The Best 79 Set Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Set jokes. There are some set seth jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these set assemble puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 Funniest Set Jokes and Puns

Set your wifi password to 2444666668888888

So when someone ask tell them it's 12345678

A mormon was having an affair with a 15 year old girl who had lied about her age, when he learned the truth he broke it off and over the next few week guilt set in and he confessed to his wife. She screamed at him,

"How could you cheat on me like that with an older woman!?!?!?".

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer.

\- How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly? - he asks

\- 99.97% - the engineer replies confidently

The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around:

\- Guess I'm swimming then...

I was so embarrassed that my wife caught me playing with my son's train set that I threw the bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

jokes about set

"You have a reminder set for 5pm today," my phone said.

"A reminder? What is it?" I asked.

"It's a notification to ensure you don't forget something, but that's not important right now," the phone replied.

Then I remembered I'd left it in Airplane mode.


Cigarettes are like hamsters

Totally harmless, until you stick one in your mouth and set it on fire.

The Government is mandating that I set my clocks back before I go to bed tonight, but I'm going to do MY OWN research, thank you very much.

My clocks, my choice.

My boss was honest with me today.

He pulled up to work with his sweet new car this morning and I complimented him on it. He replied, "Well, if you work hard, set goals, stay determined and put in long hours, I can get an even better one next year."

I set out to lose 10 pounds this month...

Only 15 more to go

My buddy set me up on a blind date and he said, "I'd better warn you, she's expecting a baby."

I felt like such an idiot sitting in the bar wearing just a diaper...

Carnival is offering a new voyage where you set sail and leave a bunch of senior citizens behind in the snow.

It's called a Ted Cruise

You can explore set access reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean set fireplace dad jokes. There are also set puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


My dad's favorite. (Get the groan ready)

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.
He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and...with his odd diet...he suffered from bad breath.
This made him...
...a super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

The recipe said, Set the oven to 180 degrees.

Now I have no idea what to do, because the oven door is facing the wall.

An engineer and an anti-vaxxer walk up to a bridge.

Seeing as the bridge is the only crossing over a notoriously crocodile-infested river, the two prepare to cross. Just before they set foot on the bridge the anti-vaxxer halts the engineer. "How safe is it to cross this bridge exactly?" he asks. "99.97%," the engineer replies confidently. The anti-vaxxer thinks for a moment before turning around. "Guess I'm swimming then."

Three blondes are walking through the forest when they come across a set of tracks.

The first blonde says, "Hey, look at that, deer tracks!"

The second blonde chimes in and responds, "No, Becky, those are moose tracks!"

The third blonde steps in and says, "You two are both wrong, those are obviously elk tracks!"

The three blondes kept arguing about what animal left the tracks until they were eventually hit by a train.

Donald Trump walks into a bar

......
and set it lower

Two blondes were taking a walk through a bush when they came across a set of tracks.

'I'm sure they're bear tracks!', said the first blonde.
'No, they're deer tracks', said the second blonde, confidently.

They were still arguing when the train hit them.

Aaron Hernandez set a new NFL record

Longest hang time by a player who doesn't punt

I was so embarrassed when my wife found me playing with my son's train set that I threw a blanket over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.


My manly password

My wife and I were trying to set up a new password for our computer.

Trying to be clever, I put "Mypenis" and my wife fell to the ground laughing hysterically because on the screen it said:

**"Error. Not long enough."**

Accidentally called 911

Set my house on fire to not look stupid.

So to celebrate the Halloween season...

... I was going to go to a 200 year old building that was apparently set up with shriveled up old corpses, dangerous bandits, bloodsucking vampires, hellbent soulless demons, and the like. But it turns out the Capitol Building is closed for tours until a budget resolution is reached.

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like...

As a Canadian, the Presidential Debate feels like overhearing your downstairs neighbours debating about whether or not to set the building on fire.

Give a man a fire, and he's warm for the night.

Set a man on fire, and he's warm for the rest of his life.

What did they use to set off the amazon warehouse fire?

Amazon kindle.

Build a man a fire and you'll keep him warm for a night

set a man on fire and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life

What do you get when 32 rednecks enter the same room?

A full set of teeth.

The thought of one of my friends catching me playing with my train set is so embarrassing.

So I covered the set up with bedsheets. Nobody will find out now, my tracks are covered

Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?

He was afraid the ring would give him away.


Why is CoD: Infinite Warfare set in space?

Because no one on earth wants to buy it.

My dad said he was going to set me up for life. Of course, I was excited by the idea.

Until he blamed me for the murder he committed.

What do you get when you put 20 Meth Heads in 1 room?

A full set of teeth

Why is call of duty infinite warfare set in space?

Because nobody liked it on earth.

During the French Revolution a doctor, a lawyer, and an engineer were facing execution on the guillotine.

The doctor was first, but the blade jammed and the doctor was set free due to Divine Intervention.

The lawyer was next, again the blade jammed, and was also set free.

