Sentences Jokes

Following is our collection of funnies and chistes working better than reddit. They include Sentences puns, dirty or clean gags suitable for kids, that are actually fun like the best witze.

The Best jokes about Sentences

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

I hate when people don't leave a suicide note.

Would it kill them to write few sentences?

A professor in South Africa is teaching her students how to form Emglish sentences.

Attention class I have two words: Cheetah, and dandelion. Can anybody use these together in a sentence?

One student raises their hand,

The cheetah is faster dandelion.

There's 26 letters in the English language, combined to make millions of words, which are used to make infinite sentences for any event imaginable. . .

Yet I see the same jokes posted every day.

A Texan says to a Harvard student...

Texan: where are ya from?

Harvard Student: well, where *i'm* from, we don't end sentences with prepositions.

Texan: oh, alright. where are ya from, jackass?

If not using commas was a crime

would it result in long sentences?

When Kim Jong-Un met Donald Trump some questioned whether he could actually speak English

It has now been reported that Trump actually managed several sentences in almost fluent English.

is it crazy how saying sentences backwards . . .

. . .create backwards sentences saying how crazy it is?

An Oxford Graduate walks into a bar

Some Texans are mingling at the bar when an Oxford graduate walks in. Howdy, stranger, one Texan says. Where are you from?

The Oxford graduate answers, I come from a place where we do not end our sentences in prepositions.

Oh, I'm sorry, replies the Texan. Where are you from, jackass?

Why do women's prisons give out tampons on release day?

Because all sentences should end with a period.

Accordion to a recent survey, inserting musical instruments into sentences largely goes unnoticed.

Read it slowly.

An Englishman comes to Harvard.

Unable to find out the way to the library, he approaches an undergrad. The subsequent conversation is as follows-

Englishman: Excuse me. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at?

Undergrad: It's Harvard. People don't end sentences with a preposition here.

Englishman: Oh, I see. Could you kindly enlighten me where the library is at,Β asshole?

Is Google a Boy or a Girl?

A girl, because it tries to complete your sentences for you, and it *never ever* forgets what you said.

The Inauguration of the First Jewish President.

The first Jewish President has just been elected, and is being sworn in. One man in the audience is watching him take the oath, when he realizes he is sitting next to the President's mother.

She turns to him and says,

"You see that man up there, the one with his hand on the book repeating the sentences?"

"Yeah?" He responds

"His brother's a doctor"

What do biographers and serial killers have in common?

Multiple life sentences.

Can you write a whole paragraph without the letter A?

I wouldn't recommend it.

Honestly, your sentences willl just sound wrong.
Everyone will notice you're doing something
different. Your writing won't flow smoothly. You'll
use weird words.

It's not worth the effort involved in spending
time online looking up tons of synonyms which
don't feel right, just to produce weird, stilted
prose.

You'd be better off giving up, to be honest.

Did you hear about the semi-colon that broke the law?

He was given two consecutive sentences.

Quack Quack Quack

Three ducks are in court.
The first duck goes up to the judge.
The judge asks, "What's your name"?
The first duck replies, "Quack"
The judge asks, " What did you do, Quack"?
Quack says, "I got caught blowing bubbles at the pond".
The judge sentences Quack to 3 months in jail.
The second duck comes up to the judge and the judge asks him his name.
The second duck says, "Quack Quack".
The judge asked, "What did you do, Quack Quack"?
Quack Quack replied, "I got caught blowing bubbles at the pond too".
The judge sentenced Quack Quack to 3 months.
The third duck goes up to the judge and judge says, "Let me guess, your name is Quack Quack Quack"
The third duck replies, "No, my name is Bubbles".

If ever I commit murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.

Naan violent crimes get shorter sentences in respect for their counterparts.

A Texan meets a Havard grad. Curious, he asks:

Texan: Where are you from?

Harvard grad: I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.

Texan: Okay – where are you from, jackass?

Why did the husband go to jail for a crime his wife committed?

Because they finish each other's sentences

My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend.

But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.

A teacher was teaching sentences in school.

"Wendy," she says. "Say a sentence that starts with the letter I."

"I is..." Wendy says before she gets cut off by the teacher.

"No, it is 'I *am,*' not 'I is.' Try again," the teacher corrects.

"Okay... I *am* the ninth letter of the alphabet," Wendy says.

[First Date]

Me: Your profile says you're good at finishing sentences?
Her: Yeah, Totally!
Me: Same! I just finished a 20 year sentence for manslaughter

The Last Exam

(Sorry for terrible formatting and grammar)

A Philosophy teacher was handing out empty papers for the last exam of the year. The students had one simple task to complete,
They had to convince their teacher that the chair he had placed on the middle of the classroom didn't exist.

After 40 minutes, students returned their answer sheets. All of them had complex sentences and long paragraphs except one.
It had a single sentence.

What chair?

He was the only one to pass the exam.

Little Jimmy and Suzy are in class when their teacher begins to go over grammar and sentences.

The teacher looks at Suzy first and says
"Suzy can you use the word stupid in a sentence?
"Yes I can. Jimmy is very stupid."
"Great!" said the teacher. "Now can you use ugly in a sentence?"
"Jimmy is very ugly."
The teacher turns to Jimmy and says "Can you upstage her, Jimmy? Try using the word dictate in a sentence."
Jimmy looks at the teacher and without missing a beat says "I may be ugly and I may be stupid, but Suzy says my dictate good."

I used to use the word Alternative in sentences a lot...

But then I learned it meant something different.

