered the auditorium burst into laughter. He walks off the stage distraught. I don't get it. I nailed the line perfectly. What happened? The director looks at him and yells YOU IDIOT! YOU FORGOT THE FLOWER!
n**... Wife's New p**...
A frustrated wife buys a pair of crotchless p**... in an attempt to spice up her dead s**... life. She puts them on, along with a short skirt and sets on the sofa opposite her husband. At certain moments during the game, she would uncross her legs, just long enough for her husband to see. Finally after a number of times he asks "Are you wearing crotchless p**...?" "Yesss." she says smiling seductively "Thank God." he says "I thought you were sitting on the cat."
An older man walks into a bar...
...wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard. He sits down at a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender sets it down, he asks, "Going to a party?"
"Yeah, a costume party," the man answers, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."
"But you look like Abe Lincoln," protests the bartender.
"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."
Headaches
A man and his wife are getting into bed for the night. The man brings a glass of water and a bottle of aspirin to the bedroom and sets it down on his wife's nightstand. She asks him "What's that for?" to which the man replies "That's for your headache." "Headache? I don't have a headache..." The man responds "Well then, looks like we're having s**... tonight!"
Genie with a flaw
A guy walks into a bar. He sets a bag onto the bar, orders three shots of whiskey, and slams them all back.
The bartender asks, "Hey buddy, what's the problem?"
The guy reaches into the bag, pulls out a little piano, then set it on the bar. He reaches back inside, pulls out a little stool, and sets it in front of the piano. He reaches in one more time, pulls out a little man, and sits him on the stool. The man then proceeds to play a wonderful sonata that fills the establishment and leaves the patrons in awe.
"Wow, that was great!" exclaimed the bartender. "Where'd you find this guy?"
The man reaches into the bag one last time and pulls out a lamp. He hands it to the bartender and says "Rub it."
The bartender rubs the lamp and a genie pops out. The genie says "I shall grant you one wish, whatever your heart desires."
"I want a million bucks!" the bartender shouts.
"It shall be done." And
A minute later, a duck walks into the bar. And then another duck, and then another. Soon the bar is full of ducks.
"Hey buddy," the bartender says to the man. "I think your genie is a little deaf. I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
"Yeah," said the man. "Do you think I really asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"
Guillotine execution
3 prisoners in line to be executed confronted with their last words:
~Guard: "What are your last words?" Prisoner 1: "I pray that god spares me, shows that I'm innocent & sets me free" Then they put his head under ready for decapitation, cutting the rope, it goes 1/3rd of the way down & stops, saving his life. Guard: "It must be god, you must be innocent, you're free to go!"
~Guard: "What are your last words?" Prisoner 2: "I pray that god spares me, shows that I'm innocent & sets me free" Then they put his head under ready for decapitation, cutting the rope, it goes 2/3rd's of the way down & stops, saving his life. Guard: "It must be god again, you must also be innocent, you're free to go too!"
~Guard: "What are your last words?" Prisoner 3: "Yea you need to oil that dumb thing"
A CEO, a union worker and a tea party member sit down at a table ...
The union worker sets out a dozen cookies he baked.
The CEO grabs them all and tells the tea partier that the union member stole his cookie.
Since we seem to be doing talking dog jokes today...
A man walks into a talent agency, carrying a small, scruffy looking dog. He sets the dog on the agent's desk and begins his speech:
"Sir, I have for you the most amazing act. This dog can speak. And not only can he speak, he's one of the most intelligent dogs you'll ever meet. Allow me to demonstrate: Dog, what is on the top of a house?"
"Roof!" Says the dog.
"Amazing! Dog: what is the opposite of smooth?"
"Roof!" the dog replies.
"Incredible! Dog: who was the greatest ballplayer of all time?"
Again, the dog says "Roof!"
"Remarkable! So what do you think?"
The agent leans back in his chair and says "Get lost. I can't sell that carny act."
Outside the agent's office, the dog looks up at the man and says "Maybe I should have said DiMaggio?"
Helen keller sets down a cheese grader and says...
That was the most violent book i've ever read
Bill Gates Goes Fishing
Bill Gates goes fishing. Suddenly his fishing pole starts to jiggle, he quickly pulls it and see a gold fish hanging on it's edge.
"WAIT! PLEASE DON'T EAT ME!" the fish screams.
Bill answers: "oh wow, a talking fish! That's amazing! There you go little guy, I was going to release you anyway" and sets him free.
The fish turns around and say: "Thank you, now how about a wish?"
Bill answers: "Oh alright... what do you want?"
I was with some friends and we started talking about movies.
One of my friends mentioned that the sets in old Westerns were often built slightly smaller than normal to make the leading man appear larger. I said that that would make sense because I heard that John Wayne, while filming a scene with his co-star, complained that the town wasn't big enough for the two of them.
Three hunters
Three hunters went into a forest and came upon three sets of tracks. The first hunter examined the first set and said "These are deer tracks", the second hunter examined the second set and said "These are bear tracks", the third hunter didn't say anything because he was hit by a train.
Pilot episode
You know how you can tell if a shows going to be any good based on the pilot, since it sets the tempo for the entire show?
I just realized that my dad didn't like the pilot of my life...
What do you call a Salmon that sets a good example?
A roe model.
n Eskimo was out for a drive
An Eskimo is out for a drive one day when his car breaks down and is forced to call a mechanic. Finally the mechanic arrives and he sets to work, looking under the bonnet until he locates the problem. He looks up at the Eskimo and says, "You've blown a seal, mate" to which the Eskimo hastily replies, "No I haven't! That's just frost on my moustache."
Thor
Thor goes out for a ride on his mighty war horse.
He rides all morning and afternoon until as the sun sets he is sat on the top of the highest mountain overlooking his entire domain.
He stands up on the horse and shouts "I AM THOR" and as his voice echoes through the valleys his horse replies:
"That's because you forgot your thaddle thilly"
George bush got stuck in concrete.
That sets a bad precedent.
A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway.
A cop sets up a speed trap on a lonely highway. After hours of waiting, he finally sees a car speeding down the highway towards him. He clocks the car at nearly double the speed limit, quickly pulls him over and walks up to the driver.
Cop: "I've been waiting for someone like you to come around all day, boy."
Driver: "Well I'm sorry officer, I got here as fast as I could!"
Two men are fishing from a bridge...
When one man notices a f**... procession. He quietly sets down his fishing rod, takes of his hat and bows his head. When the procession is out of sight he picks up his pole and continues fishing. The other man turns to him and says, "wow. I never knew you had a feely side in you" to which the first man replies, "it's the least I could've done, afterall, we have been married for forty years."
What's the problem with leptokurtic data sets?
They tend to be mean.
What type of curry sets fire to the rain?
A-Dhal
BREAKING NEWS: Man covered in mirrors sets fire to homeless shelter!
At last he has formally apologized to the shelter after having time to reflect.
I heard this one from a crotchety old guy at Dunks yesterday
What do you call a woman who sets all her money on fire?
Bernadette!
An old man sets up three beds in his room...
and lays out three chairs. One day, a friend comes over and the old man serves three bowls of porridge.
The friend asks "Why do you have all this random stuff in your room?"
and the old man replies "Well, it worked for the 3 bears!"
A man orders soup at a restaurant. The waiter sets his plate down and he sees a fly in the bowl...
So he asks the waiter, "What's this fly doing in my soup?"
The waiter responds, "The backstroke."
I was on this plane once...
Captain sets for take off and we are 35000 feet in the air, the captain then sets his mic down but forgets to turn it off.
The captain turns to the co-pilot and says "all I could use right now is a b**... and a cup of coffee".
The stewardess starts running from the back of the plane to tell the captain he still has his mic on.
A guy in the back of the plane screams out "hey hun, don't forget the coffee!".
I work for the organization that sets group names, like "a pride of lions", and I have to hire a new intern.
This will take a while; I have a whole grovel of resumes to go through.
My girlfriend's father owns a scaffolding business
I asked him for her hand in marriage but he sets the bar too high.
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel coming out of his zipper...
He sets up at the bar and orders a drink. The bar tender says, "whooaa whoaaa, before I serve you a drink, whats up with the steering wheel coming out of your zipper?" The pirate just says, "yaarrg its drivin' me nuts"
US follows Britain
BRITAIN: "Hey, America, watch this!"
*BRITAIN SETS ITSELF ON FIRE*
USA: "Cool. Can I borrow your lighter?"
The hardest part of having s**... again after you have recently been widowed is....
Gettin there before the rigor mortis sets in.
Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones....
Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.
How big is your ranch ?
- Well, every morning at sunrise, I get in my truck, and start driving, and by the time the time sun sets I still haven't reached the end of my ranch.
- Yeah, I had a truck like that once.
If an i**... immigrant sets fire to their arm
Is it an i**... firearm?
A man walks into a bar...
A man walks into a bar, orders a beer, walks over to the piano, and sets his beer down on it. The piano man's monkey climbs over and pees directly into the glass of beer. The man says
"Hey, do you know your monkey peed in my glass?!?"
The piano man says
"No, but if you hum a few bars, I'll play it for you."
The Sun is similar to Beer
Sun rises in the east and sets in the west.
Beer rises in yeast and sets in the waist .
I used to steal toys from the hobby shop, but they caught me when I started taking the Airfix sets
I would have gotten away with it, too, if it weren't for you modelling kits!
I think Taco Tuesday sets a bad example for children.
They need to grow up knowing that they can eat tacos every day of the week.
Islamic men get 72 virgins when they die. What do Islamic women get?
73 sets of clothes to wash.
Humans are being tested against the new AI program
The robot beats the human in every category. It comes to one of the last ones: hunting. The robot again beats the human. However, someone working there sets the animals free again and tells them to try get them again. The robot doesn't move whilst the human wins because
ROBOTS CANT RECAPTCHA
My kid grew a foot in the last month.
Anyone know where I can buy shoes in sets of three?
What do you call a woman who sets fire to her mortgage statement?
Bernadette
How long are you supposed to rest between gym sets?
6 months?? A year??? Just trying to get it right for the first time I lift.
A ship with 66 passengers sets off, however during the sail it flips over, there are no survivors but how many people died?
99
What does the guitarist of the Black Keys do on Daylight Savings time?
He sets his clock an Auerbach.
Ever wondered why bread is just like the sun?
It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist
Every time I come up with a new metaphor it makes me sneeze.
It really sets off my analogies.
Why there is no musilms in Iceland ?
They all starved to death during Ramadan because the sun never sets.
They say Germans have no humour...
Then how do you explain work sets you free?
Germany sets a new record in the world cups.
They arrive in Moscow with ten thousand men. 40 km further than the old record in 1942.
What's the difference between a waiter and a tennis scorekeeper?
One sets the tables and one tables the sets
My friend is a hunter, before he sets off hunting he takes the meat from a previous hunt and rubs it all over his head.
It's how he gets his game face on.
What do you call a dinosaur that wears three sets of clothing?
Tricere-tops
A man runs into a bar...
A man runs into a bar and asks the barkeep, "Give me ten shots of your best whisky." The bartender sets up the ten glasses. The man starts drinking them as quickly as the bartender serves them. The bartender asks, "Why are you drinking so fast?" "You'd drink fast too, if you had what I have." The bartender asks, "What do you have?" "Seventy cents."
Did you hear about the Welsh baseball referee who circles the world each day?
The sun never sets on the British umpire.
I told my friend two sets of five jokes to try and make him laugh...
No pun in ten did.
When the sun sets every evening, Superman moves all his Bitcoin investments into a regular mutual fund.
He tries to protect himself from Crypto night.
Life's a game and I know a cheat code.
Sadly it just sets my depression level to 999.
What does Cowboy Bilbo Baggins say to his wizard friend as he sets out for a Himalayan adventure?
Mao-uhns, Gandalf, I need MAO-UHNS!
What do you call a girl who sets fire to bank loans ?
Bernadette.
It's a well-known fact that the slogan at the entrance of Auschwitz was the cynical "Work sets you free". Now historians discovered what the sign at the exit read:
"Hot surface, do not touch."
What do you call a Belgium detective that sets fire to things?
Inspector Pyro
What do you call a guy with two sets of t**...?
"The Most Interesting Man in the World"
... because he has Dos Equis
tyty I'll see myself out
Two hunters were in the woods
They were on their way back from hunting when one of the hunters suddenly b**... out. The other hunter immediately called 911
911: "911 whats your emergency?"
Hunter: "my friend paased out, I think he is dead!"
911: "Ok, the first think you need to do is make sure he is dead"
The hunter says "ok" and sets the phone down.
*BANG* *BANG* *BANG*
Hunter: "ok, now what?"
"What are you doing?" a man asked his osteopath
A man goes to visit his osteopath to ask about a pain he's feeling in his knee. He gets on the table and the osteopath sets to work massaging and stretching his muscles.
"That feels nice," the man says. "What are you doing?"
"Well," the osteopath says, "I'm working through all the tensions and problems in your life. This knot here is your marriage, this bump is your career and this tendon is your family."
"Really?" the man says. "You can solve all those problems just by doing this?"
"Nah," the osteopath says. "I'm just pulling your leg."
Middle eastern comics always perform better sets in America
They're not allowed to bomb
There are 11 types of people,
People who understand binary, and people that can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.
Will Smith sets a house on fire...
The police and news reporters show up, and ask Will for his response. He replies,
"Yahhhh, that's hot!"
Why do British people struggle with getting a good night's sleep?
Because the sun never sets.
Difference between Sun and Bun. Sun rises in the East and sets in the West..........
............Bun rises in Yeast and sets in the Waist.
A man walks into a restaurant...
A man walks into a restaurant with a lizard on his shoulder. He sits down and when the waiter comes he asks for a lemonade and a water for Tiny here. The waiter goes back and evenly brings him the drinks, sets them on the table, then asks why do you call him 'Tiny'. The guy says 'Because he's my newt'.
A man buys a lie detector robot
So a man buys a lie detector robot that slaps someone if they tell a lie. The man then sets it up at the dinner table and asks his son.
Dad- why where you home late today?
Son- I was at the library.
The robot then slaps the son.
Son- ok fine I was at a friends.
Dad- what where you doing?
Son- I was studying.
The robot slaps the son again.
Son- ok fine I was smoking.
Dad- what! When I was your age I didn't smoke.
The robot then slaps the dad.
The mother starts laughing.
Dad- what's so funny?
Mum- he's definitely your son.
The robot then slaps the mum.
Jesus walks into a hotel
He sets a handful of nails on the counter and says he'd like to be put up for the night.
Guy sits at a bar and asks the bartender to line up twelve shots.
The bartender sets up the shots. He starts throwing them back in rapid fire. The bartender tells him to slow down or he's going to kill himself. The guy says if you had what I've got you'd be drinking like this too . The bartender steps back and says what have you got? He tells him, two dollars
A blond walks into a bar and orders a line of shots.
A blond walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment's finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets her up, and the blond takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. She then takes the last shot in the row and does the same.
The bartender asks, "Why did you do that?" And the blondy replies, "Well the first shot always tastes like c**..., and the last one always makes me sick!"
Mrs Rosy Jones was going to the market in New York where she happened to meet Father Patrick.....
Father: "Hey, you are Rosy right? I got you married in New Jersey, when I was posted there".
"Yes Father" Says Rosy.
"How is your husband and the little ones ?"
"Husband is fine but so far, no children".
Father Patrick: "Don't worry, child. I'm going to Rome next week. I will light a candle for you there."
"Thank you, Father Patrick."
After some years, Father Patrick happens to meet Rosy again.
"Hello Rosy, how's everything? Did you have any kids?"
"Yes Father. I have three sets of twins and two singles. Total 8 kids".
"Wow! Where is your husband?"
"Oh, he's hurried to Rome to blow off that candle!".
A construction contractor buys a 10 foot Italian submarine sandwich to feed his crew
It gets delivered a little early, so he sets it out on a table and goes back to finish up the morning's work. By the time him and his crew get back to it, though, there's something wrong. Most of the middle sections are missing, and the two ends have been pushed together, making it only a 4 foot sandwich.
He turns to his crew and asks if anyone snuck in to eat the sandwich. One by one, they all shake their heads and deny any wrongdoing. He's at a loss until one of his guys points out that the company had hired an electrician to do a bit of wiring that morning.
"Of course!" the boss exclaims, "he's the subcontractor!"
Beer is just like the suns journey.
It rises in the yeast, and sets in the waist.