As the engineer was being led to his doom, he glanced up at the blade and said Wait a minute! I think I see the problem…


Dr. Watson was again impressed by Sherlock Holmes' diverse set of skills, as Watson asked inquisitively as to what tree Sherlock was planting...

To which Sherlock replied, Why, that's a lemon tree, my dear Watson.

Dramatic Arts

Little Charlie has had his dreams set on becoming an actor, and, finally, he lands a part in the school play. He runs home after school to tell his dad. "That's fantastic!" his father replies. "Who do you play?" he asks. "Dad, I play a guy who's been married for twenty years!" His dad plants a hand on Charlie's shoulder, smiling sweetly, and says, "Maybe next time you'll get a speaking part."

If your workplace requires password changes every 90 days

just set it to the name of the current Australian Prime minister and you should be fine.

A Mathematician is given a psychological test.

The first question asked "You see a burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" After much deliberation, the Mathematician decides he would attach the hose to the hydrant. He is then asked "You see a non-burning house and a hose disconnected from a fire hydrant. What do you do?" to which the Mathematician immediately responds, "I'll set the house of fire to reduce this to a problem I've already solved."

A young man helps his grandfather with his computer issues

His grandfather seems to be unable to set a password.

Trying to figure out the problem the young man looks at the password the old man is trying to set

His password is ParisLondonMickeyMouse

Puzzled by this, the man asks his grandfather why he wants to set this password anyways.

The grandfather simply replies: It wanted two capitals and a character .

My friend set me up on a date. He told me she constantly make Shrek references. I was pretty sceptical

but then I saw her face

Build a man a fire, and he'll stay warm for a day...

SET a man on fire, and he'll stay warm for the rest of his life.

I set up a Facebook page for Chinese nazis

It has 3 reichs

Thought I'd share a favorite on my cake day

Gandhi used to walk barefoot on most days, neglecting modern footwear, and eventually grew a strong set of callouses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather weak and with his odd diet, suffered from very, very bad breath. To others he smelled atrocious, this super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

A soldier was given the job of hunting for buffalo...

To help him, he hired a Native American scout.

The two of them set off on their journey to find buffalo.

After riding awhile, the scout gets off his horse, puts his ear to the ground and says "Hmmm, buffalo come."

The soldier scans the area with his binoculars, but sees nothing.

He is confused and says to the scout, "I do not see anything, how do you know buffalo come?"

The scout replies, "Ear sticky".

Meatloaf passed on today.

His funeral is set at 350 for about an hour.

A few weeks ago I ordered a box to store my money and a set of speakers online.

They arrived today, safe and sound.

My mate set me up on a blind date.

He said, "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know... She's expecting a baby."

I felt like a right idiot waiting in the pub wearing nothing but a nappy!

How did the Australian pay for his new chess set?

Cheque, mate.

I was browsing Craigslist the other day, when I came across someone who wanted to learn how to make macaroni.

Being a master macaroni maker myself, I responded to his offer, and we set up a time and place to meet so I could teach him. When we met up, he took one look at me, and he told me that I didn't look like someone who could even make halfway decent macaroni. "Sir", I assured him, "I promise I'm a master of my Kraft."

God said to set up a router and free Wi-Fi in the tabernacle...

...but Moses is having a little trouble finding the promised LAN.

So I set up an internet page for Chinese Nazis...

So far it's gotten three Reichs on Facebook

A priest, a fisherman, and an engineer were sentenced to death by guillotine.

The executioner told the priest he could say/do one more thing before he was executed. So the priest prays to God to spare his life. So as the priest was being executed, the guillotine got stuck. Now according to the law, if the guillotine fails to kill the person, they are set free.So, the priest was let go.
Next up was the fisherman. Seeing what had happened with the priest, he also prayed to God to have his life spared. Once again, the guillotine failed, and the fisherman was let go.
Finally came the engineer. He spends his last moments looking at the guillotine. Oh, I see the problem...

I asked a black man on the street if he could come fix my speaker set up, since he must be good at fixing electronics.

He told me I used the wrong stereo type.

As a programmer, I may not be able to set up a parade...

But I can make an array of floats...

My dog came bounding into the house this morning with the neighbour's rabbit hanging lifeless from it's jaws.

Panic set in and so I scrubbed it clean and got all the blood marks off until it was pure white again. I then sneaked into their garden and popped it back in its hutch.

That evening my neighbour knocked at my door and said "I can't believe it, flopsy is lying dead in its hutch and the kids are hysterical."

"Sorry to hear that" I replied nervously.

"The strange thing is" he said "we buried it a couple of days ago."

BREAKING: The Internet has been permanently shutdown in Russia, Kremlin announced today, adding that a new network open only to Russians is set to go online within the week

Sources close to the Kremlin says Putin himself took to naming the network, proudly dubbing it as 'The Internyet'

A man lost at sea is found on an island 20 years later.

The sailors that find him are surprised to see three large buildings on the island. They ask the man why he built the buildings. "This first building is my house" he says. "I was able to set up a crude aqueduct to create some form of indoor plumbing". The sailors are impressed and ask about the second building. "This second building is my church" he says "I am a Christian and my faith is very important to me". The sailors nod in understanding and ask about the third building. "Oh, that one" the man says. "That's the church I USED to go to".