For anyone who gets confused about proper grammar and style in writing

I offer from the Internet, the following tip sheet, "How to Write Good":

- It is wrong to ever split an infinitive.
- Contractions aren't necessary
- The passive voice is to be avoided.
- Prepositions are not the words to end sentences with.
- Be more or less specific.
- Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.
- One-word sentences? Eliminate.
- Who needs rhetorical questions?
- Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

The government has started fining its citizens for poorly worded sentences.

It's the syntax

warning sign on children's alphabet blocks

Letters may be used to construct words, phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive.

How to describe Mitt Romney in two sentences.

I stand by what I said, whatever it is that I said.

I deny saying that, whatever it is that I said.

Two synonymous sentences could have absolutely different meanings.

1. Forgive me father, for I have sinned.
2.Sorry daddy, I've been naughty.

Today's Horoscope:

"You are easily influenced by what you read and have the ability to make vague sentences somehow applicable to your own existence."

3 Ducks Go to Court

The first duck walks up to the judge and the judge says, "What is your name and what did you do?"
The duck replies, "I am Duck QUACK and I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond."
The Judge sentences the duck to two years and calls the next case.

The second duck walks up to the judge and the judge says, "What is your name and what did you do?"
The duck replies, "I am Duck QUACK QUACK and I got caught blowing bubbles in the pond too."
The judge says, "Same as the first, two years" and calls the next case.

The third duck walks up to the judge and the judge says, "Don't tell me you're Duck QUACK QUACK QUACK?" and the duck replies, "No, I'm bubbles."

Why don't English teachers like parole?

They prefer complete sentences.

What do periods and jail time have in common?

They both come after sentences.

One by one, a class of fifth-graders were called on to make sentences with words chosen by their teacher.

Nick didn't often participate in class, so his teacher was glad when she saw him raise his hand to give it a try.

"Nick," said the teacher, "make a sentence with the words 'defeat,' 'defense,' 'deduct,' and 'detail.'"

Nick thought for a few minutes then smiled. He shouted, "Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail!"

Don't you hate it when sentences don't end the way you think they octopus?

Two girls move into a dorm, one from Georgia and the other from Connecticut...

The girl from GA arrives to the dorm room and finds the CT girl with her parents hanging drapes. The GA girl says "Hi, y'all! Where y'all from?" The CT girl, in a snobbish northeast attitude replies, "We're from a place where we don't end sentences in prepositions." The GA smiles politely and responds, "Beg my pardon. Where y'all from...cunt?"

Props to House of Cards for this joke, although I'm sure it's been done before.

I don't always use complete sentences

But when I do

What happened after the word bank was robbed?

There was a run on sentences.

Two white guys and a black guy are in prison...

Two white guys and a black guy are in prison, discussing their crimes and sentences. The first white guy says, "I'm in here for five years. Attempted rape. I'm lucky I didn't commit the rape, I would've got double."

The second white guy says, "I'm in her for ten years. Attempted murder. I'm lucky I didn't kill the guy, I would've got double."

The black guy speaks up. "I'm in here for twenty years. For riding my bicycle without lights. I'm lucky it was daytime..."

Two girls are setting up their new dorm room together.

One is from Georgia and the other is from Connecticut. The one from Connecticut has her mom there helping her put up some blinds. The one from Georgia asks, "Hey! Where y'all from?" The other girl replies, "We're from a place where we know not to end our sentences with prepositions." So the girl from Georgia says,

"Oh, I'm sorry. Where y'all from...cunt?"

What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?

The topic for my ninth-grade class was palindromes, words or sentences that are the same read forward and backward. I asked the question, "What was the first thing Adam said to Eve?"

I was expecting the answer "Madam, I'm Adam," but one student had a better reply:

"Wow."

A women is in court for shoplifting a tin of peaches

The Judge says, you are a persistent offender, I've decided I'm going to make an example of you, I'm going to open a tin of peaches and for every peach I count, you will get a month in jail.

He counts 7 peaches, sentences her to 7 months inside and asks for her to be taken down.

As she walks past the gallery her husband, who is not happy with the sentence, shouts at the Judge "SHE HAD TWO TINS OF PEAS AS WELL"

If I ever commit a murder, I'm doing it with Indian flatbread.

Naan violent crimes almost never merit life sentences.

TIL Titles with unfinished sentences

...are hard to resist.

My computer just crashed while I was a couple hours into doing my essay

Now I have to write those two sentences all over again

I like my women like my sentences

With no periods

Accordion to a recent survey...

Most people don't notice when words are swapped for instruments in sentences.

Accordion to studies, its very easy to hide musical instruments in every day sentences.

I find that harp to belive though.

What did the semicolon get after breaking the grammar law

Two consecutive sentences

A dad joke is just a pair of back to back sentences.

Welcome to the punitentiary.

The news is talking about the prison sentences of nearly half a dozen turban-wearing men who committed some minor felonies

"One to Three for Five Sikhs"

A judge was fired for gross incompetence

He was having trouble putting sentences together

Sentences you don't hear that often:

My IT guy is out on paternity leave.

My twin brother called me from prison

He said, "So you know how we always finish each others' sentences?"

Sentences

A man is at a bar and says, "did you know that 'I am' is he shortest sentence in the English language?"

The bartender exclaims, "Did you know 'I do' is the longest one?"

(Was in the comics today so I thought I would share.)

What type of luggage only speaks in short sentences ?

A brief case.

Newspapers represent real life...

There is both black and white, but blacks are the only ones that get sentences

Have you heard about the judge who left his job to become a public speaking instructor?

He progressed from reading sentences to entire paragraphs.

Did you hear about the semicolon that broke the law?

Yeah, he got two consecutive sentences!

Use only working piadas for adults and blagues for friends.

Joko Jokes