The Best 66 Served Jokes

Following is our collection of funny Served jokes. There are some served bartended jokes no one knows (to tell your friends) and to make you laugh out loud.

Take your time to read those puns and riddles where you ask a question with answers, or where the setup is the punchline. We hope you will find these served delicacy puns funny enough to tell and make people laugh.

Top 10 of the Funniest Served Jokes and Puns

A weasel walks into a bar. The Bartender says, "Wow, I've never served a weasel before. What can I get you?"

"Pop," goes the weasel.

Not to brag, but I've satisfied every waitress that has ever served me.

With just the tip.

Justice is a dish best served cold because...

...if it were served warm, it would be justwater.

Served joke, Justice is a dish best served cold because...

No problems

A former Sergeant , having served his time with the Marine Corps, took a new job as a school teacher, but just before the school year started he injured his back.
He was required to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body.
Fortunately, the cast fit under his shirt and wasn't noticeable. On the first day of class, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in the school. The smart-alec punks, having already heard the new teacher was a former Marine, were leery of him and decided to see how tough he really was, before trying any pranks. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, the new teacher opened the window wide and sat down at his desk. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he picked up a stapler and promptly stapled the tie to his chest. Dead silence ... He had no trouble with discipline that year.

At my school, the cafeteria has "World Cuisine" day once a week, in which one foreign nation's traditional cuisine is on the menu. Last week, the country was Ethiopia...

...they served us nothing.


Did you hear about the restaurant that got closed down because they were serving just the rear ends of animals?

Just-ass was served

A man and his wife go out to eat...

...as they are being served their food the wife says "if I worked here, I'd weigh 200 pounds!"
The man responds "so you'd loss weight?"

This was an actually conversation by my parents, all in good fun of course.

Served joke, A man and his wife go out to eat...

Just in time for the holidays

A guy goes back to his home town for Christmas, and he stops by the local diner to get his favorite breakfast, eggs Benedict. But he has a special request, he wants it served on a big shiny metal plate. The waiter doesn't understand why, so he asks him "Sir, why do you want eggs Benedict on a shiny metal plate?" And the man says "Because there's no place like chrome for the hollandaise."

A cable TV installer walks in to a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender says, "You'll be served sometime between 7am and 2pm."

A fat woman just served me at McDonalds...

... and said "Sorry about the wait". I replied and said "Don't worry, you'll lose it eventually".

45 year old charming guy

Having recently turned 45, I thought I had lost all the appeal and charm I used to have with the ladies, until today that is. At my local gas station, the pretty young girl who has served me every other day or so for several weeks asked for my number. I was taken aback. I explained how I was flattered but was perhaps a bit too old for her and that if I were 20 or so years younger I would happily take her up on her offer, I explained how love and sexual attraction, when intertwined, can be exciting and that I hadn't felt this way in years and asked that she save her love for someone who will truly care for her and respect her not only as a woman, but as a person.

. . . . "No," she said. "Your pump number, sir."

You can explore served sirloin reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean served eaten dad jokes. There are also served puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.


I was in the queue at Starbucks this morning.

The man getting served in front of me, asked for a mocha. "Sorry sir, but we're out of mochas". The guy was fuming "I have a mocha every morning when I come in here!", he raged, "I'll just have to have a latte!". He went and sat down.

I went to the counter and said "I'll have a large latte too, please". They asked me for my name. I asked why they needed it and they told me that they'd write it on my cup and shout it when it was ready.

So I told them my name was Mocha.

A pair of twins have a deal...

They constantly get in trouble with the law for various reasons and are frequently thrown in jail. They don't like staying in jail for too long, so they made a deal: if only one of the twins is arrested and imprisoned, the other twin will sneak in and swap places with them when they have spent half the time served in prison.

It's great to see these twins are so close that they're always finish each other's sentences.

Shower Sex in Detroit

In a recent survey, people from Detroit have proved to be the most likely to have had sex in the shower.In the survey, carried out for a leading toiletries outfit, 86% of Detroit residents said that they have had, if not enjoyed, sex in the shower. The other 14% said they haven't yet served any time in prison.

A week before Memorial Day, kids bring pictures of veteran family members to school for show and tell.

First up was Mary. "My daddy served in Afghanistan. He was a paratrooper."

"A paratrooper?" Asked the teacher, who was awed.

"Yes, please look closer -- you can see his jump badge."

Second was Joe. "My granny served in Vietnam. She was a doctor."

"A doctor?" Asked the teacher, who was moved.

"Yeah, see? That's a stethoscope hanging around her neck."

Third was little Johnny, "This is my great grandpa. He was an electrician."

"An electrician?" Asked the teacher, who was perplexed.

"Yeah, here. You can see the two lightning bolts on his helmet"

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

The bartender looks at him and says, "What'll it be, buddy?"

The man says, "Set me up with seven whiskey shots and make them doubles."