Three Blondes

Three blondes were walking in the woods when they came across a set of tracks. The first blonde said, "Hey guys, look at the bear tracks." The second blonde said, "Are you stupid? Those are wolf tracks." The third blonde said, "You're both wrong! Those are fox tracks!" They were all still arguing when the train hit them.

Gandhi...

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ....A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

On her deathbed my wife said, "Sweety, I will see you in Heaven."

Since then I have kicked a puppy, stole from 4 shops and set fire to an orphanage.!

I quietly left my job as a set designer...

I didn't want to make a scene.

A friend set me up on a blind date. He said "She's a lovely girl, but there's something you should know. She's expecting a baby"

I felt like a right idiot sitting in a bar wearing nothing but a diaper.

A Doctor gives his patient the bad news that he only has a week to live...

Patient - "No, I don't accept that! I'd like an alternative fact please"

Doctor - "Money-wise, you are now set for life"

I just tried to set up an account on the Weight Watchers website.

Asked me "will you accept cookies?", the piss-taking bastards.

An accused criminal is brought before a judge...

The judge says, "You stand accused of stealing five million dollars' worth of gold bars. How do you plead?"

"Not guilty, your honour."

"Bail is set at five million dollars." The judge slams his gavel down.

"Do you accept payment in gold?"

Struggles of passwords

Struggles of passwords

"Set password:"

carrot

"Password must be at least 8 characters."

boiled carrot

"Password must contain at least 1 number."

1 boiled carrot

"Password cannot contain spaces."

50boiledcarrots

"Password must contain at least 1 capital."

50FUCKINGBoiledcarrots

"Password cannot contain multiple consecutive capitals."

50FuckingBoiledCarrots

"Password cannot contain swear words"

IfYouDoNotAcceptThisPasswordThenYouCanStickThose50BoiledCarrotsUpYourButt

"This password is already in use."

A husband was in big trouble...

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat."

The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

I've set up a company to rid people of vampires.

I'm the main stakeholder.

Science and Religion have to coexist because science can make a bomb,

But you do need a religious person to set it off.

Your beauty cannot be contained by the set of all real numbers.

That's because it's imaginary.

Frank and Harry are at their golf club...

As Frank gets set to take his swing, a funeral procession goes by. He steps back, takes his hat off and holds it over his heart. Harry walks over, puts his hand on Frank's shoulder and says "That was a thoughtful thing to do". To which Frank replies "It was the least I could do, we were married for 30 years."

Cigarettes are just like weasels...

Both are completely harmless until you put them in your mouth and set them on fire.

The Tea Party

Mom went shopping, leaving Dad in charge of their daughter. Suzie was about 18 months old and loved playing with her new tea set. Dad was engrossed in the evening news when Suzie brought him a little cup of 'tea' (really just plain water).

He praised her good 'cooking,' so she brought him more. After several cups of 'tea,' and much praise, Mom came home.

"Honey, watch this," said Dad and had her wait in the living room as Suzie brought him another cup of tea.

"Isn't she just the cutest?"

Mom waited until he had polished off yet another cup of 'tea' before asking, "Did you ever think that the only place a baby can get water is the toilet?!"

Show Off - A young businessman has just set up his own company.

A young businessman has just set up his own company. He rents an office downtown and buys some trendy furniture for it. Sitting behind his new desk, he suddenly sees a potential client come into the outer office. Wanting to appear busy, he picks up the phone and pretends that he's calling an important client. Offer them no more than $3 million! he shouts

down the phone. And tell them that if it isn't finished by next week, they won't get a penny! After hanging up , the man says to the visitor, "Hello? Can I help you?" And the visitor replies, Yes, I'm from the phone company. I've come to connect your phone line.

If I had to choose between a rope or the inclined set of steps....

I would opt for the latter.

Two over achievers walk into a bar..

Clearly it wasn't set high enough.

Legs in the Air

Little Johnny came home from school to see the family's pet rooster dead in the front yard. Rigor Mortis had set in and it was flat on its back with its legs in the air. When his Dad came home Johnny said, "Dad our rooster is dead and his legs are sticking in the air. Why are his legs sticking in the air?"

His father thinking quickly said, "Son, that's so God can reach down from the clouds and lift the rooster straight up to heaven."

"Gee Dad that's great," said Little Johnny. A few days later, when Dad came home from work, Johnny rushed out to meet him yelling, "Dad, Dad we almost lost Mom today!"

"What do you mean?" said Dad.

"Well Dad, I got home from school early today and went up to your bedroom and there was Mom flat on her back with her legs in the air screaming,"Jesus I'm coming, I'm coming" If it hadn't of been for Uncle George holding her down we'd have lost her for sure!"

My wife said wasting what little money we have on a lock picking set was not a good investment.

But it's actually opened a lot of doors for me.

Today I set my location on Tinder to Flint, Michigan

Because I bet those girls are pretty thirsty.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the set mousetrap jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working set led piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes