The Best 72 Service Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Service jokes. There are some service matchmaking jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these service reception puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Service Jokes and Puns

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.

Sincerely, your service provider.

The usher in church greets one of their members...

and says "Welcome! You need to join the army of the Lord!"

The member says,"I am in the Lord's army".

The usher asked,"Then why do I only see you on Christmas and Easter?"

The member leaned over and whispered,"I'm in the Secret Service."

Bagpiper at a Funeral

As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a Pauper's' cemetery in the back country. As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.

I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.

The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played 'Amazing Grace,' the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, and we all wept together. When I finished I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head hung low, my heart was full.

As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say;

"I NEVER SEEN NOTHIN' LIKE THAT BEFORE AND I'VE BEEN PUTTING IN SEPTIC TANKS FOR TWENTY YEARS."

Service joke, Bagpiper at a Funeral

The CEO of AT&T just got married...

The service was okay, but the reception was terrible.

Kanye West shows up at Neil Armstrong's memorial service...

and says "Imma let you finish, but Micheal Jackson had one of the best moon walks of ALL TIME"


My mother told me this one...

One day a lonely woman decided to call the dating service. They asked her what she wanted in a man. She replied "I want a man who won't hit me, I want a man who won't leave me, and I want a great lover!" They said ok he will be there in one hour. So the woman gets ready for her date, and an hour later she hears the doorbell ring. She goes to the door but no one is there. When all of a sudden she hears "down here!". She looks down and sees a man with no arms and no legs lying on the doormat. She asks "can i help you?" He says "I am from the dating service." But she does not believe him. He sees this and says "just tell me what you want in a man. She says "I want a man who won't hit me". "Lady I ain't got any arms". "I want a man who wont leave me". "Lady I ain't got no legs". "And I want a great lover" she says. To which he replies "lady, how do you think I rang the doorbell?"

A funeral rerun . . .

A funeral service is held for a woman who just passed away. As the pallbearers carry the casket out, they accidentally bump into a wall.

They hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find that the woman is actually alive.

She lives for 10 more years and then dies. They have another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.

As they are walking, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Service joke, A funeral rerun . . .

What's the best dating service in India?

Connect the dots.

(I'll see my self out.)

A women invites 3 military men to her house

During WW2 many families near military bases would invite service men over to their house for an evening to forget about the war, and to enjoy a home cooked meal. So a women calls the military base and says she would like to invite 3 men over but expresses that they CANNOT be Jews. Absolutely no Jews. The base commander says fine he will send 3 over on Sunday. She agreed and hanged up. On Sunday a jeep drives up and 3 black men got out of the vehicle. The women is in shock and asks the men is this a mistake? Surely this HAS to be a mistake! One of the men replies, "No ma'am, Captain Goldstein never makes a mistake."

An Elderly Couple

An elderly couple Pauline & Frank were recently attending a church service at their retirement village.

About halfway through the service, Pauline took a pen and paper out of her purse, and wrote a note and handed it to Frank.

The note said:" I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

Frank scribbled back: "Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

Frenchman in a hotel.

A french man calls the room service and asks for some "pepper".

"Well ... would you like some white pepper or black pepper?" asks the receptionist.

"Toilet pepper."

You can explore service customer reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean service valet dad jokes. There are also service puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


An Englishman went on a business trip to Japan...

When he got there, he stayed in a nice hotel and decided to call a prostitution service. Not knowing a single word of Japanese, it was he struggled with the ordering process.

When the girl finally arrived, they stripped down and get down to business... They were having a blast and the girl kept screaming **"Machigatta ana, Machigatta ana..!!"** Deciding that it was a sign that the girl was pleasantly satisfied, he thought nothing of it and continued all night long.

The next morning, the Englishman went and have a round of golf with his Japanese business partner. His business partner swung first.... **BAM!** **Hole in one!**

"Nice shot my friend, machigatta ana..." said the Englishman

Looking puzzled, his business partner replied

"That shot was perfect... but what do you mean 'wrong hole'?"

I called my girlfriends cell phone and some other guy answered the phone...

He told me that my phone number was no longer in service and to call the phone company to pay my bill.

First she cheats on me and then she tells him about my financial troubles!

During a funeral...

The pallbearers accidentally bump into a wall and hear a faint moan. They open the casket and find out that the woman is actually alive.
She lives for 10 more years and then dies. There is another funeral for her. At the end of the service, the pallbearers carry out the casket.
As they are walking out, the husband cries out, "Watch out for the wall!"

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a wedding cake shop...

To plan for their upcoming nuptials. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage we won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."

How to win the war on drugs

1) legalize all drugs.
2) require that all drugs be purchased through Comcast customer service.

Service joke, How to win the war on drugs

What is the difference between the regular police and the secret service?

The secret service is the only police that gets in trouble if a black person dies.

Shamelessly stolen from the correspondents' dinner.

