sense Jokes

funny jokes and hilarious sense stories

What are the best sense puns and pranks?

Did you ever wanted to prank someone about Sense? Well here is a complete list of the top sense jokes:

I got thrown out of math class today.

The teacher asked me "If I gave you $20 and you gave $5 to Katie, $5 to Claire and $5 to Laura, what would you have?"

Apparently, 3 blowjobs and enough left for a kebab wasn't the answer...


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In Pokemon, I never understood why bug types were supereffective against dark types.

But then I thought about malaria in Africa and it all made sense.

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A wife gets naked

…and asks her husband, 'What turns you on more! my pretty face or my sexy body?'Β 

Husband looks her up and down for a moment and replies, 'Your sense of humor.'

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What does the NFL have in common with Brokeback Mountain?

The Cowboys suck.

*(I am a Dallas Cowboys fan, but I don't lack a sense of humor.)*

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It makes sense why women hate premature ejaculation so much

Our whole lives we're taught that nothing worth having comes easy.

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Army commando recruitment - from India

A Man was being interviewed for the post of a Commando in Army.

Interviewer: "We want a person with a suspicious mind; always alert, merciless; ready to attack; high sense of hearing & most importantly; having a killer instinct. So Do you think you are eligible?"

Man: "No Sir; but can my Wife apply?"

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So a Higgs Boson particle goes into a catholic church

And it gets stopped at the door by the bishop.

The bishop says, "Sir, I can't allow you in here."

"What? Why?" the particle responds.

"You call yourself the 'God particle.' That's blasphemy against our Lord."

"Oh, well, I guess that makes sense. Before I go, though, can I ask you a question?"

"Yeah sure," the bishop responds. "Might as well."

"So," the Higgs Boson begins, "if you don't allow me in here, how do you have mass?"

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Persuading girl into having sex with you is like spreading the butter on a toast.

It is possible with credit card, but it makes more sense using a knife.

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If towels told jokes…

They'd probably have a very dry sense of humor.

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Calm down about the Net Neutrality thing...

Paying additional money to access certain sites will give you a sense of pride and accomplishment.

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Woof

A German Shepherd went to a Western Union telegram office, took out a blank form and wrote:
"Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof. Woof."
The clerk examined the paper and politely told the dog, "There are only nine words here. You could send another "Woof" for the same price."
"But," the dog replied, "That would make no sense at all."

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A wife asked her husband...

A wife asked her husband, "What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?" He looked at her from head to toe and replied, "Your sense of humor."

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There's really no sense in being pessimistic...

It's not going to work, anyway.

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Midwestern joke I heard years ago...

State officials in Ohio are trying to pass legislation to change the name of the town, Mechanicsburg, to Engagement. When asked why, one official commented that it made clear sense because the town is halfway between Dayton and Marion.

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Scientists have reached the conclusion that the owl has the most acute sense of hearing

They clearly haven't experimented on men browsing porn while their wives are asleep.

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My girlfriend's response to a lesbian joke that I told her

Years ago I told my girlfriend a joke, it went something like this:

Me: Did you hear about the French lesbian who went back home to France?

Her: (Shakes her head no)

Me: She missed her native tongue.

After I said the punchline, she didn't get it, just sat there and looked at me straight-faced, trying to make sense of it, finally she blurts out, "They have natives in France?"

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My wife got mad at me for not knowing my sense of direction

So I packed my bags and right.

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Why are there no black people in "The Jetsons"

Because it's going to be a great future.

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Making Sense of What's Happening in Europe

A policeman enters an interrogation room, in Athens, Greece.

He tells the perp: "You are accused of robbing the Bank of Greece, tell us where the money is!"

The perp reaches into his pocket and takes out a five-euro note.

"Here you go."

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It doesn't make any sense for ugly girls to play hard to get.

You're already playing hard to want.

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I don't understand people wearing leather or fur...

Don't they realize that animals are suffering because of their sense of fashion? They should put themselves into the animals' skin and try to understand.

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there'r female hormones in beer

So I found out there'r female hormones in beer, cause when you drink beer you argue over trivial things, you don't make any sense, you start to cry and you can't drive anymore.

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Every time I see Gotye I can't help but think of goatse...

I guess that makes sense though, he is pretty widespread.

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Telegram

A dog walked into a telegraph office and said, Woof, woof… woof, woof, woof … woof, woof, woof, woof!

The telegraph operator looked at the dog. Do you know , said he, If you add another 'woof' then the cost of the telegram will be cheaper?"

The dog looked at the telegraph operator and answered, But that wouldn't make sense now, would it?

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What do you call a deer without eyes?

No-eye deer!

Note: we are from Hicksville, USA. This may not make sense without the Midwestern accent.

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I've got a friend who's a psychopath and he's got a brilliant sense of humour.

He kills me!

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I broke up with my girlfriend, who is an Opthomologist.

At first, I thought she was just looking to please me, but after a while, the sex got to be annoying. She was always saying, "So - do you like it better like this...... or like this?"


BTW - This joke isn't going to make sense to those of you who don't wear glasses or contacts... sorry!

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Looks like I'm in the doghouse again..

Last night whilst the wife was asleep I swapped her tampax for a party popper.

No sense of humour whatsoever!

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What is the scientific name for the fear of the chainsaws?

Common sense.

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I really think they should rename the "Twin" size mattress to "Jack", since it makes more sense along with the King and Queen sizes, and that's mostly what happens in that size bed anyway.

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Do you enjoy cancer jokes?

Because I have a horrible sense of tumor.

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Why do the ladies love Jesus?

This joke makes more sense if you can see it in person, but we'll give it a shot, anyway. Use your imagination.

Why do the ladies love Jesus?

*spreads arms as far apart as they can go*

Because he was hung like this!