The bartender does this and watches the man slug one down, then the next, then the next, and so on until all seven are gone almost as quickly as they were served. Staring in disbelief, the bartender asks why he's doing all this drinking.

"You'd drink them this fast too if you had what I have."

The bartender hastily asks, "What do you have pal?"

The man quickly replies, "I have a dollar."

Served joke, Man goes into a bar and seats himself on a stool.

TIL Supreme Court judge kidnapped by cannibals in the Caribbean!

Justice was served.

A recently married couple...

A recently married couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. When the food was served, the husband said, "The food looks delicious, let's eat."

Wife: "Honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home. Won't you do that here?"

Husband: "That's at home sweetheart. Here the chef knows how to cook."

I used to think revenge was a dish best served cold...

But now I know it actually means "getting back at somebody".


A feminist walks into a bar

She walks to the bartender and says, "No, I will not have it, I will not be served by a cisgender white male." A man nearby says, "My god, not another feminazi.", the bartender says, "Hey! Don't compare feminists to nazis, that's not cool.", the feminist says, "Maybe all you cisgenders aren't that bad.", the bartender continues, "Don't compare feminists to nazis, at least nazis accomplished something."

Was very disappointed when I went into a German restaurant and asked for their best

but they served me their wurst

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II...

Since my grandfather had served during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, "Did you ever kill anyone?"

He got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, "Probably. I was the cook."

Couple in a Restaurant – Joke

Husband and wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant…

As the food was served, Husband said:
The Food looks delicious, let's eat.

Wife: Honey.. You say prayer before eating at home.
Husband: That's at home sweetheart… Here the chef knows how to cook.

Bill Clinton tried to cheer up Hillary this morning.

He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison.

Gordon Ramsay walks into a bar...

... and asks for a glass of water with ice. Once his drink is served, he looks at the bartender and asks: "What did you use to make the ice cubes?"

Bartender: "Water."

Ramsay: "Fresh?"

Bartender: "No, frozen."

Ramsay: "Oh for fuck's sake."

What do you call a pink slip served in a coffee bag?

Grounds for termination!

To Hillary supporters, don't give up hope!

Nelson Mandela served 27 years in prison before becoming President.

This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his hometown for the holidays

After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs Benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a big, shiny hubcap. He asks the waiter, "What's with the hubcap?" The waiter says, "Well, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

Why is American beer served cold?

So you can tell it from urine.

What is the only meal served in nuclear power stations?

Fission chips.

I lost my job as a waiter when I served one of the customers his food.

On the downside, I got chicken all over my tennis racket.

A tennis ball walks into a restaurant....

a waiter asks: "Have you been served?"

There is an ice cream called batman

Just ice was served

In Alabama, when served rolls, they never serve the butter on the side.

Because they like it inbread.

I went to a busy bar last night dressed as a tennis ball

I got served straight away.

The husband and the wife were having dinner at a fancy restaurant

A few minutes later, the dinner was served.

Husband: The food looks great. Let's eat.

Wife: But honey, you always say a prayer before eating at home.

Husband: That's at home, sweetie. I'm sure the chef here knows how to cook.

A huge crab walks into a bar...

...and says to the barman, "I demand one pint of lager. I will pay the full price, provided that the following criteria are met. The beer should be served to me within one minute of ordering, and at a temperature of between 6-9 degrees Celsius. The beer should be served in a clean, cold glass and a beer mat must be provided. If the quality of the provided beer does not meet my high standards, you must agree to refund the full amount charged, and provide any additional financial compensation for any discomfort, stress or time wasted."

The barman looks at the crab and says, "why the big clause?"

Just realized I really like Eggs Benedict when they're served on disposable dishes..

There's just no plates like foam for the Hollandaise

A rabbi and a priest

A rabbi and a priest were at a communal dinner when a dish of roast pork was served.

The priest leaned into the rabbi's ear and whispered, "You planning on eating that buddy?"

The rabbi chuckled and replied, "Not today. But I'm definitely planning to have some at your wedding."

The Deadliest Job in WW2

My high school assignment was to ask a veteran about World War II. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone?

Dad got quiet. Then, in a soft voice, he said, Probably. I was the cook.

A man walks into a diner, and orders eggs Benedict with hollandaise sauce, served on a hubcap.

The waiter, perplexed, asks him why. He responds:

There's no plates like chrome for the hollandaise...

My Grandfather once told me about how he fought bravely in World War II, so I asked him how many years he served for the U.S.

He replied "Nein."

A priest and a bus driver stand outside the gates of heaven.

God lets the bus driver in, but denies entry for the priest. The priest exclaims:
-Why was that man let in? He gambles, drinks, sheats on his wife and is a bad father figure to his kids.
I on the other hand have served you my entire life.
God replies:
-That might be, but when you preach, everybody falls asleep in the church. When he drives the bus, all the passengers pray.