It's crazy how sexist the postal service is.

I guess that's natural with such a mail dominated industry.

Two lesbians named Rachel walk in to a bakery...

To buy a cake for their upcoming wedding. After learning that the cake will be for their own wedding, the baker refuses service. Offended, the couple can't believe the guy is so opposed to gay marriage that he won't even bake a cake. The baker replies, "No no I'm fine with gay marriage-- I just can't support inter-Rachel marriage."


(posted before but I felt it was an appropriate time for it to rerun.)


I got a job with the Postal Service

So I could tell people I'm a mail escort.

One day, the President finds a nasty message scribbled with pee on the snowy White House lawn.

He orders the Secret Service to investigate. They come back a few hours later with the results.

"Mr. President, we have bad news and worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"The urine belongs to the Vice President."

"What could possibly be worse than that?"

"The handwriting belongs to the First Lady."

A car broke down on a Native Reservation...

...so the driver got out to see what was going on. He lifted the hood, looked in, and noticed there was something wrong with the motor piston. Without any tools or cell service, he sighed, shut the hood and leaned on his car and waited for a passerby. Finally, a truck came around the bend so he waved it down and the truck pulled over. Inside was a few Native Americans, and asked, "what's wrong?"

"Piston broke", he replied.

"So are we. Get in."

I've just got back from a funeral of a friend who was killed after being hit in the head with a tennis ball.

It was a lovely service.

I used to work in food service, now I work in IT

The biggest difference is the phrase "My server went down on me" is no longer a good thing.

A man attends his wife's funeral.

His wife had been hit by a car. Incredibly, the car screeched around the block and struck her once more before speeding off, never to be found.

The man was accepting condolences after the service. An old friend said to him, "I know you'll miss her."

"*Miss* her?" the man replied. "I got her pretty good the first two times!"

The Lost Bible

One day a devout preacher lost his favorite Bible while he was at a spiritual retreat in the mountains. He was devastated, and began to lose his faith. Three weeks later, a dog walked up to him after church service, carrying the Bible in its mouth. The preacher couldn't believe his eyes.

He took the precious book out of the dog's mouth, raised his eyes heavenward and exclaimed, "It's a miracle!"

"Not really," said the dog. "Your name is written inside the cover."

Trump's Secret Service is going to have a problem

If someone shoots at him, they will yell "Donald Duck, Donald Duck"

Why I Joined the Air Force

The DOD was conducting an all service briefing and the leader posed this question.
What would you do if you found a scorpion in your tent?
A sailor said, I'd step on it.
A soldier said, I'd squash it with my boot.
A marine said, I'd catch it, break the stinger off, and eat it.
An Airman said. I'd call room service and find out why there's a tent in my room.

If someone tries to shoot the President...

The Secret Service will have to yell "Donald duck!"

What's a pirates least favorite letter?

Dear sir,

Your internet service has been disconnected due to terms of service violations and excessive downloading. Please return modem and accessories to your nearest Comcast location.

Sincerely,

Comcast

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear customer,

We are discontinuing your internet service due to suspicious activity/illegal downloading on your network.

Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex?

To prevent clients from being billed twice for the same service.

Why do feminists hate the US Postal Service?

Because it is a mail dominated industry

What will the secret service yell when something is hurtling towards the president?

Donald duck!

Did you know the Secret Service is no longer allowed to say "GET DOWN!" when the President is getting attacked?

Now they're required to say "Donald, duck!"

Why are there fences around cemeteries?

People are dying to get in.

*Told to me by pastor this morning just before Sunrise Service.*

The secret service used to yell "Get Down" whenever the president was in immediate danger

Now they yell "Donald Duck!"

What's a pirate's LEAST favorite letter?

Dear Customer,

Your internet service has been terminated due to copyright infringement.

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?

Dear Customer,

Due to recent illegal activities that have been performed through your connection, your internet service has been permanently disconnected.

-Sincerely, your ISP.

The Secret Service just had to change protocol for when the president is in danger

Instead of yelling "Get down!" they have to yell "Donald, duck!"

Secret Service no longer yells Get down, Mr President any more when the President is under attack

Now they yell Donald, duck

With Net Neutrality gone I'm finally ready to start my new business- Carrier Pigeons

You may laugh now, but you won't be when my pigeons deliver nudes faster than your service provider

The Secret Service isn't allowed to yell "Get down!" anymore when the President is about to be attacked

Now they have to yell, "Donald, duck!"

Sex is like a gas station...

Sometimes you get full service, sometimes you have to ask for service, and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.

Went to a Black Church to listen to gospel. The preacher came over and said "YOU WILL WALK TODAY!!"

I told him I wasn't paralyzed, but he said it again with even more enthusiasm.

After the service I went to leave. My car was gone.

Daffy Duck was in a hotel room, he called room service and asks for a condom, receptionist says shall we put it on your bill? Daffy replied.

