Set Up Jokes

143 set up jokes and hilarious set up puns to laugh out loud. Read jokes about set up that are clean and suitable for kids and friends.

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Funniest Set Up Short Jokes

Short set up jokes and puns are one of the best ways to have fun with word play in English. The set up humour may include short setups for jokes also.

  1. Why is Metallica the safest band to listen to in an airport? Because they haven't set off a metal detector since 1989.
  2. I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
  3. Cigarettes are like hamsters Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.
  4. The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much. My clocks, my choice.
  5. I was sitting at the bar arranging peanuts into piles of 1, 3, 5 and 7. The bartender asked me if I was trying to set up some odd joke. I told him No, but I would have done that in my prime.
  6. My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby." I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...
  7. carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow. It's called a Ted Cruise
  8. The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degree. Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.
  9. This is ridiculous. It's July 6th and people are still setting off fireworks. One almost caught our christmas decoration on fire.
  10. I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.

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Set Up One Liners

Which set up one liners are funny enough to crack down and make fun with set up? I can suggest the ones about setup and hook up.

  1. Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888 So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678
  2. What did the Reddit user say after setting off a bomb in a bank?
  3. What has 27 actors, three settings, two writers, and one plot? 671 Hallmark movies.
  4. Tripped over my friends bra... ..she is always setting booby traps!
  5. I set out to lose 10 pounds this month... Only 15 more to go
  6. I burned my Hawaiian pizza today... I guess i should have put the oven on aloha setting
  7. Donald Trump walks into a bar ......
    and set it lower
  8. Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt
  9. What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire? Amazon kindle.
  10. Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space? Because no one on earth wants to buy it.
  11. Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space? Because nobody liked it on earth.
  12. What does Forrest Gump have his email password set as? 1Forrest1
  13. How did the Australian pay for his new chess set? Cheque, mate.
  14. I quietly left my job as a set designer... I didn't want to make a scene.
  15. Bread is a lot like the sun.. It rises in the yeast and sets in the waist.

Hilarious Set Up Jokes that Bring Laughter with Friends

What funny jokes about set up you can tell and make people laugh? An example I can give is a clean established jokes that will for sure put a smile on everyones mouth and help you make set up pranks.

My manly password

My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.
Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:
**"Error. Not long enough."**

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

I set up a Facebook page for Chinese n**...

It has 3 reichs

I was browsing Craigslist the other day, when I came across someone who wanted to learn how to make macaroni.

Being a master macaroni maker myself, I responded to his offer, and we set up a time and place to meet so I could teach him. When we met up, he took one look at me, and he told me that I didn't look like someone who could even make halfway decent macaroni. "Sir", I assured him, "I promise I'm a master of my Kraft."

God said to set up a router and free Wi-Fi in the tabernacle...

...but Moses is having a little trouble finding the promised LAN.

So I set up an internet page for Chinese n**......

So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook

I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.

He told me I used the wrong stereo type.

As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...

But I can make an array of floats...

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".

I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.

Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the p**...-taking b**....

I've set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I'm the main stakeholder.

A guy walks into a bar

A guy walks into a bar during the town's annual Halloween celebration. "I'd sure like to try out that giant corn maze they set up, but I'm afraid I'd get lost and kill half the day in there," the guy tells the bartender. "There is actually a guide you can hire that will take you through the entire labyrinth in just 60 seconds," the bartender reassures him. "It's a minute tour."

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts
down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

Deer Season

Seven guys have been going to the same deer camp for many years. Two days before the group is to leave, Kevin's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going.
Kevin's friends are very upset that he can't go, but what can they do?
Two days later the six get to the camping site only to find Kevin sitting there with his gear set up, firewood gathered, and dinner cooking on the stove.
"Dang man, how long you been here, and how did you talk Melissa into letting you go?"
"Well, I've been here since yesterday. Yesterday evening, I was sitting in my chair at home and Melissa came up behind me and put her hands over my eyes and said, 'guess who?' I pulled her hands off, and she was wearing a brand new nightie.
She took my hand and pulled me to our bedroom. The room had candles and rose petals all over. On the bed she had handcuffs, and ropes! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed, and I did. And then she said, "Do whatever you want."
So, here I am.

My wife just set up her beehives in the garden

I think she's a keeper

Why was Germany able to accept so many refugees so quickly?

They already had all the camps set up.

My wife likes to talk to me after s**......

It's great, I've got a special ringtone set up and everything.

So the church is losing money...