You're surely familiar with Murphy's Law, but do you know what Cole's Law is?

It's a cabbage salad, often served as a side dish at a BBQ.

A Priest, Rabbi and Atheist walk into a bar and each ask for a drink

The bartender, saying nothing and looking disdained, points to a sign clearly labelled: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**

Without a fight the Priest, Rabbi and Atheist leave the bar, heads hanging.

The next day a chicken walks in and plops down on the barstool.

Wiping the inside of a glass, the bartender approached and asks the chicken Are you part of this joke?

Yeah. the chicken replies.

Again, he points to the sign: **NO JOKES SERVED HERE**

The chicks argues Well then how's a chicken supposed to get his beak wet?

The bartender pointed out the window and said There's another bar across the road.

A waiter served me some rare steak

But when I told him "I like it well done", he said "thank you".

A weasel walks into a bar...

The bartender says: "Wow! In all my years of tending bar, I have never served a weasel before! What can I get you?

"Pop," goes the weasel.

A band of Superheroes walk into a Gluten-free, Soy-Free, non-GMO, organic, fat-free restraunt....

Just Ice was served.

A lawyer walks into a bar

The bartender looks at him and asks The usual?
The lawyer nods. The bartender then serves a glass full of ice.
Just-ice was served...

I asked a chef if he ever served a steak raw..

He said yeah but it's rare.

A larger-than-life character, Big Tony, walks into a bar.

Big Tony orders a drink. He bellows out, "when Big Tony drinks, everybody drinks!" The patrons of the bar all rush to get served their favorite tipple.

Then he orders some food. "When Big Tony eats, everybody eats!" Suddenly the kitchen is overwhelmed.

He places a twenty on the bar, and as he walks out, he bellows "When Big Tony pays, everybody pays!"

Little Johnny

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little johnny received his plate, he started eating right away.

"Johnny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded him.

"I don't have to." the little boy replied.

"Of course you do." His mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house"

"That's at our house," Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's house, and she knows how to cook!"

My teacher used to tell me that I'd never amount to anything.

But ten years later, guess who I saw at mcdonalds? My teacher.

I served him a bic mac with no pickles even tho he wanted extra. Who's laughing now?

Why is justice best served cold?

Because if it were warm, it would be justwater.

Why did Ben Shapiro destroy a KFC restaurant?

'Cause they served him left wings.

I was very angry when my waiter served me bowl of dust. But then he pointed out, it's written right there on the menu...

"We only use the finest ingredients"

A restaurant served me soggy spaghetti

So I put in a re-straining order.

A tennis ball walked into a bar

It was served right away

Justice is a dish best served cold

If it were served warm it would be justwater.

A piece of bread walks into a bar.

They say, Hey, can I get something?

The bartender responds with, No, sorry. You may not be served.

Why? The bread asks.

Because we do not serve food.

I am sick

Once I was traveling from Mumbai to Singapore. A woman sitting next seat continued looking at me. I understood that this lady had never seen a Sikh person before.

Midway in the flight when the tea and snacks were served, I struck a conversation with the lady.

Her name was Margarita and she belonged to Spain.

She asked, "what are you?"

I replied, "I am Sikh."

"I am sorry," said the young lady, "hope you get well soon."

I replied,"no dear, I am not sick as that of the body, I am Sikh as of religion."

She shook hands with me and said, "it is nice meeting you, I am also sick of religion."

So my dad served in Iraq

Dad: son in Iraq I killed 15 people

Me: dad you were a helicopter mechanic

Dad: I never said I was good one

(just for record my dad didn't serve in Iraq)

What do you call deviled eggs served by a prostitute?

Whore-d'oeuvres

Yesterday, I saw my apartment neighbor trying to kick in his own door

I knew he was a criminal, and had served some time for theft and B&E but I wasn't aware that he was crazy.

So I cautiously asked him what he was doing.

He replied, "Working from home."

Surely you have heard of Murphy's Law?

Murphy's Law is simply "whatever can go wrong, will go wrong". But have you ever heard of Cole's Law?...

No? Well, cole's law is simply thinly sliced cabbage and carrots served cold with mayonnaise.

Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served

When little Logan received his plate, he started eating right away.
"Logan, wait until we say our prayer," his mother reminded him.
"I don't have to," the little boy replied.
"Of course you do," his mother insisted, "we say a prayer before eating at our house."
"That's at our house," Logan explained, "but this is Grandma's house and she knows how to cook."

Just think that there are jokes based on truth that can bring down governments, or jokes which make girl laugh. Many of the served plate jokes and puns are jokes supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. When jokes go too far, are mean or racist, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become bullying and inappropriate.

We suggest to use only working served restaurant piadas for adults and blagues for friends. Some of the dirty witze and dark jokes are funny, but use them with caution in real life. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh.

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