Are you thucking thupid I'll thuffocate.

A woman who was married six times had just died.

During the funeral service, the pastor heard her sister say "I'm so glad they are finally together!"

The pastor replies "Which husband are you referring to?"

"None of them. I was talking about her legs."

What's a pirate's least favorite letter?

Dear Subscriber,

We are cutting off your Internet service due to illegal downloading.

There's radical feminist plot to attack the postal service...

They heard it was a mail dominated industry..

( Possibility OC?)

Jussie smollet had to pay 10,000 to chicago and do community service to get his charges dropped...

I hope he isnt beating himself up over this

Two old ladies were attending a church service

And about half way through one says:

"I just did a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

The other woman proceeds to lean over slowly and say:

"Put some new batteries in your bloody hearing aids!"

The president is walking out of the White House towards his limo, when a possible assassin steps forward and aims his gun.

A Secret Service agent, new on the job, shouts Mickey Mouse! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Later, the Secret Service agent's supervisor asks him, Why the hell did you shout Mickey Mouse?

Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. I meant to shout...... Donald, duck!

What do you say to a 20 year old with no legs, one eye and no health insurance?

Thank you for your service

A desert island with six women

A bloke found himself stranded on a desert island with six women. To keep it fair, it was decided he would service a different woman every night and have Mondays free. After a few months the man was exhausted, realising how tiring it was to perform constantly every night except one. Then one day, to his joy, he found a man washed up on the beach who would be able to take some of the workload from him. However, his hopes were shattered when the man's first words were, "Hi, gorgeous, how about the kiss of life?"

'Oh f\*ck,' thinks the man, 'there goes Mondays.'

Why wasn't Jesus allowed to return to his food service job after he was crucified?

They were afraid of *cross*\-contamination

I'm starting a new dating service in Prague.

It's called Czech-Mate.

Ivanka Trump is walking a dog outside the White House...

A Secret Service agent sees her and says "Good Morning, Ma'am."

"Good morning." She replies.

"That's a very cute dog, ma'am." the agent says trying to make polite small talk.

"Oh, thank you. I got it for the President." She replies with a smile.

"Excellent trade, Ma'am."

What is the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

College

Trump looks out on the snow covered White House Lawn, and notices that someone has pissed Trump Sucks in the fresh snow.

Furious, he demands the Secret Service investigate. A few days later, the head of the SS says Mr President, I've got good news and bad news. The good news is we've done a dna test on the urine, and found the culprit. It turns out it's Mike Pence's. That traitor , shouts Trump. I'll have him hanged! Now, what did you say was the bad news? Well , says the SS chief, turns out it's Melania's handwriting .

What do anti-vaxxers and 5g conspiracists have in common?

They both are afraid of improving cell service.

What is the most expensive video streaming service right now?

College.

What does the secret service say when President Trump almost gets shot?

Donald, duck!

Hooters is trying to stay afloat during this pandemic so they are starting door to door service thus a name change is in order.

They will now be known as Knockers

What's the most expensive video-streaming service at this time?

University

I called AMC customer service to ask if I could use popcorn vouchers to cover a margin call.

The short answer is no.

Mid life career change

A guy walks into a bar and orders a beer. "So what do you do?" the bartender chats him up. "Well I used to work in food service, but I just got a new job in IT," the guy says. "How was it changing careers?" the bartender asks. "Well, you know, a job is a job. I guess the biggest difference is that the phase 'My server went down on me,' is no longer a good thing," the guy replies.

Same service...

A husband visited a marriage counselor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring me water and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it\`s all different. I come home, the dog brings the water and my wife runs around barking."
"Why complain ?" said the counselor, "You re still getting the same service!"

My Service Dog

Just left Walmart where a lady asked me what kind of dog i had. I said a GSD service dog. Very rudely she yells what type of service? I said he is a BLD. What's a BLD? She asked as she has her face in my dog's face allowing him to lick her......Now with a straight face I said "He is my butt licking dog. I can't find any toilet paper anywhere because of all you hoarding ass people, so he licks my ass clean...... The cashier lost it and walked away from the register.

A 4'6 woman walks into a matchmaking service…

A 4'6 (137cm) woman walks into a matchmaking service.

She says to the man behind the counter, I'm really insecure about my height, so the only thing I'm looking for in a partner is that he's shorter than me.

The man replies, You've got really low standards.

.

[OC, I think]

I'm starting a service helping people break up with their significant others over dinner

I'm calling it FedEx

Telephone at the hotel reception:

\- Hello, I'm calling from room 303. Could you please send someone from the service? I'm arguing with my wife and she threatened to jump out the window.

\- Sorry, this is your private problem.

\- Yeah, right, but the damn window doesn't open, and that's your problem.

Why did Draco Malfoy's funeral service take place outside?

Because he hated grief indoors.

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the service community service jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working service customer service piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

Joko Jokes