...and the friars decide that they need a new income source. To do this, they set up a flower stand, and do a pretty good business selling flowers in the small village. Unfortunately, there is another floral store that is losing business because of the friars. So, they go talk to the friars, telling them to stop selling flowers, because they are losing money. The friars say "no way man, free country, free enterprise."
The owners of the other floral shop decide to get real about these religious flower sellers, so they hire a hitman to go take them out. The hitman, named Hugh, shows up to the friars' store. Hugh, now, he's about 7'1', and 240 pounds of pure muscle. "Hey," he says, "you guys ought to stop sellin flowers." The petrified friars agree that maybe the floral business isn't such a good idea after all, and promptly shut it down.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is why Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist friars.

An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are trying to set up a fenced-in area for some sheep...

but they have a limited amount of building material. The engineer gets up first and makes a square fence with the material, reasoning that it's a pretty good working solution. "No no," says the physicist, "there's a better way." He takes the fence and makes a circular pen, showing how it encompasses the maximum possible space with the given material.
Then the mathematician speaks up: "No, no, there's an even better way." To the others' amusement he proceeds to construct a little tiny fence around himself, then declares:
"I define myself to be on the outside."

The new store...

Two Australian businessmen in Brisbane were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be opened new store.
As yet, the store wasn't ready, with no stock and only a few shelves set up.
One said to the other, 'I bet any minute now some idiot tourist is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask what we're selling.'
No sooner were the words out of his mouth when sure enough, a curious Japanese tourist walked to the window, had a peek, and in a thick Japanese accent asked, 'What you sell?'
One of the men replied sarcastically, 'We're selling arseholes.'
Without skipping a beat, the Japanese man said, 'You doing velly well. Only two left!'

David calls up his brother Mike to schedule their annual family trip.

He tells him they're leaving Saturday to go to Detroit. Mike asks, "wait a minute, why Detroit?"
David answers, "Well, you know that thing old ladies do, where they set up a map on a dart board, and wherever it lands is where they go?"
Mike couldn't resist a chuckle, and says back to him "Yeah, i know that one."
"Well, I missed and hit the trash can."

I was set up on a blind date the other day by my friend, as I was getting ready he said "heads up, she's expecting a baby"

Now I feel pretty daft sitting in this restaurant wearing a diaper

Why the different branches of the military can't work together:

The reason why the services don't get along? They don't speak the same language. For example, if you tell a soldier to "Secure the building." he's going to set up claymores and machine gun nests with interlocking fields of fire. If you tell a Marine to "Secure the building." he's going to pie every room with his rifle in his hands and his Ka-bar on his waist. If you tell a sailor to "Secure the building." he's going to lock all the doors and windows and put all the sensitive documents in a furnace. If you tell an airman to "Secure the building." he's going to sign a lease agreement with an option to purchase.

Found a weird .exe file on your computer? Beware!

Could be a set up.

I was born 20 minutes before my twin brother

But I set up my Reddit account a month before. So today is all mine f**....

Why can't Pakistanis play soccer?

Whenever they get a corner they set up a convenience store

Three moles live in a hole together.

One day a pancake breakfast is set up around the mole hole. One of the three moles sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell syrup!"
The second mole sticks his head out of the hole and says, "I smell ketchup!"
The third mole tries to stick his head out of the hole, but cannot because the other two are blocking him. Frustrated, he says, "All I smell is molasses!"

Two easy steps to become a millionaire

1: Be a billionaire
2: Set up businesses in Russia

A man with no arms and no legs always had a dream of becoming a firefighter.

His mother didn't want to crush his dreams but she knew he would never be accepted. She let him set up an interview so he could be let down slowly. Surprisingly, she picked him up and he gave her the news that he got the job. She was shocked. On his first day of work, she wanted to check in on him so she called 911 and reported a fire at her home. She waited outside as she anxiously waited to watch her son in action. As the fire truck flies down the street, she sees her son attached to the top, yelling: Weyoweyoweyo !

My dad hanged himself recently. We decided to set up a committee in his honour.

However, we thought it would be inappropriate to have a chair.

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend........

Once there was a girl who wanted a boyfriend. Her mom wanted to help her, so she set up a blind date for her daughter.
When the girl got back from the date she said "That was the worst night of my life!"
"Why is that?" her mom asked.
"He owns a 1922 Rolls Royce!"
"Isn't that a good thing?"
"He's the original owner mom!"

Cowboy walks into a bar.

A cowboy walks into a bar. He's wearing brown paper shirt, a brown paper vest, brown paper pants and a brown paper hat. "Gimme 5 shots of tequila", he demands. "You must be celebrating" the bartender said as he set up the shots. "yep, I just got out of prison", said the cowboy. "What were you in for"?, asked the bartender. The cowboy replied, "rustling".

Hear about the vampire who quit his job at the Amusement Park?

He used to set up the Hall of Mirrors but he just couldn't see himself doing it anymore.

Why doesn't Pakistan have its national football team?

Whenever they get a corner, they will set up a shop.

Due to numerous imposters I have been forced to set up a twitter.

Now go f**k yourselves.

Two Squirrels GO Camping

They set up a tiny tent and make a tiny campfire. Then, one squirrel pulls out a frying pan and begins to pan fry some twigs. The other squirrel snatches it from his hand and says,
"Are you NUTS?!? This is a non-stick pan!"

A man thinks that his wife is losing her hearing

He is getting very frustrated with her because of it, but she denies it when he confronts her about it. So one day he decides to set up an experiment to prove it to her.
He takes her out to the field behind their house and he places his wife at 100 yards away from him and shouts Dolores! He waits for her response, but nothing comes.
He moves 50 yards closer and shouts Dolores! Still no response from her.
Finally he moves 5 feet away from her and shouts Dolores!
What?! She cries For the third time WHAT?!?

On the last mission to the moon, NASA set up a restaurant. It didn't last very long.

The food was good, but there was no atmosphere.

How about a game? You provide a random set up and we provide the punchline (PTP?). Most upvoted wins imaginary internet points.

Can I buy the building?

The reason why the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker among themselves is that they don't speak the same language. For instance, Take the simple phrase "secure the building".
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Two Ukrainian spies have infiltrated into Moscow and have set up for their plot to kill Vladimir Putin.

They are laying in wait for Putin's private car to pass by, having planted a roadside bomb.
One says to the other, "He is supposed to arrive in 5 minutes. Is everything ready?".
An hour later, no car has passed by.
"Are you sure you got the time right?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Gee, I hope nothing happened to him."

The Italians set up two telecommunications networks. They called them Data-1, and..


That's a nice sham you've set up

It'd be a shame if someone....
added an e

The difference between the services

The reason the Air Force, Army, Navy and Marines bicker amongst themselves is that they don't speak the same language.
For instance, Take the simple phrase secure the building :
The Army will post guards around the place.
The Navy will turn out the lights and lock the doors.
The Marines will kill everybody inside and set up a headquarters.
The Air Force will take out a 5 year lease with an option to buy.

Making sure the punchline appears after the set up.

What's the key to a good time travel joke?

I finally set up a new sky light in my apartment!

I don't know why my upstairs neighbors are so furious though.

Jesus is preparing for the Last Supper...

Jesus: Judas, I need you to go to each and every one of my disciples and tell them to meet me here for supper. Also, stop by the market and get some fish, vegetables, and a dessert. When you've come back and are done cooking, set up the table and our best plates.
Later that evening, while everyone is enjoying their food, Jesus begains in a somber tone, "One of you will betray me -
Judas: "Why do I have to do everything around here?!"

A priest, a rabbi, and a nun walk into a drug deal

Drug dealers: "It's a set up!"

a friend of mine set up a boat building company in his attic.

the sails were through the roof.

My father told me this one :D

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.
The husband puts: "Mypenis"
and the wife falls on the ground laughing because on the screen it says "Error. Not long enough."


A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So, what have you been up to lately?" the bartender asks him. "Well, I recently set up a dating website for chickens," the guy tells him. "I mean, its not my main job ... I'm just doing it to make hens meet."

Two ukrainian hitmen receive a job...

Two ukrainian hitmen receive a job to kill a new Russian. He was supposed to come around at 6pm, so they arrive there earlier to set up an ambush. At 9pm the
new Russian still has not shown up. So one hitman says to another, "I hope
he is ok''

Did you hear about the s**... worker who specialised in k**... clients?

He had a big t**... set up. Didn't go very well though...
He got off on the wrong foot.

The British Islamic Association has said there is no longer room for extremists within their mosques...

Although a waiting list has been set up.

My sister got set up for a blind date

My dad said "Thank goodness he's blind, that way he doesn't have to see your face!"

Sometimes the punchline comes before the set up.

You know what is wrong with tcpip jokes?

Set up by a 4 year old

True story. This morning my 4 year old granddaughter asked if I new what a baby jumper was. I told told her I didn't know. So she grinned, began jumping up and down, and told me it's a baby that jumps.
Bear with me. I didn't realize her literal answer was just a set up.
She then asked me if I knew what had brown spots and ate leaves. I followed her earlier approach and said a brown spotted leaf eater?
She then really laughed and said in a gotcha voice: No silly! A giraffe!

So our local s**... bank got shut down

Turns out it was just some old pervert who set up a glory hole.

I set up a production business for oils that clear up colds and nasal blockages.

An olfactory oil factory

In 7th grade we had a quiz where we were asked "what did France set up during the French Revolution." They marked me wrong and I'm still a little upset about it.

