Server Jokes

I went on a date with a server...

It went down on the first date.
Not sure if repost, just a really funny joke I just heard.

Uptime

Two techies are in a restaurant discussing how to get out of an overpriced hosting contract. As the waitress approaches the table, one emphatically says to the other, "Yes, g**..., I want the server to go down on us!"

Was talking religion over at a Chinese restaurant with some friends when...

one friend pondered if there were any Chinese Jews.. Nobody at the table had ever heard of one so we decided to ask our server. We called him over and inquired if he knew of any any Chinese Jews.,. He looked a little perplexed and said he would go and ask his manager. He returned some minutes later declaring that to his knowledge there were no Chinese Jews.. He only knew of Orange, Pineapple and Cranberry....

What did the server say when the customer requested something they didn't have?

404

Why won't Apple's new MacBook sell well?

... because it has NO FANS!!!
(get it? no fans? ... thank you!! don't forget to tip your server.)

Interesting accents!

3 hefty women walk into a restaurant, and sit down at a table. The server comes to take their drink orders. When they're done ordering he says, "What an interesting accent! Are you broads from Scotland?"
One woman looks at him with surprise and disgust and says, "WALES!"
The bartender says, "Okay, fine. Are you whales from Scotland?"

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America

I was told that tipping your server is normal in America
But apparently this will get you fired as a systems administrator.

A guy walks into a restaurant with his friend. The server ask what he wants to drink and he say H2O. His friend says he will have H2O to. His friend is no longer alive.

Server friend was complaining about her pay at local restaurant

Server friend was complaining about her job at local restaurant.
So I say, "Don't worry. Good things come those who wait."

What do you call it when a waiter at an internet cafe gets your order wrong?

500 Internal Server Error

A panda bear walks into a resturant..

And orders some food, after his meal the server comes out and asks how everything was and the panda bear pulls a gun a shoots him. The manager comes out and says "hey man what's going on?" The panda bear replies "I'm a panda bear Google it.." and leaves. The manager curiously Googled panda bear and was reading "panda bear: black and white bear, eats chutes and leaves."

I asked my web server engineer wife to give me head.

All I got was information and not the actual act.

I went to that new s**... internet café

My server sure had a nice rack

Why is the best name for a server "Pong"?

If you want to check if it's working, you need to `ping pong`

Ode to Hillary

Ode to Hillary
There was a crooked woman, and she wore a crooked smile
She found a crooked dollar and she dodged a crooked trial
She bought a crooked server, and wed a crooked spouse
And they all lived together in a little crooked house

How many Edward Snowden's does it take to know what is going on in a Clinton administration?

**The server you are attempting to connect to has been unintentionally disabled, wiped, and burned. But not in a g**... negligent manner. **

Hey baby, are you a cloud server?

Because I have something to upload from my hard drive.

Hillary went for dinner with Barack Obama the other day

I heard he was very polite, but hillary brought her own private server.

I wanted to date a girl once...

but as a server admin I couldn't come out of my shell.

I had another server go down on me at work.

It's just how I interview waiting staff.

How many stuttering Mexicans does it take to c**... a server?

D--Dos

What did Hillary Clinton say when she got to the restaurant?

"Can I have a private server?"

I feel for Hillary Clinton

The FBI found a server in my basement too. She was from h**... I think.

Trump's first scandal.

Trump has had his first scandal. According to CNN, Donald Trump has gone to a private dinner with his family without alerting the press core. They've called this 'A dangerous breach of protocol and lack of transparency'.
I guess they're worried that he may have given some classified information to his private server.

Why did the network admins go to to h**...?

To see the the server racks.

So a pregnant woman walks into a diner.

A pregnant woman walks into a diner, and the server says:
"Hi there, are ya hungry?"
The fetus replies:
"Nah, I gestate."

Got this new game today called "Real Life"

Tried to login as a female in the china server but it always crashes on the loading sceen

What's the problem with robot waiters?

The server might c**...

Bacon and eggs walk into a bar

Bacon and eggs walks into a bar and they order some beers. The bartender says, "Sorry, we don't serve breakfast here."
A beer walks into a breakfast place and orders bacon and eggs. The server says, "Sorry we don't serve alcoholic drinks here"
A bartender runs into bacon and eggs and orders a bar. The breakfast says, "Sorry we're done with this s**... joke formula."

What do you call a Minecraft server run for autistic children?

A regular Minecraft server.

Why didn't the client tip the server?

Because they didn't have enough cache!
(Computer Science nerds unite! This is my original joke, I originally posted it on Imgflip last year with bad pun dog and it got a decent response.)

Dinner Date Fail...

