series Jokes

funny pick up lines and hilarious series puns

I have finally punched my membership card into Dad jokes!

So last night my 12 year old son and I are watching the Little League World Series. The pitcher for the Nevada team has a last name of "Kryszczuk". My son looks to me and asks "Do you think he's Russian?"

My response: Nope, it looks like he's taking his time.

It took him a couple of seconds to realize and then he gave me that wonderful "Really, Dad?" look. I'm so proud.

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Hunger Games : Mockingjay

For the last installments of the Hunger Games series, the director has decided to make a change. In the new movies, Philip Seymour Hoffman will unexpectedly be killed by the heroine.

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What do cubs fans do after they win the world series?

They turn off their Xbox.

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Wife: "You need to watch A Series of Unfortunate Events"

Me: "okay, I'll get out the wedding video"

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So I'm making a TV series about a plane hijacking..

We've just shot the pilot.

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What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one series forever?

Church.

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A girl asks her father, Do all fairytales begin with Once Upon A Time?

And the father replied, No there is a whole series of fairytales that begin with 'If Elected I Promise.....

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An unconscious man arrives at a hospital...

After a series of x-rays, the radiologist discovered the man had several plastic horses in his anus.

The doctors have declared his condition as "stable".

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A woman goes to the doctor

A woman goes to the doctor complaining of abdominal pains. After a series of tests, the doctor walks back in and says to the lady, "Well, hope you don't mind changing diapers!"

Stunned, she replies, "Oh my God I'm pregnant? I can't be pregnant!"

The doctor looks at her and says, "No, you have bowel cancer"

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I just finished reading the fifth book in this great series.

It's called the "Learning to Count" trilogy.

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What's your favorite pick up line?

Mine is the Ford F Series.

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A little girl asked her father, Daddy, do all fairy tales begin with 'Once upon a time'?

He replied, No, a whole series of fairy tales begins with 'If elected, I promise . . .'

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That World Series game was so long...

When it started Kevin Spacey was still a respected actor.

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Samsung just announced a series of water resistant phones....

Just what you want in a phone that sets itself on fire - to be water resistant.

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A little girl asked her father...

A little girl asked her father, Daddy? Do all Fairy Tales begin with `Once Upon A Time`?

He replied, No, there is a whole series of Fairy Tales that begin with `If elected I promise`.

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Hey girl, are you looking for a stud?

I've got the STD, all I need is U.

Credit goes to Rooster from the Netflix series *The Ranch*

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On a scale of 1 to 10, how obsessed with the Harry Potter Series am I?

9 3/4

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Halloween at a Hospital.

An extremely modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests, the last of which had left his bodily systems extremely upset.

Upon making several false alarm trips to the bathroom, he decided the latest episode was another and stayed put.

He suddenly filled his bed with diarrhea and was embarrassed beyond his ability to remain rational.

In a complete loss of composure he jumped out of bed, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them out the hospital window.

A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him.

He started yelling, cursing, and swinging his arms violently trying to get the unknown things off, and ended up with the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet.

As the drunk stood there, unsteady on his feet, staring down at the sheets, a hospital security guard, (barely containing his laughter), and who had watched the whole incident, walked up and asked, "What the heck is going on here?"

The drunk, still staring down replied: "I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost."

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NBC is contemplating a new TV series titled "Airline Tragedies."

They are putting the pilot together right now.

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This evening I watched a Series of Unfortunate Events

Then I turned off the news and watched Netflix.

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More grandfather jokes.

I've seen a few people posting their grandfather's jokes here recently. Mine is in the hospital right now recovering from heart surgery, so I figured I'd share a few he told me.

There was a Mexican man who was a huge baseball fan. It was his dream in life just to be in the stands at a World Series game. So, he saves up for years, travels to the US, but when he gets there he finds that the game is sold out. He tells his story to a ticket agent, who is sympathetic.

"Here's what I can do for you. I can sneak you in, but the only place you'll be able to sit is on top of the flag pole. I have to warn you, though, the view is awful." The Mexican man agrees, excited at the opportunity to even see the game.

After it ends, the Mexican man goes and finds the ticket agent, and thanks him profusely.

"This has been the best day of my life! Everyone in the stadium was so friendly! Right before the game started, everyone turned to me and asked, Jose, can you see?"

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"your happiest memory..."

TV crew is shooting a reality series in a rural and mountainous area and they decide to interview this older man, John, who had lived there all his life. They ask him all sorts of questions, when finally the reporter says: "John, please explain to our viewers at home what your happiest memory is, as a man who has lived in this remote village all his life..."

- John: well, this one time Ed's donkey got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for it. When we found it, we were so happy that we all had sex with the donkey.

- reporter, turning red: what? cut! cut! cut! John, we cannot air something like that! Do you not have another happy memory?


- John: well, this one time Waldo's wife got lost in the woods, a group of us went up and searched for her. When we found her, we were so happy that we all had sex with her.


- reporter, stupefied: cut! cut! cut! For Christ's sake John... you will get me fired. Never mind your happy memories... Why do you not tell us your saddest memory instead?

- John: well, this one time, I got lost in the woods...

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A series of cow jokes

Q: What do you call a sleeping cow?
A: A bull-dozer
Q: How does a farmer count his cows?
A: With a cowculator
Q: Why do cows wear bells?
A: Because their horns don't work
Q: Why don't cows have money?
A: The farmers milk them dry
Q: What's a grumpy cow called?
A: Moooody

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If they release three more sequels of 'Fast and Furious' series...

They should name the last one - "Fast10 - Your Seatbelt" in memory of Paul Walker.

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A man has 3 women before him that want to be his wife,

So he gives each of them $5,000, and tells them to do whatever they want with it. "What you choose to do shall determine which one of you I marry" he says.

The first woman takes all of her $5,000 and spends it all on clothing, jewelry, lavish spa treatments and the like.

The second woman gives all $5,000 back to her male suitor and says "I don't need money as long as I have you."

The third woman takes her share, invests it in a lucrative series of stock portfolios, and hands him $5,000 in interest in two weeks' time.














In the end, after careful consideration, he married the one with the biggest tits.

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What would be the title of the TV series covering 'The Last Supper'?

Breaking Bread.

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I'm reading this awesome book series on invincible dogs!

I can't put 'em down!

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A lion offspring asked his dad "What is a world series?"

"I don't expect you to understand son, you are just a Cub"

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I'm glad the Astros won the World Series

The people of Houston have waded so long for this.

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Harry Potter is a kind of "whodunnit" book series

and you-know-whodunnit...

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A man wants to be an Eskimo...

He meets with the chief and asks him what it would take to become an Eskimo. The chief, wary of letting a white man into his clan, devises a series of impossible challenges. He says, "If you truly want to become part of our Eskimo family, you must do three things:
1) You must drink one gallon of 151 rum, and if you can handle it and maintain all of your faculties, we will know your body and spirit are in harmony.
2) You must climb up the tall mountain and kill the polar bear that resides in the cave at the summit.
3) To show your true love for our race, you must make love to an Eskimo woman of my choosing."

The man thinks for a while, and agrees to complete the challenges. He first drinks the gallon of 151 and it was like nothing ever happened to him. He can talk, walk, and think logically. Next, he ascends the mountain and is not seen for a few hours after entering the cave. The chief breathes a sigh of relief, because he is sure the polar bear killed him, but gets the shock of his life when he sees the man descending the mountain. He is in tatters. His clothes are ripped, he is breathing heavily and sweating profusely, and his hair is pointing in every direction.
He approaches the chief, ready for the third challenge and asks, "Alright, now who is this woman you want me to kill?"

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So theres this ship...

This ship is carrying Hitler, his Nazi soldiers, and several Jewish prisoners. The ship sinks however, and the only survivors are Hitler, two soldiers, and one Jewish prisoner.

Hitler says "this raft can only support three people. I'm gonna ask you a series of questions. If you get them right, you can stay."

Hitler goes up to the first Nazi soldier and asks, "What was the worst nautical disaster to ever happen?" He says the Titanic. Hitler says "Alright you can stay".

He goes up to the second soldier and asks, "How many people died on the Titanic?" The soldier says, "Approximately 2000". Hitler says, "Alright you can stay".

Then he goes up to the Jewish prisoner and he goes, "Name them".

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A mathematician and an engineer are sitting at a table..

drinking when a very beautiful woman walks in and sits down at the bar.

The mathematician sighs. "I'd like to talk to her, but first I have to cover half the distance between where we are and where she is, then half of the distance that remains, then half of that distance, and so on. The series is infinite. There'll always be some finite distance between us."

The engineer gets up and starts walking. "Ah, well, I figure I can get close enough for all practical purposes."

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What do you call an infinite series with a finite result that has never had sex?

Convirgin.

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A guy asks a doctor how long he will live

So the doctor, looking at his clipboard and taking notes, begins to ask him a series of questions.

Doc: Do you eat red meat?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you smoke cigarettes, cigars, or a pipe?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you use any illicit drugs?

Patient: No

Doc: Do you drink beer or hard liquor?

Patient: Nope

Doc: Do you have any hobbies or do any activities that are risky like bungee jumping or sky diving?

Patient: No, that stuff scares me.

Doc: Do you have multiple sexual partners?

Patient: Nope, currently single and not looking.

Doc: Do you drive a fast car like a Porsche or Corvette?

Patient: Nope, a Toyota Camry.

Doc: Okay

Patient: So doctor, how long will I live?

Doc: {Looking up from clipboard} Why does it fucking matter? Your life is boring!

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What are the most funny Series jokes of all time ?

Did you ever wanted to stand out with a good sense of humour joking with someone about Series? Well, here are the best Series dad jokes to laugh out loud. Crazy funny puns and Series pick up lines to share with friends.

Joko Jokes