I still maintain "tons and tons of guillotines" is a correct answer

I called the dentist office to set up an appointment for next Wednesday.

The clerk asked, "2:30?"
I replied, "Yes very much."


A tortoise went out for a few beers and despite being severely worse for wear decided to walk home through the rough part of town. Half way home he was set upon by four snails who beat him senseless and stole what little money he still had and as a final insult they sprayed obscenities on his shell . Utterly distraught he was taken to the local police station where the inspector asked if he could remember anything about the assailants .
No - it all happened so quickly

I set up a restaurant for overweight people

I'm trying to cater for a wide audience

Why don't they let Pakistanis take corners in soccer?

Because they'll set up a shop.

A guy and a girl are set up on a blind date…

… despite some apprehension they both hit it off and agree to a second date.
Date two comes and there's even more fireworks, ending with a kiss goodnight.
Finally, a third date comes and at the end she invites him inside to spend the night.
As they're fooling around, she says If we're going to go to bed together, theres probably something you should know. When I was a little girl I was in an accident and I lost both my feet, so both my feet are prosthetic .
Slightly taken aback, the guy says I'm really sorry, I like you a lot. But if that's the case we can't be together .
Obviously very upset, she asks Why?! Are you a bigot or something?!
No he replies I'm lack-toes intolerant .

OP. Got kicked off an electrical job today.

Lady wanted me to check the light fixture in her bedroom. I set up my ladder under the fixture and removed the cover, then asked if she could turn on the switch at the door. Being out in hallway, she said, Give me a sec. I smiled and told her I'd give her all the 'secs' she wanted.

If the n**... had won WWII and set up the Thousand Year r**..., what would they have called their leader?

*The Kaiser Permanente*

I set up a small nuclear power plant in my garage.

It was running well until I got busted by a fish and game warden of all people. He gave me a fat ticket for not having a fission license.

I set up my thumbprint to unlock my phone

It doesn't work all the time though, I just can't put my finger on it.

Jacob never needed to set up that complicated plan to steal the blessing from Esau.

He could have just sneezed and let Issac say "bless you, Jacob."

Two Missionaries...

Two missionaries were ascending a hill in an expedition to convert the hostile unreached jungle inhabitants.
Since very few had ever returned alive from the unfriendly summit very little was known. The two agreed that the best way to win them over was with gifts from their food provisions.
They reached a pass where only one was able to ascend at a time. As the first man cleared the pass, he was immediately set upon by the natives. They took his large pack, pulled the large bunch of bananas out, and distributed them amongst themselves.
The natives began a strange ritual that involved shoving the bananas into their rectums and dancing about in a manner similar to the Māori Haka.
At first, the m**... was horrified by what he saw but he started to giggle and then broke into an hysterical cackle.
The dancings stopped and the leader said, "Why you laugh?"
The m**... said, "my friend is coming with pineapples!"

A husband and wife are trying to set up a new password for their computer.

The husband puts, "Mypenis." The wife falls on the ground laughing. On the screen it says, "Error. Not long enough."

Foot Heads Arms Body

The army was deciding on how much weaponry should be provided to each unit and each soldier. For this, they set up a committee and the veteran General Samuel Foot was chosen to be the head of it.
The newspapers got wind of this and published it on the front page.
The headline was "Foot Heads Arms Body."

Some monks were selling flowers outside the p**... mansion

Hugh Hefner realises this and puts a stop to it as they are on his property and welcoming tourists. The local news catches wind of this and goes to interview the monks.
The reporter asks "do you think you will set up shop somewhere else?"
And the monks reply "oh yes, only Hugh can prevent florist friars."

I set up a camera to record my wife for our s**... tape

I didn't realize it was motion activated so it didn't record a thing.

What is the difference between corn on the cob and corn off the cob?

Now that I have your ear- there is no punchline. This has all just been a corny set up.

Sherlock Holmes and Watson went camping

They set up their tent under the starry night sky.
In the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up his friend and says, "Watson look up at the stars and tell me what you can deduce."
Watson replies, "I see millions of stars, and if even if only a few of them have planets, it's quite likely that some of them are exactly Earth-like planets. And if there are a few Earth-like planets, there might be life."
Holmes then replies, "Watson, you idiot! Someone stole our tent."

The Chancellor of Germany, Prince Harry's wife, and the actor who played Gollum should set up an emporium of p**... wigs in Sarkel, Russia

...and call it "Merkel, Markle and Serkis' Sarkel Merkin Circus"

Some guys in my town have set up a group called Procrastinators Anonymous.

We'll get around to having a meeting sometime.

A hacker saw my financials

He set up a go fund me

jokes about set up