Had a date with a beautiful woman last night, but she abruptly stormed off when I informed our server that he had given me her peas.

How did the bash server react to the DOS attack?

Unixpectedly.
OP.

A server is carrying a tray of cheese when he sees a beautiful girl walk by.

He thinks of something to say and goes in for the kill. But on his way he slips on a wet spot, sending him sliding into an ice sculpture and spilling the cheese in a straight line behind him. People get up to help and start picking up cheese off the ground. The girl goes over to the server and asks if he is okay. The server responds, "I'm fine, but it seems my slick icebreaker has turned into a cheesy pickup line."

A elderly retiree wobbled gingerly into an ice cream shoppe and carefully,

slowly climbed up onto a counter stool.
He wheezed for a minute, then ordered a chocolate sundae.
Crushed nuts? asked the server.
No, he answered.
Bad knees.

How do you expand recycling to other places?

Create a discord server.

A pastor, IT server admin and a Thai ladyboy walk into a bar

The bartender asks him what he would like to drink.

The server at the sandwich shop said that every sandwich comes with a free pickle.

I said, That's a really good dill.

Why is there no rain in South Africa?

They forgot to /toggledownfall.
They also forgot to make their server private, so there's a decent bit of PvP and even PvE over there.

My spinach arugula and radicchio salad was only spinach and arugula

I waved my server down and said. This is absolutely radicchio-less...

What does a farmer, a p**..., and a bluegrass band all have in common?

They all know how to throw a h**... down.
(Disclaimer: I was exchanging dadjokes with our server at Krueger's in Cincinnati. He wrote this joke. Neil, if you're out there..cheers!)

What do you have to allocate in order to c**... a Minecraft server on purpose?

Premeditated Wam.

An old man shuffled really slowly into an ice cream shop and said, Can I have a banana split?

Server: Sure. Crushed nuts?
Old man: No, Arthritis.

The service in the Cyber Cafe was infuriatingly slow. All the waiters were terrible at their job. Eventually, though, they did a complete restaff, and it improved dramatically.

Turns out all they needed was a server upgrade.

the servers were in such a hurry to set up the hors d'oeuvre tray that they forgot the crackers

they were cracka lackin

A priest stands up to do his sermon.

He starts. He says "We all called in different ways."
As soon as he says that, the altar server drops the gospel which he was taking away from the lectern. He then shuffles to pick it up and accidentally rips it with his foot and falls over, hitting the tabanacle and spilling the bread and the wine.
The priest continues with his sermon.
He says to the congregation in a solemn tone:
"Some of us are called useless."

I went to this cool new restaurant in Vegas, the server woman came out n**... with the menu painted all over her body.

She asked if I was ready to order, I said I know what I want, but I just can't put my finger on it.

A man goes to a tool store to buy a chainsaw. The server sells him the top-of-the-line model, saying that it will cut through over 100 trees in one day.

The man takes the chainsaw home and begins working on the trees but after working for hours he only cuts down two trees.
How can I cut for hours and hours and only finish two trees? he asks himself.
Next day the man brings the chainsaw back to the store and says it doesn't work properly.
Hmm, it looks okay, says the server, and starts the chainsaw.
The man jumps back in shock and cries, What's that noise?

Attention Nerds!

It would be so much easier if humans came with an error message just like computers do.
Imagine sitting in a restaurant and failing miserably at flirting with the waitress.
"Warning! Error establishing connection with the Server"

Well the EU servers are full

But they almost have one GB of extra space

A robot tried to start a conversation with an attractive waitress

But he wasn't so successful in doing so. The error message read:
`Error: failed to establish connection with server. `

So I've been watching Gordon Ramsey's Kitchen Nightmare clips, but one video wouldn't load

There was a problem with the server

Two lawyers sit in a restaurant.

They're eating homemade sandwiches.
The server comes along and stops them: "Excuse me, but it is not allowed to bring your own food here"
The lawyers share a glance, sigh and trade the sandwiches.

A joke my friend made up in middle school to prove I'd laugh at anything (I cried laughing unfortunately)

A man walks into a bar and takes a seat. The server comes up to him and says: what'll you have?
The man says I'll take blood in a monkey glass .
The bartender says excuse me?
The man says blood in a monkey glass, ya know just...blood in a monkey glass
The bartender says well you're gonna have to tell me how to make this drink because I've never heard of this...blood in a monkey glass before
The man says well you take blood...and you put it in a monkey glass

I was at a restaurant and a cute waitress was flirting with me. She gave her email and told me to hit her up sometime. I tried to email her the next day but the internet was down.

I couldn't connect to the server

Some guy on a Minecraft server thought that I was a hermit

How dare he make such baseless accusations.