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punny guy

If something doesn't make sense to an Eskimo is it counterinuitive?

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My uncle, as an oncologist....

... has a great sense of tumor.

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Got these off a Laffy Taffy

Kristine O., New Bedford, MA

Where does Scrooge go to in New York City?

The Grumpire State Building!


Sandra M., Dekalb, IL (And this one doesn't even make any sense)

What did the cake say to the candle?

You're burning my back.


Why does Laffy Taffy allow these kids to write jokes?

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Sometimes it seems like Anthony Weiner doesn't even have a sense of Huma.

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What ever happened to the Energizer Bunny?

So the other day I'm talking to a friend about what happened to the Energizer Bunny. It's been quite sometime since I've seen him appear in a commercial. I was always under the impression that he "kept going." My friend proceeds to tell me the Energizer Bunny was arrested last year ,and they charged him with battery. Now it all makes sense.

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Don't worry too much about Net Neutrality!

Spending extra dollars to use some websites will give you a "sense of pride and accomplishment"!

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Any love for a dry sense of humor?

This was my grandpas all time favorite joke of all time, and when he would tell it he would laugh uncontrollably for a solid 2 minutes.

Whats brown and sticky?

A stick!

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Two Laws in the Torah were fulfilled on the same day.

For those who haven't heard, Washington State passed two landmark laws: "Gay marriage" and the "Legalization of marijuana".

The fact that gay marriage and marijuana were legalized on the same day
makes perfect biblical sense because Leviticus 20:13 says:

"If a man lies with another man they should be stoned."

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It all makes sense now, gay marriage and marijuana being legalized on the same day...

Leviticus 20:13 - "If a man lays with another man he shall be stoned"

We've just been interpreting it wrong all these years.

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My sense of humor is so sophisticated...

...it's not even funny.

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My wife is really made at the fact that I have no sense of direction.

So I packed up my stuff and right!

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Some people's standards make no sense whatsoever

For some reason being under 18 is a huge turn off...

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This may seem stupid, but can I get a bit of help?

I really love jokes with the construction:

What's the difference between x and y? One is a(n) __________ and the other is a __________

Now, the thing that kills me about these is where there's the turn in the punchline, like (making this up):

What's the difference between your mom and a dog? One tries to lick its own asshole and the other one is a dog.

Obviously my joke is awful, but does my construction make sense? Does anyone know what this is called? Is there a name for it?

I feel like I need a joke expert like some people know literary devices!

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Yikes, I guess no one is safe.

Doctor Dave had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice that said:

Dave, don't worry bout it. You aren't the first doctor to have sex with his patient, and you wont be the last…and your single to…let it go!

but invariably the other voice would bring him back to reality.

Dave, Dave, Dave…

…You're a veterinarian…

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There were three friends...

There were three friends - a lawyer, a doctor and a manager. The three of them were talking about the merits of having a wife vs. the merits of having a mistress.

The lawyer says, "It is more convenient to have a mistress. If you have a wife and want a divorce, there are all sorts of legal issues."

The doctor remarks: "It is certainly better to have a wife as it gives you a sense of security which in turn lowers your stress and helps you lead a healthy life."

The manager differs by saying: "I don't agree with either of you. I think it's best to have both. So when the wife thinks you're with the mistress and the mistress believes you are with your wife - you can go to the office and finish some work."

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A Native American boy walks up to the the Chief of his tribe...

He says to the Chief "Great Chief, where do the people of our tribe get their names?" the chief replies, "Well, each infant is given a name by their father seconds before the mother gives birth. You see, what the father does is observe the nature around them and let its spirit inspire them." The boy says "I see, this makes some sense to me." and the Chief explains to the boy, "You're friend, Soaring-eagle, received his name when his father saw an eagle fly directly above the hut that his wife was giving birth in." The boy still looked slightly confused, so the Chief asked "Why exactly are you seeking this information. Did you want to know where you're name originated, Twodogsfucking?"

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So I was seeing this girl right?

And she's cute and all but she's got a thick prescription ya know what I'm saying? Her glasses man, she's damn near blind without em. Half way deaf too from what I can tell but she's so sweet I didn't mind at all. I cooked her dinner and she didn't mind that it was terrrrrible. She always told me her best sense was that of smells. Well we hung out pretty consistently for about 3 weeks when the damndest thing happened?! I took a shower and I haven't seen her since!

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Jewish sense of humor

Abe and Esther Goldberg were flying to Australia for a two week vacation to celebrate their 40th anniversary.Suddenly, over the public address system, the captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am afraid I have some very bad news. Our engines have ceased functioning and we are going to attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and we will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives."


Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later, Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our charity pledge check to Beth Shalom Synagogue yet?"
"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks,
"Esther, did we pay our United Jewish Appeal pledge?"
"Oy no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

One last thing, Esther. Did you remember to send a check for the Synagogue Building Fund this month?," he asks.
"God forgive me, Abie," begged Esther, "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest hug and kiss ever in their 40 long years of marriage.

Esther pulls away and asks him, "So, why do you kiss me?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

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CONCLUSION

You've red some of the best sense jokes of all time. We hope you had fun with this collection of 50 puns about sense. Most of the stories are suitable for kids with good sense of humor, children or teens boys and girls, of course dads. You must supervise your chidlren not to read pranks for adults. Note that some jokes are disgusting, filled with black humor so don't tell dirty sense gags to your kids. So please respect and be a good joking daddy !

How do I make my girlfriend or boyfriend laugh? How do you make someone laugh? Well, this list of funny stories will make you cry in laughter just like dad jokes. Some of these sense jokes are funny and some are hilarious. With this collection it's easy to be a joker. Have fun and dig deeper into our archive.

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